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Tweak says, "The horse is a surprise."

Ianto Jones (inloyalservice) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-09-10 20:22:00

Entry tags:

!closed, jack harkness

WHO: Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness.
WHAT: Jack's been standoffish. Ianto is tired of it.
WHEN: 4:45 in the morning.
WHERE: Their room.
RATING: TBD.
STATUS: In progress.

Ianto didn't know what he'd done wrong. Jack hadn't touched him, had barely looked at him, in the three weeks he'd been back. As much as he wanted to believe his lovers assertions that all was well, he was finding it more and more difficult. He'd always worried that if Jack ever did pursue things with Gwen, he'd realise that the 'love' he felt for Ianto wasn't real. Ianto had always been prepared to accept this fact, but it didn't stop it from hurting. He didn't blame Jack...he just wasn't the sort of person people loved...but he wished Jack would just tell him and put him out of his misery. He couldn't stand feeling like this, suspended in limbo without Jack and without any sort of closure. If Jack was going to leave him, he would prefer to know. It would hurt, more than losing his mother or Lisa had, but it was better than this emptiness.

He could barely sleep, rarely managing any real sleep before three in the morning. He couldn't say why that was the time that the restlessness stopped and he settled into a deeper sleep. It never lasted long. He always woke up, alone in bed the same as when he'd laid down, around five. Sometimes he would dream that Jack was holding him, the way he used to, and on those nights it shredded his heart a little more to wake up without Jack there. He just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before. He wanted to atone for whatever it was he had done, so that Jack would care about him again.

This particular morning, he woke up earlier than usual, to the feeling of Jack's lips against his temple and three whispered words. I love you. He thought he was dreaming for a moment, but then Jack was moving away from him with more softly spoken words. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you anymore. Turning to face his lover, he opened his eyes and watched him for a moment. "Why do you do that?" he asked softly, suddenly realising that his 'dreams' hadn't been that at all.

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-11 12:54 am UTC (link)

Every night for three weeks, Jack had done the same thing. In bed with Ianto at 3, out before 5 -- it was all he could risk when it came to Ianto and wanting to be with him. But after the things he had said and the things he had done, Jack knew he didn't have a right to Ianto any longer. He had given up that right when he had mocked Ianto and Lisa -- had destroyed that when he slept with Gwen.

It was one thing to fuck around -- he knew Ianto had no problem with that. But it was another entirely to fuck Gwen. There was a vast difference between an anonymous one night stand and a night with someone so close who had always harboured a torch for Jack. And knowing that he had fucked her in their flat (thank god it wasn't in their bed) -- Jack didn't think he had any right to hold Ianto like that ever again.

Which meant Jack had to do this in the dead of night. What he didn't expect was for Ianto to wake up. Jack suddenly looked like the boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, arms crossed in front of his chest. His head was lifted with an almost defiant tilt, trying to look the part of the cold lover but there was something in his eyes that said otherwise. "I did nothing."

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inloyalservice
2009-09-11 02:02 am UTC (link)

Ianto sat up and gave Jack a stern look. "Don't," he said softly, but firmly. "Don't do that. Don't avoid it and don't lie to me!" He was practically shaking with pent up emotion and nervous energy. "Damn it, Jack! Stop pushing me away! I heard what you just said. Don't tell me that you didn't say it." He had spent weeks thinking it was something he had done, and to find out that Jack had been shoving him away and hurting them both through some fucked up guilt complex hurt more than he could even say.

"You won't touch me unless you're sure I'm asleep," he said softly. "You never say that you love me any more...you barely say anything. God, Jack...I've been going over and over it in my head, trying to work out what it is I did wrong...what I did to drive you away! It's been killing me, Jack! And you were...what? Being a stupidly noble bastard? Is that what this was? Is that why you've been putting me...putting us through this?"

His hands were clenched tightly at his sides as he continued speaking. "I've spent all this time thinking it was my fault! Thinking I did something wrong! That I drove you away or...just...did something!" His shoulders shook with suppressed sobs, as he refused to cry in front of Jack. "I thought that you'd lied to me! That you hadn't meant it when you told me you loved me! After all, who the hell would? Why would anyone love someone as messed up as me!"

"And it turns out it was all some sort of self-castigating bullshit?" he snapped, lashing out and punching Jack. "Goddamn it! I love you! Why isn't that enough?" He glared at Jack. "Isn't it my choice? Don't I get to decide whether or not you deserve me? And the hilarious part? Even knowing you purposefully put us through this pain because of your issues, that you knowingly hurt me because you couldn't get over yourself? I still love you. Nothing could possibly change that."

He gave Jack a look and crossed his arms. "So you're just going to have to get over yourself," he said, "because you're not going to push me away. I won't let you."

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-11 02:14 am UTC (link)

About to argue that he wasn't lying, (but that was a lie, wasn't it?) Jack quickly snapped his mouth shut and clenched his jaw. He was glad they were far enough away from each other so that he didn't have the want to either walk away or pull him into his arms.

"You did nothing wrong, Ianto. It's all things that I did, not you. I don't fucking deserve you or any of this. Not after what I did and put you through." Jack shook his head and drew in a deep breath, holding the air in his lungs before he slowly released it. He didn't know what to say and wanted to get out of this conversation. However, the way Jack usually escaped uncomfortable conversations was to jump right to the sex -- which obviously couldn't happen now.

Jack shook his head, finally exhaling. "Again, Ianto, you did nothing. You deserve to be loved but by someone better than me. Someone who doesn't fuck things up as badly as I did. I'm not good at relationships and I end up screwing things. Which is what I did."

What he wasn't expecting, however, was the punch to the jaw. Jack stumbled backwards, cradling his bruised jaw in his hand. That he deserved. Hell, he deserved a lot more in his mind. "It's your choice, yes, but not after what I did. Christ, Ianto -- what I said about Lisa. Fucking Gwen -- and in the end pushing you into the arms of the Master, figuratively speaking. I was scared to death I wouldn't get you back -- knowing what he had done to me and now he had you. How easily it would be to get back at me through you."

Jack closed his eyes, thumb rubbing his still smarting jaw. "Good right hook," Jack muttered under his breath. "I just don't deserve you. Everything I did -- and it doesn't matter if I wasn't in my right mind and didn't know who you were at the time -- I just don't deserve you."

You deserve so much more. Jack, however, couldn't bring himself to say the rest of it.

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inloyalservice
2009-09-11 06:17 am UTC (link)

"Don't you dare talk about the man I love that way," Ianto said sharply. "You deserve me and this and so much more, Jack! Can't you see that?" It broke his heart to see Jack so caught up in self-loathing, and it hurt to know that he couldn't really help. He just wanted Jack to see that he was worth so much more than he seemed to think. He hated listening to Jack talk about himself like he was some kind of monster. It couldn't have been farther from the truth.

"You're being an utter prat, Jack," he said, shaking his head in frustration with the other man. "Isn't it up to me who I choose to love? I deserve to make that choice for myself. I love you. Nobody else. That's it for me. You say you're not good at relationships and you screw up, but I'm not seeing it. You're there for me and you respect me and you love me...that's all I want. You haven't fucked things up, Jack. I don't know why you think so, but you haven't." He looked down. "Run away from this, if that's what you have to do...but I'm not going to stop loving you...or find someone better. There isn't anyone better, Jack! No one."

"That wasn't you!" Jack was going to drive him absolutely mental, Ianto was sure of it. "That was a man who hasn't been around for well over a century. That was a man who would have left with John when he had the choice. That was a man who wouldn't have hesitated to put a bullet in my head when I was a threat. That wasn't the man I've known and loved all this time...it wasn't my captain, my lover and my best friend. It wasn't you." He shifted closer to Jack and put a hand on his arm. "He did some things that pissed me off, but I was never angry with you, and I certainly never blamed you. I was angry with this place for doing that to you. I'm a little bit angry with Gwen for not being more responsible, but I was never angry with you."

He ignored the matter of the Master for the moment and just sighed with frustration. "You don't get it, do you? Seeing that man you used to be doesn't diminish what I feel for you. I love you more for it." He looked at Jack with a serious expression. "You have overcome so much...you've grown so much and become an amazing man who I am proud to serve and even prouder to love. If you can't see how good you are, then maybe you need to have your vision checked. Because you have done so much good and you are a loyal and brave and selfless leader...that man only showed even more how much good there is in you."

"I'm here, Jack," he said softly, "I'm here and I am safe and I am fine...but you haven't really got me back, have you? You won't let yourself get me back because you're too bloody scared to let yourself be happy. You're still punishing yourself for all the things you see as your fault. You hold on to too much guilt. You put everything on your own shoulders, and you really shouldn't. It's like with Gray. None of that was your fault. Sometimes I wonder if you're not still punishing yourself for that...looking for excuses to remove anything good from your life so that you can be as miserable as you think you deserve. And I'm sick to death of it. So stop with this bullshit, get over yourself and, for god's sake, grow the fuck up."

"You may not think you deserve to be happy," he said, "but I think I do...and I'm not happy without you."

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-11 06:49 am UTC (link)

Jack blinked once, then twice and just stared at Ianto. It wasn't often Ianto got his back up about something and told Jack what-for, but it was usually when Jack was being an idiot and about to run off and do something half-cocked. Or completely cocked depending on the situation. "No, I don't, Ianto," Jack exploded, tossing his hands in the air. "Because what I did and what I said to you was unforgivable. It was bad enough what I said about Lisa the first time around when trying to knock sense into you. But at least I had your best interests at heart. This time, I was trying to crush you. And it felt good to get a rise out of you like I did."

He wasn't trying to be a prat, he was simply punishing himself for what he had said and done over the course of the damned glitch. "Yes, of course it is. I'm not going to tell you who you can't and cannot love." Unsure of what to do with his hands at last, Jack shoved them into his pockets wondering if he could get out of this conversation and quickly. "Yes, I have. I damn near killed you, Ianto. I don't know what the Master has in store or why he didn't do anything to you but I was convinced I'd go into that TARDIS and I'd see your broken body laying there and know that I caused that."

Ianto believed Jack was going to drive him mental and Jack was beginning to think the same thing of Ianto. What a bloody pair the two of them made, eh? "But it also means that part is still in me somewhere. For it to come back so easily, it has to still be in there. Christ, Ianto -- you should be pissed off at me for what I said and did. You should be yelling and raging and doing anything but being understanding and forgiving. Of anything, it's that I don't deserve the most!"

Once more, Jack's mouth opened and closed and he drew in a shuddering breath, swallowing hard. "Maybe I'm not meant to be the captain," Jack said softly, closing his eyes. "Maybe I've just been fooling myself that it's okay to play the part of the captain and the hero when really I'm nothing but the conman." He wished there was something nearby for him to lean against but in the end he sank down onto the edge of the bed, withdrawing his hands and burying his face in them. He hated looking so broken, particularly in front of Ianto. However, he couldn't think of anything else to do or say.

"No, I won't let myself. I carry the guilt because I deserve to. Because I don't deserve a partner" (yes, Jack said partner. Not lover but partner) "who I've treated like rubbish. It's not being childish -- it's being realistic."

God, Jack wasn't sure he'd ever heard Ianto speak to him like this. He peeked a eye out at him and sighed softly. "I don't... I don't think you realise how much I do love you," Jack intoned softly. "Yes, I love you -- perhaps more than anyone I've ever been with and yes, that does scare me. But the way I've treated you under the influence of the glitch or whatever the hell that thing was is inexcusable." Jack looked away, knowing he wouldn't be able to say this looking Ianto in the face.

"You're the only one I've ever been truly happy with."

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inloyalservice
2009-09-17 04:03 am UTC (link)

"That wasn't you, Jack," Ianto insisted. "It wasn't. It was a man who had never met me or Lisa and who was angry that I wouldn't sleep with him and incredibly petty about showing it." He sighed. "If that was you, you wouldn't have felt any remorse over it. You wouldn't have cared. But you do care, Jack, and that tells me everything I need to know." Part of him wanted to strangle Jack for being so obtuse, but a larger part just wanted to hold the other man and reassure him that he would never leave. Too many people had left Jack, and he wouldn't be one of them. "What he said and what he did was not unforgivable, Jack, because I'm forgiving it." Simple as that. He wasn't going to let Jack destroy himself with guilt over something that was in no way his fault.

"You didn't do anything to me, Jack," Ianto said firmly. "And you certainly didn't nearly kill me. You say that like you forced me to go with the Master. I chose to stay with Koschei. And he wasn't a threat. He wasn't the Master. Just like that man wasn't you." He looked down. "I am so sorry, Jack. If I had known, I never would have stayed with him. But I'm not hurt. He didn't do anything to me. And the only thing that's hurting me is you pushing me away. I've felt so alone since I came back. All I've wanted was for you to be there...but it's like you're somewhere else entirely. I need you, Jack."

He shook his head in disbelief. "So there's some part of me that was married to Lisa and working for London because it never got destroyed?" He snapped. "Some part of the Master that lived a whole different life? Stop being such an utter twat, Jack! Your logic isn't making any sense here! Even Owen would tell you it's utter shite!" He gave Jack a look. "I am not going to yell or rage or doing anything other than be understanding and forgiving about this, so you'll just have to accept that."

"You are my captain, Jack," Ianto said, moving to sit beside him and pressing his lips to the side of Jack's neck. "You're the leader I would proudly follow to the ends of the Earth. You've saved the world so many times, saved me so many times. You believed in me even when I thought my life was worthless, so why can't you let me believe in you?" He wrapped his arms around Jack for a moment. "You are so much more than that, Jack. So much more. And don't you dare say otherwise. I've seen the tough decisions you make every day...the decisions nobody else could. You are so much stronger than that man, Jack. Don't let him destroy you."

And when Jack called him his partner, that settled it. "You need to let go of your guilt, Jack," he said softly. "It's killing you...it's poisonous. Let it go and let yourself move on. Everyone makes mistakes and yours are no worse than anyone else's. I am not going to let you tear yourself apart." He moved to stand in front of Jack, then pushed him back and straddled him in a smooth move. Holding his hands down on the bed at his sides. "What kind of partner would I be if I let you suffer through this misplaced guilt?"

He looked at Jack seriously, then spoke slowly, making sure every word was clear. "You love me," he said, "and I love you. And we make each other happy...which is something we deserve after all the shite the universe has tossed our way. And I am never going to leave you. You'll have to toss me out the door if you want me to go. Because otherwise? I'm staying. And even if you did toss me out? I'd come right back. I am in this for the long haul, Jack, and I would stay forever if I could." He leaned forward and kissed Jack.

"And that's all there is to it. So either accept it, or make me leave."

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-17 05:04 am UTC (link)

What Jack really wanted was for Ianto to just shake him and rant and rage. He wanted Ianto to just take his anger out on Jack and make Jack feel like crap -- it's what he deserved. Apparently, though, Ianto wasn't giving Jack what he wanted. It was hard for Jack to even comprehend this fact that there was someone who had so much faith in him. Jack's faith in Ianto was unshakable and there was no one could tell him otherwise. However... Jack didn't feel like he deserved that same faith.

And when it came down to it -- deep down in his heart of hearts, Jack didn't think he deserved Ianto.

"Directly? No I didn't do anything to you," Jack replied rubbing at his temples. "But they say that actions speak louder than words. My actions -- fucking Gwen -- look at what it did." Jack finally raised his head, resting his head on his palms. "I'm glad he didn't do anything to you as, frankly, I don't know what I'd do if he did." Jack drew in a breath, shuddering ever so slightly. "Hell, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you in general but particularly when it comes to the Master. I'll just be happy when this place decides to send him back to whatever rock he crawled out from under."

Okay, so maybe Jack's logic in this case wasn't exactly infallable. In fact, it was holier than swiss cheese. "Maybe not some part of you, but some parallel world somewhere? Yes, I'm sure that does exist. Somewhere."

Which wasn't making Jack feel any better either. Buggering hell.

"It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not!" Jack shouted in response. "It's how I feel. Dammit -- why can't you react like anyone else would. Tell me whatfor and that what I said and did was inexcuseable. Owen would say that any idea of mine was utter shite. I just..." Jack scrubbed at his face, growling under his breath. "This... for fuck's sake. I want you to yell at me. To tell me how you really feel! It's the least I deserve."

Jack closed his eyes to the gentle kiss, one hand leaving his face to rest on Ianto's knee. "What if I'm not a leader?" Jack asked softly. "The most you know about me is whatever I've told you. Hell, there are two years I have no idea what I said or did -- what heinous things I could have possibly done." Jack turned his head, lightly brushing his lips against Ianto's. "I honestly don't know any more, Ianto. How easily it was to be him. Hell, part of me almost said it felt good to remember how it used to be." Jack swallowed hard, dropping his head against Ianto's shoulder. This wasn't Jack -- but at the same time, Jack was still feeling out of sorts.

Maybe it was the lack of sex. Maybe he was just in withdrawl.

Jack pitched forward when Ianto moved and was suitably off balance for Ianto to move onto his lap, straddling him. Without thinking, Jack attempted to move his hands to rest on Ianto's waist, realising belatedly that Ianto was holding them at his sides. He stopped struggling, looking up at Ianto with an almost blank expression on his face. His breath hitched, hearing the word returned. And here Jack didn't think Ianto had heard the word 'partner' spoken in there.

Apparently he had.

"I..." Jack drew the word out, exhaling in one quick breath and looked up at Ianto. That kiss -- there was something else in that kiss that Jack couldn't quite put his finger on. Yes, he did love Ianto, even if it was hard for him to be able to say the words, but he loved this man beyond all rhyme or reason. And Ianto wanted in this for the long haul.

That in and of itself spoke volumes. Maybe Jack could start to let some things go. He struggled for a moment, then managed to free his hands, running them along Ianto's thighs. "Why?" Jack asked softly. "Why do you love me so?" The next bit was spoken softly, Jack not even realising he was speaking aloud. "There are times I don't think I deserve this. Us."

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inloyalservice
2009-09-23 05:59 am UTC (link)

Unfortunately, Jack wasn't going to get what he wanted. While Ianto knew on some level that Jack wanted his anger, he also knew that it wasn't what Jack needed. And besides, he wasn't angry. And he certainly wasn't going to pretend to be angry, even for Jack's sake. He had too much faith in Jack as a person to let him punish himself for something that was in no way his fault. Jack had done so much for him, believed in him even when he had betrayed the other man's trust, given him meaning in his life, and loved him when he felt that he wasn't worth loving. He deserved Ianto's faith and so much more.

And more importantly, Jack deserved his love.

"For fuck sake, Jack," Ianto said, "you didn't fuck Gwen. He did. And he wasn't you. He didn't have any idea what we share, and he didn't know about our team or anything we've been through. He's only a part of you in that, beneath all the posturing and anger and petty malice, there's the potential to overcome his weaknesses and the strength to become the amazing man I've known and loved for the past two years." He sighed and shook his head. "Tell me, Jack. Would you fuck her now, if you had the opportunity? Would you want to? Would you rather have her than me?" He wasn't testing Jack. Wasn't afraid of the answer. He trusted Jack completely. He just wanted Jack to trust himself.

"Jack," he said softly. "I accepted a long time ago that Torchwood doesn't lend itself to a long life or a natural death. Hell, I've been working for Torchwood for four years and I've survived more than my share of catastrophes. I've never bothered with any illusions that I have much time." He paused. "But...see...I've decided that I'm not going to die for a good long while. Because I have something to fight for. To live for. There are plenty of things to die for, but this...us...it gives me a reason to stay. It makes me want to stay. With you." He gave Jack a small smile. "And you know me...I'm a stubborn bastard. So, I know you're afraid of losing this...but don't let that get in the way of now. Because I have no plans for dying any time soon. I'm going to be around to frustrate you for quite some time."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "And I'm sure there's a parallel world out there somewhere where Owen is a ferret," he said dryly. "It doesn't mean anything in the context of this world. Or us. Just like who we are in the past, taken in and of itself, doesn't overshadow the people we become." He looked down. "What if I had been from two years ago...just after Lisa? Would the things that I might have said as that version of myself have changed the fact that I love you now, completely and totally? I like to think not. I was a different man then. And that wasn't nearly so far removed as the man you used to be."

"In this instance," Ianto said calmly, "Owen would be right...and yes, it pains me deeply to say that. You have no idea." Even in serious, emotional moments like this, Ianto was capable of humour. "See, Jack...that's what you're not getting here. This isn't about what you want. I'm not going to be an instrument for you to torture yourself for perceived sins. I can tell you how I really feel though." He leaned forward, so his lips were against Jack's ear. "I love you," he spoke softly, "and I don't blame you at all, but...if it has to be said...I forgive you. I absolve you from any guilt you feel. Because you've forgiven me far worse. Actions I've knowingly taken. Betraying you. Nearly destroying the world. Standing against you even when I knew it was wrong. So, in case you still don't get it, I forgive you. That's what you deserve Jack. Now forgive yourself. Please."

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inloyalservice
2009-09-23 06:01 am UTC (link)

"You are, Jack," Ianto assured him, "you're a leader and a brilliant one at that. Your past doesn't define you. It helped shape the man you are, but it doesn't decide who you are now. That's up to the choices you make now. You can't hide behind your past because you're scared that maybe things are going right. You can't keep punishing yourself and pushing away good things. You deserve happiness, Jack. And it was only easy because you were him. You were from that point in time. It wasn't you and you need to accept that. Because, whether you want me to or not, I do not blame you, and I am not going to stop loving you."

If Ianto had known what Jack was thinking, he might have suggested that the word to describe what was causing Jack to feel 'out of sorts' was feelings. But he didn't, and so he didn't.

He didn't give Jack a chance to speak, before he kissed him again, long and slow and pouring everything he felt into it, wanting to be sure Jack understood how much he needed him and wanted him and loved him. "I love you," he said, "because I don't know how not to. Because it's as natural as breathing, and sometimes I feel like if I tried to stop, I'd die." He kissed along Jack's jaw and down his throat. "I love you because it's the most right thing in the world for me and it makes all of, the loss and the fighting and every fucked up bit of our lives worthwhile." He pulled away and looked at Jack. "I love you because I choose to and I want to. And I need to. And you most certainly deserve this."

And he let go of Jack's hands, moving his own up to cup Jack's face as he kissed him with everything he had, and hoped it was enough.

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-25 02:23 am UTC (link)

Right now? Damn Ianto for knowing what Jack actually needed and not what he wanted. The understanding-ness of his lover wasn't helping, though it was nice to know that there was very little Jack could do that would result in Ianto turning his back on Jack. Such knowledge was good and helpful -- but at the same time, Jack needed that anger. He liked his guilt and he liked wallowing in it and damn it he was going to stay in this guilt-ridden form for as long as he damn well pleased.

Jack was in a strange place, half content that Ianto had such unshakable faith in him and half annoyed that he had this faith. Funny how Jack could have such faith in Ianto (again, Jack caught the hazy memories of something... Ianto killing people?) but he didn't believe that his lover could return the favour. Yes, Jack needed Ianto and he wasn't going to push his lover away -- he simply needed to get this thing out of his system and fast.

"Stop with the logic already, will you?" Jack snapped, a hint of petulance entering his voice. Jack didn't want to admit that Ianto was right in this instance. "I had buried him. After I travelled with the Doctor, I had buried the man I once was -- and now he's back and I can't push him aside as easily." God that was hard to admit. Hell, anything having to do with emotions weren't Jack's strong suits where admissions were concerned. "No, I wouldn't," Jack replied, looking up at Ianto. "No. For once I'm happy where I am. Hell, I don't even find myself looking that much any more." Which was the truth. Jack knew he could look and could do what he wanted -- but at the same time, he had no real desire to go anywhere. He was, surprisingly, content in Ianto's bed.

Jack swallowed, pushing that aside. He'd lost too many lovers and far too young as a result of that thing known as Torchwood. "I swear," Jack muttered under his breath, "I'm setting you up for the quintessential desk job if and when we get back to Cardiff." Because Jack did know Ianto was living on borrowed time and he wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not many lovers had wormed their way under Jack's skin like Ianto had -- not to mention, how few Jack ever wanted in that situation. "You? A stubborn bastard?" Jack asked, lifting an eyebrow. "I had no idea. Here I figured your pushing and prodding me for a position in Torchwood was nothing more than a passing fancy. You certainly didn't give me any indication that you were stubborn."

Sarcasm. Oh how Jack loved it -- though he preferred it said with Ianto's accent but that was completely beside the point.

The mental image of Owen as a ferret made Jack snort aloud; not to mention enjoy a brief fantasy, tossing him into one of those clear exercise balls and set him loose in the Hub. A new (and completely safe) plaything for Myfanwy. Oh that was too much. Jack lifted his hand, placing it on Ianto's cheek. "The difference is, you would never have openly mocked me as I mocked you. The things I said to you never would have passed your lips. That's the difference, Ianto. "

Jack wrinkled his nose, shaking his head ever so slightly. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that Owen was right." Ianto wasn't the only one who could deflect with humour. Frankly, Ianto should be glad that Jack had gone this long without distracting with either sex or humour -- even with Ianto settled on his lap as he was.

Drawing in a deep breath, Ianto's breath felt warm on his ear and Jack barely suppressed a shiver. He wished his hands were free to run his hands through Ianto's hair. Jack let his head fall forward, forehead resting on his lover's shoulder. If there wasn't anger, the next best thing was receiving that forgiveness. "Not as easy as that, but it's better," Jack said softly. He turned his head, brushing his lips against Ianto's jaw and breathed in a deep breath of Ianto's scent.

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ex_jharkness192
2009-09-25 02:23 am UTC (link)

"I still wonder if I am," Jack replied softly. "I just wonder if I think I'm a leader and have only been getting lucky so far." That was always possible. "Sheer dumb luck," Jack murmured against Ianto's skin.

Jack finally lifted his head, just in time to receive that kiss from Ianto. Jack cursed not having the use of his hands, but it made him helpless and unable to pull away from the sheer emotion of it. Even if the kiss was more tongue than anything 'sweet', Jack needed it. He tilted his head back, baring his throat as Ianto kissed along his throat, making soft sounds of approval.

Ianto's 'speech' was... well... there wasn't much he could say to it, to be honest. At last with his hands free, Jack mirrored Ianto's movements, and let Ianto take control of the kiss. He whimpered softly, almost overwhelmed by what the enormity of the situation.

To be honest, no one had ever said such things to him and Jack didn't know what to make of it.

"You... this... this is what I want," Jack said softly. He fumbled over his words, not used to speaking about what he was feeling -- at least not as eloquent as Ianto had managed. "I do love you, perhaps more than I should knowing that this will one day have to end. And knowing how it will break me when I finally do lose you."

Jack rubbed his thumb across Ianto's lower lip, withdrew his hand, then kissed him again. "But I wouldn't change this and what we have. I'm content with you. I want to wake up... well, in a manner of speaking, and see you every morning. I don't know how you got under my skin, Ianto Jones -- and at one time I would have cursed your name..."

Smiling softly, Jack scootched his body backwards, pulling Ianto with him. In one swift motion, he rolled them both, pinning Ianto to the mattress. He sealed his mouth over his lover's, whispering the last words against Ianto's lips. "But now I don't want you anywhere but in my life and in my bed for as long as I can have you."

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