InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want you honeymuffins"

Jay Gatsby (gatz) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-07-10 20:00:00

Entry tags:

~hansel, ~jason murphy, ~john mitchell (oe)

Greetings, fellow residents of The Island.

There have been many deaths and disappearances here lately, as well as many new arrivals. And now, of course, many of us find ourselves literally tied to another person. I feel as though the Island is trying to teach us something, and in many ways, we are failing the lesson.

We're all in this together. If we can try to put aside our personal prejudices and work with one another, learn each other's strengths- I think that we can really make a go of this. I'm a hopeless optimist, I know, it's well documented.

But, let me start. I'm willing to be honest with everyone here, and I really hope that you will consider returning the gesture.

My name is Jay Gatsby. And there is the first lie. I changed my name when I was seventeen, choosing the name Jay Gatsby because it is- what I would consider more American, whereas my birth name always singled me out as a Jew. My name is James Gatz, or Jimmy Gatz. I was born in 1890, and I am now 32. Although when I arrived on this island I was already a millionaire at home, I am from humble beginnings. My parents are Eastern European immigrants, and I grew up on an unsuccessful farm in North Dakota with absolutely nothing.

As I say, I left at seventeen and changed my name. I worked for a millionaire, sailing around the world, collecting jewels- he taught me everything I know, including how to behave like a gentleman. Unfortunately, I was cheated out of his inheritance by some technicalities, so I ended up back where I began.

Then came the Great War. Some of you seem to know this as World War 1, which suggests there have been others, but I know nothing of that. I was a commissioned officer in the war, a machine gunner, and every allied government gave me a declaration.

As a solider, I met a nice girl- or someone who I thought was a nice girl- named Daisy Buchanan. Many of you on this island judge her harshly based on a novel, and I have judged her harshly myself. But I can tell you that I loved her, and she loved me back. But you see, I was penniless and a Jew, so she could not marry me, even though she wanted to. By the time I returned from the war, she was married to a wealthy man- a woman-beating racist, as it happens. And I wanted her to leave him, and be with me, so I turned myself into the type of gentleman that she could marry. Gatsby not Gatz, millionaire not penniless.

I made my millions illegally as a sort of bootlegger. I ran a series of drug stores selling bootlegged alcohol over the counter, and it wasn't always- decent work.

I had an affair with Daisy- although truthfully, it didn't feel as though I was the Other Man until the end. In our hearts, we were the ones who should be married, but society was different then.

I was murdered, I was shot in the back, and when I woke up, I was on this island.

As for what I can do to contribute to this island- I can farm. Although my family weren't successful, it was due to the dry earth, not a lack of skill. I can make alcohol. I can mix cocktails. I throw a brilliant party, really. I am capable of doing any form of manual labour- construction, cleaning, driving- anything you need help moving or fixing- I can certainly give it a try. I can fire a gun, I can hunt, I can teach you the Charleston. I can teach you to swim. I can teach Hebrew.

I have a car here if anyone needs a ride. I have a swimming pool that you can all feel free to use at any time, although please take care of yourselves and each other. I have a large house, with many rooms, many clothes and a library of books- anything you need, just ask, it's yours. I have a hydroplane, if it is helpful with search and rescue.

If there is anything you want to know about me, or if there is anything you want to request of me, ask away. I spent so much of my life trying to be someone else, trying to be what a rich girl's family expected of me, that I had forgotten who I really was. I don't want that anymore, I want to be an open book here. I won't judge anyone, and I hope that I won't be judged for being honest with you all now.

Now, if you like, it's your turn.

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gatz
2013-07-10 08:18 pm UTC (link)

I know we haven't, I'm not telling everyone that they have to share. I just wanted to.

I've been subjected to hatred all of my life, and it was only when I arrived on this island that people began to accept me for who I am. I was ashamed to tell anyone at home my real name, I was ashamed to say the word Jew. The people here changed that, although many of those people are now dead.

I was trying to list the things I can do for the community and encourage others to do the same. I see now I should have left the personal stories out of it. My mistake.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ourloveburnsus
2013-07-10 08:26 pm UTC (link)

What we need to do for the community is talk. Without fighting, without sniping at each other. We need to sit down and have a discussion about everything that concerns us. We need to air grievances before they fester and explode.

We have to talk. not argue. Talk. We have to tell each other the problems we have with them, we have to sit down and work out the problems we have. We can't just let them fester. We can't just gripe privately and expect this to go away.

We all have to live here, and we all have to find a way to get along. And for that we have to look at now, not at the past.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-07-10 08:28 pm UTC (link)
	Forgive me for intruding, but it isn't as simple as sitting down to discuss issues. As, well, in fear of making vast generalizations - people don't like to be told they're wrong, or have faults. And to point them out to others will not make one any more introspective than they were before. But how would you suggest going about it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ourloveburnsus
2013-07-10 08:33 pm UTC (link)

What else can we do? There are problems, there are issues that the community has that must be addressed, and sitting on problems and trying to sweep them under the rug has never helped anyone.

Of course people don't like to be told they're wrong. People don't like to go to the dentist either, but that doesn't mean they can just skip out on it. Something has to be done. And talking is a first step.

We can't have community without communication.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

gatz
2013-07-10 08:35 pm UTC (link)

I'm not trying to sweep them under the rug, I just think we should all try to be a little more patient with each other. And there are bigger problems in the community that what people think of each other. We don't all have to like each other and be best friends and all that. That's not feasible. But we do have to work together if we want to build a proper community here.

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	ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 08:36 pm UTC (link)
	But that's what I'm saying. I don't expect everyone to be perfect friends. I'm asking for us just to be civil. To be able to sit down and talk to each other in a civil discourse and air the grievances we have before they explode around us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	gatz 2013-07-10 08:40 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, well then I do agree. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	turukano 2013-07-10 08:37 pm UTC (link)
	Of course, and no one denies that. But saying we must and finding ways to see it done are two different things entirely. Tell me how it can be done, instead of simply saying we should. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 08:38 pm UTC (link)
	I am only human, and only 23 years old. I don't have your sort of wisdom, and I don't claim to. But can't we all just...meet somewhere? Talk? See where it goes? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

turukano
2013-07-10 08:46 pm UTC (link)

Theoretically such meetings would foster friendship or at least a place to communicate. But without the promise of neutrality and mutual respect--and the desire to listen--it would merely become the place in which we tell each other how much we hate each other.

And that would lead to fighting.

For example, if I said that I hated mortals for their weakness of heart which lead to the betrayal of my people, it would anger many who did not think themselves weak. Or found fault in such observation, despite the truth of my experiences. And they would ignore the fact it is my truth, because it is now seen as a personal insult, and thus lose the capability of asking why, or saying that's okay for you. Let us try to change that perception.

It leads to being told I am wrong for my beliefs.

Of course I do not hate humans, I don't know them well enough to make such a judgment.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 08:59 pm UTC (link)
	I try not to hate anyone, without good reason. But I'm far from perfect, God knows. I mean, I could tell my story, but I honestly think it would make people who didn't hate me start hating me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-07-10 09:05 pm UTC (link)
	That is a real danger, among humans. I don't know. I try not to make assumptions.. but I'm not perfect, either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 09:06 pm UTC (link)
	Nobody is. And I think we need to come to understand that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	hamrammr 2013-07-10 09:05 pm UTC (link)
	You would be surprised about the reaction of people. We all have our dark sides. Sometimes sharing it will gain you respect and sympathy. To show who you really are is fucking brave. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 09:07 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not brave. I don't consider myself brave at all. I've done things in my life that I had to do to survive, that's all. And it isn't brave to tell a story that's not entirely yours to tell. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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hamrammr, 2013-07-10 11:13 pm UTC

hamrammr
2013-07-10 08:43 pm UTC (link)

I agree. There needs to be a better sense of community here.

I've tried for over a year now. It seems like a s Sisyphus task. I've tried to encourage people to talk, to be nice, to respect and understand each other. Some are for about a week. But eventually, everything will go back.

With all this shit happening around us one should think that people would at least stick together. But they don't. They just leash out and judge. They call other's monsters.

I don't know what to do. I tried. Nothing I do works.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ourloveburnsus
2013-07-10 08:51 pm UTC (link)

I don't think it will work unless people talk about it. But the hard part is, we can't just get together without setting aside our anger and prejudice. Because nothing will happen. We'll just fight.

We have to go into it thinking like...well...like we're all equals in this. Like anything we decide...

Well...

We have to go into this as if we didn't know our own place in this world. We have to make rules and decisions as if we didn't know where we belonged, and so make rules that benefit the greatest amount of people. We can't let our prejudices get in the way of making this island a better place.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hamrammr 2013-07-10 08:59 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, equals, I agree. But I'm not sure it'll work. Not as long as there are so many people thinking themselves better and cleverer. What I learned is that there are always people who won't play by the rules. You can't force them to. It doesn't work. And sometimes it only has to take a handful to destroy what you worked for. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-07-10 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	Not as long as there are so many people thinking themselves better and cleverer. Absolutely. But we must also combat those who practice false humility. One cannot choose to be humble, after all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	hamrammr 2013-07-10 09:07 pm UTC (link)
	Equals, yeah. No arrogance, no humility. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-07-10 09:16 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. And also the recognition some people are better at things than others. It doesn't make one smarter, better, or more valuable. Only that one has abilities others do not. I don't feel bad about myself for not knowing how to heal someone better than a true physician does. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) -

hamrammr, 2013-07-10 11:45 pm UTC

	Mitchel \| Justine ourloveburnsus 2013-07-10 09:05 pm UTC (link)
	We have to be honest with each other, the man makes a point in that. And I'll tell you right now that you terrify me. I was held captive by blood-drinking vampires and nearly killed. It is one of the worst circumstances of my life. But I am willing to try to change my perceptions of you. And that's what I think we all have to do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell | Justine

hamrammr
2013-07-10 09:21 pm UTC (link)

I'm sorry and thank you for giving me a chance.

You are not the only one there. I'm terrified of myself at points. I'm not going to say that I'm not a danger. I'm not a good man. I'm fighting against what I am every day. And I know the cost of losing that battle.

I don't want to kill. I don't want to hurt anyone. And I have a few very good reasons not to.

Cruzifies keep me off. You can wear one if you want. Just not near me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mitchell | Justine

ourloveburnsus
2013-07-10 09:24 pm UTC (link)

I know you won't believe me, but I understand.

And who you are is not based on what you can do, but what you actually do. If you don't kill people, if you don't hurt people, then you aren't a monster. You're a man fighting a monster.

And there are more people with monsters inside them than you think. Actually, I'd bet everyone has some sort of monster inside them.

But...we all have to come clean, you know? Be honest with each other. Because fear is just going to make us strike out. Misunderstandings are just going to make us strike out.

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Mitchell | Justine -

hamrammr, 2013-07-10 11:43 pm UTC

gatz
2013-07-10 08:30 pm UTC (link)

I don't have any grievances with anyone on the island, and I haven't been arguing with anyone either. No one has caused me any problems here. I've just noticed it on the network.

I'm trying to talk, but- yes, I have always had a habit of focusing too much on the past. I am trying to say what I can offer the island, that is all. And I just thought that if people felt like they knew me a little, they would feel more comfortable in asking for favours if they knew who they were asking.

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