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readsyournotes ([info]readsyournotes) wrote in [info]chaosunraveled,
@ 2010-06-28 22:09:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Who: L and Rachel
When: June 28th, evening, Just before dark
Where: Two story house on the outskirts of Emptiness
What: After realizing he has feelings for her, L tries to come to a decision regarding Rachel.
Rating: Pg-13


After seeing Rachel’s message, L curled up in a chair inside an office on the second floor of the house and buried his head between his knees. He had two hours before she was supposed to arrive, which seemed to be both too soon and an eternity to him at once. This was going to be it; a decision had to be made whether he was ready or not. The longer he waited the harder it was going to be to reach an answer.

L had finally accepted that he had feelings for Rachel, but he still didn’t know what to do regarding the matter. He was still torn, finding neither decision acceptable.

Pushing her away from him appeared to be the most logical answer. L knew better than to allow his personal feelings get in the way of things. She was a distraction and a liability. If he didn’t do this then it would be entirely his fault if something happened to her. Association to him had always been a dangerous thing. He couldn’t allow people to get close to him. The best he could do was use them to his advantage.

L had realized when he first met her in person that with her powers, Rachel could be an excellent tool to be used against their enemies. But somehow, unexpectedly she meant more to him than that now. She wasn’t just a ‘tool’ to him anymore. If the time came where it seemed appropriate, he would have to use her. If he truly wished to avoid that, and if truly cared about her, he should cut all contact with her.

Besides, could he really trust her, depend on her, or even completely relax around her? L wanted to, but knew this wasn’t wise. The only person he had ever truly trusted in his life had been Watari. But Watari was gone and he was alone now.

Rachel was all he really had and the very idea of cutting his contact with her hurt, and it hurt him deeply. The logical part of him could at least argue that it would be more dangerous for him here if he was entirely by himself. It was good to keep someone close. And despite turning to her, he didn’t entirely trust Lilly. Who else could it be?

As Lilly had brought to light, his relationship with work did seem like an abusive relationship. But the end justified the means, didn’t it? He had excepted it. At least until now he had. He was L. He couldn’t very well abandon that just for his own happiness, could he?

All these thoughts ping-ponged relentlessly through his head. There had been no sleep for him during these past few days. He couldn’t find refuge in even the shortest nap, thus the detective was more exhausted and sleep deprived than usual --All the more reason to force himself to reach a conclusion if it was going to affect him this much. There was no reason for him to be in this house beyond his intentions of meeting Rachel here and doing just that.

L honestly didn’t know what he would say when she arrived. But he did know that if he couldn’t reach a conclusion, he might be able to save himself from his indecision if he just told her the truth about how he felt. If he did, he was quite certain that she wouldn’t return those feelings and things would work out as they should. Rachel herself would choose to avoid him and he would be forced to accept it.

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-06-30 12:07 am UTC (link)
Once again there was silence, but Rachel turned around, and looked at L. God, he looked like shit, and she wanted to tell him to take a damn nap. Except, he had asked her what she wanted, and she now had to answer the question.

"I want a companion," she started, "I'm not supposed to want one; I didn't want one back in my world, but this is a different world, and I don't want it to be the same. You talk about how you're not supposed to have feelings? I told myself that I wasn't going to have feelings for anyone."

Rachel stepped inside the door, and sat down on the floor. "I knew I had feelings for you a little while back, but I hid them, because I'm good at doing that," she explained softly.

"I don't want to leave. I don't want this to be goodbye. You're the first, and only person I've opened up to. I don't know why. Maybe it's because you're really not like other guys. If I was with anyone else, I'd have to hear, 'Rachel, when are we going to have sex? Rachel, why are you such a frigid bitch? Rachel, are you gay? Rachel, are you human?' on and on forever."

She looked up, and smiled at him. "With you, I see a guy that would respect that. I also see a guy that looks like complete shit, and should sleep, or something."

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-06-30 01:18 am UTC (link)

“Do I really look that bad?” L slid off his chair and moved to sit on the floor next to Rachel. After all of this, even if she still left, he just wanted to be closer to her for at least a moment.

“I guess we both want things we aren’t supposed to.” If L wasn’t so drained from all this , he would have probably thought it was funny. He leaned against the wall sighing. “I really do work too much. In this world most of the time, nothing really comes of it. I am bored with getting nowhere, and I am tired of being alone and doing everything. I wasn’t entirely on my own in my world. When I needed someone to talk to that I could trust I had Watari. Here, there is you.”

He smiled weakly, “And without even realizing it I fell in love. I only know now because Lilly pointed it out. I haven’t slept at all since the malfunction day. Try as I like, I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to force myself to decide today but I cannot seem to let myself do what I would usually consider as the right thing. I don’t want to be without you.”

“I think I reached my decision. I am not going to say goodbye to you.”

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-06-30 02:05 am UTC (link)
Rachel nodded her head when L asked that question.

"If we all had to make this world the same as the ones we came from, then I'd have to be a vagabond," she said. "Wow, how did Lilly figure it out? I mean, I know she's a detective...ooh, and she's also a woman; that would explain a few things," Rachel asked, but then commented out loud to herself.

"I don't want to be without you either," Rachel finally said after L's confession.

"And what is it they say? If there's a will, there's a way."

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-06-30 02:32 am UTC (link)
“We may argue and not see eye to eye, but I have to give her credit.” After all, she had seen something that he had not. She had even helped him by giving him someone to talk to when he needed it.

“We’ll find a way.” L said, eyes closing a little. The worst of it was over now, and he felt he could relax. He could probably even get some sleep now without having too much to worry about, but he didn’t want to do so just yet. The detective didn’t want to wake up and find that she had gone back to Asgard, even if it was just to let him rest.

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-06-30 02:37 am UTC (link)
She nodded her head, and looked at L. He looked tired, like he could fall asleep at any moment now. "We'll find a way, but first, you need some sleep," she told him.

Rachel continued to look at L, and finally asked, "Is there anything I can do for you, that might make you rest easier?" she asked.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-06-30 03:05 am UTC (link)
L just nodded in agreement. Yes, they would find a way, and yes, he needed to sleep.

“There is something.” He said, feeling slightly embarrassed with having to ask this of her. “While I rest, would you object to staying with me?”

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-06-30 03:22 am UTC (link)
Rachel simply smiled, and nodded her head. "No, I won't object to that at all." As she stood up, she looked down at L, and asked, "Was there a particular place you wanted to sleep, or were you content being on the floor?"

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-06-30 03:42 am UTC (link)
L stood up after she did. He really wasn’t picky about where he slept, and he was actually fine with the floor, but he assumed Rachel would be more comfortable someplace else. The office was small and only had a desk, chair and fake plant in the corner for its furnishings.

All that mattered to him was if he was where she was. He smiled, and wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on her shoulder. “Here is fine.”

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-01 06:08 am UTC (link)
Rachel had to suppress a smile when L wrapped his arms around her, and announced that her shoulder was a great place to sleep, so to speak. "Fine for you maybe, but I'll likely topple soon, and that won't be good for either of us," she answered while wrapping one of her own arms around him.

"Come on, I noticed a room just a couple doors down; think you can make it there?" she asked sincerely with a smile.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-07-02 03:55 pm UTC (link)
“I won’t sleep long, but I agree it would be best to avoid any chance of toppling. I can make it there.” He was tired, but he didn't believe he was incapable of walking anywhere.

He was about to break his embrace when he felt her slide an arm around him. He had not expected her to return the contact, and normally he would not have been so willing to receive it, but with Rachel the action seemed a little more acceptable to him. Besides, he had hugged her first, hadn’t he?

L let it last a moment longer, then opened the door and proceeded down the hall towards the room she had mentioned.

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-03 12:38 am UTC (link)
She had wrapped her own arm around him to help support him, but when it became evident that he could make it the room just fine on his own, Rachel let go. The two of them headed for that bedroom. When they arrived, Rachel pushed the door open, and looked inside.

The room was your standard everyday bedroom. Against the wall was a king-sized bed, complete with bed set. Next to it on the left side was a table; in front of the bed was a small flat screen TV; and there was a lamp on the table as well.

"Not bad," Rachel commented dully.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-07-03 02:49 am UTC (link)
L had to agree with her, it wasn’t bad at all, but the detective had known this already as he had searched the house beforehand to learn more about the previous occupants and determine if the place was suitable enough for him to stay in for a couple days without having to leave. Everything was clean, organized, and contained comfortable furnishings. A lot of the furniture seemed to be new like the house itself. More importantly for L there were snacks in the cabinet, just enough deserts in the fridge and freezer, and enough coffee to make up for the lack of tea.

Without a word, L placed both hands on the side of the bed and swung himself up onto the mattress. He didn’t sleep in beds often as he tended to favor sitting up in a chair. In fact, the last time he had chosen to sleep in a bed he had done so with Rachel during the malfunction day.

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-03 03:04 am UTC (link)
After L had taken his place on the bed, Rachel followed suit, and found herself sitting about a foot away from L. She figured that if he wanted to be closer to her, he could either ask, or just come closer to her himself. Either way was fine with Rachel. She found herself laying down on her back, and staring at the ceiling while thinking about what had transpired.

So many thoughts were running through her head that it wasn't long before she was getting tired herself, and yawning. After that she turned her head over to L to see if he was asleep yet.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-07-03 04:20 am UTC (link)
L wasn’t asleep yet. He was lying curled up next to Rachel, watching with eyes half closed. Although he felt more relaxed than he had before, his mind was still busy. As much as he wanted sleep, there was a lot of things for him to be worried about still.

Aster what had just transpired, he know now that he couldn’t comfortably say goodbye to Rachel and push her away from him. But because of this, he had a new set of problems that needed to be worked out. L now had to concern himself with keeping the two of them safe. He wondered; did she really know what she was getting into by remaining with him? She was right in the fact that this world was an entirely different place than their own but that didn’t mean they were both free from danger. Both of them had to be careful, and he had to at least tell her what to expect.

Just as he began to wonder what Rachel was thinking about he saw her yawn and turn her head towards him. L’s eyes opened a little more, but not fully, “A lot on your mind?”

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-03 04:34 am UTC (link)
Rachel had an idea of what she was getting into, but in some ways, she felt that given the circumstances it wouldn't be so bad. For one thing she wasn't going to tell anyone, since doing so was way too romanticized for her tastes, and just cheesy as hell. And both her and L had been careful meeting each other, so that wouldn't be anything new.

When she heard L, she rolled over to her side, and looked at him. "Maybe a little bit," she answered softly. "What about you? You're not asleep, so there must be," she asked the detective.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-07-03 05:44 am UTC (link)
“Hn… yes. I’ve never encountered this kind of scenario before so I am having a little bit of trouble taking my mind off of it at the moment,” L admitted with a small sigh. In truth, he had just been thinking in circles. If he could at least get to sleep for at least an hour he was certain he would be clear headed enough to be able to reach some solutions, but he couldn’t quite manage it.

He focused his concern back to Rachel. Even if it was just ‘a little bit’, that meant there was still something on her mind. He was curious as to what it was. “What have you been thinking about?”

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-03 06:21 am UTC (link)
"Yeah neither have I. I mean, I've dated before, but nothing really came from them," Rachel admitted.

It was something else though that was bothering Rachel just a little bit; a nagging question she had. "I've just been thinking, of everyone here, why me? I mean," she paused a bit, and yawned; her eyelids growing heavy. "I mean why not someone like Lilly?" she asked him.

It was highly unlikely that she'd be able to process whatever answer L gave her, since she looked like she was about to pass out soon. Still, she struggled to keep her eyes so she could at least here his answer.

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[info]readsyournotes
2010-07-03 08:19 am UTC (link)

“I’ve never dated.” L said flatly, eyes starting to fall shut. It was getting harder to concentrate on talking now. “There was never time for me to nor was it wise. I’ve never allowed someone to get this close to me. So this is an entirely new experience.” He knew he was going to regret all of this in the future. She would one day use everything he was doing and saying now against him. No amount of her assuring him otherwise would make him believe differently. As much as he would like to, he couldn’t fully trust her.

He thought about her question for a moment. In truth L didn’t really know what to say to her. He knew better than to rely on it, but there was just a strange sense of comfort he felt around her. He could enjoy her company without having to fully be on his guard. Because of her he had new experiences and he wasn’t so alone. With her he had companionship.

L stretched out and moved closer to her, taking a hold of a fold in her shirt between his fingers. “I don’t know.” He said, kissing her softly.

He noticed then that she was falling asleep and realized he was starting to drift off himself. But L was almost sure he would stay awake a moment longer than Rachel—Almost.

He closed his eyes, feeling sleep at last pulling at him, “Lilly…She is mentally stimulating, but…That is all… when I am with you… I can… …” Was all he managed to say before he finally dozed off.

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[info]i_create_xix
2010-07-04 07:51 am UTC (link)
Of course it would be difficult for Rachel to use anything against L, because she was in the same predicament. L could tell any one about her strengths and weaknesses. The biggest difference between the two was that Rachel honestly felt that she had nothing to lose; where as it seemed that L had everything to lose.

Plus, all she was hearing was "Vevered, thaever im ormnorasit bla bla bla bla"

When L kissed her softly, Rachel didn't flinch. Maybe out of trust, but more than likely it was because she had dozed off by now. She had heard L mention something about Lilly being mentally stimulating, but that was about it.

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