InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "eat it!"

Elenwë of the Vanyar (vanya_elenwe) wrote in compass_network,
@ 2013-04-17 02:41:00

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I would like to speak to some of the women in this place. I am curious.

In the world where I live, love is a thing that happens once in a lifetime. It is a special thing, a bond between two fëar and two hröar, and something that we hold to until the end of the world.

But here, it seems that things are done differently. Women have many lovers, which is strange to me. Why would you do such a thing, when it brings you such pain? I am not trying to judge. I am simply curious.

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miss_brilliant
2013-04-17 08:01 am UTC (link)

Yes, that is something we have to deal with. Being human--or, mortal, I don't know, I think it's fairly common in other races as well--is complicated. Our hearts aren't terribly intelligent about these things. There's hundreds of reasons why our loves don't last, and I guess once you've felt it for a little while, you'd rather go out looking again then live without feeling it for the rest of your life.

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vanya_elenwe
2013-04-17 08:04 am UTC (link)

Our love lives much in memory, and so when we are sundered from our loves, we put our hearts into that. Into remembering. And in our memories, we can live the love again and again, even if they are gone. But it is different for us, because until the end of Arda, we will never be apart forever. Death is but a temporary thing for us, until the world ends.

So it is different, I suppose, if that is not true.

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miss_brilliant
2013-04-17 08:08 am UTC (link)

That sounds very beautiful. And I suppose it would be...easier for us, sometimes, if we had that. I know people who would probably find great comfort in that, if they could.

I guess it's probably like everything else in this place, all our cultures and lifestyles are different. There are plenty of people from my world who only love once in their lives, some who never do at all, and all kinds in between. There's no real guide for these things, so we're all just trying to muddle our way through and figure out some way to be happy.

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vanya_elenwe
2013-04-17 08:12 am UTC (link)

Yes, that is what it is all about, isn't it? Being happy? Finding happiness where you can. But there is so much happiness that has nothing to do with love. There is so much beauty in the world, and life is a beautiful thing in itself. There is plenty of joy in this world without love. It is just one type of joy, not the only one.

What is your name? I am Elenwë.

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miss_brilliant
2013-04-17 08:17 am UTC (link)

That's true. I think we just place this very high value on love. There's this idea that you're only half a person until you find that 'one', which is insulting to everyone involved, really. I'd like to think we're plenty whole on our own, and finding someone we can share things with just makes things that little bit richer. But people...sometimes, they act like your life is worthless without someone else. And sometimes you believe it yourself.

Amanda. I know we spoke a bit before, but pleased to meet you at any rate, Elenwë

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vanya_elenwe
2013-04-17 08:24 am UTC (link)

Yes, I have heard many say these things before. That they cannot be happy without love. That they need love for happiness. That they cannot feel good about themselves without someone to love them.

Which seems so strange to me. So wrong.

For I do not think you can truly love until you are happy with yourself. That must come first. I lived a hundred and fifty years - forgive me...that would be a little over fourteen hundred years to you - without a love of my own. And I was not unhappy! No. I loved my life, and found such joy in it. Finding my husband did not define me, it did not make my life worth living. My life was already worth living. It was glorious. And Sara only made it all the more beautiful.

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miss_brilliant
2013-04-17 08:32 am UTC (link)

Well, it's not easy to shake a message that society shoves in your face from the time you're young. Where I'm from, most girls still get told their whole lives that they aren't really complete until they find a man.

I'm definitely not saying it's not wrong, it definitely is. But when you hear it for your whole life, it's pretty hard not to buy into it. Even those of us who try to make our own way, be completely our own person, get sucked into it a little. Afraid I still feel a bit...incomplete, sometimes.

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	vanya_elenwe 2013-04-17 09:03 am UTC (link)
	It is the same in my world. Although we are not pressured into marriage, for how can you pressure someone into love? Although I fear that many parents still despair when their children do not marry for a long time. I am sure my parents despaired. Oh, do not! Come with me, we shall go sit among the flowers and talk. And you need not feel incomplete. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

miss_brilliant
2013-04-17 09:11 am UTC (link)

Yes, that's fairly common where I'm from as well. People act like you're not really an adult until you've settled down, even if you've been out in the world a long time. We're a confusing, contradictory bunch. We tell people they're weak if they need help, but they're apparently selfish or defective if they don't tie themselves to someone for their entire lives. Not that the settling down isn't wonderful it just...shouldn't be what we revolve around so much.

I'd like that a lot. Thank you.

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	vanya_elenwe 2013-04-17 06:30 pm UTC (link)
	Aye. It should be a joy that you find, not one that you are forced into. For everyone is different, and what is right for one may not be right for another. People must be allowed to choose their own heart. Shall I meet you downstairs? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	miss_brilliant 2013-04-17 06:38 pm UTC (link)
	Exactly. Even extenuating circumstances shouldn't make you tie yourself down to one person for the rest of your life just to have some kind of material security. Sure, be right down. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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