InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "If you cant get it up shake it"

shieldedbella (shieldedbella) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2012-01-15 17:04:00

Entry tags:

bella swan, edward cullen

WHO: Bella Swan & Edward Cullen
WHEN: January 15, early evening
WHERE: 602 D
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

Bella was tired. She had walked around the unfamiliar city for hours.

She had awaken to find herself in her own bed, in her own room and yet, she still wasn't home. It had been two weeks since Edward and her had found themselves in this strange place and within a few hours, even they were separated.

She didn't claim to understand what had happened New Year's Eve. In truth, she didn't wish to ponder on it. She had too many things that had happened to bother lingering on some sort of spell or whatever it was that had happened.

So much had happened and as she walked, she couldn't help but feel relieved to have some time alone.

Normally, she would have immediately ran to Edward as soon as she woke, but things were no longer the same. She'd had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to ponder everything that they had been told and what was in store for them.

She wasn't naive nor was she ignorant. She knew Edward loved her, but Rosalie had been wrong. It wasn't just blood that Edward cared more about.

No, his fear of God and his belief inability to possess a soul any longer would leave him incapable of ever delivering on his part of their deal. Now that he knew just being intimate with her would lead to her death, he would use that as a means to stay away from her. Sure, they could be married, but they would never truly live as husband and wife. And as a person who didn't believe in the foundation of marriage, Bella wasn't sure she could ever truly be happy in a marriage like that.

She loved Edward, more than anything. But she knew he'd rather watch her grow old and die then risk her soul or life for a brief moment of pleasure. He was noble in this aspect, as she was selfish. She truly felt as if that moment of pleasure with him... with Edward, were worth the risk.

If she were to remain as a human, then so be it. Their arrival in this strange place had demolished all the plans they had made. Upon this realization, Bella began to wonder if the time had come to make new plans.

She refused to be forced into the position everyone was expecting her to be. She couldn't be the Bella they knew. She hated that the others couldn't see that she was not that Bella and now, she never would become her.

She hadn't meant to upset Jake. She realized too late that her text had been misinterpreted. She had only meant to convey her frustrations over being in this strange place and forced to deal with aspects of her life that hadn't yet come to pass. This was yet another reason she hated texting and as soon as she could, she planned to disable that feature on her PDA.

She wasn't handling the existence of Renesmee too well, either. But it was difficult to accept something that was being forced down her throat. Especially something as unimaginable as meeting your daughter and being told everything that is to come.

Hell, Alice's premonitions were hard enough to swallow at times, but this was a different story completely. This girl... was her future. Or at least it was the original future that had been intended for her.

Bella didn't honestly mind that Jacob had imprinted on the girl. She had truly wanted him to find happiness. As much as she loved Jacob, she knew it was always going to be Edward who possessed her heart.

But what she couldn't understand is why they couldn't understand that she wasn't going to accept the position they believed she should be in. She had not given birth to any child, hell, she had never done anything more than kiss a boy. She was not capable of being the mother this girl wanted. She felt no connection to the girl.

To Bella, she was just the girl Jacob belonged with. And despite the slight sting of resentment, as her own lingering feelings for Jacob remained, Bella was truly happy for him.

She carefully made her way into the dark apartment that she and Edward now shared. She was thankful they had their own rooms, as she wasn't sure she could face him yet. He wouldn't be happy with what she had decided.

As she opened the door to her bedroom, her fingers fumbled for the light switch. Bumping her knee on something in the process as she tried to slide her fingers along the wall and locate the switch.

"Ouch!"

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

shieldedbella
2012-01-16 07:57 am UTC (link)

Bella gave into Edward's embrace. He was safe, familiar... he was home to her and to have his arms around her comforted her in a way she hadn't experienced it weeks.

With everything that happened, everything that was happening, she had missed him. And as she cried on his shoulder, she couldn't help wishing they could be back in her small room at Charlie's.

"I.. I know that, Edward."

Her voice trembled like that of a small helpless child and she hated the way it sounded in her own head. Disgusted with herself once more, she pushed Edward away.

"But things have changed already between us, haven't they?"

She wasn't trying to sound accusatory, but she knew deep within her, that what should have been... all those very things Renesmee and the others had claimed had happened in their future, would never come to pass now. Edward cared too much for her, even enough to be selfless enough to spare her soul.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tolovealamb
2012-01-17 05:06 am UTC (link)

Edward held Bella as she cried and he frowned, wishing that she didn't have to go through this whole situation. He wanted to go back home, back when they were ignorant of anything that the future held for them.

Edward allowed Bella to push him away only because resisting would cause Bella to injure herself. He remained on the bed, close to her, glancing at her as she asked her question.

"Nothing has changed between us Bella. You are everything that matters to me. There is no reason for us not to carry on with our lives as if we were back home." Edward said.

He just hoped that learning about her ordeal with Renesmee's birth would give cause for Bella to think twice about some of her requests.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shieldedbella
2012-01-17 09:51 pm UTC (link)

"Nothing has changed?"

Bella looked at him, disbelieving that he would claim nothing had changed between them. She knew things were far from being the same between them. This whole experience had only pushed them further apart.

Her fingers moved to the bottom of her shirt. She gripped the edge and began pulling it upwards.

"It nothing has changed, then make love to me, Edward." She said as she lifted the thin shirt above her head and dropped it to the floor.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tolovealamb
2012-01-18 05:06 am UTC (link)

Edward stiffened slightly as Bella removed her shirt and he could feel himself becoming aroused. Without thinking, Edward leaned over, kissing Bella gently at first and then deepening the kiss. Running his hands up her arms, he laid her gently on the bed as they continued to kiss.

He knew that he needed to put the brakes on this but even through all of his willpower, he still had extreme difficulties restraining himself where Bella was concerned.

Breaking the kiss with Bella, he leaned in and kiss her neck, allowing her time to catch her breath and hopefully steady her pulse as her racing heart definitely did not make things easier for Edward.

"After we're married Bella. I gave you my word Bella." Edward said with a small smile. He knew it wasn't the answer she wanted.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shieldedbella
2012-01-18 05:32 am UTC (link)

Bella was pleasantly surprised as Edward leaned in to kiss her. Her pulse immediately quickened and she felt as if his kiss could take her breath away. As he deepened the kiss and laid her on the bed, she tugged at his shirt, running her fingers along his chest.

She wanted nothing more than to take the next step in their relationship. She desired being able to experience everything with him and him alone.

She whimpered in disappointment as Edward pulled away, though she was thankful for a moment to catch her breath. She hated this part of him, his outdated morals. Here she was in just a bra and a pair of pants and he was once again turning her away.

She could feel the cold rush of rejection coursing through her. She knew he promised that could finally.. be together once they were married. But she was beginning to wonder if that was ever true.

"I don't believe you." She pulled the covers over her exposed chest, refusing to meet his eyes. "You will never.. I mean.. we will never.. you know."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tolovealamb
2012-01-18 07:28 pm UTC (link)

Edward had to take a few moments to calm himself down. It wasn't the fact that he didn't want Bella. Qutite the opposite really. Edward wanted nothing more to show Bella how much he loved her. But even if Bella didn't understand his outdated morals, this is one that he wanted and intended to keep.

He frowned when Bella spoke. He suspected that Bella already knew that he was having doubts being as they now knew what happened when they finally make love together. It was an internal battle between keeping his word and keeping Bella safe but if he had to chose between the two, he would choose to keep Bella.

He wanted go go back to Forks with Bella and back to their life when they were ignorant of any possible consequences. Not once had Edward considered that a child could be conceived between him and Bella. But as much as he wanted to go home, he knew that they were likely stuck in Colligo for awhile. If what people said about Colligo was correct in the fact that people are returned to the exact place in time that they were taken from without any memories of Colligo, then they would ultimately get married, Bella will become pregnant and die. There was no way to really guarantee Bella's safety.

"It will happen Bella. After we are married. I'm old-fashioned." He smiled his crooked smile. "We know that it happens. There is no reason why we shouldn't carry on with our plans."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shieldedbella
2012-01-18 10:37 pm UTC (link)

Bella shook her head as she pulled the covers around her. Renesmee had mentioned they'd return to the point in which they were taken. But she couldn't help but feel.. doubtful that they wouldn't remember anything.

"After we are married.." she slowly began "which time?"

Without even waiting for him to reply, she snatched up her shirt and tried to cover herself the best she could while pulling it back over her head.

"Can you honestly say you are okay with... her? With all of that? Do you really expect me to believe you are just going to ignore that us being together creates that brat?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tolovealamb
2012-01-22 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Edward didn't know how to answer Bella's question. "We don't know how long we are going to be here in Colligo. Most of my family is here, even though I'm not too happy with most of them right now. There's no reason why we can't get married here. If and when we do return to Forks, we can do it all over again there."

"To be truthful, I am not okay with Renesmee. I hate that us..me being with you essentially killed you Bella. But Renesmee already exists here. Maybe, maybe we don't have to worry about it happening again." Edward frowned. He wasn't sure that he was willing to take that risk. It was a risk that would cost Bella her life.

Edward took Bella's hand in his. "There's no reason to let her change our plans."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shieldedbella
2012-01-22 11:35 pm UTC (link)

Bella pulled away her hand and shook her head.

"Your family is here and it's your family that hates me."

She paused for a brief moment, her fingers twisted the beautiful engagement ring on her finger. She loved that ring, she loved everything that it stood for, but now..

"No, Edward. There is every reason I can't marry you." She slipped the beautiful ring from her finger and pressed it into her palm. "Your family is here and you belong with them. I won't get in the way of that and I certainly don't belong."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tolovealamb 2012-01-29 02:41 am UTC (link)
	"My family does not hate you Bella. They love you." Edward said. "You belong with me and you belong with my family. I'm not condoning what Alice or Renesmee said but it does not have to change anything if we do not let it." He frowned, watching her take her engagement ring off. "You are not in the way Bella. I love you. You could never be in the way." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shieldedbella
2012-01-30 08:41 am UTC (link)

Pressing the ring into his hand, she shakes her head.

"You're right, Edward. Can't be in the way if I'm no longer in the picture." Her voice wavered as she pulled away from him. She could feel the tears brimming in her eyes. "It's over, Edward. We.. we're over."

She got off the bed and rushed into the bathroom, not bothering to lock the door behind her. She knew Edward wouldn't enter and even had she locked it, it wouldn't have done any good. He could easily get through the door. She pressed her back to the door, sliding down it as she cried. Wrapping her arms tightly around her knees, she pulled them close and sobbed.

She wasn't going to change her mind. Edward deserved someone better and she refused to stand in between him and his family.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -