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Tweak says, "sure. fine. whatever."

kondo kozue | 近藤梢 (anthesphoria) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-06-14 23:26:00

Entry tags:

keiichi, kozue

WHO: Kozue and Keiichi
WHAT: Present! A Present!
WHERE: Chagall Cafe.
WHEN: After Seiko's Dungeon.
WHY: Kozue cannot resist her compulsion to buy the world.

Kozue had been medicating her doubts and worries in much the same way she had done after other stints in Paradise—aside from her own—shopping and ice cream and cake. Of course, she had covered two out of three of those things in her own place in Paradise. So she was out for coffee and cake; she was also being productive.

At the used bookstore, when she'd meant to buy a Feel Better gift for Renju, or an I Regret That Your Head God Is On Vacation present (they didn't make cards for that), she had ended up buying... More things. For other people. At least, in a used book store, she hadn't found anything for herself, which had probably saved her some money in the end.

She'd texted Keiichi to let him know she had something to give him—and she'd gotten a piece of peach pie while she waited. With a side of ice cream. If Ito showed up in time, he could have some.

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keiito
2010-07-05 11:13 pm UTC (link)

"You know," Keiichi began, taking a quick bite of his meal to make sure it was edible -- yup, edible. Pretty good, actually. "The discussion we were having earlier, about your helpfulness to the team, and you in general? That you kept deflecting?"

The smile he gave her was equal parts "go on, try some" and "I'm not as much of an idiot as everyone thinks I am, am I?"

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anthesphoria
2010-07-06 02:01 am UTC (link)

She picked up her utensils, with a low sigh. "You're supposed to let that slide with a... a gentlemanly grace or something, you know?" In a moment, she'd be trying a bit of the curry. Now, she looked upwards a little, and pushed a bite of food across the plate. "But you're not going to, are you?"

She took that opportunity to pause, and take a bite of food. It let her gather her thoughts, and then it distracted her—it was spicy, and it was good. Given time to pause, and chew, Kozue thought; she had no excuse, this time, to hide behind; they were not in public and they were not doing anything else, in particular. But what did he want to hear? That she thought he must be making it up, if he said she contributed something truly valuable to the team?

Then again, they had all said that, back in the top of that tower in Paradise, telling her Shadow—telling her—that she mattered to them, that she helped them. But who wouldn't tell her that, if they were trying to persuade her she didn't want to stay there and die? She stared down at the curry, lost in thought.

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keiito
2010-07-06 02:23 am UTC (link)

"Sorry," he deadpanned, fixing her with a look, "but you only get the gentlemanly grace if we're dating, and we both know how well that went."

The chuckle that follows is nervous, if anything.

"It's important," Keiichi insisted. "Dating or not, you're important to me, Kondo-chan. I want to know. You've been avoiding the subject of yourself whenever it comes up and dealing with complements poorly."

Another bite of food gave him time to think, and by the time he had chewed and swallowed, he was ready to move on.

"If there's anything you want to talk about, I think now is the time and the place."

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anthesphoria
2010-07-06 02:35 am UTC (link)

"It's not exactly easy," she said, after a pause that she managed to make hang in the air until it was almost uncomfortable. "Not... Well, you saw what I think of—what I thought of myself. And that I'm ashamed, that I'm ashamed of myself." After all, someone like herself? Pretty, popular, and rich? Everyone expected her to be like Kiriko. Proud and capable.

Instead, stuck in a pattern of thought she had been trying to claw her way out of for weeks now, only to find herself sliding into again, she found that she was her.

"How should I deal with compliments? Why do you think people normally say nice things about me?" She cleared her throat a little. "It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. And it's throwing this all out there and making other people deal with it, when they haven't asked for it? Even more inconsiderate and just… so awkward."

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keiito
2010-07-06 03:59 am UTC (link)

"There's no reason to be ashamed of yourself, Kondo-chan."

The words came out quicker than he'd anticipated. Adrenaline was always a help with these sorts of things, and he felt almost as if he was in Paradise again.

"We all have issues. Different ones, but ones that are equally crippling at times. You're fully capable of making your own decisions, of standing on your own two feet. But that doesn't mean you have to be someone else to do that."

He rose from his seat, towering over the seated Kozue.

"We can't control what other people think. The rumor mill will always say what it will. People will say what they will. There are more rumors about me in the halls of that school than I ever thought possible, but at the end of the day, those people aren't my friends. They're not my teammates."

Rounding the table to her side, he continued. "What people normally say and what we say are entirely different things, Kondo-chan," Keiichi said, firmly. "If it helps at all, I dated you back then not believing anything about your reputation. There's a nice, sweet person sitting in that chair, and I wish you'd see it."

A pause for breath, and...

"We're a team. More than a team. I...wouldn't quite say we're family, but most of us are friends. We get along a lot better than we ever did. Our individual problems are the group's problems. And we'll get through them by helping one another."

With that, he stooped, and kissed her on the cheek.

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anthesphoria
2010-07-06 10:36 pm UTC (link)

Kozue had been torn between listening, and trying to distance herself, slipping back and forth as Keiichi had spoken. First, he would say something that she'd agree with—something that meant something, or that she had an inkling should mean something, and she would agree—and then he would keep talking and say something that almost made her spit back an objection or a hurt response, or simply a laugh. But them something else, the next thing, would tip her in the other direction.

Kozue found she was feeling less and less charitable towards emotional see-saws the more she rode them. She had sat, watching him, her hands leaving her utensils alone, now. She hadn't been bothered that he'd gotten closer and closer to her personal space (Kozue seldom was), but then... The kiss was unexpected. Even if he'd cheeked her, so to speak, and it wasn't like a real kiss? It was still a surprise that knocked her, so to speak, entirely off of the see-saw.

Once he had pulled away, Kozue pushed back her plate, slightly, and tipped her head up to regard the (now extremely, in comparison) taller boy. "... Thanks, even if it sounds a little more idealistic than I think makes any sense." She pursed her lips. Even given the confusion, she knew he was trying to help. But it wasn't about him. It was about what she'd said to her Shadow. If I did it, I have to be able to undo it. It was about what he'd said, actually: you're fully capable of standing on your own two feet.

"It was very nice, but why bring up my reputation?"

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keiito
2010-07-06 11:25 pm UTC (link)

What had he said about it again? Keiichi tried to mentally rewind backwards through what he'd said; when he got going, he tended to dash forward like a freight train.

"When you were talking about what people wanted from you when they complimented you," he managed, finally, after a few moments of recollection. "There are lots of us who compliment you for reasons besides trying to get into your pants."

The fact that the two of them might well be going to bed sometime soon after this wasn't lost on him. It was making him feel ever so slightly uncomfortable.

He wanted to say something, but for once, he had trust that it didn't need to be said.

"There are and always will be people who look at you negatively, for whatever reason. I and most of the team, I dare say, could care less how many people you've slept with, or who those people are. It's your decision to do those and any other things you so choose, as long as you're not hurting people in the process."

With that said, he did feel the need to comment on one of her earlier thoughts.

"And I'm always idealistic. That's why the team loves me so much." There was more than a hint of sarcasm in that final comment.

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anthesphoria
2010-07-08 09:57 pm UTC (link)

She couldn't help cracking a smile—it was the kind of thing she didn't have control over, stuck on the verge of some emotional outburst or another—and then, feeling a bit awkward, she shook her head again. "That's... Well, didn't you just finish saying I shouldn't care what people think of me?"

She wasn't sure; it was a bit muddled, more because of her investment than because Keiichi had been unclear. "I... I mean, I don't think it's wonderful when people say catty things about Kondo-chan the Slut Princess, but," she stopped, and shrugged, "Is that what it seems like the problem is? My problem?"

A part of her observed that this was something of a unique opportunity. If more of the team really hadn't noticed, she could always just tell people that it was her problem, the biggest contributing factor, and they'd probably believe it. She could be Kozue who hates herself because she sleeps around and people know it, and the rest of it, the real and awful part of it, could be once again quietly ignored. And suffered. And it could take voice and form again and make her listen again, and… Kozue swallowed.

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keiito
2010-07-08 11:31 pm UTC (link)

"No," he said, shaking his head. "The problem is that you let other people make decisions for you on who and what you are."

To Keiichi, it was difficult to be blunt. But sometimes, bluntness was all you could grab onto when it felt like a situation was vague enough to shift under your grasp.

"From what your shadow said, your problem is making decisions. It's why you dated Oubai-san, best I can tell, because your grandmother wanted you to. She passed away, and now you have limitless potential to do whatever you want in the world...and it's terrifying. Understandably so."

A slight pause.

"But you don't need a grandmother to tell you what to do. Or anyone else, for that matter. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Better than most of ours."

He paused for a moment, this whole discussion jarring loose a memory.

"Actually, you know, you really should talk to Sonozaki-san. Some of what seems to be bothering you is actually quite similar to what bothers her. The root cause is slightly different, but..."

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anthesphoria
2010-07-09 01:26 am UTC (link)

Never mind that whole plan with the personal issues shell game. And for a moment, Kozue was indignant that Keiichi had seen through her. Then again, less than a month ago she had been wearing lingerie on a stage in Paradise and proclaiming her problems for everyone to hear. (Well, her Shadow had been, but the difference was small and petty just now.)

Remembering that tempered her frown. She looked up, and finally abandoned pretending to focus on her plate of curry. "Okay. Maybe that's it." She tried to look less put out than she knew she did—her jaw was set and her brow scrunched up slightly. "It's more complicated, with Oubai, but that doesn't really matter anymore. Mostly, it was just a dumb choice. And," she took a short breath, "I'm willing to agree I'm not completely useless, because it spites that bitch, but 'limitless potential' is really going kind of too far."

As far as Renju went, Kozue didn't say anything, but… a similar problem? Really? Now that she thought about it, Kozue began to see… if not the connection, at least something.

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keiito
2010-07-09 02:00 am UTC (link)

There was something in the look on her face, displeased as it looked, that Keiichi found rewarding. Even as she spoke, he was already moving forward to capture her in a hug, tighter than his usual hugging of her, in an effort to be comforting.

"Is it that bad that I know," he asked, voice low in her ear. "You know I don't think any less of you for it. We've all seen the sides of one another that we've tried to hide. You know mine. I know yours. It's...part of why we as a team, and us in particular, are so close, I think."

Keiichi continued to hold her, one of his hands gently cupping the back of her neck, stroking softly.

"You underestimate yourself, Kondo-chan. We're saving people from Paradise. We're, down the road, probably going to be confronting a bunch of divine beings. And you know what? We're going to win. Because we are stronger than any of us know."

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anthesphoria
2010-07-09 09:53 pm UTC (link)

"We're going to be fighting some kind of crazy messengers from heaven who really want to kill us, that's supposed to make me feel better? ... I think you skipped a day when you were supposed to be learning to console people."

Her words might have been a bit withdrawn, nit-picky; her voice contradicted that. It was soft, a bit amused, and muffled by his shoulder. This situation seemed to keep recurring. Kozue paused, wondering a variety of different, momentary things, before sighing. A bit defeated, at least in terms of keeping back from the issue at hand, she went on. "Maybe you're right."

After all, she'd done things she never thought possible; she'd seen the other Persona users do even more. Like summoning some kind of god or psychological force or who-knows-what to help fight. Or tell Ishinomori to shove it. Or drive a flying tank. The logic followed (though her belief in it did not, quite) that if she was capable of these things, she was capable of things less strange but no less impossible-seeming.

It was all the kind of stuff she needed to think about. The kind of thinking where she let it sit in the back of her head and went about her life, waiting for the proper moment for it all to make sense; not the sort of thinking with Keiichi constantly pressing her for it. That wasn't what she'd signed up for. Which reminded her…

She didn't really pull back from his shoulder. She did, however, shift slightly. "So, that was very sweet. But, for now, can we skip past the rest of the emotional sharing moments and get to the screwing?"

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keiito
2010-07-10 08:26 pm UTC (link)

Had he been less well acquainted with her after all these months, he would have swallowed wrong, or his jaw would have dropped, or any of a number of other things.

It was, however, nice to know that even though Kozue was capable of trying to hide some things from him, she was still same old Kozue when it came to non-Shadow related things.

"Screwing it is, Kondo-chan!"

And with that, he scooped her up in his arms easily, taking care to cradle her head with his arm and hand. He'd be able to clean up after dinner later; no one ever went in the kitchen anyway.

Opening the door with one hand, he carried her out into the hallway the few steps needed to get to his dorm. No one was there to see, but it was unlikely that he would have cared regardless.

The door opened, and closed soon after. One of the benefits to having a single was that there would be no need for a sock on the door, or any other such slightly-awkward pleasantries.

> The night continued...

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