InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "what it do baby boo"

Akuba Maeko (giantfruitbyday) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2009-12-28 05:40:00

Entry tags:

kozue, maeko

Who: Maeko, Kozue
What: Swimsuit shopping, complaining
Where: A shop that sells swimsuits, more than likely!
When: Early afternoon sometime
Why: COMPLAINING TIME

The calmness Maeko had forced upon herself felt familiar. It wasn't just the same as every other time she'd smiled and gritted her teeth and hidden behind self-enforced serenity. It felt similar to something else, too. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She might have been a little concerned if she realized she was comparing it to the quiet nothing back in the cold when everything was numb. For now it was pleasant, better by far than hurting someone. Certainly better than acknowledging for five years she'd been willing (maybe even wanting, when Misaki was difficult and it got too tiring) to die for someone who was just tricking her for petty revenge.

Shut up, brain.

Maeko had arranged to do this with Misaki. So naturally doing it alone was ~~spiteful to both of them~~ an excellent way of proving to herself that they were never going to communicate again.

She stared at a tankini she had picked up, decided it was stupid and she was angry with it for being so stupid and put it back.

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 06:09 am UTC (link)

Kozue was drifting through the shop, looking for a new swimsuit herself; she needed something new and fancy for the trip. Provided she could get permission to go, at least. If she did, she'd need a suit, and her old one didn't quite fit anymore. As far as what kind she wanted… she could practically see Oubai-senpai disapproving of anything skimpy, but a one piece would almost always look frumpy and prudish. Unless they were selling really, really cute ones this year.

She had looked at about eight different things and remained unsatisfied, poised between making herself happy and capitulating to what she imagined were the desires of a boyfriend she knew was going to disapprove no matter what.

When she looked up and saw Maeko, she was actually relieved. Someone who could give her an opinion! She dropped the yellow bikini she'd been looking at, and hurried over, making herself smile politely. "Akuba-senpai! Are you looking for swimsuits too?"

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 06:18 am UTC (link)

"Ah, Kondo-san!" Maeko waved as Kozue approached, putting down the latest (stupid, blue) thing she'd looked at. "Yup. I sort of had my old one through middle school so it doesn't fit so well anymore. And it's kind of ugly."

She smiled. "How have you been?" There was a hint of concern, an unspoken 'since last time I saw you we were both in blood-soated winter coats having almost just frozen to death'. Some things were better left unsaid in public. Anything to do with that place? Better left unsaid ever.

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 06:22 am UTC (link)

"Good enough," Kozue responded, which was a socially-acceptable code for 'getting over Paradise again'. "And you?" She peered briefly at the suit that Maeko had been looking at, decided it was unattractive and that Maeko had been right to put it back, and then promptly forgot it.

"I know how that goes. I really need a new one. Do you want to shop together?" She smiled. "It's always good to have another girl's opinion on things like this."

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	giantfruitbyday 2009-12-28 06:29 am UTC (link)
	"I'm glad. I've been-" She cut herself off. 'Fine' would sound awfully cold if people knew about Kanaye and Misaki. She laughed instead. "-Well, I'm still in one peice, at least." "Ah, that'd be great!" Maeko nodded. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

anthesphoria
2009-12-28 06:36 am UTC (link)

"Alright," Kozue said, feeling pleased. It'd mean she would have an assistant. And, she could help Maeko pick something cute for herself, too. A girl deserved nice things after a breakup—it was Kozue's solemn belief, at least. "So, what kind of mood are you looking for? For your suit?"

She grinned, and took a few more steps, before beginning to leaf through the rack of suits. "Flirty? Cute? Sporty?"

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 06:47 am UTC (link)

Maeko wouldn't really have used words like that to describe any of the suits. More words like 'red' or 'kind of stetchy' or 'has stringy bits'. Kozue was, however, clearly the expert here.

"I like cute, cute sounds good!" She said, sounding far more enthuseastic about this than she actually was. She tried to think back to what Misaki had told her without actually thinking about Misaki and did fairly well. "I was looking at tankinis, I think they're called? What kind were you wanting?"

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 07:01 am UTC (link)

"I'm not really sure, for myself. It needs to be sexy without being, you know," she waved her hands a little in a gesture that actually illustrated very little. "Something that Oubai-senpai won't get angry at me for. If he's even going." Which was another thing that she really wasn't sure about. She picked up a few suits and discarded them almost immediately. They were neither cute nor appealing in the least. Tankini? Hmf. Who wore those.

"What about one with a little skirt? They're in this year. Do you like skirts?"

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 07:11 am UTC (link)

Waving arms around. Like, swimming? It needed to be sexy without risking losing the top part in the water? Maeko decided this was a safe assumption and pretended to understand. She openned her mouth to respond about Kou, realized she had nothing remotely encouraging to say and said nothing.

"I hope he doesn't stay here by himself." She decided on after a while. "Satou-senpai invited everyone so we'd all be together if something happenned, I think. Staying here alone sort of defies the point."

"Little skirt?" Maeko looked up to examine the swimsuit in question. "Ah, that's kind of nice, yeah!"

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 07:17 am UTC (link)

"I wonder if he even swims," Kozue mused, feeling as though the answer might well be no. He didn't seem the beach type—imagining him in the sun, having fun, was strange. Still, maybe he'd surprise her. "They're really cute, and I saw a commercial where a girl was, like, spinning around, and it was completely adorable."

More leafing through the suits. She pulled one out, hoping that it had a skirt, but no, it was just… huge. With a grimace, she replaced it, and pulled out the next one that caught her eye. It was black. And one piece. And…

She held it up against her torso, looked down, and cracked up. Aside from the difference in material, it was the spitting image of the too-small catsuit she'd worn when she Tom's Shadow had made her into that Black Swan character.

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 07:29 am UTC (link)

"I wouldn't think so." Maeko gave a half-hearted laugh, not sure whether it was acceptable to laugh at Kozue's boyfriend. It certainly had never been acceptable to say anything negative about Keiichi. "He seems like the type who'd get dragged under just from the extra weight of having water in his hair. I bet he'll just sit on the beach and read a book if anything."

She pause for a second, trying to imagine the commercial. "Oh, that'd make the skirt flap around, right? That does sound kind of cute!"

It took Maeko a second to get the reference. If helped that Kozue's laughing told her there was something she was supposed to understand. When she did, she also began laughing. "Detective work on the beach?"

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 07:35 am UTC (link)

Kozue laughed more at that. "I think I'd bake," she said, looking down at the all-black suit. "And it's not like I was very good at detective work, in the first place." She rolled her eyes, remembering the experience. Sure, she'd felt like she could think better than usual, when she had been in Tom's place in Paradise, but that hadn't meant anything, in the end. Not up against people who could fly and shoot laser beams and run faster than the speed of light and have steel claws in their fists.

"Maybe if the real one had let me actually do something, like Ito-senpai or Kiriko-san, I'd get it as a souvenir. But being a detective and showing a lot of leg are hardly super powers." She sighed, and reshelved the suit. And as for the joke about Kou, she had no objections. She'd even chuckled a little; clearly, Kozue was no overprotective girlfriend.

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 07:44 am UTC (link)

Maeko fell silent when Kozue sighed, nodding. She felt a little uncomfortable. After a few seconds she smlied again. I was certainly forced but at least it wasn't uncomforable.

"I don't even remember what I was supposed to be able to do." She admitted, trying to laugh. It came out as a quiet 'heh.'. "Whatever it was certainly wasn't impressive enough to be seeing out purple scuba suits in a hurry."

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 07:48 am UTC (link)

Kozue chuckled, although it was still tinged with a bit of melancholy. "You had a really cool cape, though. I just seem to keep ending up with slutty boots." She shrugged. "At least they look good on me. Maybe I'll buy a pair."

She flipped half-heartedly through a few more suits, and turned to Maeko: "So you didn't have anything you could do, either? Does that feel like—I don't know, I'm pretty silly for still caring about it." Even though Tom had explained it to her, and even though she'd felt flattered to hear what he had to say, the nagging doubt persisted at the back of her mind. You're not good for anything useful, so they stick you with the slutty outfits and make you fix everyone else's bruises instead of fighting, yourself.

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-28 08:11 am UTC (link)

"I'd try a cape but I'm sure it'd get caught in doors.

Even when she gritted her teeth and nodded, Maeko couldn't bring herself to fake a smile this time. She couldn't even bring herself to blame her upset on the ugly one-piece with the polkadots that even she in her ignorance felt entitled to hate for existing.

It had been horrifying. She didn't trust Keiichi and he had been, if the descriptions were accurate, near-omnipotent while she had no way to defend herself. Even when he'd said she should have been left to die because she was a bad person and didn't deserve to live she couldn't argue because he could crush her so easily (and Misaki hadn't even cared, but now she knew Misaki had never cared about anyone but herself anyway). The shadows had been nothing compared to that. Even Misaki, Misaki who she ~~was~~ had been meant to protect had been so many times stronger than her. It should have, in hindsight, been a clue (had everyone else worked out that beforehand, too? Kanaye had known. She really was stupid.).

And that had been made by Tom's mind, right? So that was how Tom thought of her. Much as she tried to ignore the behaviour of shadows she couldn't quite manage it this time. Did that mean everyone thought of her that way? Capable of nothing? And only let her into the group for her own benefit rather than because she was any use. She remembered that part of her description for better than she should.

After far too much thought she looked away and bit her lip quietly. "I don't think it's silly at all."

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anthesphoria
2009-12-28 06:54 pm UTC (link)

Maeko was right to hate that swimsuit, at least; polka dots were, in Kozue's opinion, pretty much criminal.

She looked down, and stopped considering suits for a moment. Her throat was sort of dry; Tom had excused himself, at least partly, from blame. Even if his reasons still didn't entirely make sense—and even if he'd never mentioned why she was the one in fishnets and underwear. But that didn't help the fact that her whole raison d'être in Paradise was to follow everyone else around while they solved puzzles and fought Shadows. And to use Diarama. And to, apparently, wear skimpy outfits.

"It isn't? I mean—I don't know," Kozue was stumbling slightly over words, a by-product of the fact that her mouth sometimes moved quite a bit faster than her brain. Stumbles and fillers gave her mind a chance to catch up. "I've been feeling like that's sort of how it goes the whole time, not just in super hero outfits. Do you… feel that way too?"

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	giantfruitbyday 2009-12-28 07:56 pm UTC (link)
	"Weak?" She asked, not really sure whether or not she even needed clarification here. "Like you're just waiting for someone to get hurt so you can patch them up again when everyone else can just prevent that from happenning in the first place?" She didn't wait for confirmation before she nodded. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

anthesphoria
2009-12-29 04:13 pm UTC (link)

Kozue let out a breath, and then nodded: "Yeah. Or." She let out another huff of air that sounded almost like a laugh. "I mean, 'weak', but that's pretty normal. I'm always weak. There, it's like I'm only good for anything as long as there are other people around."

"But we're not there, now, right? Here, look at this one," she suggested, looking at another rack of suits—it was an acceptable distraction, for one thing, and it was actually pretty cute. It had that skirt that she'd been talking about, although she wasn't sure if pink was a Maeko color or not.

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giantfruitbyday
2009-12-29 04:53 pm UTC (link)

"...I guess it's not too much of a problem. People don't go in alone so."

It was far too clear that this time she was missing the point deliberately.

Maeko had always thought of Kozue as someone she'd never be able to empathize with. She was pretty and rich and friendly and confident and basically everything Maeko wasn't other than maybe not so bright. But being defined so totally by the people around seemed familiar. Wasn't she herself having such difficulty finding a way to define herself other than 'Aoi's ~~friend~~ babysitter'? Suddenly that didn't seem so far away from having your only real talents, be they healing or being confident and likable and generally good with people, completely dependant on the presence of others.

And suddenly she didn't think she wanted to be able to empathize with Kozue anymore.

"Oh, it's got the skirt thing! It really is cute!" Pink, in limited amounts until recently unless she'd really needed to vanish like a chameleon whenever she stood next to Misaki, was as much a Maeko colour as any other was. And right now it was the beautiful, beautiful colour of discussing something else.

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