InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i want to be forever younggggg"

Peter Petrelli (thegoodbrother) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-09-15 15:48:00

Entry tags:

!closed, #complete, chris halliwell, peter petrelli

WHO: Peter Petrelli and Chris Halliwell.
WHAT: Barbas is fucking with his head.
WHEN: Early afternoon.
WHERE: His apartment.
RATING: Go ahead and say R for violence and suicide (sort of). And boykissing.
STATUS: Complete.

Peter was studying for one of his classes, reading about procedures and treatments, being responsible and grown up for a change. Chris was off with his mother and the apartment was quiet. Peter was glad for that. It wasn't that he didn't like having Chris around. That wasn't it at all. He liked it...maybe too much. It was hard to focus with the Whitelighter around, and he knew he couldn't keep pretending indefinitely that he didn't have feelings for the other man. And that could only end badly.

His PDA was off, so that he could have an easier time studying without interruptions, and he turned on the radio with a flick of telekinesis to add some background noise. Sometimes he worried that he was too comfortable with his powers. That one day he'd lose control again, end up in another coma or explode and kill everyone or just be driven mad by his mental abilities. He pushed aside those thoughts for the moment, returning to his studies, but it wasn't long before he felt something. He didn't know what it was, but he felt it. A buzzing in his head like a much quieter version of the feedback he got whenever Parkman tried to read his mind. It wasn't what he felt with Chris, and he was immediately on edge, pulling a small handgun from his desk.

"Who's there?" he asked, looking around. "I know you're there, so stop hiding."

But there was nobody, and the buzzing faded. Peter was about to go back to his desk, convince himself that it was just stress or that he was tired or something, when he felt it again. And this time there were words, like someone talking to him. Like some part of his mind was speaking. It's too much. You can't possibly hope to control it, Pete. You're too weak. Too pathetic.

No. That wasn't true. He was fine. He was stronger than he had been over a year ago, at Kirby Plaza. He wasn't going to lose control like that again. He knew how to control it now, and he wasn't going to let anything like that happen again. But that voice kept whispering, playing on his fears and reminding him of how weak he was. How helpless he really was to keep the people he loved safe. And he could feel his control slipping, feel everything slipping just a little more until he began to wonder who he was fooling.

He could hear more voice. Thoughts. Everyone was thinking so loudly, and it was impossible to differentiate one from the other, impossible to hear his own thoughts above the din. And the emotions were worse. It was like a filter had been knocked loose and suddenly he could hear it all. Feel it all. Happiness, sorrow, anger...some people were so angry and it was like a sense of vertigo, making him dizzy. His legs gave out and he collapsed to his knees, gun clattering uselessly to the floor as he clasped his hands over his ears as if trying to block out the sound. He tried to push with his mind, block it all out, but it was too much and he felt like he was drowning. All he managed to do was throw the stereo at the wall with his telekinesis.

He was shaking, flickering in and out of visibility, electricity playing along his skin and the occasional object hitting the walls as his abilities fought with one another. But the mental ones were the worst. He could hear what everyone was thinking, and their emotions were choking him. His eyes were shut tightly, but he could see himself exploding again, destroying everything and everyone. Only this time Nathan didn't save him. He didn't care. He just looked at him and told him how pathetic he was, how much of a disappointment he had become.

"Shut up!" He whispered. "Shut up! Shut up!"

I always knew you were weak, Pete. You're not strong enough to stop it. I can't keep cleaning up your messes. You're such a disappointment...a failure. Anyone else would be better with your ability. You couldn't stop Sylar, you couldn't save me. How the hell do you think you can stop yourself. You're going to get everyone killed, Peter. It will all be your fault.

"No," he shook his head violently. "Stop it! I won't. I'm not...just stop it! Please! Stop it!"

You have to stop it, Pete. But I don't think you can.

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notunreasonable
2009-09-16 01:11 am UTC (link)

Chris didn't even properly process what Peter was saying. It was like something had been let out to breathe inside of him, when the other male just started rambling again.

Chris just squeezed Peter to him but after a while the words started sinking in. He heard what Peter said and they made no sense whatsoever but they would deal with that later. They had something more pressing. "You fucking idiot!" Chris hissed with his words muffled against Peter's shoulder. Probably not the right thing to say given Peter's fears but ... "God, if you scare me like that again. I'll kill you myself." His breathing was rapid and he just wasn't letting Peter go, slowly, his heart rate started to calm. But Chris didn't trust himself to speak or not to break down entirely, so instead, he just pressed a kiss at Peter's temple.

Time passed for what seemed forever, before he could form words again, time that was probably a few seconds, maybe minutes at best. "You aren't weak or pathetic." Despite the previous fearful, relieved anger in his voice, Chris' tone was absolute, absolute in certainty, absolute (almost) in calm. "You're idiot ... and you've got an obvious hero complex, but you aren't weak or pathetic." That needed to be said. That obviously needed get out because Chris had a feeling that this was what all of this had been about, had stemmed from. And Chris also knew that Nathan's only power was flight. There was no way he had enough power to project that far and as much as Peter said his brother was all reserved, he was pretty certain that he loved his brother. He was just more emotionally stunted than Chris thought he, himself, was. So it had to be something else.

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thegoodbrother
2009-09-16 08:44 pm UTC (link)

Peter flinched as Chris called him an idiot, still raw and shaken over what had happened, but he couldn't move away because of how the Whitelighter was holding him. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't mean to scare you...but...if I hadn't stopped myself, it would have destroyed the whole city. Everyone would have died, and I couldn't let that happen. It nearly happened once before...and that was bad enough. I thought...I mean...in comparison to that...it was an acceptable loss." And maybe Peter was out of it if he was referring to himself as an acceptable loss, but it was equally likely that he actually felt that way. He froze as he felt Chris kiss his temple, surprised by the action. He looked up at Chris with a sort of wide-eyed awe. "I...really scared you, didn't I?" he asked, more than a little shocked. "You...I mean..." he looked down again. "You'd actually have cared if I hadn't come back." And, outside his family, he really wasn't used to that.

"I'm sorry," Peter said, in a small voice, mind still reeling with what had nearly happened. "It's just...it's hard, keeping all of it in sometimes. The first time I had this ability...I met a man named Ted Sprague...he had this ability...induced radioactivity. Basically, he could go nuclear. I'd been having visions, about an explosion wiping out New York...so when I met him I thought Sylar was going to take his power." He looked down at his hands, clearly upset by the memory. "It was me...and...my mother knew what would happen. She dreams about the future. She...wanted it to happen at the time...a disaster like that unifies people...and my brother would have been a leader in a time of crisis...it would have paved the way for him to be president." He laughed, bitterly, then continued. "Nate...he was going to go along with it. After all...what's point zero seven percent of the world's population in the long run?"

He took a shaky breath. "I knew it was a possibility that it could be me...I had that ability and I still didn't know how to control my powers yet," he said. "Claire was supposed to kill me if it came to that...one bullet in the back of the head...only way I can die. But she couldn't do it. I don't really blame her...it was a lot to ask. I was fighting Sylar when it happened...and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I remember him telling me that...in the end...I was the real villain...all the people he killed would never add up to the number I would." He shook his head. "Nate...he was an idiot...he changed his mind at the last minute and stopped me. Flew me up into the stratosphere so nobody would be hurt...except him. It nearly killed him...it would have without Adam's blood...and...I keep failing them. Him. Claire. All of them. I couldn't...I couldn't do that again."

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notunreasonable
2009-09-16 09:05 pm UTC (link)

Chris didn't say anything for a long time. He didn't say anything when Peter flinched and he didn't interrupt as Peter spoke. He just waited the charge out and simply held him, patiant. When Peter finished, Chris let out a breathe, before pressing a firm kiss to Peter's forehead. You wouldn't have been able to pull Peter away from Chris with a crowbar. If the faith of Colligo and Earth depended on Chris' sole ability to let go of Peter at that very moment, Chris would have easily let both locations burn. It was the least either places owed the both of them. It would have been just as easy to place a kiss on Peter's lips, but he couldn't ... he wasn't ready ... not now; however, he knew enough to know that he wanted this, needed this. They both did and so Chris wasn't letting him go.

It was on the tip of Chris' acerbic tongue to call Peter an idiot again but he couldn't do that to the other male. He cared to much, he wanted to protect him to much, to hurt him when he was so raw, just because Chris needed to vent out how scared and angry and frustrated he was. So instead, he gave Peter's forehead a lighter kiss, nodding slowly. "Yeah. You scared me." Understatment. "And yeah, I'd miss you, I'd actually care if you hadn't come back this time around. And I wouldn't have been the only one." Chris didn't even know how to begin to touch Peter's issues at the moment. God, he hadn't thought it would be possible to meet someone more fucked up by family and life and destiny than he was. But at least one of that he'd managed to fix and the second, he was still working on.

Nonetheless, they would work on it. He'd be there for Peter. It just needed to be said, that he would have been missed. The rest, there would be plenty, plenty of time for it.

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thegoodbrother
2009-09-19 08:17 pm UTC (link)

It felt nice to be held by someone. To be taken care of, or cared for, or whatever this was. It was different from what he was used to. It wasn't so much that his family hadn't loved him or shown him this sort of affection, as it was that it was secondary to other things. They cared, but other things would always matter more. Politics, society, public opinion. With Chris he felt like, just maybe, this was the most important thing. At least, in this moment. And he didn't even care that the kiss to his forehead made him feel like he was about five years old or something, because somebody actually gave a damn about him, without the obligations of family or anything. And he thought, just maybe, he loved Chris a little for that.

He tried to look up as Chris kissed his forehead again, only succeeding in managing to go cross-eyed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I never wanted to scare you, I just...wasn't thinking. Or I was but...when it gets like that there's no real alternative besides stopping it. I need to talk to Claude about control. He helped me last time...and okay, it was unconventional with the whole hitting me with a stick and tossing me off the roof thing...but he's good at what he does." He gave Chris a small smile. "I know you're my Whitelighter and I should be going to you for this, but...I need someone who will push me more than I think I can handle...and I don't want to put you in that position." He didn't say that he didn't want Chris to see him if he failed.

"I'm glad," he said softly, "that you would miss me...that you would care if I didn't...I just...I..." He was at a loss for words, so he did the only thing he could think of, leaning forward to kiss Chris again, slower this time and not as desperate. There was a hesitancy, as if he was afraid that Chris was going to haul off and hit him.

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notunreasonable
2009-09-19 08:53 pm UTC (link)

Chris fought the urge to point out that Peter really hadn't been thinking, in a sarcastic tone. However, he didn't, in fact he couldn't at the moment. Maybe later. "Whatever it was it was messing with your head. I don't blame you." He just wanted to kick the ass of who ever was responsible.

"Wait." He frowned. "Pushed you off the roof? He pushed you off the roof? That's supposed to train you to control your powers?!" It was clear that Chris was about to boarder on irriational, given the clear disbelief in his tone. His reaction not displaying one ounce of the hypocrisy of his own words. Obviously someone had forgotten that he'd put the sisters through much worse emotionally, and even at times physically, when he'd been their whitelighter. However, at the moment, at all Chris was thinking about was a bruised Peter. And seeing as he'd just seen the other male shoot himself in the head, and felt his body dying against him ... it wasn't unreasonable that Chris wasn't handling this very well.

Chris' jaw clenched, as he tried not to snap out at Peter, that this was his job, that this is what he was supposed to do. Push him. Chris wondered if that was why the Elders had been so adamant against whitelighter/charge relations. Wondered how his parents had handled it. They'd managed it. However, Chris didn't know Peter near as well as his dad knew his mom. Not to mention he hadn't been a whitelighter with a charge even a quater as long as his dad had been one. So emotions were likely to meld more. But Chris was sure whether as someone who had feelings for Peter or just as his whitelighter, he would never like the idea of Peter being pushed off a building.

So instead, he just rolled his eyes a little. "Yeah, well -" He started answering when Peter was trailing off but the other male cut him off. He stiffened for an instant, before gentely, just as hesitant, he returned the kiss. Peter had soft lips.

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