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Vee ([info]sobeit) wrote in [info]containmentrp,
@ 2015-01-15 14:23:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:2215-01-09, hespe, jane

Late for the party
Who: Hespe and Jane
When: evening,
Where: The Worlds Ends Pub
Why: Friends being friends.




“Go.” Was the green light Jane got at 11 PM from Adam Weyland, King of the grill. The restaurant was quieting. Orders were slowing. People were moving on to bars, very much like Jane wanted to do.

Adam got no argument from her. Not this time. “Thanks!” she said, pecking her dad's cheek before she made a run for it, up to her room. In the scarf decked lamplight she threw on something that didn’t smell like Mega-Onion Rings and pretty much jogged over to the bar where she hoped that things were still swinging. Maybe she could make a plea for her particular clothes drive if Mr. Richy-Rich and the starlet were still entertaining the folks with their sing songs.

It's all for a good cause Mister. I swear

OH, and to meet Hespe too. Of course that. They’d spoken briefly when the Redhead came in for lunch. It was 11:34 when she burst into the bar dragging the cold weather in with her. A few faces looked up. Not many. Obviously she had missed the grand spectacle. You know what? She was alright with that. By the out of tune song playing, Karaoke was still going but it had inevitably gotten to that point in the night where someone was doing their whiskey coated version of “I Did It My Way”.

A quick glance around and she didn’t spot Hespe right away, so she went up to the sign-ups, asked how many until she’d go on. When she got a reasonable answer she pulled the big book over and found the song she wanted. Then handed the slip over with all the relevant information.

After THAT, then she was looking for her friend and it didn’t take too long to spot her. “Hey!” she called over, tucked her restaurant frazzled blond behind her ears and took a seat in the booth the same time she was shrugging off her coat. “Sorry it took me so long.” It was an earnest apology. Restaurant hours were murder, especially on weekends. A quick glance around for Knox, then for Theo. “I take it the party’s over.” She said, and caught the eye of the waiter.

“Do you need a refill?” she asked and waved the guy over and then finally, finally she took a deep breath, settled into her seat and said, “How are you?”


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[info]hespe
2015-01-15 08:57 pm UTC (link)
With nervous fingers, Hespe picked another lock of hair out of the mass of red tangles and sniffed it. It definitely smelled like beer. Yeasty, old beer. "Bar smell," she muttered to herself, and glanced up at her own reflection in the mirror. Her sweater was still somewhat damp from her earlier tumble into the snow, and it hung heavily off of her fame, feeling clammy against her skin. The lighting in the bathroom made her already pale skin look downright pasty. The circles under her eyes were badges of her long day, which started with a fire and ended with the disaster standing in front of the ladies room sink in a noisy pub. Not three minutes ago a very drunk man spilled the last of his IPA down her side (soaking her sweater again) and Hespe decided she had had enough.

Oddly, despite her exhaustion-- both mental and physical --she was stupidly proud of herself for doing something so new. "I went to a crowded bar and I had two drinks and I was a social human," she told her reflection smugly. A stall door opened, the woman gave her a strange look, and Hespe hustled out the door unable to suppress a small, embarrassed smile.

She was still wearing that crooked smile when Jane flagged her down, looking harried but beautiful, as she usually did. Hespe liked to think of her as a blond pixie, but she would never admit to such a ridiculous thought. "Jane!" her smile grew unabashedly, which may or may not have anything to do with the two beers she had already polished off with Theo. She wasn't used to drinking, and the slight buzz felt nice. "I thought you'd be armpit deep in dirty dishes when I didn't see you earlier."

The urge to flee left her for the moment. "It was quite a show," she said, her smile turning into an uncharacteristic smirk. "Sorry, I mean. It's just. Mister Knox... This just seemed out of character for him." What she wanted to say was she didn't trust him as far as she could throw him, but that was unkind, and she felt guilty just for thinking it. "I'll have another one. Why not? I'm glad to see your face," she gushed, and snapped her mouth shut when she realized how silly she sounded. "Sorry. I've had two already. I'm exhausted. Today was... very long. How's the store?"

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-16 01:45 am UTC (link)
Aww. That smile. Didn't Hespe have one of those smiles that lit up the room? How anyone could have teeth brighter than her moonlight skin was beyond Jane. "My dad let me go early. Monday nights are pretty slow. There wasn't much to do. If you hadn't come by earlier then he wouldn't have been convinced." She was waving the waiter down with an exaggerated gesture at this point. This wouldn't have happened if he wasn't caught chatting. He smiled over, have a nod and that was good enough for her. He'd be in soon.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, wondering what Hespe might have meant by Knox being out of character. Naturally, over the years, Jane knew that she was distrustful of men but she never acted lightly about it. She listened and considered seriously. "Why do you say that?"

Before she could get anymore words out, the waiter was there. "Sorry 'bout that." he told the two of them, his lips were glossed over with lip balm.

"One more of these and a ...." she hadn't had a moment to think about what she wanted so she made it easy all around, "Make that two." and off he went.

Now, maybe some people would make a big deal about her friend coming out here to an event like this and Jane had made sure to come on down to be supportive of this new milestone. Her reaction was mild though. Normal. She didn't want to make it weird.

"What time do you have to get up tomorrow?" asked Jane, who was planning an extra early day herself.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-16 02:09 am UTC (link)
Why didn't she trust Knox? Hespe grew quiet, her blue eyes moving from Jane's to study the grain in the table as she considered the question. It was just a feeling, but she learned over the years to trust her feelings. Every time she went against the tide of her intuition as a child, she had paid dearly for it. Now she knew sometimes her fears coloured the way she saw the world-- like being afraid of a bar, for instance, which was downright insane --but with Knox, she was sure her feelings were right. Before she could reply, the waiter appeared, and Hespe was spared having to answer. The best she could come up with? It was his eyes. Something about his eyes didn't sit right with her. He had eyes like her father had, but she would be hard pressed to describe exactly what it was that bothered her about them. They were normal eyes, normal eyes on a handsome face, but... Nevertheless. Nevertheless. She shifted her weight in her seat and focused on Jane before her anxiety reared up at the mere thought of the creepy man that had hosted the fundraiser tonight.

"Early," she said, propping her elbows on the table and letting her eyes rove around the room before they came back to rest on Jane. It was an old habit, sort of checking the horizon, as if she expecting something to come flying out of nowhere and whack her in the head at any moment. "But at least it's not another seven-to-seven. I just have to work eight hours in the morning in Aurora to cover another probie. He's sick, I reckon. It's supposed to be my three-day, but I don't mind," she said, and she meant it. She loved her job, more than she ever thought she'd love anything. "Aren't you going into the neighborhood tomorrow?" she asked. 'The neighborhood' was Hespe's polite way of saying 'The Slums'. She didn't care for the name, the way it seemed to degrade the people there. She didn't like the idea of slums at all and often questioned why people should be allowed to live such a way.

The waiter returned with two beers, dropped them at the table, made some polite noises, and left. Hespe wrapped her hands around her beer and brought it to her lips before snort-laughing into it suddenly, sloshing beer out of her glass. "I meant to tell you! You know how fire is first response?" Even if it wasn't an actual fire, if there was a station nearby and emergency call came in, they'd go. Most of the firefighters were also EMTs and could stabilize a vic while waiting for an ambulance.

"Today we got a call, in the neighborhood. Oh, Janey, I feel so bad laughing about it, but...This man, he uhm. He went to use his neighbor's outhouse because his was full. He got...He got stuck," she giggled, and continued, "we had to saw him out. Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm an awful person, it's just, the smell was so bad some of the guys had to use their masks. The whole time, all he could do was curse and swing at us. When we got him out, he chucked some....stuff at one of the firefighters for laughing." Hespe, feeling a toxic mix of guilt and amusement, managed to taper off her giggles. "He deserved it. The firefighter, I mean. He's the one that always calls me Barbecue."

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-16 02:39 am UTC (link)
"I am." She nodded. It was a helluva way to spend your day off but it was important to her and that would trump laying the day away watching old movies and eating ice cream any day. "Teddy's bringing me over to the Slums." Unlike Hespe, she called it the Slums. She called it the slums because it was exactly that. It may be a neighborhood but it was broken down, rusty, cold...It wasn't anything but a slum and people needed to remember that. She'd never call the people slummy or rats like some people she knew did.

She hadn't forgotten about Hespe's meaningful pause while she thought about Knox but Jane wouldn't press, not until later. There was this haunted look that had come over her. Some distant fleck of hurt that Jane couldn't bear to drudge up in the midst of Hespe getting out and about. Fuck it. She'd bring it up another time.

Despite herself, Jane laughed too but then covered up her mouth. It was horrifying and embarrassing. Mostly she was laughing because some bully had gotten shit flung at him. "Good. Maybe that will shut him up." a beat, "Was the guy alright? I mean..." she winced, her face twisted because it was so freezing. She couldn't imagine having to go outside in 5 below to go the bathroom. "I would be mortified. Poor guy."

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[info]hespe
2015-01-16 03:00 am UTC (link)
Hespe nodded in return, soberly reminded of the fact that Jane was much better at facing reality than she was. Her mother thought she was brave, but that was just because of her job. But how could she be a brave girl if fire was literally the only thing in this big, bristly world she could control? She couldn't face her own fears half the time, so it only made sense that Hespe also couldn't bear to face the cold realities of the world they all had to live in. Especially when those realities were so dark and so absolute and so inescapable. ome children didn't even escape their own childhood, growing up in the slums. She couldn't face it. Her thoughts circled back to her job. She dealt with the dark things the same way. The time they found the man hanging in his closet three months ago? Well, Hespe didn't face that. She didn't talk about it. That child that had fallen onto the tram tracks and gotten crushed? Nope. No.

Maybe that was why so many of her brothers and sisters in the house had to laugh when things like 'Outhouse John' happened. They had to laugh, or else all those horrible things would catch up to them. It didn't excuse Rollins for being a jerk-- especially in the face of someone's difficulty --but she could at least understand his apish behavior. Hespe still thought he had earned the crap to the face, though. He could have at least been a decent person and waited until later to laugh, like everyone else in the squad. "Not likely. It would take more than a flying turd to shut him up," Hespe sad, and took a drink with the small smile still flickering around her mouth as if it was trying to find a way to settle there. Over her glass, she watched Jane in that curious and intense way she tended to watch people she trusted enough to actually look at or make eye contact with for more than ten seconds. Hespe hated eye contact, hated actually looking at people. It made her so nervous, as if looking at someone meant she was being seen. For her friends, it was different. She took the opportunity to be a little brave and examine their faces, their ticks, the way they moved.

Jane was especially interesting to watch, especially when she worked. Every movement was so efficient, yet not clipped in the slightest. She saw how Theo moved, like a dancer, and rather thought Jane was similar in that graceful way. "He was all right once we cut him out. Not even a bit of frostbite. Lucky man. If the ground wasn't so frozen, I would have tried to help him dig a new latrine. But it's no use until spring. Of course, once his neighbor saw the state of his bathroom, he ran us off the property." A pause. "How is Teddy? And your father?" Jane's family were on the short list of men she didn't immediately scurry away from. They were all good people.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-16 03:40 pm UTC (link)
Hespe was brave. Jane knew it too. They went down to the “neighborhood” together and sometimes it wasn’t a cake walk. Despite the will to do good in a place of such sadness, there was a great deal of depravity and danger there. Danger that wasn’t a fairy tale. There were desperate people in the slums, people that saw the two of them as privileged brats - girls who did good only to booster their own egos, their own feelings, to serve their own purpose. They didn’t care if girls like them got cut, if it meant they’d have dinner in their stomach or money in their pockets.

Jane drank from her bottle, let the bitterness of the brew settle on her tongue and slide into her stomach as her friend spoke about this guy Rollins. She peered back at Hess, not the least bit disquieted with the intensity of her gaze. She was used to it. It wasn’t offensive. It actually made her feel loved, interesting…Like Hespe had some innate curiosity toward her that made Jane feel as if she was actually something more than just Jane, purveyor of jalapeno poppers and extra bacon. So, she smiles back at her friend and sinks into the comfort of knowing someone. Another gulp of her beer, this time it’s sweeter.

“I can’t even imagine what frostbit buns are like. “ and of course, this knew about over full latrines go her gears working. Sounded like a new project to Jane. “The winters are so hard up here.”

Now, she could have told Hess about Teddy’s engagement but she didn’t because that wasn’t her news to share . Instead she nodded and smiled, “Teddy’s um…good. Still over protective just like my dad. If only they realized how alike they are. Or, at least, if only dad realized. They both think of me as ten. Do I look ten? “ She drank a gulp of her alcoholic beverage just to punctuate the point that she was a woman, of drinking age, someone that could apply for housing if she wanted to, that could be getting a letter about her own engagement any day.

“I put my name in. You should come up with me.” And this impossibility was accentuated with a wink, as if that might make it so.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-16 06:27 pm UTC (link)
Nodding slowly, Hespe sipped at her own beer, licking the foam off of her upper lip and thoughtfully watching the tiny bubbles rise through the liquid. Winters were hard here, especially for the poor. They could scarcely afford food and shelter in the best of times, let alone when the temperature dropped below zero. Sometimes it seemed as if everyone in Haven was distracted by their own goals and gains, stepping on the backs of the people who lived in such rough conditions just to move up. That's what made Jane such a good person. She cared, she gave even when she only had a little. Hespe had always been drawn to her generous heart.

The pleasant buzz two drinks had given her was slowly becoming more amplified, especially on an otherwise empty stomach. Hespe's trademark posture (hunched over like a threatened porcupine) was slowly unfurling as she relaxed. Curiously, the drinking helped her forget the crowd around them despite the ongoing murmur of conversation and artillerylike laughter coming from the next table over. When questioned about Jane's looks, Hespe flushed, unsure of how to answer. "Well...Janey... You don't look ten, but, you don't exactly look your age. You've got such a sweet face."

The wink threw her off, and with beer sloshing around in her stomach, making her head feel cottony, all she could do was blink owlishly at her friend and cant her head to the side. "Go up with you? Up where?" Is this what drunk was? No, couldn't be, don't drunk people throw up? All right, so it wasn't her first drink, but she had never had three in such quick succession, so perhaps that explained it. Hespe couldn't imagine Jane would want to sing with her. "Up on...up there?!" she asked, and she started to laugh. Loudly. It was a little unlike her, but it felt good, so she didn't hold it in like she usually did.

"I don't know, Jane, they'll boo me off stage. I don't want to steal your thunder. You'd do better without me." Not that it didn't look like fun. And as the night progressed, the talent on stage seemed to decrease. But still.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-16 07:17 pm UTC (link)
“My thunder?” That made Jane laugh. “You’re kidding right?” she was shaking her head, guzzling back the beer, snorting up some suds despite herself because the idea of Jane getting up there and slaying everyone was a joke and a half.. “It’s all about letting go. Come up with me.” She begged.

Now, this was not purely for Hess to overcome her shyness but because it was more fun when you went up there with someone else, cracking voices together, rebelling against the bored and dubious faces in the audience. “It’s nearly twelve. They’re drunk. You’re almost drunk. Who cares.” She set down her empty bottle. The amber glass clanged on the table as it wobbled to stay straight. She tried to get the attention of the waiter again but it was a lost cause.

Mr. Curly Q was flirting with Double D’s. A problem that neither Hess nor Jane had.

The conversation went back to what Hespe had said about her sweet face. Well, it took one to know one. Hess wasn't exactly an old hag. “We can be the sweet cheeks. Our sweet faces can dazzle anyone sober enough to notice” She announced, as the worst name ever for a duo of singing stars. When the waiter looked over she pointed at the two beers. This got a nod. “I picked New Order. True Faith. You know that song, right? Jane tended to like punk and post punk. Bands that usually had a message on society. It was all old music but it still resonated. “Even if you don’t, just pretend that you do.”

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[info]hespe
2015-01-16 07:47 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not kidding!" Hespe insisted, thunking her own beer down onto the table with authority she rarely displayed. "I've heard you sing. You can sing. You're like a...musical tigress.." 'Fierce', good word for Jane, and a tigress was exactly what she seemed like to Hespe. Brave and punky and boundlessly energetic. How could she keep up? And another thing about that boundless energy? It was really, really hard to resist getting caught up in. Hespe finished her beer and pushed the bottle away, shaking her head even though she didn't look as reticent as she normally did.

Well..Because...It seemed like fun. Like actual real-life people fun that humans do when they revel. It was already way past her bed time, she was already what the kid's call 'tipsy', and Hespe was having a hard time finding her anxiety. It was a strange feeling, but one she welcomed, and Jane was only encouraging it. "Sweet cheeks?! Jane. You know that makes us sound like butts, right? Sweet buttcheeks?"

Hespe stopped to think, chewing her lip. "I sort of do. Kind of." Lies. She knew the song. Only because of Jane, of course; Hespe's tastes tended to run a little softer. Her mother encouraged calming music to keep the firestarting at a minimum when she was little. As she grew, she started to realize she liked letting music work her up-- so long as she wasn't near anything flammable. "Maybe," she said finally, feeling her face get hot at the simple idea of walking up onto a stage. "Maybe. I don't know. Maybe." This was the year of trying new things, right? Well, new things were uncomfortable. Maybe if she forced herself to be uncomfortable, she'd find new ways to have fun. It felt backwards... But she kind of wanted to try.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-16 09:13 pm UTC (link)
This response from Hess got a snort and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “A tigress! Holy shit Hess. How much beer have you had?” She asked, and really, it made her happy, seeing those pink blooms on Hess’s cheek as a response from something that she was doing and not from something she was afraid of. Boundless energy. Maybe when she was out of the restaurant. At the restaurant she was always tripping over her thoughts, counting the minutes she got out of there. Hess was softer than Jane, this was true. Sweet girl. Of course her and Jane had hit it off. She’d inherited some of that Weyland protectiveness it seemed. Just in a different way.

“I’m constantly making an ass of myself, anyway. So it fits.” She laughed, just as the waiter brought over their refills. Jane immediately swooped up hers and down about half. Soon she’d be going up there in front of everyone and as outgoing as she was, she needed a bit of liquid courage as much as the next person.

“It’s time you made an ass of yourself too.”

And like it was meant to be, and after the stirring rendition of Over the Rainbow ended, Jane’s pseudonym was called, “Touch Teller. You’re up NEXT. Give a round of applause as she makes her way to the stage. The applause was laughable. The only ones paying attention were barely there and everyone else was trying to lock down getting laid. This left Touch Teller and Sweetcheeks. “Touch is going to sing True Faith by New Order.”

Jane was getting ready but downing the rest of her beer. After the song she was going to have to make a trip to the ladies room. Right now she had her hands together, pleading with Hess to come up with her and sing a song. Just one song. “Come on….” She reached for her hand. “Come up with me.”

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[info]hespe
2015-01-16 09:40 pm UTC (link)
"Not much! Just three," she said in playful defense, holding her hands up in the air and trying to look innocent. Normally, it wasn't difficult, 'innocent' seemed to be her default setting. Tonight, however, the effect was somewhat dimmed by the rogue belch that suddenly escaped her. Hespe snort-laughed, and held onto the sticky table, accidentally biting the inside of her cheek as she giggled. If Jane hadn't come, the night wouldn't have ended up being so fun, but it was just that: fun. She could hardly believe it. The height of fun for her was usually Crochet-And-Make-Over Sundays with her mother.

Her giggles tapered off as she watched Jane in undisguised wonder. The beer just seemed to disappear down her throat, despite her friend's small size, and Hespe was incredibly impressed. After just three beers, she was feeling full, not to mention buzzy. She had no idea how Jane was putting all that-- or where. Not wanting to be left behind, she hefted her own bottle and tried to mimic the little blonde, spilling more than a little in her attempt to drink and stop herself from laughing. Who is this girl? Is this Hespe? This must be FUN Hespe, she thought. It wasn't a bad thought.

Jane finished her beer and pulled out the big guns. That begging face, those puppy dog eyes, the combination was deadly to what little resolve Hespe had left. "Okay. Okay. I'm Fun Hespe. Okay. Time to ass myself. But if they start throwing things, I'm outta here!"

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 02:07 am UTC (link)
"And here they come ladies and ....losers." The host of the karaoke geddup was looking dimly out at the crowd and had finally discovered that he was indeed losing the battle. "This one is the last one of the night..."

No one cared. Not one person out there was paying attention. Except that one guy with one giant eyebrow. He was really interested.

Two microphones were handed over. The silver mesh sparkled as the screen came up, reflecting bright neon on the paleness of their two round, youthful faces. Hespe's hair looks purple in the light because of the red, Jane's was blue.

Performed in the style of New Order came up. Then the musical key. The countdown on the screen 5, 4 3, 21

and the song began , drum beat, 80's synth. The ball bouncing in beat to the music and then the first verse...

I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty

Fitting really and Jane didn't give a rats ass how much her voice cracked, or how loud she sang into the microphone. This was her and Hess's moment and if no one was going to pay attention then she'd own it as if they were.

An arm flung around Hess's shoulder when the chorus came and she belted out

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...



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[info]hespe
2015-01-17 03:05 am UTC (link)
"Losers?" Hespe parroted, looking slightly hurt and a little puzzled. Somehow she had gone from the table to the small stage, and she instantly regretted it. She stood rigidly beside Jane and mechanically accepted the microphone when it was offered to her. She looked at it like it was some new species of snake, something with long teeth and venom. She turned to the screen, looking overwhelmed and increasingly uncertain, watching the numbers with a sense of doom. Then the music started. Like, it really started. Hespe looked down, more puzzled than frightened now, and watched her hips start to bob slightly to the synthetic beat. Her hips were bobbing, her shoulders started to move, her head rocked, and when Jane started singing, Hespe grinned, watching her companion with a look of absolute delight. It didn't really matter how she did because she was throwing her entire body into it and it was so cute to watch. Hespe started to sway, still not quite dancing so much as awkwardly wobbling, when an ellipsis appeared on the screen and she realized suddenly (it was like the dawning of the sun) that it was her turn to sing.

The words came on and she couldn't quite keep up at first, but her hips were swinging with more rhythm now, and the motion made her feel curiously empowered. The drunks in the bar now only existed peripherally, her world shrank to the little dirty stage and Jane, who was mercilessly slaying this song.

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see
That's the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I can't tell you where we're going.
I guess there was just no way of knowing.

And then, Hespe really began to dance. She was grinning like a madman and laughing, shaking her hair out and laying into the chorus like she was a legitimate 80's rock star.

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun....</i>

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 03:46 am UTC (link)
There it was, that reaction, that letting go that Jane had been hoping for from her friend. It only had taken three beers and a whole bunch of pleading and begging but Hespe was enjoying herself. She was letting her hair down and it suited her. After a moment, Jane dropped off, let Hess sing the last few lines by herself. Jane didn’t even think she was aware that she had taken it all on her own.

Not that she had stopped twirling. Twirling was a favorite go to, especially for this song. She looked up, focused on one of the cheap stage lights and spun and spun and when the song ended and the man with one brow clapped and most others clanked (their glasses), Jane collapsed in a dizzy pile up on the stage in a fit of laughter and smiles and everything else that being joyful afforded a person.

and she didn’t move.

Not even when the MC asked the crowd to give a hand and started switching off all of the blinking lights and disco balls.

Jane’s voice was a gravelly mess from the floor. “You liked that. Admit it.” She absolutely was tossing accusations and she was also throwing her hands up in the air so that Hess could help her up. Not that she was drunk. Two beers didn’t do it. Maybe it should have. But, despite what Hess thought, Jane was neither teeny nor was she a rail. She had paunch. It was the bacon and beer and molten cookies she stuffed in her mouth. She wouldn't give that up for all the size 4’s in the world. If there was one thing that made Jane happy it was eating. It was one thing that she would take full advantage of at the restaurant it was cooking and food and all that good stuff.

The lights shut off and the stage went dark. “How did you get here?” she asked her friend.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-17 04:39 am UTC (link)
It seemed as if all of the sudden, the music had stopped, and whatever magical bubble it had created around them burst. Hespe was still laughing breathlessly, and the wild dancing stopped so that she could prop her hands on her knees and catch her breath. She watched Jane go down and began to laugh again, which her oxygen-deprived lungs didn't care for-- but she couldn't stop. The crowd went absolutely mild, but Hespe didn't notice, she was too busy shaking with laughter and wobbling unsteady as the lights around them slowly blinked out. It was hard to come back down after such a surreal experience; she was sure she hadn't felt that carefree since...maybe ever. As a child she was even more anxious and fragile than she was now. This, tonight, felt wonderful. Like an unfurling. Grinning, gasping, and sort of blooming in a sweater that smelled like stale beer in a bar of impassive patrons drowning their sorrows.

She couldn't be happier.

"Okay, okay, you bully. I liked it," she said, grasping Jane by the hands and pulling her to her feet. Though Hespe wasn't one for physical affection, she threw her arms around Jane's neck and hugged her tightly for several seconds. "I walked," she said, and realized that her clothes had dried just in time for her to go out again and get soaked with more snow. It had been a long walk after a long shift, but the trams hadn't been brought back up yet, so without a car she was stuck hoofing. At least the alcohol had her feeling an illusion of warmth.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 05:09 am UTC (link)
Jane would take all the hugs. Even semi-drunk hugs from her adrenaline soaked friend. Th embrace was reciprocated warmly. The man with one brow applauded that too. It was awkward and Jane looked out into the audience with a look that was mostly reproachful.

“Let me grab my coat. I can walk with you.” She jumped off the stage, took bills out of her jeans to pay for the beers and then began the long process of bundling up for the frigid winter night that was blowing outside. Bulky coat, scarf wrapped around about four times, hat, gloves, and she was a-go.

The cold hit like a slap. It didn’t even have that wonderful, chilling effect it usually had when she’d had a few. That meant she hadn’t had enough. She adjusted the seam in one glove and then clasped arms with Hess on their way from the club.

“Do you ever think about who you’ll get paired with?” it was a question that only poked out because of her brothers news earlier that day. It wasn’t something she liked to think about but eventually it always came up. Mostly because people were constantly looking for something and with these policies they couldn’t look too far or too deep.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-17 05:21 am UTC (link)
After tossing a few bills on the table herself for the tip, Hespe followed Jane's lead and began to pile her layers back on. She was flushed and satisfied, though the smile turned into a wince once they had stepped outside the door. Winter had to be the hardest season, it was so punishing. She pulled her hat tighter onto her head and clutched Jane's arm, mostly to benefit from the shared warmth of two bodies moving against the wind. She hunched her shoulders and leaned into it, her walk only a slight wobble. She was keeping her eyes on the ground, watching for ice patches, when Jane broached her question. Hespe almost paused, but managed to keep her stride somewhat even. She glanced at Jane before moving her gaze back to her feet, watching her boots sink into the snow. No, she didn't like to think about that. That's why she had started at the forge in her free time, heck, that's why she didn't allow herself any actual 'free time' any more. It was too scary, it was one of those dark things she couldn't face that kept her awake in the small hours.

"I try not to," she said honestly, some of her glee draining a little. She still felt good, but the idea of marriage was a sober one. "It...scares me," she settled for. One of her greatest fears was that she would walk the same path her mother had. Married to a heavy-handed monster, a man whose death she would be waiting for for decades, just to find relief from him. If she had a husband anything like her father, Hespe knew she couldn't live like that. She didn't know how she would escape, but she knew she couldn't do it. Not again. The second half of her life couldn't be like the first, she couldn't survive it.

Nudging Jane with her elbow, she looked up at her friend and raised her eyebrows. "Have you been thinking about it, Jane?"

Hespe had never even dated, so marriage was an extremely foreign concept to her. It was just sad that even if she did find someone, she and that 'someone' could end up married to someone else entirely. How was that right? It didn't feel right, that was sure.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 07:26 pm UTC (link)
"I have been." Jane had to admit to it now. She'd opened the can of worms and it was going to come gushing out. Two beers in and she had to unleash her worries to a friend.

"It's Teddy. He got his letter. Tomorrow he's having a meeting. Isn't that horrible." It was that mooney impression of what love should be she supposed, but scheduling in a business luncheon to discuss the nuptials sounded unappealing.

As for herself? She was in the same boat as Hespe. Jane was definitely in the 'not thinking about it too much' category. It lingered though. It had to, because she was only human, and she yearned like most 20 somethings. She'd dated a little bit. She was fairly social, uninhibited when it came to liking people and even if her father was the protective sort, he wasn't a tyrant. Luckily. If only she knew what Hespe had gone through. The full extent. She definitely wouldn't have broken the reverie by going in this direction.

Not that it lasted very long. It was one of those things Haven Citizen had to deal with, experience. They all knew, they all grew up with it, not everyone was against it. Surely there was some reason for it.

"Mr. Knox is getting a dumpster." She was on a streak, bringing up and doing all the things that Hess had anxiety about. "You said the Karaoke thing was out of character. He's been so generous. How do you know him?" a glance down at her little, teeny, gumdrop of a friend. She was like a dollop of whipped cream.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-17 07:42 pm UTC (link)
It seemed beer made her brain a bit dopey, or it could have been the sudden absence of the adrenaline that had filled her on stage, but her comprehension seemed a bit delayed. It took a few seconds for what Jane had said to truly sink in. Teddy had gotten his letter... Teddy was going to get married. For some reason, Jane's big brother getting hitched somehow made the entire idea of marriage seem more real. Maybe because she didn't know many people, and she at least knew him in passing. Making the idea of her own engagement suddenly seem bigger on the horizon than it ever had before. A lead weight seemed to appear in the center of her gut at the very idea. Teddy was getting married, and he was just meeting with the lady? What, like lawyers meet? Like the Council meets? It seemed so impersonal. Hespe had no idea what a healthy marriage was supposed to look like, but somehow something so businesslike just didn't seem very...very marriage-y.

"A complete stranger," she said, and shuddered a little. It had nothing to do with the cold. "Poor Teddy. I hope she's a nice person. I hope she's nice to him." Theodore was a good man. That couldn't be said about many men, in Hespe's opinion. He was a gentle giant. Sometimes he still discomfited her, but that was mostly thanks to his size. She had learned long ago that he knew when to be gentle, and neither Jane's father nor her big brother seemed to mind when Hespe needed to back away (several feet) in order to comfortably make small talk with them. "Can you imagine? Sitting across the table from someone you and never met and knowing that's the person you're just going to live the rest of your life with?" Her tone made it clear she thought it was very wrong. It had been wrong for her mother, and it had been wrong for her, even if she did owe her very existence to the system. Hespe would almost rather not exist if it spared her mother from some of those years.

The subject of the conversation changed, and Hespe grew even more uncomfortable. "I don't. Theo does. He comes around. I guess I- I haven't, you know, seen enough of him to judge. I know that's unfair of me, it's just," Hespe shook her head and watched her boots, growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. "I think he likes to seem shallow, but he isn't. Like tonight. It seems like goodwill, because he wants it to. His eyes..." she trailed off, tightened her grip unconsciously on Jane's arm, and struggled for a way to express herself. "Maybe he is a nice man." Her instinct was telling her otherwise, and after more than a decade being bloodied by her father, her instinct was not often wrong. "He could be. He just seems...A lot like my father." Never 'dad', never 'pop', always 'father'. William Knox seemed like that kind of man.

"I'm so scared to be married. I can't even--" she shook her head again and canted her head to the side to rest her temple against Jane's shoulder. "I've never even hugged a boy. How am I supposed to marry one?"

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 08:43 pm UTC (link)
"Me too." Jane didn't ramble like she usually did. Could be this Natasha person was awesome. Would be the greatest person in the history of the world for her Teddy Bear. Mostly she'd just wanted to get it out, verbalize it it to SOMEONE before she was knocking on the door of his house tomorrow at the asscrack of dawn. Jane needed to be supportive. She wanted to make him feel good about it. How could she do that if she had doubts about it?

Hess was visibly uncomfortable and Jane felt bad about it right away. Too late though, it was out there and she couldn't help but wonder about it, her thoughts running around, thinking, assessing. It was something she'd have to think on. What was the line there if he was just pretending? Did it matter so much if he was giving, helping?

Little comments like this one had leaked out over the years about Hess's 'father' and the impression she had gotten was that he was not a nice man. That he'd hurt her friend, maybe worse. Jane never pushed. She never asked about him. The only thing she did was let her say what she needed and keep in what she couldn't get out yet. It gave her goosebumps when she said it though and she hoped, she hoped that William Knox was all he was assumed to be. For Rory's sake most of all.

She lowered her head on Hess's. "It hasn't happened yet." she bit her lip, "It might not for a long, long time"

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[info]hespe
2015-01-17 10:19 pm UTC (link)
Noting Jane's uncharacteristic succinctness, Jane glanced up at her friend's face, flushed from cold, and tried to read her expression. It was difficult, Hespe wasn't always good at reading emotional cues on others-- and half of Jane's face was covered in a scarf. It was an uncomfortable subject, and she had to be worried about her older brother's future, not just her own. The two worries seemed separate but tangled together, like most complex emotions tended to be. Hespe was still trying to learn how to manage them. She didn't know how to help Jane, but it might have been a sign of her growth that she recognized there wasn't much either of them could do about it. It was one of the great inevitables, an unavoidable fact of life. It felt cagey, but unless they felt like fleeing Haven (that was crazy, wasn't it? Even thinking about living in the wild?) they could either dwell on it or ignore it. Hespe wasn't sure which one was worse. She felt badly for Jane, because it was her family it was happening to. Harder to ignore when it was happening to your own brother.

Jane was right, it hasn't happened yet. They walked like huddled penguins, leaning against each other and leaving a crooked path through the snow. Each breath was a foggy little cloud suspending a few steps ahead of them at all times, dissipating just in time for the next breath. The quiet stillness of the late hour seemed to be perfectly matched for the somewhat sobering conversation they were having. Hespe found she didn't really mind. Before she had a chance to make friends of Jane, of Theo, she thought maybe it would be difficult to talk about the things that were also hard to think about. Not so, at least not always. Sometimes a companion made it a little easier. "Maybe not," she allowed, and tried to remind herself not to think so grimly all the time. Sure, it could happen tomorrow, or it could happen in five years.

"I guess it's scarier to think that, if we did find someone we actually wanted to marry, we still might not end up married to them." Wanting to marry someone was almost a foreign a concept as marriage itself, but Hespe accepted that it was possible. She saw happy couples on the street sometimes, people who looked like they wanted to be together. People that held each other when their house burned or they had a car accident. It was possible. "I wonder if marriage was different, before the cataclysm," she muttered. It was the sort of thought she usually kept inside, but they were alone on the street and she was comfortable with Jane.

Her apartment building was only a block or so away now, which was a good thing. The cold was beginning to seep into her legs with a merciless sort of tingle. She wanted to change the subject to something less grim. "My mother will never believe I did karaoke. She'll knit you three whole sweaters to thank you."

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-17 11:13 pm UTC (link)
Jane tried to love everyone. She aspired to this but it was always easy. Not as all. Some people were innately just born to be assholes. Some people were bullies, like her firehouse pal Rollins, who laughed at people in genuine distress. Even do, everyone deserved a little bit of kindness. Everyone. It could be a catalyst, you never knew, this chain reaction of good. It was a good thought to have. To try to do but even so, Jane kept those sorts of brewing, bubbling feelings under a cover. Or at least she tried to..

Marriage was set up this way, directly because of and for procreation.. The two of them, healthy woman with vibrant, young uteruses ,were exactly the types that would get a letter sooner than later. They had ripe and ready vaginas. Once implanted with the seeds of their one true piston, they’d get the powers flowing, the classes stronger. Maybe then the lower dregs of this combustible society would collapse in on themselves.

Too many thoughts, not enough talking.

“It was. True love. True choice. True Heartbreak.” she sighed, hands clasped to her chest as she fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ll just have to live vicariously through all the greats.” she nudged Hess, her arms squeezing tighter.

“I am totally into your mothers sweaters.” Admittedly, “They’re warm and cozy.” She was wearing one now. “You tell her that anytime she wants to knit me a sweater I will gladly except. My goal is to have one for every day of the week.”

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[info]hespe
2015-01-18 12:31 am UTC (link)
Her laughter at Jane's antics, though small, helped drive the darker and more tangled thoughts away for the moment. It was something she was practiced at, something she had perfected over the years. It was only recently that the reaction to dark thoughts seemed somehow...wrong. It seemed wrong to deny herself from thinking about these things, because there was a niggling voice in the back of her head that knew better. Jane was right. Back before the cataclysm, marriage was different. She didn't know if those movies or books could be believed, but before mankind was almost wiped out, the world didn't have to worry about the most efficient ways to make babies. There must have been so many more choices, she thought. Despite the commercials she had seen depicting life back then as ridiculous and wasteful and messy, she had to think that having that much freedom must have been a worthy exchange for some mess and heartbreak.

After all, her mother had survived her marriage, and hadn't that been a disaster? Hespe liked to think she could survive something of her own making. It couldn't be any worse than what her mom had gone through. If only she had the option. She felt guilty for thinking such things, but there was only so much inside her own head she could ignore.

"She will drown you in sweaters, Jane. Death by cable knit. I'm pretty sure she's got a few more your size in one of the many boxes she's been filling. She's giving herself callouses trying to clothe ever man, woman, and child that lives in the neighborhood." Hespe grinned, so full of pride she looked like a caricature of herself. "Mom's the greatest. She just wants to 'mom' the entire world."

Hespe paused, growing quiet, and nudged Jane with her elbow before glancing up at her to give her a crooked smile. "Thanks for coming out. It felt like an adventure. Let's have more adventures, yeah, Janey? It seems like it's about time for me to have a few. Mild ones. A few mild adventures." Knowing Jane, 'mild' and 'adventure' didn't combine, but Hespe was finding herself more curious by the day and less frightened of every little thing. It was incremental, and slow, and sometimes she had a little backslide. But restlessness won out.

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-18 03:35 am UTC (link)
It was engrained, the constant propaganda and she wanted to believe that her Council did what was best, that their government cared about each and every one of them. At one time in her life she thought that true to her heart, she dreamed about her wedding day (her parents being well matched), dreamed about her own life starting and the fun she'd have being older and free enough but then she matured, started seeing with her own eyes, going down to the Slums and hearing stories about the Diaspora. And she knew that she'd never be free enough. That there were divisions here. Forces that let her and her kind get just enough to keep complacent and the rest not enough to keep them knocked down and compliant.

It twisted in her, the strain of it, the constant back and forth of what she wanted so desperately to believe and what she experienced. What she read in books and watched in movies that Teddy had and what was ultimately made fun of on the networks she put it together. That was dangerous conversation, one she didn't want to start up and she sighed. Best to end the night on a chipper note. A light snow was starting, Just a light, sparkle drift and it was pretty. It was peaceful despite the cold and she was thankful for moments like these, with a good friend, one whom she loved and depended on for her own sanity.

"Death by cable knit is a respectable way to go." she nodded, convinced that being knitted for couldn't be all that bad. "The sweaters are a big help. I've been meaning to do something nice for your mom. You have to tell me what she'd love. I want her to know how grateful everyone is, even if they all can't come and tell her themselves."

and then she sorta had an aww shucks moment, " You're silly. I couldn't wait to see you." Said the blonde, a soft smile spread candy sweet and she was nodding, "I wouldn't have any other way Hess. More fantastic adventures surely await us. I have good feelings. I think you'll find a whole new world this year. New Years will become the Best Year." she laughed, coming up where they'd have to split up soon.

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[info]hespe
2015-01-18 06:38 pm UTC (link)
If they spent any time talking about it, Hespe might be startled with how neatly her thoughts lined up with Jane's. She liked to think of herself as a good good, obedient and efficient. A contributor. But how much did she truly want to be like that? Did she actually like herself as Doormat Hespe? Did she actually want to follow the tram track that every single citizen of Haven had laid out for them by the Council? Of course, it didn't do any good to want otherwise, what else was there? Living outside of society in those little murderous tribes they sometimes talked about on the news? Hespe had grown up feeling trapped, but she severely disliked the feeling as an adult. At least she could escape her father at school, and more ultimately, when he died. She was free of him forever, then. But this had no escape. This was just...life.

"Oh, Jane, that's sweet," she said, and smiled gratefully up at the taller girl. No one loved Shelaugh Barba as much a Hespe did, and it would be so gratifying to see someone do something nice for her. All the woman did was work and knit and fuss after her daughter. She deserved something good. "Her birthday is coming up. Maybe I can bring her by the restaurant for a nice birthday dinner? She doesn't go out much." Of course she didn't. The Barba matriarch was so used to staying home, keeping a clean house, and being a good wife that she never thought of doing anything for herself. She ate plainly and cheaply and did nothing all night but make warm things for others. "I think she'd really like that."

Hespe smiled somewhat bashfully and shrugged. She was a silly girl, that was true. Her mother didn't think so, of course, but then again if Hespe hardly knew herself she couldn't expect her mom to know any better. This feeling of wanting more, of needing more, it was relatively new. There was something of a hunger that was starting to grow inside of her, and she didn't know what she was craving. She just knew she needed something different. She needed to be something different. The other night, before bed, Hespe had realized that she had never really been herself-- that she didn't even know who that girl might be. The idea terrified her. What was the point of living if she was going to flinch at shadows until she died? They came to a crosswalk (well, Hespe assumed the crosswalk was still there under the snow somewhere) and she stopped. Her building was just across the street. "Are you sure you're all right getting home yourself?" she asked suddenly, realizing how late it was. "I can walk with you, if you wanted. It wouldn't be any trouble."

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-19 06:09 pm UTC (link)
"Then bring her by. I'll make a cake special. We can light it up and sing happy birthday real loud." She needed to ask, because birthday cake should be someones favorite, "What's her favorite type? Chocolate? Vanilla? Checkerboard? Strawberry...." Jane would make sure Mama Barba felt like a queen.

These feelings welling up in her friend were exciting! Jane wanted to help, to get her to come out of her shell. According to Jane's thoughts and feelings she was completely sure the rest of teh world would appreciate knowing the wondering lady Jane did.

"It IS late." Jane agreed and Hess had an important job to get to early. "I'll be alright." She promised. "Will you text me? Let me know you got home alright?"

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[info]hespe
2015-01-22 02:26 am UTC (link)
A cake seemed downright extravagant, considering the kind of plain, no-nonsense fare she and her mother usually ate. Hespe felt herself growing excited despite herself, mostly because she could not imagine her mom's reaction to such a gesture of celebration. Her feelings of excitement were somewhat dampened by guilt, though. Hespe paused and tried to think, tried to remember the last time her mother had sweets (or commented on them) or expressed a favourite at all. Growing up, they hadn't really done birthdays. Her mom always made a point to acknowledge it, and to do something small and special for her-- like purchasing a new set of crayons, braiding her hair special, or taking her to the corner store to buy a piece of candy. Her father didn't believe that spoiling children did any good, and he was of the opinion that birthday celebrations were a waste of finite resources.

"I don't know what her favourite is," she admitted. Confessing to Jane that neither she nor her mother had ever had a birthday cake felt like the very definition of 'pathetic', so Hespe didn't bother. That sort of information wasn't useful, anyway. She was quite sure there were plenty of children in the slums who didn't get birthday cakes either, and at least her childhood home had been warm and she had a full belly. "But when we've had candy she always goes a little crazy over the lemon. Can you make lemon cake?"

They stopped at an intersection. Hespe's building was within sight, and the biting cold was only growing worse. She shivered and nodded, poking Jane affectionately. "Yes. You too. Be careful, Janey. Okay?"

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[info]sobeit
2015-01-22 05:07 pm UTC (link)
"Oh! You bet I can." Said Jane, her smile turning into lemonade itself. "I have the perfect recipe for that. She's going to love it. I promise." She crossed her heart.

Maybe there was a tiny part that wished she'd taken Hess up on traveling with her all the way to her house. She hated goodbyes. Didn't matter how casual they were. She'd miss her friend. When she was poked, she launched into a full hug. "I had the best time." she detached herself reluctantly, pulled down her hat for the rest of the walk.

"Text me tomorrow 'kay?" she started to back up then turned to go on her way, back to a warm bed that was calling. She threw a wave over her shoulder. She had to just GO or she'd stall and they'd freeze into popsicles before too long.

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