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Tweak says, "DANCING PURGE"

Vee (sobeit) wrote in containmentrp,
@ 2015-01-15 14:23:00

Entry tags:

2215-01-09, hespe, jane

Late for the party
Who: Hespe and Jane
When: evening,
Where: The Worlds Ends Pub
Why: Friends being friends.

“Go.” Was the green light Jane got at 11 PM from Adam Weyland, King of the grill. The restaurant was quieting. Orders were slowing. People were moving on to bars, very much like Jane wanted to do.

Adam got no argument from her. Not this time. “Thanks!” she said, pecking her dad's cheek before she made a run for it, up to her room. In the scarf decked lamplight she threw on something that didn’t smell like Mega-Onion Rings and pretty much jogged over to the bar where she hoped that things were still swinging. Maybe she could make a plea for her particular clothes drive if Mr. Richy-Rich and the starlet were still entertaining the folks with their sing songs.

It's all for a good cause Mister. I swear

OH, and to meet Hespe too. Of course that. They’d spoken briefly when the Redhead came in for lunch. It was 11:34 when she burst into the bar dragging the cold weather in with her. A few faces looked up. Not many. Obviously she had missed the grand spectacle. You know what? She was alright with that. By the out of tune song playing, Karaoke was still going but it had inevitably gotten to that point in the night where someone was doing their whiskey coated version of “I Did It My Way”.

A quick glance around and she didn’t spot Hespe right away, so she went up to the sign-ups, asked how many until she’d go on. When she got a reasonable answer she pulled the big book over and found the song she wanted. Then handed the slip over with all the relevant information.

After THAT, then she was looking for her friend and it didn’t take too long to spot her. “Hey!” she called over, tucked her restaurant frazzled blond behind her ears and took a seat in the booth the same time she was shrugging off her coat. “Sorry it took me so long.” It was an earnest apology. Restaurant hours were murder, especially on weekends. A quick glance around for Knox, then for Theo. “I take it the party’s over.” She said, and caught the eye of the waiter.

“Do you need a refill?” she asked and waved the guy over and then finally, finally she took a deep breath, settled into her seat and said, “How are you?”

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hespe
2015-01-17 04:39 am UTC (link)

It seemed as if all of the sudden, the music had stopped, and whatever magical bubble it had created around them burst. Hespe was still laughing breathlessly, and the wild dancing stopped so that she could prop her hands on her knees and catch her breath. She watched Jane go down and began to laugh again, which her oxygen-deprived lungs didn't care for-- but she couldn't stop. The crowd went absolutely mild, but Hespe didn't notice, she was too busy shaking with laughter and wobbling unsteady as the lights around them slowly blinked out. It was hard to come back down after such a surreal experience; she was sure she hadn't felt that carefree since...maybe ever. As a child she was even more anxious and fragile than she was now. This, tonight, felt wonderful. Like an unfurling. Grinning, gasping, and sort of blooming in a sweater that smelled like stale beer in a bar of impassive patrons drowning their sorrows.

She couldn't be happier.

"Okay, okay, you bully. I liked it," she said, grasping Jane by the hands and pulling her to her feet. Though Hespe wasn't one for physical affection, she threw her arms around Jane's neck and hugged her tightly for several seconds. "I walked," she said, and realized that her clothes had dried just in time for her to go out again and get soaked with more snow. It had been a long walk after a long shift, but the trams hadn't been brought back up yet, so without a car she was stuck hoofing. At least the alcohol had her feeling an illusion of warmth.

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sobeit
2015-01-17 05:09 am UTC (link)

Jane would take all the hugs. Even semi-drunk hugs from her adrenaline soaked friend. Th embrace was reciprocated warmly. The man with one brow applauded that too. It was awkward and Jane looked out into the audience with a look that was mostly reproachful.

“Let me grab my coat. I can walk with you.” She jumped off the stage, took bills out of her jeans to pay for the beers and then began the long process of bundling up for the frigid winter night that was blowing outside. Bulky coat, scarf wrapped around about four times, hat, gloves, and she was a-go.

The cold hit like a slap. It didn’t even have that wonderful, chilling effect it usually had when she’d had a few. That meant she hadn’t had enough. She adjusted the seam in one glove and then clasped arms with Hess on their way from the club.

“Do you ever think about who you’ll get paired with?” it was a question that only poked out because of her brothers news earlier that day. It wasn’t something she liked to think about but eventually it always came up. Mostly because people were constantly looking for something and with these policies they couldn’t look too far or too deep.

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hespe
2015-01-17 05:21 am UTC (link)

After tossing a few bills on the table herself for the tip, Hespe followed Jane's lead and began to pile her layers back on. She was flushed and satisfied, though the smile turned into a wince once they had stepped outside the door. Winter had to be the hardest season, it was so punishing. She pulled her hat tighter onto her head and clutched Jane's arm, mostly to benefit from the shared warmth of two bodies moving against the wind. She hunched her shoulders and leaned into it, her walk only a slight wobble. She was keeping her eyes on the ground, watching for ice patches, when Jane broached her question. Hespe almost paused, but managed to keep her stride somewhat even. She glanced at Jane before moving her gaze back to her feet, watching her boots sink into the snow. No, she didn't like to think about that. That's why she had started at the forge in her free time, heck, that's why she didn't allow herself any actual 'free time' any more. It was too scary, it was one of those dark things she couldn't face that kept her awake in the small hours.

"I try not to," she said honestly, some of her glee draining a little. She still felt good, but the idea of marriage was a sober one. "It...scares me," she settled for. One of her greatest fears was that she would walk the same path her mother had. Married to a heavy-handed monster, a man whose death she would be waiting for for decades, just to find relief from him. If she had a husband anything like her father, Hespe knew she couldn't live like that. She didn't know how she would escape, but she knew she couldn't do it. Not again. The second half of her life couldn't be like the first, she couldn't survive it.

Nudging Jane with her elbow, she looked up at her friend and raised her eyebrows. "Have you been thinking about it, Jane?"

Hespe had never even dated, so marriage was an extremely foreign concept to her. It was just sad that even if she did find someone, she and that 'someone' could end up married to someone else entirely. How was that right? It didn't feel right, that was sure.

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sobeit
2015-01-17 07:26 pm UTC (link)

"I have been." Jane had to admit to it now. She'd opened the can of worms and it was going to come gushing out. Two beers in and she had to unleash her worries to a friend.

"It's Teddy. He got his letter. Tomorrow he's having a meeting. Isn't that horrible." It was that mooney impression of what love should be she supposed, but scheduling in a business luncheon to discuss the nuptials sounded unappealing.

As for herself? She was in the same boat as Hespe. Jane was definitely in the 'not thinking about it too much' category. It lingered though. It had to, because she was only human, and she yearned like most 20 somethings. She'd dated a little bit. She was fairly social, uninhibited when it came to liking people and even if her father was the protective sort, he wasn't a tyrant. Luckily. If only she knew what Hespe had gone through. The full extent. She definitely wouldn't have broken the reverie by going in this direction.

Not that it lasted very long. It was one of those things Haven Citizen had to deal with, experience. They all knew, they all grew up with it, not everyone was against it. Surely there was some reason for it.

"Mr. Knox is getting a dumpster." She was on a streak, bringing up and doing all the things that Hess had anxiety about. "You said the Karaoke thing was out of character. He's been so generous. How do you know him?" a glance down at her little, teeny, gumdrop of a friend. She was like a dollop of whipped cream.

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hespe
2015-01-17 07:42 pm UTC (link)

It seemed beer made her brain a bit dopey, or it could have been the sudden absence of the adrenaline that had filled her on stage, but her comprehension seemed a bit delayed. It took a few seconds for what Jane had said to truly sink in. Teddy had gotten his letter... Teddy was going to get married. For some reason, Jane's big brother getting hitched somehow made the entire idea of marriage seem more real. Maybe because she didn't know many people, and she at least knew him in passing. Making the idea of her own engagement suddenly seem bigger on the horizon than it ever had before. A lead weight seemed to appear in the center of her gut at the very idea. Teddy was getting married, and he was just meeting with the lady? What, like lawyers meet? Like the Council meets? It seemed so impersonal. Hespe had no idea what a healthy marriage was supposed to look like, but somehow something so businesslike just didn't seem very...very marriage-y.

"A complete stranger," she said, and shuddered a little. It had nothing to do with the cold. "Poor Teddy. I hope she's a nice person. I hope she's nice to him." Theodore was a good man. That couldn't be said about many men, in Hespe's opinion. He was a gentle giant. Sometimes he still discomfited her, but that was mostly thanks to his size. She had learned long ago that he knew when to be gentle, and neither Jane's father nor her big brother seemed to mind when Hespe needed to back away (several feet) in order to comfortably make small talk with them. "Can you imagine? Sitting across the table from someone you and never met and knowing that's the person you're just going to live the rest of your life with?" Her tone made it clear she thought it was very wrong. It had been wrong for her mother, and it had been wrong for her, even if she did owe her very existence to the system. Hespe would almost rather not exist if it spared her mother from some of those years.

The subject of the conversation changed, and Hespe grew even more uncomfortable. "I don't. Theo does. He comes around. I guess I- I haven't, you know, seen enough of him to judge. I know that's unfair of me, it's just," Hespe shook her head and watched her boots, growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. "I think he likes to seem shallow, but he isn't. Like tonight. It seems like goodwill, because he wants it to. His eyes..." she trailed off, tightened her grip unconsciously on Jane's arm, and struggled for a way to express herself. "Maybe he is a nice man." Her instinct was telling her otherwise, and after more than a decade being bloodied by her father, her instinct was not often wrong. "He could be. He just seems...A lot like my father." Never 'dad', never 'pop', always 'father'. William Knox seemed like that kind of man.

"I'm so scared to be married. I can't even--" she shook her head again and canted her head to the side to rest her temple against Jane's shoulder. "I've never even hugged a boy. How am I supposed to marry one?"

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sobeit
2015-01-17 08:43 pm UTC (link)

"Me too." Jane didn't ramble like she usually did. Could be this Natasha person was awesome. Would be the greatest person in the history of the world for her Teddy Bear. Mostly she'd just wanted to get it out, verbalize it it to SOMEONE before she was knocking on the door of his house tomorrow at the asscrack of dawn. Jane needed to be supportive. She wanted to make him feel good about it. How could she do that if she had doubts about it?

Hess was visibly uncomfortable and Jane felt bad about it right away. Too late though, it was out there and she couldn't help but wonder about it, her thoughts running around, thinking, assessing. It was something she'd have to think on. What was the line there if he was just pretending? Did it matter so much if he was giving, helping?

Little comments like this one had leaked out over the years about Hess's 'father' and the impression she had gotten was that he was not a nice man. That he'd hurt her friend, maybe worse. Jane never pushed. She never asked about him. The only thing she did was let her say what she needed and keep in what she couldn't get out yet. It gave her goosebumps when she said it though and she hoped, she hoped that William Knox was all he was assumed to be. For Rory's sake most of all.

She lowered her head on Hess's. "It hasn't happened yet." she bit her lip, "It might not for a long, long time"

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hespe
2015-01-17 10:19 pm UTC (link)

Noting Jane's uncharacteristic succinctness, Jane glanced up at her friend's face, flushed from cold, and tried to read her expression. It was difficult, Hespe wasn't always good at reading emotional cues on others-- and half of Jane's face was covered in a scarf. It was an uncomfortable subject, and she had to be worried about her older brother's future, not just her own. The two worries seemed separate but tangled together, like most complex emotions tended to be. Hespe was still trying to learn how to manage them. She didn't know how to help Jane, but it might have been a sign of her growth that she recognized there wasn't much either of them could do about it. It was one of the great inevitables, an unavoidable fact of life. It felt cagey, but unless they felt like fleeing Haven (that was crazy, wasn't it? Even thinking about living in the wild?) they could either dwell on it or ignore it. Hespe wasn't sure which one was worse. She felt badly for Jane, because it was her family it was happening to. Harder to ignore when it was happening to your own brother.

Jane was right, it hasn't happened yet. They walked like huddled penguins, leaning against each other and leaving a crooked path through the snow. Each breath was a foggy little cloud suspending a few steps ahead of them at all times, dissipating just in time for the next breath. The quiet stillness of the late hour seemed to be perfectly matched for the somewhat sobering conversation they were having. Hespe found she didn't really mind. Before she had a chance to make friends of Jane, of Theo, she thought maybe it would be difficult to talk about the things that were also hard to think about. Not so, at least not always. Sometimes a companion made it a little easier. "Maybe not," she allowed, and tried to remind herself not to think so grimly all the time. Sure, it could happen tomorrow, or it could happen in five years.

"I guess it's scarier to think that, if we did find someone we actually wanted to marry, we still might not end up married to them." Wanting to marry someone was almost a foreign a concept as marriage itself, but Hespe accepted that it was possible. She saw happy couples on the street sometimes, people who looked like they wanted to be together. People that held each other when their house burned or they had a car accident. It was possible. "I wonder if marriage was different, before the cataclysm," she muttered. It was the sort of thought she usually kept inside, but they were alone on the street and she was comfortable with Jane.

Her apartment building was only a block or so away now, which was a good thing. The cold was beginning to seep into her legs with a merciless sort of tingle. She wanted to change the subject to something less grim. "My mother will never believe I did karaoke. She'll knit you three whole sweaters to thank you."

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sobeit
2015-01-17 11:13 pm UTC (link)

Jane tried to love everyone. She aspired to this but it was always easy. Not as all. Some people were innately just born to be assholes. Some people were bullies, like her firehouse pal Rollins, who laughed at people in genuine distress. Even do, everyone deserved a little bit of kindness. Everyone. It could be a catalyst, you never knew, this chain reaction of good. It was a good thought to have. To try to do but even so, Jane kept those sorts of brewing, bubbling feelings under a cover. Or at least she tried to..

Marriage was set up this way, directly because of and for procreation.. The two of them, healthy woman with vibrant, young uteruses ,were exactly the types that would get a letter sooner than later. They had ripe and ready vaginas. Once implanted with the seeds of their one true piston, they’d get the powers flowing, the classes stronger. Maybe then the lower dregs of this combustible society would collapse in on themselves.

Too many thoughts, not enough talking.

“It was. True love. True choice. True Heartbreak.” she sighed, hands clasped to her chest as she fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ll just have to live vicariously through all the greats.” she nudged Hess, her arms squeezing tighter.

“I am totally into your mothers sweaters.” Admittedly, “They’re warm and cozy.” She was wearing one now. “You tell her that anytime she wants to knit me a sweater I will gladly except. My goal is to have one for every day of the week.”

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hespe
2015-01-18 12:31 am UTC (link)

Her laughter at Jane's antics, though small, helped drive the darker and more tangled thoughts away for the moment. It was something she was practiced at, something she had perfected over the years. It was only recently that the reaction to dark thoughts seemed somehow...wrong. It seemed wrong to deny herself from thinking about these things, because there was a niggling voice in the back of her head that knew better. Jane was right. Back before the cataclysm, marriage was different. She didn't know if those movies or books could be believed, but before mankind was almost wiped out, the world didn't have to worry about the most efficient ways to make babies. There must have been so many more choices, she thought. Despite the commercials she had seen depicting life back then as ridiculous and wasteful and messy, she had to think that having that much freedom must have been a worthy exchange for some mess and heartbreak.

After all, her mother had survived her marriage, and hadn't that been a disaster? Hespe liked to think she could survive something of her own making. It couldn't be any worse than what her mom had gone through. If only she had the option. She felt guilty for thinking such things, but there was only so much inside her own head she could ignore.

"She will drown you in sweaters, Jane. Death by cable knit. I'm pretty sure she's got a few more your size in one of the many boxes she's been filling. She's giving herself callouses trying to clothe ever man, woman, and child that lives in the neighborhood." Hespe grinned, so full of pride she looked like a caricature of herself. "Mom's the greatest. She just wants to 'mom' the entire world."

Hespe paused, growing quiet, and nudged Jane with her elbow before glancing up at her to give her a crooked smile. "Thanks for coming out. It felt like an adventure. Let's have more adventures, yeah, Janey? It seems like it's about time for me to have a few. Mild ones. A few mild adventures." Knowing Jane, 'mild' and 'adventure' didn't combine, but Hespe was finding herself more curious by the day and less frightened of every little thing. It was incremental, and slow, and sometimes she had a little backslide. But restlessness won out.

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sobeit
2015-01-18 03:35 am UTC (link)

It was engrained, the constant propaganda and she wanted to believe that her Council did what was best, that their government cared about each and every one of them. At one time in her life she thought that true to her heart, she dreamed about her wedding day (her parents being well matched), dreamed about her own life starting and the fun she'd have being older and free enough but then she matured, started seeing with her own eyes, going down to the Slums and hearing stories about the Diaspora. And she knew that she'd never be free enough. That there were divisions here. Forces that let her and her kind get just enough to keep complacent and the rest not enough to keep them knocked down and compliant.

It twisted in her, the strain of it, the constant back and forth of what she wanted so desperately to believe and what she experienced. What she read in books and watched in movies that Teddy had and what was ultimately made fun of on the networks she put it together. That was dangerous conversation, one she didn't want to start up and she sighed. Best to end the night on a chipper note. A light snow was starting, Just a light, sparkle drift and it was pretty. It was peaceful despite the cold and she was thankful for moments like these, with a good friend, one whom she loved and depended on for her own sanity.

"Death by cable knit is a respectable way to go." she nodded, convinced that being knitted for couldn't be all that bad. "The sweaters are a big help. I've been meaning to do something nice for your mom. You have to tell me what she'd love. I want her to know how grateful everyone is, even if they all can't come and tell her themselves."

and then she sorta had an aww shucks moment, " You're silly. I couldn't wait to see you." Said the blonde, a soft smile spread candy sweet and she was nodding, "I wouldn't have any other way Hess. More fantastic adventures surely await us. I have good feelings. I think you'll find a whole new world this year. New Years will become the Best Year." she laughed, coming up where they'd have to split up soon.

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hespe
2015-01-18 06:38 pm UTC (link)

If they spent any time talking about it, Hespe might be startled with how neatly her thoughts lined up with Jane's. She liked to think of herself as a good good, obedient and efficient. A contributor. But how much did she truly want to be like that? Did she actually like herself as Doormat Hespe? Did she actually want to follow the tram track that every single citizen of Haven had laid out for them by the Council? Of course, it didn't do any good to want otherwise, what else was there? Living outside of society in those little murderous tribes they sometimes talked about on the news? Hespe had grown up feeling trapped, but she severely disliked the feeling as an adult. At least she could escape her father at school, and more ultimately, when he died. She was free of him forever, then. But this had no escape. This was just...life.

"Oh, Jane, that's sweet," she said, and smiled gratefully up at the taller girl. No one loved Shelaugh Barba as much a Hespe did, and it would be so gratifying to see someone do something nice for her. All the woman did was work and knit and fuss after her daughter. She deserved something good. "Her birthday is coming up. Maybe I can bring her by the restaurant for a nice birthday dinner? She doesn't go out much." Of course she didn't. The Barba matriarch was so used to staying home, keeping a clean house, and being a good wife that she never thought of doing anything for herself. She ate plainly and cheaply and did nothing all night but make warm things for others. "I think she'd really like that."

Hespe smiled somewhat bashfully and shrugged. She was a silly girl, that was true. Her mother didn't think so, of course, but then again if Hespe hardly knew herself she couldn't expect her mom to know any better. This feeling of wanting more, of needing more, it was relatively new. There was something of a hunger that was starting to grow inside of her, and she didn't know what she was craving. She just knew she needed something different. She needed to be something different. The other night, before bed, Hespe had realized that she had never really been herself-- that she didn't even know who that girl might be. The idea terrified her. What was the point of living if she was going to flinch at shadows until she died? They came to a crosswalk (well, Hespe assumed the crosswalk was still there under the snow somewhere) and she stopped. Her building was just across the street. "Are you sure you're all right getting home yourself?" she asked suddenly, realizing how late it was. "I can walk with you, if you wanted. It wouldn't be any trouble."

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sobeit
2015-01-19 06:09 pm UTC (link)

"Then bring her by. I'll make a cake special. We can light it up and sing happy birthday real loud." She needed to ask, because birthday cake should be someones favorite, "What's her favorite type? Chocolate? Vanilla? Checkerboard? Strawberry...." Jane would make sure Mama Barba felt like a queen.

These feelings welling up in her friend were exciting! Jane wanted to help, to get her to come out of her shell. According to Jane's thoughts and feelings she was completely sure the rest of teh world would appreciate knowing the wondering lady Jane did.

"It IS late." Jane agreed and Hess had an important job to get to early. "I'll be alright." She promised. "Will you text me? Let me know you got home alright?"

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hespe
2015-01-22 02:26 am UTC (link)

A cake seemed downright extravagant, considering the kind of plain, no-nonsense fare she and her mother usually ate. Hespe felt herself growing excited despite herself, mostly because she could not imagine her mom's reaction to such a gesture of celebration. Her feelings of excitement were somewhat dampened by guilt, though. Hespe paused and tried to think, tried to remember the last time her mother had sweets (or commented on them) or expressed a favourite at all. Growing up, they hadn't really done birthdays. Her mom always made a point to acknowledge it, and to do something small and special for her-- like purchasing a new set of crayons, braiding her hair special, or taking her to the corner store to buy a piece of candy. Her father didn't believe that spoiling children did any good, and he was of the opinion that birthday celebrations were a waste of finite resources.

"I don't know what her favourite is," she admitted. Confessing to Jane that neither she nor her mother had ever had a birthday cake felt like the very definition of 'pathetic', so Hespe didn't bother. That sort of information wasn't useful, anyway. She was quite sure there were plenty of children in the slums who didn't get birthday cakes either, and at least her childhood home had been warm and she had a full belly. "But when we've had candy she always goes a little crazy over the lemon. Can you make lemon cake?"

They stopped at an intersection. Hespe's building was within sight, and the biting cold was only growing worse. She shivered and nodded, poking Jane affectionately. "Yes. You too. Be careful, Janey. Okay?"

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sobeit
2015-01-22 05:07 pm UTC (link)

"Oh! You bet I can." Said Jane, her smile turning into lemonade itself. "I have the perfect recipe for that. She's going to love it. I promise." She crossed her heart.

Maybe there was a tiny part that wished she'd taken Hess up on traveling with her all the way to her house. She hated goodbyes. Didn't matter how casual they were. She'd miss her friend. When she was poked, she launched into a full hug. "I had the best time." she detached herself reluctantly, pulled down her hat for the rest of the walk.

"Text me tomorrow 'kay?" she started to back up then turned to go on her way, back to a warm bed that was calling. She threw a wave over her shoulder. She had to just GO or she'd stall and they'd freeze into popsicles before too long.

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