Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "They're all wasted!"

Bran Wilder {The Phantom} (lemortvivant) wrote in bellumlogs,
@ 2010-06-15 14:46:00

Entry tags:

christine daaé, phantom of the opera

Who: Bran and Lotte
What: Singing lessons!
Where: 1106/1206
When: Backdated to sometime last week
Warnings: There's always some amount of creepiness in every Bran log.

With his announcement to the building and the insanity of this tribunal people seemed to be supporting, Bran had nearly forgotten about 'the voice' and its agreement to give Lotte voice lessons. For the first time he wondered if it was a good idea, still wounded by the realization that she was afraid of him - not just Erik, but him. He both hated and respected James for telling him the truth, and despite their differences they did have one thing in common: their concern for Lotte. He'd meant to talk to her about it, to tell her that she didn't have to worry about sacrificing herself anymore for the moon, but he hadn't been able to just yet.

Eventually he decided to follow through with his plan. Lotte still thought the voice came from her own mind, and as long as she continued to think that he was safe. Besides, it might look suspicious if it just disappeared all of a sudden.

He shut himself in the bedroom, where it seemed his voice could carry upwards the best without the location being traceable, and waited a few moments before speaking. "Are you there, child? I have returned."

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lemortvivant
2010-06-15 08:08 pm UTC (link)

He wasn't even aware of the fact that he was smiling when she responded, even though he hadn't expected her to ignore him or anything of the sort. "Good," he said, clearly pleased. "I see you haven't forgotten. Yes, we are going to have a lesson today."

Bran had given it a lot of thought, and he was fairly confident that he had it all planned out. "First, I want you to sing as you naturally would, so I can hear where you need improvement." He had a general idea of what needed improving, but hearing it again just for good measure couldn't hurt.

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still_lotte
2010-06-15 08:25 pm UTC (link)

She sucked in a deep breath in order to get oxygen through her again. "I couldn't have forgotten," she admitted. He was the voice in her head - after her break down, there was no reason to be anything but honest with him. It wasn't like the voice already didn't know everything she did or thought.

Lotte adjusted where she sat on the bed, legs crossing underneath her and sitting up straighter. "What should I sing then?" It was hedging slightly, but she didn't want to do the wrong thing and make the voice angry.

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lemortvivant
2010-06-16 03:52 am UTC (link)

Damn. He let out a silent curse, berating himself for not being more careful. He was not the Angel of Music, and he wasn't her dead father; he was a voice inside her head, her own creation; he had to remember that. "Of course," he said smoothly, tone dismissive.

Luckily, Bran had prepared for his own request to be turned back on him. It was slightly cruel of him, but he thought it was appropriate - and Lotte had probably thought so too at some point. "'Home', from the Broadway version of Beauty and the Beast. Start whenever you like." It was a bit of a gamble, expecting her to know it, but he had a feeling he was right on this one.

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still_lotte
2010-06-16 04:13 am UTC (link)

She'd expected something older - dated to at least the early Broadway days, if not pulling a song from the Opera Garnier days itself. Maybe even a folk-song or something she and her father had sung before. Not something that ironic and painful. Lotte winced, knowing the piece all too well. She'd seen this musical, while travelling with her father - it had been on tour and he'd gotten in through a friend.

Her mouth opened to protest, but she fell silent. She couldn't argue with him - it - him if she wanted him gone. But the song was too ironic and fit too well. She took a shaky breath, shutting her eyes. At least it wouldn't be hard to sing in terms of emotion.

"Yes, I made the choice - for papa, I will stay
But I don't deserve to lose my freedom in this way..."

She started out with her voice shaking. Though she hadn't been scared of the lesson itself, she was scared now - like she always was. It didn't matter that he said to sing as she normally would; she didn't want to anger him and the choice of song unsettled her. Calling him a monster as the next lyric demanded didn't help her feelings either - her voice faltered, but she continued on.

The song itself dictated that the singer become more confident and hopeful. Lotte's voice slowly began to shake less, as she sat up straighter - she couldn't forget the reality of what she was doing, but she could pretend that she was given a chance to confess - not her fears, but rather, Christine's. Once she finished, she fell silent not saying anything more - a hand reached up to brush at her eyes, before falling into her lap, waiting.

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lemortvivant
2010-06-16 07:26 am UTC (link)

Maybe he should have chosen a different song, but after his meeting with James he'd been plagued by bitterness that he had to externalize somehow. Knowing he was making Lotte nervous filled him with a sick sort of satisfaction mingled with sharp guilt - it was painful, almost physically so, but that was fine by him. Pain had stopped being something to fear a long time ago and now acted as a coping mechanism. It was familiar, and familiar was safe.

Bran waited until she finished, his scowl becoming less pronounced as she continued. They needed to work on her confidence and on her fear - either she used it or tucked it away for another time, it couldn't be so close to the surface - but once she felt the emotion of the song, it became something wondrous. "Your voice is good, of that there is no doubt - but raw talent will only get you so far. You need to know how to use it, how to perfect it; which is what I'll help you with."

He paused, waiting a few moments before speaking again. "Your voice shook at the beginning - it was weak and audibly faltered. Can you tell me why?"

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still_lotte
2010-06-16 01:17 pm UTC (link)

Lotte kept quiet, hands resting in her lap as he spoke. She nodded wordlessly on the first part. It wasn't unexpected and she could have made the same assumption herself - aside from the fact that there was nowhere she was planning to do with singing. The last time she'd attempted singing on a stage, outside of a choir, had ended with hearing him and her running for it. She didn't want to be on a stage alone. It was as simple as that.

His question surprised her though and her eyebrows drew together. "I was scared," she said slowly, as if it were obvious. Her lips pressed together for a moment before adding, honestly, "Like always. There aren't - there aren't many things that stop that these days."

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lemortvivant
2010-06-16 08:09 pm UTC (link)

She recognized her own weakness, which was good, but it was finding something to motivate her to conquer it that would prove to be the challenge. Giving up was always the easy route, and fighting fear was a lot harder than simply succumbing to it. If she was only agreeing this to placate the voice inside her head, perhaps the same motivation could be used again.

"Wouldn't you like to stop being scared?" Bran kept any hint of scorn out of his voice, keeping it cool and distantly thoughtful. "You have nothing to fear. Your restraint keeps you from enjoying your singing, which is key to your success. Your ability to find emotion within a song is your strength." He hesitated, on the brink of taking what might be a fatal risk. Could Lotte have lost her father as Christine did? There was a chance, just the smallest of chances... but it was too risky right now. "You need practice. Instead of forcing yourself to keep from singing, do the opposite."

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still_lotte
2010-06-16 09:00 pm UTC (link)

But she did have things to fear - him as the voice and Erik come the moon. Maybe she didn't have to deal with him directly, but Christine's fear of him was still her own. Lotte remembered what Christine did and had experienced; it was one of things that made her seem more linked to her fable then others. At least they didn't sound the same anymore - some act of her subconscious that allowed her to differentiate between the two. It didn't change the fact that she was truly crazy now because of it.

"I would," Lotte said, lips pressing together. "But it's not like that - it's not something I can just stop, being. I would have by now, really." The bed squeaked as she adjusted herself on it, drawing her knees up to her chest as he wasn't having her sing. "And I am trying," she added, a bit put out. "I didn't run when I realized he was a wolf, you know." Because he must know about that - it hardly needed to be pointed out.

Keep from singing? Her arms wound tighter about her legs. He had a point there but…“That’s my fault,” she said defensively. Her tone grew accusing before she could stop herself. “You always show. Like at the talent show.”

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lemortvivant
2010-06-16 11:57 pm UTC (link)

Wait-- a wolf? Bran frowned, recalling that the Big Bad Wolf supposedly lived on the sixth floor. Had she met him, thinking it was a dog? But why would the man be stupid enough to transform - if the rumors were true? He wanted to ask if he'd hurt her, even dared growl at her, but as a hallucination he should know these things. "Your fear is a part of you, but you don't have to let it control you." His voice became a tad sharper. "You must try harder."

Talent show? This was getting more complicated than he thought. Had she truly heard a voice, or was it her imagination? Either way, she wasn't crazy; perhaps she'd always been Christine long before coming here. "I show because you need me. Now, I want you to sing again. Choose a song you enjoy, perhaps one you sang long ago before you became afraid."

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still_lotte
2010-06-17 02:29 am UTC (link)

She winced at his tone, curling up tighter. How was she supposed to do that when he kept sounding like that? "I'm sorry," she said, biting her lip so hard she could feel her teeth meet. This was why she shouldn't try protesting or arguing - it wasn't worth it. "I'll keep trying." Somehow.

Need him? She didn't need him - she needed him out of her life, things were nearly normal until she started hearing things again. As normal as Bellum could be at any rate. Lotte shook her head, moving to get up from the bed. It squeaked under her but she stood as a distraction and a way to buy time.

Lotte bit her lip for a moment more. She didn't understand why she had to pick - any ideas were tossed aside as quickly as they came to mind. Even if he was her subconscious there wasn't any way to deny who he sounded like. Her own past enjoyment was ignored, in case of criticism. (Her own?) Several minutes passed before she remembered a day when she was little with her father, after they'd sold their truck. It had been cold and the only thing they carried with them had been his violin case - she shook her head, trying not to tear up. Though she'd shivered, her father had dragged her along with a song, ending with puddle jumping and silliness. The kind only Gene Kelly could inspire.

She cleared her throat, before singing softly. "Doo-dee-loo-doo-doo-doo, doo-dee-loo-doo-doo-doo-" It was still a bit hesitant, but she got stronger as she kept singing - starting, usually was the hard part. Though she fell silent at the main "dance" break, she hummed the rest of the tune despite herself, a wistful smile crossing her face.

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lemortvivant
2010-06-17 05:04 am UTC (link)

Bran waited, pacing back and forth silently as he wondered and worried about whether she'd suspected something wasn't right. He knew that he couldn't do this for much longer, because he knew very little of her past and eventually the time would come when she would realize this imaginary voice didn't know as much as her subconscious should have. By then, though, he hoped to have inspired an enjoyment for singing that she wouldn't abandon once 'the voice' stopped coming.

Her song choice actually made him laugh, but it was too low for her to hear. It wasn't mocking or derisive - it was one of those rare laughs that wasn't often heard coming from him, a sound of genuine amusement. It was certainly a light-hearted song, and despite the lingering hesitance it was much better than the previous song. Perhaps it wasn't right of him to make her sing something so fitting to Christine and Erik's story.

"Good." The praise in his voice was evident, and he was pleased. "There was no fear there, you see? Hesitation, yes; but that will disappear with practice. When you sing, you need to sing like that. You know it is much more than just words, so prove it to whoever may be listening. You will be practicing, yes?" Even though he knew she wouldn't say no, even if to say otherwise was a lie, he wanted to hear her say it.

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still_lotte
2010-06-17 05:26 am UTC (link)

Something about his approval made her feel better. Though she shifted on her feet slightly, something that was a more honest smile crossed her face. It was rare to hear him actually pleased with what she did - something, not just her own feelings tugged at it. She'd never liked it when he was angry at her and even if she teared up over a memory...this wasn't that bad, she realized.

For the first time, Lotte felt that she really could manage this - he'd be happy with this and then finally leave her alone. "Just practice?" She shook her head, arms clutching around herself. She wasn't saying she wouldn't - it just seemed too simple.

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lemortvivant
2010-06-17 06:25 am UTC (link)

Bran made a mental note to keep his temper in check for future lessons. Obviously she responded better to praise, but if she was ever going to get rid of that fear then being harsh and cold would only make things worse. He could manage that, he supposed; perhaps he could practice being patient. It was a skill that was becoming more and more necessary in this damned place, that much was certain.

Her question made him pause, wondering if there was something else he should be asking of her. "It's never 'just' practice. Sing at least two songs a day - one is acceptable, I suppose, but you cannot let a day pass without any. To prepare for each, however, practice your vocal warm-ups as well." Another beat of silence passed. "That will be all, for now."

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still_lotte
2010-06-17 06:37 am UTC (link)

Lotte nodded, not really understanding how a day in-between would change it. If it kept him happy though, she'd do it - even if she wasn't sure why he was doing it like this. "Alright," she said, putting her chin up. "I will." She'd make a point of doing it in the mornings, before heading to dance - she normally was too tired in the evenings to do more than eat something, change, and crawl into bed. More often than not two of those three were forgotten.

The fact that he was leaving that quickly surprised her, but she didn't protest. She stayed quiet for a moment, before asking hesitantly, "When will you come back?"

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lemortvivant
2010-06-17 06:34 pm UTC (link)

"In one week's time," he responded almost immediately. "The amount of progress you make by then will determine how often I return afterward, and how long our lessons are."

Bran would be listening, of course; but he left that part out. If it was a voice in her head, then of course it would know if she sang or not. With obvious things like that, he needed to be careful. Saying something he should have already known would be a tricky thing to avoid.

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still_lotte
2010-06-17 07:25 pm UTC (link)

That was remarkably fair and Lotte nodded. Maybe more two songs a day would be alright - if she could manage it. She nearly asked about if there was no one around again - but her response the last time she asked made the answer obvious. Hopefully it would carry over still.

"I'll be ready." Less jumpy, hopefully as well. Lotte paused for a moment, weight moving to her left foot as she dug the toe of her right in the ground. "Thank you-"

And even as a voice in her head, there was nothing to call him. Before the voices had never responded back - they'd talked over her usually. Afterwards, once she knew about her fable she'd realized who he was but it wasn't like that. What he said must come from her own mind, not something said before. She shifted on her feet again, finishing with an, "Erik." It wasn't right, but she couldn't address him as the the voice either.

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lemortvivant
2010-06-18 04:51 am UTC (link)

Erik? For a good minute Bran was silent, utterly puzzled. Why was she calling him Erik if she thought he was just a figment of her imagination? Granted, most people would think talking to your imaginary voice was crazy, but maybe thinking of him as someone else made her feel less... insane. Lotte couldn't possibly think he was doing this, or she would have called him by his actual name, not his fable. That must have been it - calling him Erik did make the most sense, if something had to be chosen to refer to him as. He sighed in relief, realizing almost too late that he had to respond.

"You're welcome, Lotte." With a faint smile of pleasure, he fell back on his bed, leaning against the headboard. There was still reason for him to stay after all, it seemed.

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