InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm not worried, Harry."

Gabriel (archaic_rival) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-10-30 14:51:00

Entry tags:

!closed, castiel, gabriel

Who: Gabe and Castiel angelofnowhere
What: A meeting of ~~brothers~~ friends
When: Friday morning, 11am
Where: A cafe near the Roadhouse
Warnings: TBD

Gabriel had been regaining feeling in his being, little by little, after he had retreated within himself to mourn the death of Jade and the loss of Castiel's wings. He rejoiced that Jade had been restored, but he was still sore at Elaine for allowing things to go as far ash she had. He hoped that Michael's presence would serve to keep the young ruler of creation--or at least the corner of it that was Colligo--in accountability. But he didn't know Michael. Nor was he any closer to making a decision about whom he loved more deeply; Jo or Jade.

But all of that was secondary at the moment. His one-time brother and friend was in need, and Gabriel was here to minister.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

archaic_rival
2010-10-31 08:22 pm UTC (link)

Gabriel wondered if he could get Jo to bake cookie for Cas, if Castiel would stop to taste the baked goods, or if he was still too numb from sensory input. Perhaps in time.

He ate his own soup in companionable silence, smiling encouragingly now and then as Castiel sought eye contact, but not pressing for conversation. "We should spend time together more often," he suggested, "That is. If Sam can spare you."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-01 12:49 pm UTC (link)

Castiel looked up at the mention of Sam's name and, for a moment, his expression softened. "Sam would be happy to see me outside," he said sincerely. Then he lowered his head. "I have not been the best company lately. He would not barely notice my absence." He ate steadily.

"I would like to spend more time with you," he said gently. "With all of those who are important to me... " His voice drifted off. "Gabriel," he said after a moment. "Have you yet found your heart?" The question was frail, fragile, his voice lilting, strained, guarded.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-02 04:24 am UTC (link)
	"I think you are mistaken there," Gabriel countered, "But that is not for me to say." He closed his eyes for a moment in response to the question of his own heart. "I am meeting with Jade this afternoon," he said, raising his eyes, "Perhaps after tonight I will know where we stand." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-03 03:35 am UTC (link)

Castiel thought for a long moment. "I think you are right," he said eventually. "Somehow, without contact, we have become closer. Even in this I have not fallen away completely because he is here. My anchor and my measure. I... would find my next breath much harder without him." There was a fractured sincerity in Castiel's words. He looked across at Gabriel.

"I hate to think of her facing this alone. She has been kind to me but I do not even see how she is still able to speak. I... everything hurts, Gabriel. To breath, to blink, to listen, to walk, to taste, to touch... it all hurts. I want to spare her more pain but she asks to share my burden. You ask. Dean and Claire and Ellen ask. But only they understand, Jade, Cas. They know. And I can't..." He had lost his thread, his place. He fell silent again, steadily eating.

"I hope this is resolved soon," Castiel said, his voice tight. "If it is not, if she is hurt, I cannot promise I will be able to hold my goodwill towards you. She has lost more than I and still gives to me what she can. She has my protection." He lifted his gaze and, for a moment, it was easy to forget his Grace was long gone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

archaic_rival
2010-11-03 06:36 pm UTC (link)

"I know," Gabriel murmured, bowing his head. "That what I tasted in Purgatory was only a portion of what you are feeling now. And I beg your forgiveness if I have been callous, or presumed to empathize."

He met Castiel's gaze, and recognized the zeal that still lived within the former angel, in spite of his humbled state. It was a good sign. If he still had the fight in him to deliver Gabriel such a warning...he still had the passion he would need to heal and to thrive. He nodded, giving Casitel and apologetic look for the soft, yet sudden breath of laughter that escaped his throat.

"If I did not know how devoted you are to Sam," he remarked, "I might almost thing you were in love with Jade yourself."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-03 09:10 pm UTC (link)

"You have not been callous, Gabriel. Not to me," he said softly. Rather he had been astonished by Gabriel's kind acceptance of his new state.

He was no offended by Gabriel's amusement but he didn't go much on his words. "Jade is my friend. I believe she should be treated with regard and respect. I do not think this is expectational among friends. I would expect another to offer you the same." He wasn't exactly agitated but he had drawn himself tall in his chair, his gaze level, flinty.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-03 09:58 pm UTC (link)
	Gabriel sighed, shaking his head. Castiel had never been much for jokes, had he? "Of course, you're right," he said, "And you must know that I of all people have the utmost respect for her. And for you as well. I didn't mean it that way. I'm glad to know that my friends are surrounded by people who care about them." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-04 04:04 am UTC (link)

Castiel didn't really relax but his gaze was less steely. "Then please give her the respect of an answer. She is suspected between the past and the future and will remain there until you release her."

Castiel believed he understood the situation, and he did, but only to an extent. He knew Jade loved Gabriel and Gabriel was dallying between Jade and... someone Castiel had a complex attitude to. When he was dating Joanna, and even before, he had the utmost respect for her. Now he saw her as, if not exactly an enemy, an opportunist, blocking Jade's only chance of happiness when Joanna herself could have anyone.

It was not fair but Castiel was biased and protective and working on half a story.

He was also desperate to focus on anything but himself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-04 04:30 am UTC (link)
	"I told you, I am meeting with her this afternoon, to discuss just that," Gabriel said, deliberately becoming more soft spoken as his emotions heightened and became amplified. "Anything more is between Jade and I. But don't think for a moment that I did not mourn her death, or that I do not rejoice to know she is alive again." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-04 08:33 am UTC (link)

Castiel nodded but he wasn't sure he could agree completely agree it was only between them even as he knew that it was, that it wasn't his place to push Gabriel in either direction.

All he knew was he was sad for Jade who was in pain and he could only see one way to ease it. But he could only watch.

"Do you, wish to see her happy?" Castiel asked, his eyes narrowed.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-04 12:16 pm UTC (link)
	Gabriel's shoulders sagged slightly at that, and he leaned back in his chair. "Of course I wish to see her happy, Castiel," he said, "More than anything. But I can't be the source of her happiness. She has to find that inside herself--or anything that I can give her will be just a temporary high. And she deserves more than just another dependency." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	heavenslancer 2010-11-04 08:57 pm UTC (link)
	"Sam is the source of my happiness," Castiel said evenly. "And it is not temporary. We will not leave each other to alone to our problems or our joys. Do you think... Sam is just a temporary high to me? That I can't find happiness in him? Is that how you see love?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-05 02:57 am UTC (link)
	"I did not mean it in that way," Gabriel amended, "I will always love Jade. Always do my best to protect and defend her. But I think...each of us has to find our own center, our own sense of balance, before we can truly give ourselves to another. We support each other, yes, but I don't want to be a crutch. Does that...does that make sense?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	heavenslancer 2010-11-05 03:29 am UTC (link)
	"She is damaged and is a burden," Castiel said... "as I a-" He stopped. Misunderstanding or not Castiel fell on his own conclusion. "Is this how Sam feels? That he is my crutch?" Castiel was sure he wasn't centred, that he didn't have his balance. Perhaps Sam was only less willing to stand up for himself than Gabriel? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-05 03:51 am UTC (link)
	Gabriel pushed his bowl away, frustrated. "No! She is not a burden, and neither are you. I just mean...we can help you find your feet again but there is so much more to live for than just me. Because...I make mistakes. I fail. And I need someone to lean on sometimes too. I may not be human but I'm not perfect either." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	heavenslancer 2010-11-05 04:06 am UTC (link)
	"Gabriel frowned, almost as frustrated. "Everyone makes mistakes. Gabriel. Mine are obvious. Sam's are spectacular. Jade is aware of your imperfections. How is inflicting them on Joanna better than inflicting them on Jade? I am missing your logic, Gabriel. I love Sam despite his flaws and mistakes. Isn't that how it is for everyone?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-05 04:21 am UTC (link)
	He sighed then, head hanging. "I love her, Cas. I'll never stop loving her. But emotions...they aren't logical. Even I don't understand what I'm feeling. I just...I need to talk to her. I won't know what's going to happen between us until I do." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-05 04:28 am UTC (link)

Castiel's fire cooled. His voice softened. "Sam and I... we almost parted ways two weeks ago... I loved him but I wasn't sure I could be with him. I didn't want to leave but I didn't think I could stay. We spoke, in desperation. We are... still together and we are stronger together but... love isn't all you need," he conceded.

His was still soft as he asked, "Do you love Joanna too?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

archaic_rival
2010-11-05 04:42 am UTC (link)

Gabriel swallowed, folding his hands in his lap to still his nerves. "I care for her more than I ever thought I could care for a human--and you know I've always had a soft spot for the little ones. I never realized I could fall so quickly into the feeling of love. The euphoria and the infatuation of it. It makes me doubt myself. I know I love Jade...but I think I love Jo too. Is that even possible?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

heavenslancer
2010-11-05 04:59 am UTC (link)

"I believe it is possible to love both..." Castiel said. "But you can only give yourself to one unless they agree to share you. I understand loving a human, I truly do. The surprise, the joy... I have felt those things. I do not think loving her is a mistake. Remember there was a time when I loved Joanna too. Not as I love Sam now, we never had that long, but I felt what you feel."

Castiel met his brother's gaze. "I wish you to be happy too. I wish for you to have love. I trust you care for Jade. I trust you do not want her hurt but... she will be. I already can see where this will go. I will be there for Jade when she needs me. I will be here for you when you need me. If you are truly moving towards love, genuine love, I will make no protest. Besides, I don't think Jade wants me to hurt you," he added.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	archaic_rival 2010-11-05 05:15 am UTC (link)
	"Thank you," he murmured, "I appreciate it. But if you do ever feel like decking me," he added, "I could probably bounce back fast enough." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	heavenslancer 2010-11-05 05:27 am UTC (link)
	"I will let you know," Castiel said solemnly, the smallest smile in his eyes. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -