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Marian of Knighton (_night_watchman) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-09-24 01:03:00

Entry tags:

!open, lisa cuddy, ~julie stark, ~marian of knighton (oe), ~rachel sully

Filtered away from Hansel and Robin.
If everything goes to plan, I should be giving birth any time now. I must say, part of me had hopes that Robin would return. That he would see his son, even if it were for a moment. That he'd be here to tell me all is well. He would be here to hold my hand and... help me bring our son into the world.

It hurts my heart to know that neither will know the other. One will only know the other from stories and what has gone down as speculation and legend. Father will never know son. Even though he dreamed of his existence with those of King Richard returning to England.

Don't get me wrong, I do love Hansel. But how do you not love someone else, too, when you've done so the whole of your life?

(Post a new comment)

	rachelsully 2013-09-24 10:17 am UTC (link)
	It's okay to wish that Robin was still here and to keep loving him even while loving Hansel. Especially as big a part of your life as Robin was. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 03:30 pm UTC (link)
	You don't think it's doing him injustice? Hansel I mean. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-24 03:37 pm UTC (link)
	Do you think he stopped loving the woman after which he named his daughter just because you came along? I'm sorry if that sounds mean, I don't mean it to. I just think that he would understand you still loving Robin. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 06:37 pm UTC (link)
	I.. I'm a poor paramour I'm afraid. I didn't know there was another woman. That sounds vain, doesn't it? But I suppose you have a point. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-24 06:39 pm UTC (link)
	You should watch his movie. It's gory but it's good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 07:02 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not sure he wants me to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-24 07:05 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe he's not ready to tell you about Mina yet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 07:19 pm UTC (link)
	Perhaps, it isn't as if I've been exactly forthcoming about Robin either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-24 07:29 pm UTC (link)
	Sounds like you two really need to talk at some point. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-25 01:48 am UTC (link)
	I suppose we do. Or sit eachother down and watch the show or movie. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-25 04:53 pm UTC (link)
	I think talking is probably bettery. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-25 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	You're right, of course, but sometimes it's harder to do than one would think. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rachelsully 2013-09-25 08:44 pm UTC (link)
	I know that very well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-26 03:01 am UTC (link)
	So I should simply grow some balls and do it anyway, hmm? (Reply to this) (Parent)

julie_stark
2013-09-24 03:21 pm UTC (link)

I went through the same thing when I had Steven. George left while I was pregnant. I had a couple of people help me through the birth, but it was a tough time. I still think back to this day that he'll never know his father the way that I did.

And now that older Steven is here, he knows through TV what his dad was like but its really not the same. Back in my last place that I was at though, I fell in love with another guy, its okay to love someone else while still thinking about your baby's father. Its actually normal.

If....if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always available.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 03:32 pm UTC (link)
	I know Hansel plays a big part in Robin's upbringing. But I don't know that I can show him the... Show that we're both in. I can't even make it through a particular part in it. I... Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	julie_stark 2013-09-24 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	I'm sure that over time that you could let him in. I won't lie and say that its hard because you want Robin to be here to see your baby and everything. It does take some time to get used to it. You know that you love Hansel though and would never change. Have....have you talked about your concerns with this? And no problem, I'm here to help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-24 06:40 pm UTC (link)
	No, I haven't. They only come to light at the oddest times. And I don't want to burden or trouble him. Or anyone really. I should be over my period of mourning. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	julie_stark 2013-09-24 11:10 pm UTC (link)
	Oh....well, its completely understandable. I mean I still worry to this day even though older Steven tells me that he knows his father well enough from what he saw on the TV. It does stink a little bit, you'll get through it though. I'm Julie by the way. I'm not sure if I've ever introduced myself to you or anything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-25 02:01 am UTC (link)
	I could ask Robin if it is enough. For him to only know him through videos and books. Not that there's anything I could do if it's not, but I could possibly try and compensate I suppose. I'm Marian. I don't think we have met. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	julie_stark 2013-09-26 09:19 am UTC (link)
	You could always do that. Maybe learning from books and videos he can fully see how you guys met and fell in love. If its not enough, maybe you can tell him stories and letting him know that even though you are with someone else that it doesn't mean that you don't love his father more than anything. Its nice to meet you Marian. When is your due date? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-27 12:14 am UTC (link)
	I do believe he knows that. Or he seems to. I'm not sure exactly. Soon. If my prior calculations are correct I am very nearly thirty-eight weeks. Though there is leeway of a week or two for error. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	julie_stark 2013-09-29 12:58 am UTC (link)
	Then that's a good sign....at least he knows. Oh, well, then Congrats are definitely in order. It is really painful, but knowing that you are rewarded in the end, it makes all the pain go away. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-29 04:19 am UTC (link)
	I don't think there would be a day that would go by that I didn't tell him that his Father meant a lot to me. And he would have meant so much to Robin too. Oh, I've done research to hopefully ready myself. But how much can you do, you know? (Reply to this) (Parent)

proud_miserable
2013-09-25 05:37 am UTC (link)

I think you can love both.

I don't know you or them personally. But I did have a friend who lost the women he loved. I think she would have wanted him to have love in his life. And any women who loved him after her, would be understanding and supportive.

Similarly, I think Robin would want you to have love and support while you raise your child. And Hansel would be understanding to you if you tell him how you feel.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-25 04:01 pm UTC (link)
	I could only hope so. I suppose I should chat with him about it. Rather than hide my woes from him. I simply don't want him to think that he will always come second. That's what I'm afraid of most, that he will think that he will always be behind Robin. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	proud_miserable 2013-09-26 02:46 am UTC (link)
	There might be a greater risk of him reaching that conclusion if you don't explain how you feel. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_night_watchman 2013-09-26 03:02 am UTC (link)
	You do make a very good point. I don't want that. (Reply to this) (Parent)