Dani Moonstar's a survivor (ms_moonstar) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-07-22 12:46:00 |
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It's been a month, and I feel like just being honest.
About nine months ago, I pretty much broke down. This was after months of dealing with dreams that made me suicidal and being attacked by a serial killer, my own powers coming back and putting people in my life in danger because of it. The dreams of being attacked by a bear that left me paralyzed from the waist down and the torture dreams didn't help, either. You could say my previous experiences in Orange County were... rocky.
Then I found out that someone important to me had died. And I dreamed some dreams I couldn't handle. Instead of sticking to my guns and having the courage to stay here and fight, I folded. I left, and there are still people who can't forgive me for that. I don't deserve it.
By then I'd already started using alcohol to cope with everything. You could say that most days I was tipsy before lunch time. I can't use the events in my life as an excuse for that, because I was the one who chose to pick up a drink instead of getting help.
Anyway, I spent most of November through to the beginning of March in a near drunken coma. I don't think telling the internet how low I fell really matters. The point is, I scared the hell out of myself and woke up one morning realising I didn't know who I was anymore.
At this point I'm going to thank Wrex and his ranch profusely, because Urdnot's number was the first one I could think to call. He helped me get into a program, and when I was done, I decided to move back here. I owed everyone that much, and I don't want to keep running away.
So... my name is Dani Moonstar, and I'm an alcoholic. I just earned my one month coin, and I can't wait to put the one year coin on my keychain.
Now you all know. I like fake margaritas, but if you come near me with that non-alcoholic pisswater beer I will glare at you.
[ Filtered to Obi-Wan ]
Your face is in every corner of this house, and etched on every surface. I can't even look at my roof without seeing you. I can't even lie on my own grass without thinking about you.
You don't have to forgive me and I'm not going to ask for it. I owe you an explanation in detail beyond what I just posted, and I think I'm finally strong enough to give you that, if you want it.
I hear you've moved on, and I'm glad for you.