InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "fax me bro"

Samuel Madin (tiger_says_rawr) wrote in bellumlogs,
@ 2010-06-20 08:35:00

Entry tags:

plot: tempus, plot: xi, shere khan, wicked witch

Who: Sam and Joanie.
What: Tending to horses. Neeeeigh?
Where: The palace stables.
When: Post-hunkering down and sleeping in a barn, post-pulling a Doc Brown and traveling back in time.
Warnings: ~~A stable is not very conducive to sexing, so probably none.~~ Bambi dies. Animal activists, proceed with caution.
Notes: Heeeeeey. So like, I am totally going to assume that either Joanie turned hay into clothes or they were all thrown time-appropriate clothes when dragged off to their respective whatever's. Yes, this is Kim and I have such a way with words. ETA: It was all Joanie. She Harry Twattered the barn group some clothes with whatever magic word it was. Hurjashfutuanfjh!

You knew things were bad when the question was not where are we, but when are we. Judging by the clothing of the protesting Russians and the police that came to break up the scuffle, it had to be early 1900s. Everyone kept yelling about Nicholas - that was one of the few things that made sense - and while the cold was pretty severe, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, as in if they had been caught in the dead of winter.

Though of course our intrepid explorers could not go unnoticed for long. At least they managed to sneak in a few hours of sleep before the next round of fuckery set in. Sam had no idea how he managed to get dragged off to a stable (a stable? Really? What the hell? Did he give off cowboy vibes or some such?) but the stable hand looked pretty serious business about lathering down those horses. Apparently, he was in a rush to get them prepped for important things and didn't care that his newest stable attendants did not speak a lick of Russian.

This would be interesting.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 05:04 pm UTC (link)

Somehow, Joanie had managed to absorb an iota of the current "fashion" - if one could call it that - during the group's trek to shelter. After they had settled down into the barn, she had immediately gotten to work. It was difficult, recalling what the people in the crowd had worn and putting that into her magic. With a bit of faux-patient coaching from the Wicked Witch in her head, Joanie had managed to fashion an appropriate outfit for everybody there in the barn. Thirty seconds after finishing the last article of clothing - a skirt for herself - she had passed out in the hay, exhausted.

The next morning, the name of the game was exploring and food. After all, they had no idea when they'd be returning to Bellum, and starving to death in tumultuous Russia was not something that any of the time travelers was looking forward to. And it was during this little adventure that Sam and Joanie found themselves scolded and dragged off to the Imperial Stables to take care of a bunch of damned horses.

"Fuck this place," Joanie growled as she dunked a stiff-bristled brush in a bucket of water, trying to ignore the bite of cold on her bare fingers. "Fuck this place, fuck these people, and fuck this fucking horse!" The horse in question, a large chestnut bay, let out a low whinny and flicked its tail, ears laying back. "Don't look at me like that," she muttered, whisking the brush over the animal's shoulders. "It's nothing personal."

She sighed, touching her free hand to her forehead. These damn skirts were heavy, this stable was smelly, and she did not want to be stuck here playing stable hand. It was miserable, and she wanted nothing more than to escape. But the head stable hand was sitting right outside, and he wasn't about to let them leave. Glancing over at Sam, she scowled. "This is bullshit. What the fuck are we doing here?"

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 05:15 pm UTC (link)

Sam was so completely overtaken by the fuckery of the situation he didn't even bother to make a standard smartass comment about how Joanie probably wouldn't want to have relations with the horse.

"I have no idea, and that really bugs me," he said, leaning against one of the horses - a nice looking fellow, the color of chocolate. He pat the horse's flank and then tried to focus on brushing him. "We definitely need sustenance at some point. Though it doesn't seem like the stable hand will deliver."

Oh, just kill him. The tiger swished his tail, settling down in Sam's head. Or...you could let me do it. Maybe just give him a little fright?

"For fuck's sake!" Sam exploded, dropping the brush. "How do you deal with it?" he asked Joanie. "There's a thing...in my head." Not that Shere Khan's idea wasn't tempting, but Sam wasn't about to give in to a tiger.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 05:27 pm UTC (link)

Sam was right. The lack of knowledge, the not knowing, was the worst of it. They had no idea why they were there, scrubbing down horses, and no way of finding out. And it wasn't as if they could ask - nobody around them spoke English. As he mentioned food, she frowned. Food was the major thing Joanie had yet to figure out, and it bothered her. "Yeah," she said quietly, brushing at a dirty mat on her horse's back. "I have no idea how we'll find any, though. If there's a system, we don't know it because we don't speak fucking Russian."

The fuck word had become her favorite lately.

The sound of Sam's brush hitting the floor caused her to jump in surprise. "Jesus Christ!" she hissed, leaning back against her horse as she looked to him in shock. Taking a deep breath, she sighed, patting the beast on the flanks as she realized that nothing horrible had happened. Yet.

At his question, she frowned. How did she deal with it? "Well, uh," she started nervously, glancing away. "I just try and ignore it, you know? You're the one with the final say, not...him." She paused. "Who is it?"

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 05:39 pm UTC (link)

"We'll find some, don't worry," Sam said, and he was determined to do just that. He didn't care how it was happening, but it definitely was. "Sorry." He winced at Joanie's surprised expression - getting the stable hand back in here would not be ideal, not until they could figure out the food and/or escape situation. "It's..." Sam paused too, because it was still weird to wrap his mind around. But hey, this was the situation, and he had to deal with it. "Shere Khan. He talks a lot."

And you don't listen. I could find food for you and your schoolboy crush.

Sam grit his teeth. I think our diets differ a little, you hellbeast.

You eat meat, I eat meat. Yours is just cooked.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 05:52 pm UTC (link)

For some reason, his apology made her feel bad. She looked away, focusing on brushing her horse. "S'okay," she said, pausing as he mentioned the tiger in his head. Joanie wasn't exactly an expert on literature, but she had seen the Disney version of the Jungle Book and at least knew what Shere Khan was. Of course, she was well aware that any character in that film was terribly watered down. Since the tiger had been a rather frithful villain, she could only imagine how bad he was in Sam's head.

"Yeah, villains tend to do that," she said with a thin smile. "Monologue-ing, you know. It's their biggest weakness." She finally dislodged a mat of dirt from her horse's shoulder, dropping it down to the floor as she continued to clean it off.

"You could easily overpower that stable hand, you know."

She grit her teeth, digging the bristles of the brush into the horse's skin. "I'm not killing anybody."

"Who said that you would kill? I didn't. You leapt to that conclusion, dear. Perhaps you should be angry with yourself, not with me?"

God, she was a bitch. "Just shut the fuck up," she snapped internally. "This is the first time it's been like this," she said truthfully. "Being able to hear them, I mean. If you keep busy...maybe it won't bother you?" The only time she got reprieve from the Witch was when she performed magic. Unfortunately, she couldn't put on a show here and now - that would get them nowhere.

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 06:05 pm UTC (link)

"I told you that we villains have to stick together." Sam laughed a little, continuing to brush the horse.

That is so touching, my dear boy.

Of course the tiger had to provide dry, sarcastic commentary. "I'm glad that we're normally not supposed to hear them," Sam admitted. "He's so loud though. And he wants...he wants to come out?" Though he wasn't sure how to go about doing that exactly. "He wants to give the stable hand a fright, just enough so we can get away and go hunt for food. Find food. Whatever."

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 06:16 pm UTC (link)

At his comment, she rolled her eyes, though the smile on her lips was genuine. "Oh yeah, because that won't lead to bad influences," she scoffed. "Put two villains together and the next thing you know, everybody's on crack." The horse shivered as she ran the brush over its side, almost amazed by how shiny it was starting to look.

The mention of letting him out made her blood run cold. Though she hadn't seen Luther when Javert had taken over, she had heard his voice and the sound of his gun firing about her apartment. For a moment, she was silent, expression pained. "Don't," she cautioned, turning to him. "The Witch has said that, too. Don't let him."

"You're such a frightened girl. I think that you could learn something from this."

Ignoring the voice in her head, she took a tentative step towards him. "This sucks. I know. But you can get through it. You can."

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 06:28 pm UTC (link)

Sam's horse was looking at him expectantly, almost as if he was wondering why he wasn't as shiny yet. But Sam had sort of paused in the task, distracted with the attempt to cage the tiger - who kept voicing extreme displeasure at being locked up.

"We're just misunderstood villains," he said, rubbing his forehead with his free hand and taking a step closer too. "It does suck, you're right, but we'll both get through it. Anything is possible with enough faith and effort, I believe that."

But damnit, he was so tired. And hungry. And his defenses were starting to slip, and Shere Khan knew that, like he knew everything about Sam. Which also annoyed him. But yet, Sam didn't know much about Shere Khan. He was deliberately locking that away.

Are you worried that she'll like me better? the tiger purred. I don't blame you. She has a cat, after all. We're all just so precious.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 06:41 pm UTC (link)

Faith? Joanie didn't know much about faith. She was a half-Jew on-again off-again Wiccan, what would she know about faith? Effort, however, she knew about. In college, she had kept a great GPA through sheer guts and the desire to out-do her peers. She had studied and worked, not because she liked it, but because she wanted it. So effort, she knew. At least she had a 50% here, which was better than a 37 and equally freeing.

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "This building is fucked up, but it won't break us." Her voice had an uncanny resolve, as if she had made up her mind on this long ago.

"You speak as if I'm your enemy, dear."

She grit her teeth, pushing the voice out of her mind. "We just have to stay focused. And remember that we are not them." She paused a moment, unsure of what to do. After considering this, she reached out and took his hand in a cross between a friendly shake and a sympathetic pat. "Okay?"

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 07:33 pm UTC (link)

"No way. It's just a building, and you're still you. I'm still me." As long as Sam kept repeating that, things would be just fine. He smiled a little and laced their fingers together, kissing the back of Joanie's hand. "Yeah, I'm good. So...Elphaba? Is that her name?" He was pretty sure it was, considering he had been dragged to see Wicked by cute girls, when it was popular on Broadway. "Is she...watching?"

Calm your hormones, boy.

I didn't mean it like that!!! I hate you. So much. Sam tried to gag the tiger as much as he could.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 07:45 pm UTC (link)

It should have been worrisome that they had to reassert their own identities to feel sane, but Joanie couldn't feel concern about this. Not right now, anyway. She nodded, feeling her face turn red as he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Lucky for you. I don't know if I'd want to jump out of a plane with a tiger." If she mentioned things from the real world, the universe outside Bellum, it was almost like they had never left it.

At his question, she felt a loud hiss rocket through her skull. "Gregory Maguire is a hack!" Joanie cringed, trying to ignore the Witch's wrath. "Sympathy is the last thing that I need! When the masses feel for you, they can no longer fear you!"

Touching the fingers of her free hand to her forehead, she sighed. "She protests the name," she said numbly. After a moment, she realized how retarded that sounded, and began to laugh despite herself.

"Hold your tongue!"

The more the Witch protested, the more she laughed. Holding Sam's hand tightly, she continued to guffaw until the sound grew akin to a cackle. It wavered, high-pitched before dropping suddenly and going silent. She cleared her throat, face embarrassed.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I don't know...what her name is supposed to be. I don't think she wants one." Something the Witch had said caught in her throat, her words on Joanie's lips. "Knowing something's name gives you power over it."

She paused, realizing that she was very far off-topic. "But yeah, in a way. She's...in my head, but I don't know...you know, if she's seeing. I still don't really know how this works. During the last three times everybody changed...some people only changed part of the way. I was green, but I never...became her, you know?" Of course he didn't. "Bellum works in weird ways."

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 07:59 pm UTC (link)

"I'd kind of want to throw this tiger out of a plane," Sam replied, which caused an unappreciative snarl to resonate in his head and reverberate off the walls of his brain. "Oh, uh..." He tried not to laugh at the cackle - actually, he was far from frightened. It was kind of...interesting? Cool in a creepy way?

"I was just wondering...ma'am," he added, mainly addressing the witch. "Don't get your panties in a twist." He grinned and pulled Joanie closer, anchoring her to him. "So does this horse shit count as a date?"

Would you PLEASE?! The Tiger growled. I cannot stand the theatrics of human courtship. Mounting her when she is ovulating would be far easier.

"Guuuuuhhhahhhhhh!" Sam started a bit at that. "Um...he says he likes you. And food. Says we should devise a plan."

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 08:18 pm UTC (link)

She couldn't believe she cackled. She actually cackled. What the hell was wrong with her? Luckily, Sam didn't drive a pointy stick into that sore spot. As he addressed the Witch, Joanie heard a bored scoff resonate in her skull.

"Typical that he would be interested in our undergarments," she said aloofly.

Joanie rolled her eyes. "There is no we, that was directed at you. Besides, it's just an expression. Many people use it."

"Just be careful, child. You can only trust yourself."

The Witch's words sent a chill up her spine as Sam pulled her close. "I don't know if forced labor should be considered a time two people meet up to learn more about each other," she said with a raised brow. Though she didn't exactly pull away, her hand slackened in his as she stooped to pick up her brush with her free hand, whisking it over her horse's side.

She glanced over at him in surprise as he groaned, momentarily expecting to see something with fangs and claws in his place. Luckily, he was still himself. As he relayed the tiger's input on their situation, she snorted. "What can I say? Cats dig me."

She paused, frowning as she considered food. They really did need to get on that. "Okay. So really, there's two major options. We can catch our own food, or we can try to buy some. But we don't know if we're getting paid." And if she counterfeited money, Luther himself would probably shoot her. "If we catch something, I can make matches for a fire to cook the meat. Though I don't know how to clean an animal for eating."

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 08:36 pm UTC (link)

"Well, don't worry about catching and cleaning it. That's easily taken care of. You just provide the matches and we'll be set." Sam dropped the brush again - he was set on food, the horses were shiny enough. "A diversion for getting past that stable hand is probably necessary. So unless Ms. No Name knows any sleeping spells, we may have to just resort to dastardly trickery." Shere Khan was becoming more and more agitated and restless, but Sam pushed him down. A tiger would spook the horses for sure, though he was beginning to think that might be their best distraction. Gah.

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 09:26 pm UTC (link)

She raised a brow. "Seriously?" Suddenly, she wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing. "I can make knives." Her mind strayed to the folded knife currently hiding in the waistband of her skirt. She didn't care if it was proper or not - she was going to be armed in this insane place. "So that's not a problem."

As he mentioned trying to escape the stables, she frowned. She wasn't sure if trying to escape was a good idea. After all, this was Russia. If they pissed off the right person, it'd be off with their heads, or worse - burn at the stake. She recalled the smell of burning flesh from the night before, and her stomach flopped. The uncertainty showed in her face as she took a slight step back from him. "I can only transform objects. Nothing else."

She covered her mouth, trying to think of a plan. "I could always create disguises. The outfits of dignitaries, maybe..." It'd be hard, but possible. "If we looked like we didn't belong here, maybe we could escape?"

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 09:35 pm UTC (link)

"Make knives? Or you have one?" Sam teased. "Don't flip out on me, Josie, it'll be fine." He thought about it too. Her idea was good but, "Didn't they see us come in?" He asked. "That stable hand especially. But it's worth a shot. Maybe we can just slip out undetected, if we had enough covering no one would recognize us and think anything of it." Ah, good old fashioned disguise trickery. A great diversion!

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 09:50 pm UTC (link)

At his questions, she scowled. "I can make knives," she said stubbornly, bristling slightly. "We got here with the clothes we were wearing at midnight. I don't wear knives to bed, don't be retarded." Rolling her eyes, she stepped away from the horse.

"I don't know. What else can we do? Unless..." She paused, eyes widening in mock revelation. "We just finish cleaning these horses." She hated the work, but she'd rather be miserable for a short while then leave than end up dead or on fire.

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	tiger_says_rawr 2010-06-20 09:59 pm UTC (link)
	"Oh really?" Sam flashed his signature crooked, leering sort of grin. "Is that an invitation to find out what you wear to bed?" Then he made an executive decision. "Fuck the horses, to quote you. What do you need to make clothes?" He motioned down. "My pants? I'll take them off." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wickedwicker
2010-06-20 10:11 pm UTC (link)

At his question, she stared at him blankly. Was he really doing this right now? She wasn't sure if she was blushing from embarrassment or irritation, though it didn't matter - her face was red regardless. "That would almost work, except you saw what I wore to bed last night." She raised a brow imperiously, flashing him an "I win" smirk.

She moved towards a nearby bale of hay when he asked about removing his pants. Once again, she stared at him. "I don't understand why you keep him around, dearie," the Witch drawled.

"He's not an idiot," she replied stubbornly. "He just acts like one at times."

"The fact that he chooses to act like an idiot is not a point in his favor."

"Keep those on," she commanded, glaring at him. "It's cold here. I think you'd just embarrass yourself." Inspecting a bale of hay, she frowned slightly. "This can do. Though if you're committed to recycling, I could change what we're currently wearing." In theory.

"Don't doubt yourself, child."

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 10:16 pm UTC (link)

"We're in a time warp. Who knows what's real and what's not. And if you wear the exact same thing to bed every night, well..." Sam backed up a bit, to let Joanie do her thing. "It was a joke! Chill...ma'am." He figured the Witch took issue with him. Shere Khan wasn't laughing either. "The recycling was actually what I had in mind. Clothes to clothes might tire you out less maybe?"

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 10:33 pm UTC (link)

She pursed her lips. "Don't ma'am me," she hissed. Dragging a hand over face, she took a deep breath. "Right. It's...it's not that different really. I mean, yeah, it is a little, but..." She shook her head. "It's hard to explain."

"Stop stalling. Go to work." Joanie would have argued with her if she weren't right.

"Okay." She stepped up to Sam, resting her hands on his shoulders. She figured now wouldn't be the time to mention that she'd never transformed something while it was in contact with another person before. Hopefully he wouldn't end up a tie. "Just stand still. Alright?" After shooting him a very serious look, she forced herself to relax.

The stables faded from her mind, the smells of the horses and the noise of other stable hands outside all disappearing as she closed her eyes. Her palms flattened against his shoulders, moving slowly downwards as she began to murmur a stream of words and sounds that consumed her. A faint glow emitted from her fingertips, transferring to the shirt and jacket Sam wore. It began as a simple peasant's frock, but the more she spoke, the more and more dignified they both appeared. The glow traveled down as her fingers reached his waist, brushing the waistband of his slacks. They, too, began to change, adopting a straight hem and slick silhouette.

Finally, Joanie pulled back, taking a deep breath and opening her eyes to see Sam in a cleaner, more stately jacket. It was thick and long, reaching down to his knees and buttoned up to his chin. Unlike his previous jacket, which had been a bit lopsided and slipshod - she had been so tired when she made it - this one was almost impressive. Wiping a few beads of sweat from her temples, she sighed. "Alright. Do you think that'll be okay?"

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 10:57 pm UTC (link)

If Sam wasn't so busy being in shock and awe at what was going on, he might have thought that was somewhat erotic. But the first was on his mind, along with holy shit holy SHIT!! and other random synapses firing. Her skills were quite impressive, that was for sure.

"Yeah, I think it'll be okay." Understatement - he sounded surprised that Joanie even asked otherwise. "More than okay." He put his hands on her waist, leaning in and nuzzling her temple. It was a comforting gesture that had Shere Khan scowling. "How about you, are you okay?"

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 11:13 pm UTC (link)

Though she knew that what she had done was good - after all, she had altered his clothing while it was on his body, and done so well - Joanie felt a wave of pride as he affirmed that. Why wouldn't she? Somebody else had agreed that something she did was good. It was a childish, ridiculous feeling that made the Witch sigh tersely. Joanie didn't care.

As he settled his hands on her waist, she tensed, pulling an arm up to hold between them as he nuzzled her temple. It was a defensive gesture, an automatic thing that she barely controlled. "Good," she said with a fragile smile, patting one of his hands awkwardly.

"Don't lose focus!" the Witch snapped, causing her to pull back abruptly.

"Right, right," she muttered out loud, shaking her head. "Focus." She took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her chest to rest her palms on her own shoulders. Once again, she began a series of words that ignited the glow of her fingertips. As she smoothed her hands down her front, the material of her clothing shifted. It wasn't truly expensive by any means, but it appeared to be absolutely decadent. By the time her hands had reached down to her legs, she was dressed in a long, deep green dress with a high neck and matching warm jacket.

Wheezing with the effort both of these things had taken, she pressed a hand to her mouth, steadying herself for a moment. "Okay," she said, licking her dry lips as she looked up at him. "Do you think we should have hats? He might recognize our faces." Not to mention the fact that she would commit murder if he recognized them after all of this.

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tiger_says_rawr
2010-06-20 11:32 pm UTC (link)

Sam was normally a practical sort of person - he was good at getting things done because he wasn't bothered with feelings, but damn, that all looked like it had Joanie completely exhausted. He narrowed his eyes when she pulled back - obviously the witch was screaming at her.

"Probably, but if you make them then we'll get a lot of use out of them," he pointed out. "I don't really want to make eye contact with many pissed off Russians. Besides, it'll be easier to blend in with the full attire. Do you need a break first?"

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wickedwicker
2010-06-20 11:54 pm UTC (link)

As he agreed, she nodded. Just as she thought. "Okay. No problem." Yes, it was probably a good thing to not make unnecessary eye contact with these people. Especially if they were dressed nicely. Shit, what if their attire made them targets? Joanie touched her waist, realizing that she had inadvertently destroyed her knife. Great. At least it wasn't trapped beneath her dress, stuck to her skin.

The mention of a break made her shake her head. "No, I'm fine." And she was. She just needed to push through this. It was good practice, and moping about how tired she was wouldn't fix anything. Picking up a handful of hay, she closed her eyes, envisioning a sort of cap she had seen on the heads of many of the more nicely dressed men in the crowd. It materialized in her hands, a dark gray to match Sam's jacket. "Here you go," she said with a slight smile. She quickly fashioned a black hat with a wide brim and a frilly accent for herself. Twisting her hair up into a very makeshift updo, she hid its messy hideousness behind the hat, pulling it down at a slant to shield her eyes.

Before they left, she picked up one last handful of hay and held it in her palm. "Sakeen," she whispered. It instantly materialized into a folded switchblade that she tucked inside her jacket. Just in case. She turned her head to Sam, the hat drawing attention largely to the curl of a smile on her lips. "Are you ready?"

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