Who: L and Rachel
When: June 28th, evening, Just before dark
Where: Two story house on the outskirts of Emptiness
What: After realizing he has feelings for her, L tries to come to a decision regarding Rachel.
Rating: Pg-13


After seeing Rachel’s message, L curled up in a chair inside an office on the second floor of the house and buried his head between his knees. He had two hours before she was supposed to arrive, which seemed to be both too soon and an eternity to him at once. This was going to be it; a decision had to be made whether he was ready or not. The longer he waited the harder it was going to be to reach an answer.

L had finally accepted that he had feelings for Rachel, but he still didn’t know what to do regarding the matter. He was still torn, finding neither decision acceptable.

Pushing her away from him appeared to be the most logical answer. L knew better than to allow his personal feelings get in the way of things. She was a distraction and a liability. If he didn’t do this then it would be entirely his fault if something happened to her. Association to him had always been a dangerous thing. He couldn’t allow people to get close to him. The best he could do was use them to his advantage.

L had realized when he first met her in person that with her powers, Rachel could be an excellent tool to be used against their enemies. But somehow, unexpectedly she meant more to him than that now. She wasn’t just a ‘tool’ to him anymore. If the time came where it seemed appropriate, he would have to use her. If he truly wished to avoid that, and if truly cared about her, he should cut all contact with her.

Besides, could he really trust her, depend on her, or even completely relax around her? L wanted to, but knew this wasn’t wise. The only person he had ever truly trusted in his life had been Watari. But Watari was gone and he was alone now.

Rachel was all he really had and the very idea of cutting his contact with her hurt, and it hurt him deeply. The logical part of him could at least argue that it would be more dangerous for him here if he was entirely by himself. It was good to keep someone close. And despite turning to her, he didn’t entirely trust Lilly. Who else could it be?

As Lilly had brought to light, his relationship with work did seem like an abusive relationship. But the end justified the means, didn’t it? He had excepted it. At least until now he had. He was L. He couldn’t very well abandon that just for his own happiness, could he?

All these thoughts ping-ponged relentlessly through his head. There had been no sleep for him during these past few days. He couldn’t find refuge in even the shortest nap, thus the detective was more exhausted and sleep deprived than usual --All the more reason to force himself to reach a conclusion if it was going to affect him this much. There was no reason for him to be in this house beyond his intentions of meeting Rachel here and doing just that.

L honestly didn’t know what he would say when she arrived. But he did know that if he couldn’t reach a conclusion, he might be able to save himself from his indecision if he just told her the truth about how he felt. If he did, he was quite certain that she wouldn’t return those feelings and things would work out as they should. Rachel herself would choose to avoid him and he would be forced to accept it.