InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It's not me, it's YOU."

francisco javier es una (pesadilla) wrote in doors,
@ 2012-09-15 12:37:00

Entry tags:

robb stark, theon greyjoy

phone call to Aubrey R. from an unknown number
[Lin is in a colleague's lab, a box of books balanced on the counter in front of him. Slightly hungover though he is, he decides he's going to do this. He picks up the phone, looks at it, then proceeds to dial Aubrey's cell number. He waits on the line as it rings.]

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-15 04:42 pm UTC (link)
	[He doesn't recognize the number. When he picks up, the noise of several other security officers talking and laughing can be heard in the background.] Aubrey speaking. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-15 04:47 pm UTC (link)
	[Lin puts on a grating Bostonian accent, deepens his voice, and purposefully minces the pronounciation of Aubrey's last name.] Mr. Aubrey Rois? This is Sam from the Adoption Exchange. We got your application in the mail and would like to invite you to come down to our building on Cameron Street for a consultation. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-15 04:52 pm UTC (link)
	[He smiles, stepping into his office and closing the door behind him.] Hi, Lin. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-15 04:55 pm UTC (link)
	[There is fake, uncomfortable laughter as Lin repositions the corded phone against his cheek.] I'm sorry, sir? This is Sam. Sam from the Adoption Exchange. Sam.... Dancy. But my friends just call me SamDan. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-15 04:56 pm UTC (link)
	How's the hangover, SamDan? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-15 05:02 pm UTC (link)

[Still with the accent.]

Manageable. Manageable. But for all the crying Woodies. - Oh! Well, look who it is. Your friend Lin has just showed up here and says he would like to speak to y-

[Lin's voice goes back to normal as he pretends to cut himself off. Sounding somewhat tired and halfway embarrassed, he continues.]

Hiii. Sooo. I'm guessing you're annoyed by me right now, eh?

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-15 05:10 pm UTC (link)
	[He manages to keep the eye-rolling to a minimum.] No more than usual. Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-15 05:57 pm UTC (link)

[Lin laughs.]

Soo nonchalant. - No, but really - I'm guessing you haven't gone blind since yesterday and that you saw my exchange with Andrew, past the point you commented on. And even though I'm kinda irritated at you for ignoring my awesome skateboard picture, I thought if you had seen it - the exchange - that I ought to clarify because I know you and I know what you're thinking. Something along the lines of the duke's son - that I'm whore.

[Lin takes a deep breath after his mini-speech.]

Hm?

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-16 03:52 pm UTC (link)
	[A long moment's pause, as he absorbs everything that Lin has just said. His smile fades slightly, because there was a part of him that had assumed the worst.] You're a big boy, Lin. You can do whatever you want, and it's no business of mine. If anything, I should have learned that by now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-16 04:26 pm UTC (link)

[Now it's Lin's turn to pause. He twirls a thermometer he found in his hands and watches the little red line as he wonders on what he should say. Once again, he shifts the phone, using his free hand to try to push the box of books to a more secure position on the counter he's leaning on.]

I think this is like the whole "freedom of speech" thing. Like, how I can say whatever I want, to be sure, but that doesn't mean other people can't or won't react to it, and that I won't have to deal with the consequences of what I say. You know? So, yeah, I can totally do what I want, but there are consequences, and I have to deal with them.

[Lin clears his throat. He beins wrapping the thermometer in the phone's cord. He doesn't know how feels about being ...so mature. It feels a little uncomfortable, but he continues.]

I also don't think you should invalidate your own feelings about something.

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sonofthenorth
2012-09-16 09:55 pm UTC (link)

[Unlike his conversation partner, Aubrey rarely fidgets when he's nervous (unless he's in trouble with Theo, but thankfully that doesn't happen too often). Instead he moves to gaze out one of the windows of his office, pressing his forehead against the cool pane of glass and growing still.]

I'll have you know that invalidating my feelings has gotten me very far in life. Saved me a lot of pain, too.

[He wishes he was more than half-joking, though he tries to inject some semblance of wry humour into his voice before he gets serious again. He knows he has no business asking what he wants to ask, but there is something that aches within his chest that will not go away without answers.]

So... what happened, if you didn't sleep with him?

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Ignore the typos in my post before. THANK YOU.

pesadilla
2012-09-16 10:26 pm UTC (link)

[Though Lin's tone is sarcastic and he laughs lightly, he's serious.]

Yeah, and that's turned out well, hasn't it?

[He continues to mess around with the thermometer. He wonders if it was recently autoclaved as he sticks in his mouth.]

I fed him marshmallows until his drunk ass fell asleep. And then when he woke up we talked a bit. - You know it's okay for you to feel bad, right?

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sonofthenorth
2012-09-16 11:10 pm UTC (link)

[There are so many things that Aubrey can't bring himself to respond to yet. Of course his preference for avoiding difficult subjects isn't the most healthy, but he's not sure how he would have survived otherwise. And no, he's still not convinced that his feelings are acceptable. A lifetime of self-doubt will do that to a man.]

Lin.

[The name spills past his lips before he can stop it, full of pain and confusion, and the glass fogs up under his breath until he can no longer see the details of the street below. The lights and the people are reduced to soft, fuzzy circles of colour.]

... Do you like him?

[He trusts the other man to understand that he isn't asking about whether Andrew is considered a friend. He is asking if Lin has used him, because it certainly feels that way.]

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pesadilla
2012-09-17 12:17 am UTC (link)

[For once, Aubrey's trust is well placed. Lin is fully aware of the question's meaning and the emotions behind his ex-boyfriend's words There's a long pause. He takes the old mercury thermometer out of his mouth and reads the numbers the little red line sits next to. 96.3. He cocks his head to the side, and pops the glass back into his mouth. More silence.]

I don't know.

[Another pause as a thousand and one jokes run through the boy's mind, several of them making the trip all the way to the tip of his tongue. He bites them back.]

You're really confusing.

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sonofthenorth
2012-09-17 12:28 am UTC (link)

[He closes his eyes. I don't know. He doesn't know how he should react to those words, but there is a twisting sensation in his gut. He laughs breathlessly at Lin's accusation, although it is mostly without real humour.]

Trust me, I know I am.

[His hand starts to shake at his side, and he places his palm against the cool slickness of the glass. Takes a breath. When he speaks again his voice is soft, uncertain.]

I guess it feels like old history, repeating itself.

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pesadilla
2012-09-17 12:51 am UTC (link)

[Lin mentally runs himself through the Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion equation. 96.3 - 32 is 64.3. Multiply that by five. 320 or near enough. Divide that by nine. Nine goes into 32 about 3.5 times, so 35.5 degrees Celsius or so. He is proud of himself, but his good feeling is quickly deflated as he focuses back on Aubrey and the sounds of utter loathing and sadness behind his quiet voice. For a long moment, Lin considers confessing his feelings, but he hesitates, knowing Aubrey is crushed by his dapper ex's disappearance.]

I don't know. [Lin laughs uncomfortably, obviously exasperated.] Up until like, two days ago I thought you mostly hated me. And for all I kmow, you still could. Which, obvi, you have a right to. I'm just saying.

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 01:31 am UTC (link)
	[He does not wonder about the lengthy pause, because he himself would not know what to say in Lin's place. He sighs, something dark and weary, and moves his free hand to rub at his forehead.] I don't hate you. I don't know, maybe I did for a while - but I don't believe you can ever really hate someone that you once loved. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-17 02:48 am UTC (link)

[A part of Lin wonders what he expected of this conversation - how had he intended it to go and with what purpose? Another part of him is puzzled by the fact that it always seems to be he who is using people, and not vice versa. But mostly he feels a sense of relief at Aubrey's words - that he hadn't hated Lin. At least not the whole time.]

Can I ask you something?

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 02:55 am UTC (link)
	[Ruefully.] I think we're at the point where you can ask me any question you want, yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 02:59 am UTC (link)
	[The thermometer is ditched on the counter as Lin attempts to untangle the stupid curls of the phone cord.] Why - uh. Why - what made you think that sleeping with me would be a good idea? Or maybe good idea, bad idea, it didn't matter to you? I don't know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 03:10 am UTC (link)
	[Another pause, but then there might be the sound of a faint smile in his voice.] I thought it was a good idea at the time, and I still do. Because I thought it would be fun. [His teeth worry at his bottom lip.] I was right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-17 03:18 am UTC (link)

[Lin has to really restrain himself to not immediately respond with an enthusiastic 'duh!' He manages to keep himself quiet, but is unable to stop the stupid smile spreading on his face. He might even be blushing, which would be absolutely silly.]

Fun like playing dolls fun, or fun like putting money on a string, leaving it on the ground, and watching people try to catch it fun?

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 06:27 am UTC (link)
	[It's a real smile by then, and finally he turns away from the window.] Like pretending it's your birthday and getting free dessert at your favourite restaurant. Twice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pesadilla
2012-09-17 06:58 am UTC (link)

Oh, my damn.

[There is light laughter as Lin amuses himself with internet references. Still it dies out quickly as he considers his next move. The smile vanishes.]

That's good, though. I think. I know - I just -

[A frustrated sigh. Lin frowns like a tired and grumpy toddler as he tries to figure things out. He even stomps a little. He struggles, wondering if he's supposed to apologize for Andrew's actions (no.), or say something sympathetic about Drug Dealer BF (iffy), or explain to Aubrey that he, a person who engaged almost solely in casual sex, felels confused as a result of their tryst, and then list his reasons (supes iffy).]

But, what I was going to say earlier, is that something can not be your business, but you're still allowed to feel the way you feel. That's what Dr. Schonfeldt tells me anyway, and she has like, 20 diplomas, so.

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	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 07:09 am UTC (link)
	[He just listens for a while, and takes some time to consider what Lin has said.] I guess... I just don't want to be played for a fool. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 07:19 am UTC (link)
	[Now it's Lin's turn to speak softly, though in his case, it's more uncharacteristic.] No one's going to play you, Aubrey. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 07:24 am UTC (link)
	[He can hear the hurt in Lin's voice, and silently curses himself.] I believe you. I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 07:33 am UTC (link)
	[A disbelieving half-laugh,] I don't believe you believe me. If it were that easy - well, life would be a whole different game, wouldn't it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 07:36 am UTC (link)
	[Should he go for it? He should.] What - you mean like, instead of those little plastic cars you could drive spaceships or dinosaurs around the board? And you could have career options like Stripper or Youtube Star or Condom Mascot? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 07:42 am UTC (link)
	[It's so unexpected that Lin actually laughs. He smiles as he speaks. Because in some cases it really is that easy to cheer him up.] Don't forget "That Guy No One Can Tell If He's Homeless Or Not, But He Takes Bottles From Your Recycling Bin While You Pretend You Don't See Him." - If only, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 07:47 am UTC (link)
	[Cautiously, he can't help but laugh.] Or you could be Weird Bone Scientist Guy, or Alcoholic Security Head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 07:52 am UTC (link)
	Been there, - [Lin pauses, partially to laugh preemptively, and partially to emphasize the extremely clever euphemism he is about to make.] Done that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sonofthenorth 2012-09-17 05:50 pm UTC (link)
	[Dryly.] Ha ha, clever as always. [An alarm goes off at his wrist, and he glances down at his watch.] Oh. Lin? I should probably get going now - I promised Robb that I would take him through the door today. It's been a while. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pesadilla 2012-09-17 06:01 pm UTC (link)
	Excuse you. I am clever. [Quickly. A million thoughts flit through his head.] Ah, okay. Great. Well, long live the king and all that. I've got books to haul to the other side of the city, so I'll talk to you later, gator. [Without waiting for a response, Lin hangs up the phone with a click.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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