Eithne Savastian (got_a_light) wrote in adusta, @ 2009-10-06 09:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | circles, eithne savastian, eragos feareborne |
something in the way (eragos)
Eithne had been glad to leave behind the thoughts of Reg when Eragos said they would be returning to finish registering for his next fight, but now that the wound was out in the open she wasn't sure that he'd just forget it, or stop talking about it. Part of her wanted to shrink back from him forever. No one needed to know the embarrassing parts of her life that were hopeless and filled with tears. She wanted him to know that she didn't let all of it consume her forever. Sure, she'd spent a good amount of time seeking the death that should of been hers only to find more fights that she could win. Only to find..
Well she'd found him eventually. or he'd found her. But that was after she'd gained the swagger back in her step, the youth, the arrogance that made her what she was. She was a good fighter. She was a better gambler, and a thief if she needed to be. She would survive it all and not look back. But this place, these memories, had her wondering things. Had her at the end of the knife again. She wanted to see him again. See Reg and know it wasn't her. She wanted to hear him whisper it before the end.
She had to know or else it'd consume her finally. If she was the devil in this then she would die just as anyone else should have after taking away such a good soul from the world.
But was it her, or was it Slaaven? Or Greenwist?
She didn't know yet, but she'd know soon enough. Or maybe Rotgut would find her and finish her as he meant to on the street today. Or would Eragos finish that off for her? Thoughts swirled and melted together the more she laid in the not-so-soft bed in the inn. Cols, Geoff, and Martine had vacated the room as soon as Eithne appeared with rough knuckles and a rougher look in her eye. They could go and drink, or ready themselves. Eragos had gone somewhere too, but she hadn't paid enough attention to where, she just knew that she was glad he wasn't there to look at her then.
If she kept crying the way she'd been most of the day she'd surely stab someone in the face, and with no one there it'd have to be her. There was nothing for it. No ale that would erase the thoughts from her head, never had been how had she forgotten all of this? How had she moved past it. Eragos had said something like that, in that farm house when he was at his worst. That he couldn't just forget, never had. That she'd ended something completely and he was sad for it. She told him he wasn't a knight then. Was a joke of one and she hadn't meant it she was so afraid that he hated her and she'd blurted out something to make him hate her.
Was it easier? Then to take the blame for another life? Palam was anything but pure, to Eithne. She could not be held in the same light as Reg. As street wise, and mangled as Eithne was, Reg had saw through it. Eragos saw through it. The guise of being unstoppable, of not having feelings. They both knew it wasn't true, and part of her hated them both and part of her.. Eithne didn't know why she'd thought of Eragos then, but she knew she had to say something to him. Had to because he'd just entered the room and she had to stop moping about as if her world was ending.
It wasn't ending. it was beginning. he was going to find out everything she needed to and put an end to this. She was going to do the right thing here, she didn't care if that meant breaking a few more of their rules. If she broke more of his knightly vows, or if they went against the laws of the free cities.. Or if they stepped back across her own line of comfort. If she shed another tear for Reg before this was through she could live with it if only because she'd found out why. If it was her fault, all of this. If she'd killed Reg on her own and everything else was her imagination she'd tell Eragos to throw her in jail.
She deserved it. Or if he wouldn't she'd find Montague and let him finish what he'd meant to before. A poor thought, the death that she tried so hard to avoid herself. She didn't want to die but she'd deserve it. They would finish this one way or another. But now that Eragos was here she wondered what it was he was going to say, or if she could sneak in her sorry before he started a speech that took hours about how she shouldn't allow men to try to kill her if she meant to finish anything. Did he want to give speeches or would he sit and smoke in silence?
Night was falling now, another day and they'd be in another circle. He'd be fighting for her, she hadn't said thank you. She hadn't said sorry. Eithne was a poor friend. A poor partner.
"Are they off drinking, then? They tailed out of here the minute they saw how I looked. Or did you not find them?" She was speaking, of course, of the other three Riders who should have been in this room now instead of it being her alone. But no one had come and perhaps they'd always been just outside the door. She hadn't checked, she should have checked. She did not want to be watched like a child.
She was avoiding the obvious line of questions, or her own apologies. She was being a child and this time she knew it.