Maryanne Elizabeth Walker (maryanne_walker) wrote in compass_network, @ 2012-12-16 03:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | !open, maryanne walker (oe), ~john mitchell (oe) |
An apology and announcement blog.
It takes some doing to convince myself (I can be pretty fucking stubborn when I want to be) that I owe a few people an apology. No you probably didn't do anything to me to deserve the things I said or the things I did. And I partially blame all the stress, and the crazy that was happening at the time. And I partially blame me being a little stubborn to admit that I was in over my head after having a baby, with the postpartum depression.
But that doesn't excuse the way I acted. I should have stepped back or just not said anything at all. And I'm sorry for not doing that.
It's harder than you'd think for me to do that. I kinda feel partially responsible for most of you being here. I know that's silly, because when it comes to magic abilities I have none. I wouldn't count me becoming a giant kitty cat as magic. It just happens.
I was the first person to get here, the very first. There wasn't a solitary soul on this island for about a week. I know because I tore through it looking for anybody. While my sense of smell isn't as good as some of ya'll it's better than a humans by a lot. So is my hearing. That's how I knew there was no one here.
Anyway, I had a moment of weakness. I got on my knees and begged not to be here alone. I prayed for Daryl to be brought here, for Mitchell and Annie... For Sophia and Matt. Sam, Cato... Even Cutler. And more. Someone heard me. And that someone has brought just about every single person I prayed for here. And then some. The some I blame that I first begged not to be alone. And so I apologize for that too.
All that said, it's time for me to own up to something ya'll didn't know. I'm sure some of you remember the plane crashing on the beach. Oceanic Flight 815... Among the victims that didn't make it was my little brother. He was younger than me by twenty minutes. So... you can imagine how close we were. I didn't tell anybody because I knew it was a punishment. And I felt like I couldn't drag anybody else into that.
Daryl, baby, I'm sorry I didn't tell you either.
On a happier note, for those of you who didn't know yet, I had a baby. A son.
Timothy Daryl Dixon. He weighed 9 lbs 6 oz. He weighs a little bit more than that now that he's almost a month old. He's named after my little brother, and his Daddy. Two men that have kept me off the path of self destruction. I don't think I can love anyone more without bursting some seams.
That doesn't say I don't love a good deal of you guys too, it's just a different sort of love. Well... That's enough heart warming tales from Maryanne.
Okay enough sappy mcsapsap.
I hope ya'll find it in your hearts to forgive me for being a royal bitch. And for bringing you all here.