InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Make us whole."

Akuba Maeko (giantfruitbyday) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2009-12-28 05:40:00

Entry tags:

kozue, maeko

Who: Maeko, Kozue
What: Swimsuit shopping, complaining
Where: A shop that sells swimsuits, more than likely!
When: Early afternoon sometime
Why: COMPLAINING TIME

The calmness Maeko had forced upon herself felt familiar. It wasn't just the same as every other time she'd smiled and gritted her teeth and hidden behind self-enforced serenity. It felt similar to something else, too. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She might have been a little concerned if she realized she was comparing it to the quiet nothing back in the cold when everything was numb. For now it was pleasant, better by far than hurting someone. Certainly better than acknowledging for five years she'd been willing (maybe even wanting, when Misaki was difficult and it got too tiring) to die for someone who was just tricking her for petty revenge.

Shut up, brain.

Maeko had arranged to do this with Misaki. So naturally doing it alone was ~~spiteful to both of them~~ an excellent way of proving to herself that they were never going to communicate again.

She stared at a tankini she had picked up, decided it was stupid and she was angry with it for being so stupid and put it back.

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	giantfruitbyday 2009-12-28 07:56 pm UTC (link)
	"Weak?" She asked, not really sure whether or not she even needed clarification here. "Like you're just waiting for someone to get hurt so you can patch them up again when everyone else can just prevent that from happenning in the first place?" She didn't wait for confirmation before she nodded. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

anthesphoria
2009-12-29 04:13 pm UTC (link)

Kozue let out a breath, and then nodded: "Yeah. Or." She let out another huff of air that sounded almost like a laugh. "I mean, 'weak', but that's pretty normal. I'm always weak. There, it's like I'm only good for anything as long as there are other people around."

"But we're not there, now, right? Here, look at this one," she suggested, looking at another rack of suits—it was an acceptable distraction, for one thing, and it was actually pretty cute. It had that skirt that she'd been talking about, although she wasn't sure if pink was a Maeko color or not.

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-29 04:53 pm UTC (link)

"...I guess it's not too much of a problem. People don't go in alone so."

It was far too clear that this time she was missing the point deliberately.

Maeko had always thought of Kozue as someone she'd never be able to empathize with. She was pretty and rich and friendly and confident and basically everything Maeko wasn't other than maybe not so bright. But being defined so totally by the people around seemed familiar. Wasn't she herself having such difficulty finding a way to define herself other than 'Aoi's ~~friend~~ babysitter'? Suddenly that didn't seem so far away from having your only real talents, be they healing or being confident and likable and generally good with people, completely dependant on the presence of others.

And suddenly she didn't think she wanted to be able to empathize with Kozue anymore.

"Oh, it's got the skirt thing! It really is cute!" Pink, in limited amounts until recently unless she'd really needed to vanish like a chameleon whenever she stood next to Misaki, was as much a Maeko colour as any other was. And right now it was the beautiful, beautiful colour of discussing something else.

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