InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love you mostestest"

Sam Winchester [Supernatural] (fireinthesoul) wrote in colligo_network,
@ 2011-03-05 06:02:00

Entry tags:

castiel, claire winchester, jo harvelle-wuornos, sam winchester

[Private]It's six o'clock in the morning, and I should be asleep. I want to be asleep. I don't want to be awake, but it's somehow more real when I'm asleep. I can see the dirt ceiling, I can smell the raw earth. I can feel it...all of it, every cut, every blow. I can hear him breathing, I can see the pulse throbbing against his neck when he bent over me, carving with his knife against my skin. I don't ever want to sleep again. I don't even want to close my eyes.

I don't hate him. I know, we all knew he was disturbed. I thought we were past it, but I should have known better. I don't think I took time enough to see him, have a beer with him, I didn't see him enough to see how unstable he still was. He's always put up a good front. I never expected this. Not ever. But he's still my brother, nothing can take that away from us. It's not in me to hate him, not him. Never him. [/Private]

[Friends]
I'm all right. I'm okay. Last night was rough, but Cas helped me and I'm home, I'm resting comfortably. I just want to thank you all for the thoughts, but don't give it another thought. It's the weekend, and the weather is beautiful. Go out there and enjoy it.

[Juno, in addition to the text above]
Hey. I'd like to see you? Just when ever you can.

(Post a new comment)

	Sam harvelle 2011-03-05 12:40 pm UTC (link)
	...Something happened? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jo fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 04:25 pm UTC (link)
	Dean...The future Dean. He got it in his head to flush Lucifer out of me. Except Lucifer isn't in me. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Filter trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 03:13 pm UTC (link)
	What happened? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Castiel goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	Come over. Please. I don't care what Dean or Sam might say, you need to be here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Claire trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 04:14 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know how much help I can be if someone is hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Castiel goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	My blood can heal any injury. We don't need you here for that. You're family, Castiel. Just please come. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Claire trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 04:28 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Castiel goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 04:32 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Filter fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 04:27 pm UTC (link)
	~~Cas. Oh Cas.~~ Dean, the future Dean, the one from bizzaro world where I said yes to Lucifer and went head first in to the apocalypse, he decided to try and flush Lucifer out of me. It's all he knows, he...I don't know why he snapped, why he did it, but...but the flaw in his plan is that Lucifer isn't in me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Filter trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 04:35 pm UTC (link)
	If Lucifer were in you there would've been signs. Where is this Dean now? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Castiel

fireinthesoul
2011-03-05 04:42 pm UTC (link)

I didn't even know...when I came here, I didn't even know Lucifer wanted me for his vessel. I'd killed Lilith, and Lucifer was free, but I didn't know he wanted me.

He was here for a time, you know. A while back. He...was destroyed. And even with all the weirdness of the city, I don't think he can come back. He didn't just go away like most of them. He was destroyed.

But Dean, he...I don't blame him. I know he must have thought it was true, he'd never hurt me otherwise. And I don't want anyone going after him. You probabaly couldn't get close to him, anyway. I'm sure other you is looking after him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 04:56 pm UTC (link)
	That's assuring, but he should've known better. There's no excuse, Sam. He's still your brother. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Castiel fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 05:00 pm UTC (link)
	He's still my brother. Yes. And he's still the one person I would fight to defend, just as he would fight for me. In his mind, that's what he was doing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 05:07 pm UTC (link)
	Which still doesn't right his wrong. This can be discussed later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Castiel

fireinthesoul
2011-03-05 05:11 pm UTC (link)

I'm not condoning what he did. I was there. And I remember everything, more or less. Eventually I...There's a point where I sort of blacked out and I don't remember. But if I even think for a second that I might be forgetting, all I have to do is close my eyes, or take a deep breath and it comes rushing right back again. I'm not going to forget, I'm not going to dismiss it. But I'm also not going to support retaliation. I want him left alone. His Cas can deal with him, no one else needs to be involved with that side of it.

Promise me, Castiel. Promise me you won't do anything.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam trenchcoat_angl 2011-03-05 05:18 pm UTC (link)
	I won't do anything nor will I go search for him ~~as should be done~~ But if I encounter him or he comes to me, don't expect me to be civil. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Castiel fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 05:30 pm UTC (link)
	That's fair. I just...I don't want things to get any worse, Cas. I just want...I want my brother to be okay. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Filter goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	This is not resting, Sam. You need to rest. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Filter fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 04:28 pm UTC (link)
	I tried that, it didn't work out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Filter goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 04:30 pm UTC (link)
	Fair enough. [Sam] I asked Castiel to come over. I hope that's okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[ Claire ]

fireinthesoul
2011-03-05 04:36 pm UTC (link)

That's...okay. Yeah. I wish...No, I'll hurt my brain in the other direction if I let myself start thinking that. But I don't mind. I'd like him to be here.

Do you mind telling anyone else who doesn't know? I don't know if I can go through it anymore. Everytime...It just. I'm not blocking it out or anything, that's not healthy, but I don't want to think about it either.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Sam ] goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 04:42 pm UTC (link)
	Good. I think he's needed. But I'm sorry it's hard, Sam. ~~I'm just so sorry about everythi~~ Of course. I can handle it. Do you need anything else? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Claire ] fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 04:54 pm UTC (link)
	No, I think that's... Juno. Has anyone talked to Juno? I don't want her finding out through a message on the boards. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Sam ] goallbuffyonus 2011-03-05 05:04 pm UTC (link)
	She already knows. I texted her last night while Dean was on his way to get you. I texted her again once Cas brought you home to let her know you were safe and told her if she wanted to come by later, she was more than welcome. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Claire ] fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 05:07 pm UTC (link)
	I should have known you'd take care of her. Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Sam ] goallbuffyonus 2011-03-06 06:14 pm UTC (link)
	There's no need to thank me, Sam, but you're welcome. And if there's anything else you need, just let me know. I'm going to go out on the balcony for a little while and clear my head; I won't be far. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Claire ] fireinthesoul 2011-03-06 06:28 pm UTC (link)
	I might have to join you out there later. I think I need the air. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 08:49 pm UTC (link)
	I'm coming over now. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 08:51 pm UTC (link)
	Good. Bring your guitar. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	Will do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 08:59 pm UTC (link)
	Then we'll be set. I can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 09:07 pm UTC (link)
	You think it's too cold for ice cream? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 09:08 pm UTC (link)
	I think...I think I'd like ice cream. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 09:09 pm UTC (link)
	I'll bring that too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 09:16 pm UTC (link)
	I knew there was a reason we keep you around. You're the best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	Love you too, Megatron. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 09:28 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, I'm the leader of the Decepitcons, am I? That's kind of awesome. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 09:31 pm UTC (link)
	You are kind of awesome. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	~~Sure doesn't feel that way right now.~~ Yeah? So're you. And don't you forget it. Now, where's my ice cream, missy? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam sacredvessel 2011-03-05 09:35 pm UTC (link)
	In the elevator. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Juno fireinthesoul 2011-03-05 09:35 pm UTC (link)
	Like I said, you're the best. (Reply to this) (Parent)