InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "it's time to lose your mind"

lotte karsten {christine daaé} (still_lotte) wrote in bellumlogs,
@ 2010-03-22 12:44:00

Entry tags:

christine daaé, phantom of the opera

Who: Lotte and Bran
What: A first encounter.
Where: 1206-ish
When: Morning after the Fable plot
Warnings: A little creepiness? Nothing, really.

Tea was the usual cure to her problems. A warm cup in her hands calmed her, by making her focus on the warmth and the warmth alone. But the morning after the memories, Lotte knew tea wasn’t an option. She didn’t think to take the mixture from Ella or even to dig through her cabinets for a spare bag.

Instead she stared at a box of tapes, her tape recorder moved to the floor in the living room while her copy of The Phantom of the Opera remained abandoned next to her.

Several tapes had been taken out and put back in, as she inwardly debated their usefulness. Memories which shouldn’t have made sense said that they were useful – music was a good thing, she didn’t need to run from it as she ‘now’ did. (Right?) Lotte frowned, mind moving towards how she’d woken up that morning.

This time, she only shivered slightly. There was no questioning this time – the book and what she remembered from yesterday was enough. Lotte picked up the book, flipping through it once more before falling on the last paragraphs. The fact that she didn’t agree with the ending – that his skeleton should be put on display…Lotte shuddered.

Of course if it was real – and she was Christine once or even yesterday…then it was ridiculous that she was too scare to even sing. There was no Phantom, no Erik, nothing except for James. (Meg? Her head hurt.) And it wasn’t like sixth grade could happen again…

Setting her face, Lotte swallowed before digging a tape in the back. The sixth grade talent show had been a disaster, between her freezing up on stage and the voices coming back. There was no reason to be scared now though, right? Lotte put the tape in the player, looking over her shoulder despite herself. The room was quiet until the instrumental came on.

Her eyes shut as she waited for the cue. The tape had been made for that performance, simply as an accompaniment. There was a CD somewhere too, but she’d never understood that craze, sticking with the tapes her father had relied on.

“If today were the day you had to stop dancing…how would you feel?”

Lotte swallowed, then began to sing quietly. She started out shakily, as she always did. Her voice wasn’t used to the movement, though it definitely knew the right techniques. She paused to breathe, as the music got ahead of her. No voices and no panic attacks.

“Look my eyes are dry,” Lotte sang, more confidently. Little lies were alright, so long as she could sing and not sound like a toad. The music and her worked together – she knew the tape, knew the lyrics, and first-hand knew the meaning behind the words.

The only thing that messed her up was the end of the soloist’s part where a belt was required. Eyes squeezed shut, Lotte forced out the, “Won’t forget! Can’t regret what I did for love-” The half-note’s misstep was enough to make her fall silent, biting her lip as the music went on.

There was just a certain irony in the fact that if she was once, an operatic soprano, she couldn’t even manage a mezzo’s pop ballad now. Lotte shut off the tape player, pushing her box to the side of the room. Perhaps the tea would have been a better choice in the long run.

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still_lotte
2010-03-23 01:11 am UTC (link)

She let her eyes open at that, brows furrowing. That was a direct response and different than usual. Pressing her lips together, she looked straight ahead to the TV and abandoned box of tapes on the floor. It was almost too much of a coincidence that the voice said something relevant to what she did.

But couldn't that have happened before? Lotte's head hurt to think about it, though she blamed the voice for it. Hearing things usually led to headaches.

"My mind," Lotte said simply. "And if you say otherwise, then it only proves the point." There were no mirrors in her living room anyway - or even in the kitchen. Just the ones in her bedroom and bathroom and the former was covered.

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lemortvivant
2010-03-23 02:19 am UTC (link)

So she thought he was simply a hallucination, did she? It was an interesting response, and it made him wonder if she had heard things before like he had - things that no one else could.

"Then I will agree with you - although, if I am in your mind, wouldn't you be able to silence me with a mere thought?" Bran had wanted to find something to occupy himself with, and that was exactly what he'd found. He did wish, though, that he knew her name.

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still_lotte
2010-03-23 02:32 am UTC (link)

It took only a moment for her to realize what it truly meant. Christine didn't think he was an auditory hallucination, he was the Angel of Music. He wouldn't say he was in her mind then or agree or even reply to her...Lotte looked around for some sign - anything.

For the first time, she wanted it to be in her head.

"It doesn't always work like that," Lotte said, panic obvious in her voice. "You should - if it's what I usually hear - you should know. Like yesterday or sixth grade-" She shook her head, sliding across the wall towards the kitchen. "It's the pills that work and I'm out which is really a problem." There was air suddenly behind her and a small yelp as she tumbled into the kitchen. "They always work-"

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lemortvivant
2010-03-23 03:54 am UTC (link)

There was far too much fear in her voice - how could she ever hope to improve if she couldn't even control her emotions? They were a constant mystery to him, but he did know enough to realize that the woman needed to learn how properly channel her feelings in order to have any measure of discipline with her singing.

Bran leaned against the wall thoughtfully, staring idly into the darkness of the empty apartment. Pills? Why was she trusting man-made creations in the first place? They lied; every single one of them.

"Perhaps your need for these pills is what's in your mind, instead of me." He paused, head cocked to the side. "Do I frighten you?"

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still_lotte
2010-03-23 12:57 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not addicted," she said immediately. Just because she took them when stressed didn't mean that - it couldn't. "That bottle lasted ages, I just ran out. Finally. It's not bottomless-" Which would mean she was addicted wasn't it?

She pushed herself up from the floor, before getting a pan from one of the cabinets. She left it on the counter, handle faced towards her before setting up the kettle. It was an avoidance strategy - if she took longer to respond wouldn't it - he go away?

Once the water started though, she did say, "It's not just you. There's the others sometimes as well. I haven't heard them for awhile though..." And she'd rather. Looking for Raoul yesterday...she shivered.

"Yes."

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lemortvivant
2010-03-23 05:56 pm UTC (link)

If he knew enough to recognize what it was, he might have found it amusing that she seemed to be answering all of his unspoken questions. She had heard things before, and she did have a need for these pills, whatever they were - it was all too evident in her tone. All Bran knew about pills was that his grandmother had tried them when he was young, but they made him sick so he would pretend to take them while actually feeding them to the rats that shared his prison with him. They all ended up dead eventually.

Others? So she thought he was one of the voices she'd heard before... perhaps he could use that to his advantage. Maintaining the pretense of being a hallucination wouldn't be easy, but if he was careful enough it just might work.

"Have you ever thought that there may be a reason you hear us?" Bran paused, trying to sort out whether he cared if she was afraid of him or not. It wasn't easy.

"Why?"

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still_lotte
2010-03-23 06:44 pm UTC (link)

She put the kettle on the stove, before taking a seat at the counter. No point in watching it boil - it'd only make her more nervous, which the voice was doing all on his (she'd settled on that proun) own. Her hands fiddled in her lap and she frowned.

Of course she had. Well recently. Before it seemed unlucky or a sign of her own insanity. After talking with Ella and the events in the building, she had a better reasoning. Old memories, ones that matched with how she felt yesterday.

Lotte opened her mouth then paused. Us. That didn't match, if he was him wouldn't he have talked about himself? She raised a hand to her forehead, not liking what it meant. "Because of before," Lotte said slowly. Please, please don't be real- "The fairy tales and fables - well I'm not and neither are some of the others..." She took a deep breath looking to the kettle then to her pan. "It was a book before Webber got his horrible hands on it..."

She paused, unsure of it. It was like talking to her psychiatrist again. Why did she try and talk to the voices? Why did she think she heard them? Why did she like some and not that one?

"You scared me before," Lotte said, biting her lip for a moment. "Before before. I don't- I can't help that." It wasn't him, it wasn't like yesterday obviously but... Lotte still felt like she needed an excuse. Maybe apologize, even though it probably was in her head and she really was crazy...

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lemortvivant
2010-03-23 07:20 pm UTC (link)

This time Bran was silent for a long time, slowly replaying her words over and over in his mind in an attempt to piece them together and make sense of what she was saying. For some reason he'd been drawn to her voice, even though he'd heard countless voices over the years, some with potential and some without. Why should he care if this girl was wasting her potential? He shouldn't, logically, because it was no fault but her own if she let such talent waste away.

Who did she think he was? Who was this Webber person, and what on earth did fairy tales and fables have to do with anything?

"I'm not here to scare you." Vague answers were the best, he concluded, until he could find out more about this building aside from its architecture - and about 1206. "I want to help you."

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still_lotte
2010-03-23 08:06 pm UTC (link)

He took so long to speak that Lotte thought he might have gone - for good. She'd have been content with that, have some quiet as she tried to figure out a new plan. But then he spoke and she shut her eyes once more.

That was the easiest thing he said yet. "With the singing," she said, under her breath. The tea kettle whistled but she didn't move.

"You don't need to do that..." It was only slightly wary.

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lemortvivant
2010-03-24 12:38 am UTC (link)

She didn't ask what he wanted to help with, which only served to confirm his suspicions that there was something he was missing. His curiosity had just increased several notches, and finally he had a new concrete goal - find out who this girl was and who she thought he was. From there, well, he could figure out what to do about her ignored potential.

Bran drifted towards the door, keeping close to the wall. He was strangely reluctant to leave, but he couldn't push too much for risk of causing her to withdraw completely.

"No, I don't," he agreed. "Perhaps we can reach a compromise. I will leave you alone for now if you sing one more time, anything you like. "

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still_lotte
2010-03-24 01:28 am UTC (link)

"You'll leave?" she repeated, unable to believe it. Of course there was the for now but... that had never happened before. Something she was thinking repeatedly. Lotte winced.

Considering that her singing had caused the voice to appear - sixth grade and now - Lotte couldn't help but be hesitant in that sending it away. If it really was in her head. Biting her lip she remained quiet, pondering it over as the tea continued to whistle.

She got up from the seat and shut off the stove, but didn't bother to pour it. Instead she set her chin, trying to glance at her box of tapes. She could do this. If not, then she'd find the doctor in the building and get a new prescription. Wasn't the ...more polite of those twins a doctor? She shook her head.

"I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair," Lotte began, pausing. It wasn't that difficult of a song and the first thing to come to mind. But there was still the fear of sounding terrible. "I'm really not as good as I used to be," she warned the voice before starting again.

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lemortvivant
2010-03-24 02:48 am UTC (link)

For now, he thought silently. Bran saw no need to remind her that he had no intention of leaving permanently, not anymore. Instead he simply waited to see whether her silence was an acceptance or a refusal of his offer.

He'd been too surprised to hear her voice at first to properly listen, which meant that this time he would take the opportunity to memorize the sound of it in order to study it further once he was back in the silence of his apartment. Before anything else, he first had to discover which aspects needed improvement and which didn't.

There it was - that lack of confidence, again. Bran stifled a sigh before replying. "Just sing."

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still_lotte
2010-03-24 03:14 am UTC (link)

She stiffened. Alright. Her hand gripped the counter behind her, squeezing it as her mind moved to the lyrics and music which she'd normally accompany. She took a deep breath, before starting again adopting the appropriate accent for Nellie as best as she could.

It was a repetitive song, with more call and answer than appropriate for a solo piece. But her mouth did tug into a smile as she went further into the piece - she'd quite like to wash him out of her mind. Permanently. Or at least, the part where he talked to her.

Focusing on that, rather than the fact that she was singing did make it easier and less paranoid that every sound was off. By the time she got to the end, with the triumphant refrain she sounded nearly confident.

"And sent him on his way!"

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lemortvivant
2010-03-24 04:19 am UTC (link)

A more sensitive person might have added a 'please' to the end of their request, but Bran was completely indifferent to his bluntness. Even if someone had pointed it out to him, he would have dismissed them in an instant. Telling herself or a disembodied voice that she couldn't sing as well as she once could accomplished nothing except to ensure a poor performance.

The song choice could have been better, but he didn't allow himself to dwell on that. In the darkness of the vacant apartment, Bran closed his eyes and listened, every rise and fall of her voice absorbed into his memory. Criticism could come later, although he did note that she didn't sound quite as hesitant as she had before, particularly by the end.

Suddenly, whether anyone else in the building could sing didn't matter. There was raw potential here, and he'd be damned if he was going to let it remain in some kind of vocal limbo.

"Good. Thank you." Ah, yes - he'd agreed to leave, hadn't he? "And now I bid you farewell." She'd held up her end of the bargain, after all, which contented him for the time being. He slipped out of the apartment soundlessly, disappearing down the stairwell with only a brief glance backwards.

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still_lotte
2010-03-24 04:35 am UTC (link)

She waited five minutes, still holding the counter-top before deciding that the voice really was gone. There was a deep exhale before she turned to her abandoned kettle, the water already luke-warm. She poured herself a cup absent-mindedly, taking a regular, non-Ella mixture of herbs for it.

Later, maybe. Using it right now probably would be a waste, even if she still felt disturbed.

She took a sip, grimacing before heading to clean up the mess she'd left on the floor. The pan remained on her counter though, just in case.

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