InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Die screaming you pig trollop."

Tony Stark is characteristically hyperverbal. (the_iron_man) wrote in avengers_net,
@ 2018-01-17 14:07:00

Entry tags:

- network, bucky barnes, daisy johnson, pepper potts, steve rogers, tony stark

Hi! Someone got a 'fun' text message about a person needing additional help. Guess who that someone was? Yours truly.

That's why we're going to play a 'fun' game called:

Raise your hand if you're wanted by state or federal law enforcement.
Put your hand down, Rock of Ages. You're 90% Thor's problem to deal with.

Look, you're not going to get turned in. I said I wasn't going to rat anyone out, even if I hate your guts, and here we are. Two days later. Rat free. I can't tell without tipping off that I'm involved in this and running the risk they'll find out I'm harboring you. Yay us. Now I need to know how many asses I'm going to cover for, if I have to lie to Secretary of State Thunderbitch Ross and give enough tip off time for you to get away.

Use a private filter so only I can see it. If you don't know how, Thor asked for help and got Tech Support.

If your name is Dandelion or Daffodil or whatever flower thing happened to you at birth? I'm calling you Tech Support now. You and I need to have a little chat ASAP.

(Post a new comment)

	[private] jbarnes 2018-01-18 02:27 am UTC (link)
	Present. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	[private] the_iron_man 2018-01-18 02:39 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. I saw you. As much as I really want to, just to be a vindictive asshole for what you did to my mom? Still not going to rat you out. How's the arm, Fucky Barnes? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] jbarnes 2018-01-18 02:40 am UTC (link)
	Maybe you should. Got a new one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] the_iron_man 2018-01-18 02:45 am UTC (link)
	Oh! What a great idea, Comrade Psychokiller. Qu'est-ce que c'est? We can run run run run run run run away from the cops together! Yay. That's great. Who's throat are you going to crush with it this time? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] jbarnes 2018-01-18 02:47 am UTC (link)
	If you turned me in, I wouldn't say shit about anyone else. You have no reason to believe me, though, so do what you think is best. Hopefully no one's. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] the_iron_man 2018-01-18 02:51 am UTC (link)
	You know what? NO. I'm not going to, because you seem to want me to do that. You're right I don't trust you. You probably don't trust you. I'm not stupid. I haven't forgotten that you were brainwashed either. Forgiving it is a whole other fucked up matter. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] jbarnes 2018-01-18 02:54 am UTC (link)
	I don't want you to turn me in, but I figure you pretty much have the right to do to me whatever you want. In fact, if you wanna go another round without Steve here, I'm ready. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] the_iron_man 2018-01-18 03:03 am UTC (link)
	Trust me, I'd love nothing more than to kick your ass. It's not going to bring my mom back. You'd lose another arm. Probably not easy to replace, huh? You have no idea how pissed off I was at them for dying on me. All that time I should've been pissed off at the bastards that were pulling your strings. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] jbarnes 2018-01-18 03:06 am UTC (link)
	If I could take their place, I would. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] the_iron_man 2018-01-18 03:10 am UTC (link)
	Nice sentiment. Beyond the point. You can't. And I can't turn you in. I actually don't even trust you if you turned yourself in, because someone out there could flip your bitch switch and you'd spill the goods about this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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	[private] daisyshakes 2018-01-18 10:28 pm UTC (link)
	Me. In my defense I'm wanted for a crime I did not commit but thanks to a crazed AI it is likely almost impossible to prove my innocence. (Reply to this) (Thread)

[private]

the_iron_man
2018-01-18 10:40 pm UTC (link)

Hi, Tech Support! I heard. It's like The Fugitive but the one armed man is a LMD going haywire I kinda made a joke about being one of those once and now I realize hey, that actually wouldn't be too fun.

So, real you? You're a ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, because they're pretty much gone. Again. You're wanted. You know how to get around that, I'd imagine.

I'm going to need a Tech Support specialist. I have a project that's super secret on so many levels I lost count, and let's not tell anyone that we're going to need some fake identification made for you and at least one other person so far. Up to it?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[private]

daisyshakes
2018-01-18 10:50 pm UTC (link)

The LMD didn't go haywire, AIDA programmed it to assassinate General Talbot to frame me. And yeah, LMDs are no joke, if they're programmed properly they're indistinguishable from the real person.

Honestly I don't even know what's going on there. We just got legitimized again and then AIDA happened and now I have no idea where the rest of my team are because I'm here.

I don't know if fake identification is gonna help me if the government decide to go public then everyone is gonna be looking for me. As for your project, sure I'm up to it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[private]

the_iron_man
2018-01-18 11:06 pm UTC (link)

Well, yeah. I meant haywire in general like everything went sideways and wrong with it, because anything programming any LMD to turn assassin would be like dousing yourself in nightmare fuel. And wow. You're swimming in a ocean of nightmare fuel right now.

I saw that Mace guy on TV after you stopped a bomb going off. Sorry I heard from some Gov birdies that your stuffed suit bit the big one. Is it for real? ~~Because Fury faked it. Bastard.~~

Agent Coulson would have been better, but Pokey McMindStick happened. Then he was kind of dead.

Anyway. If I could keep Banner working in the Avengers Tower under the collective nose of the U.S. Army and Feds, then I can keep you around. We can use that fake ID to get you your own paycheck to work in house, did it with Banner, but I wouldn't try taking out a car loan or anything. You know that already. Goes without saying.

Where should I have the limo pick you up? Dark alleyway?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[private]

daisyshakes
2018-01-18 11:21 pm UTC (link)

Honestly if you knew half the stuff I'd lived through the last few years you'd never sleep again.

Mace died, that was AIDA's fault too. He was a good guy and he didn't deserve what happened to him. So yeah, he died but not the way they're saying.

Yeah... about that. Fury brought him back. Don't ask me to give you all the science but let's just say it involved genetic material from an alien and a whole lot of weirdness.

Banner didn't attempt to assassinate a General. But don't worry, I'm not gonna try and take out a car loan or do anything stupid. Not my first rodeo.

I'm at the hotel, Dr. Strange suggested the Sanctum but after he warned me not to touch this or go there I decided the hotel was better.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

[private]

the_iron_man
2018-01-18 11:57 pm UTC (link)

OH REALLY. How come he never said anything? "Hi, I'm not dead. How about that trip to Portland to see that cellist I have the hots for?" Dick move, Phil.

Sorry about your other boss and I hope this AIDA thing is gone. And I know Bruce didn't do that, you're a whole other special instance. I mean, Bruce is different because giant rage monster that a former General still wants to dissect and cage up, so he doesn't smash things or try to date his daughter ever again.

The less people stuck in super jail, the better.

So I'll send Happy to pick you up and he'll let you into one of my penthouses.

A couple things about my bodyguard, Happy:

1. He's not anything like his name.
2. Probably a 99% chance he won't say anything. 1% chance if he does, it'll be grumpy.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Tony pep 2018-01-19 10:56 pm UTC (link)
	Out of curiosity, what number are we up to now? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Private the_iron_man 2018-01-20 12:34 am UTC (link)
	Two. And I tossed out a line to Natasha. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private pep 2018-01-20 01:34 am UTC (link)
	I hope that number stays low. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private the_iron_man 2018-01-20 01:37 am UTC (link)
	It's me. When haven't I generated big numbers? I never meant to drag you into all of this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private pep 2018-01-20 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Don't say that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private the_iron_man 2018-01-20 01:52 am UTC (link)
	I mean it but don't mean it. I don't want to hide things from you either, but honey? I'm going to feel bad about you having to deal with craziness and messes happening. It's not like we shouldn't expect it by now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private pep 2018-01-20 02:35 am UTC (link)
	I'm the one that signed up for being with you, mess and all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private the_iron_man 2018-01-20 02:40 am UTC (link)
	Thank you for your years of selfless service above and beyond the call of duty, future Mrs. Stark. I'd buy you a giant bunny but I've done that before. How about a giraffe? Or an entire team of sketchy lawyers. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private the_iron_man 2018-01-21 10:23 pm UTC (link)
	And FYI: Cap's back. Still sure you want to marry the hot mess that is me? Emphasis on hot. (Reply to this) (Parent)