InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "trumpy u can do magic things"

kondo kozue | 近藤梢 (anthesphoria) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-11-02 15:31:00

Entry tags:

kiriko, kozue

WHO: Kozue and Kiriko.
WHAT: What we do every night, ~~Pinky~~ Kozue!
WHERE: Their room.
WHEN: Some time after the dungeon.
WHY: Because Kozue and Kiriko are actually a pretty good Pinky & the Brain allegory; one is ambitious and a bit evil, one is well-meaning but a doofus.

Kozue was actually fairly predictable when something was on her mind.

She tried to make herself busy, usually in doing things that she'd already taken care of once that day, like touching up her nails or checking her email over and over; she opened and closed the binder where that day's study assignment was housed without really looking at it. (This in and of itself was not unusual at all, since she barely ever studied, but she usually only touched her homework once in an evening, if even that.)

Today she had also been channel surfing for ages; but television had proved to be, once again, a vast wasteland, and Kozue had given over to watching amusing commercials. Finally, she gave a heavy (slightly over-dramatic) sigh and turned to look at Kiriko.

"I want to talk about Paradise for a bit. Do you mind?"

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apathyisboring
2010-11-04 01:04 am UTC (link)

"Everybody claimed to be in control of theirs, it didn't really work out so well. And maybe you weren't in the real deal, but I don't get how it wasn't too close for comfort."

Kiriko seemed to deflate during the silence, uneasy and teetering on the edge of saying something else or saying nothing at all. She ultimately went for the first option, continuing in a smaller voice.

"You left. I had a right to be worried about you. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't worry about you at all? You were mad at me, I thought that's what you would have wanted."

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anthesphoria
2010-11-04 01:15 am UTC (link)

She had been about to add that some indication of her actually being in control was the lack of a twisted, semi-psychotic version of herself hell-bent on her own destruction-and-adoration simultaneously, or the fact that nobody had rescued her. But the quieter voice, and Kiriko's next words took some of the argument out of her.

Or at least turned it away, a bit, and Kozue's face scrunched slightly. She thought, and was quiet for a moment. Then, "Maybe you're right. I hadn't thought of it like that. But there's a difference between worrying and making me someone who can't possibly take care of herself." A beat. She thought, for a moment, of Maeko and Misaki and their Shadows, and was unsettled. "Or at least making me feel that way."

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apathyisboring
2010-11-04 01:20 am UTC (link)

That somewhere among her first impulse responses was that Kozue might not be able to take care of herself told Kiriko that she was most likely justified in what she was saying, but it was not a pleasant thing to think about. What was she supposed to do? Hadn't Kozue been mad? Didn't she depend on her? Wasn't it part of being a good friend to live up to that expectation? She had figured as much, but she didn't know any more.

She did treat Kozue differently. With a little more delicacy. Occasionally, as a little more easily taken advantage of - though none of those were things she could admit.

"... What am I supposed to do, then?"

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anthesphoria
2010-11-04 01:36 am UTC (link)

This gave Kozue pause. She was not sure what she had been expecting—speaking in the heat of the moment and without thinking it through—but this, she decided, would have been ranked fairly low if she had made a list.

And saying that she didn't know wasn't fair. She'd started this; she owed it to Kiriko not to simply dump it upon her and wash her hands of it, to say she had no responsibility to help fix it now that she had pointed it out. It was tempting to leave it all to Kiriko. And that itself was part of the problem. It was easy, and it was sometimes enjoyable, to depend on her friend, but...

"Let me try to take care of myself, sometimes."

God, that sounded crazy. To Kozue's pampered desire for safety and pleasure and ease, it sounded insane. "Trust me, I guess, to be able to handle Paradise, or real life, even. I depend on you, there, too. I've always liked depending on you," she added, feeling unkind. It made her leave off her last thought, but that's more like going back to Paradise than checking into a hotel would ever be, and substituted, instead. "But I can't do that forever."

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apathyisboring
2010-11-04 01:54 am UTC (link)

It was hard to take, and Kiriko took it sullenly, with a fair bit of internal denial and quiet resentment at the suggestion. She had not been smothering Kozue. Had she? Did it matter if she thought she had or not? Obviously she had been doing something wrong, though it was hardly fair, in her opinion, that that something was being too dependable.

It was for Kozue's sake that she did her best to cut through the bitterness. It would be good for everyone if she learned to stand on her own, wouldn't it? Wasn't the fact that she hadn't wanted to been what was so confusing about her dungeon? So this was progress. Unhappy progress, though - Kiriko liked to be depended on, and newly devoid of her TV set and earring collection, was still not entirely convinced that she had something to offer Kozue as a friend outside of answers and dependableness.

"I can try," she finally managed, somehow simultaneously glum and passive-aggressive in tone.

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anthesphoria
2010-11-04 05:40 pm UTC (link)

After a moment, Kozue decided to take that as a good sign, despite the way Kiriko had said it. She didn't seem happy about it, granted, but Kozue wasn't even sure she was happy about it, herself. And she'd been asking.

"That's all I'm asking." She tried to make it sound grateful, and kind, but there was only so much kindness she could find in this topic. It frightened her, suddenly, now that she had voiced her thoughts and been granted at least a trial of them; oh god, what am I going to do.

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