InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "No apologies. No regrets."

Peter Petrelli | Heroes (savedthechrldr) wrote in thedoorway,
@ 2013-03-03 00:35:00

Entry tags:

!network post, claire bennet, lindir, lucy pevensie (books), peter petrelli, sarafinwe turukano

I think I'm being selfish.

The more I think of it, the more I think I am. I mean, I'm here, in this place, where it's not a crime to have powers, where nobody's going to shun you or imprison you, or kill you, or throw you in camps, where I can be who I want to be and help as much as I can without having to hide myself. It's great, right? I've found an amazing girl and I've got a job where I can save lives and...

I'm still being selfish.

Because even though horrible stuff happens back home, who knows what would happen if I wasn't there? Am I changing the future by staying here? I know they say that you go back to the moment you left, but what if it changes me in some little way, and everything turns out different, and everything is just ruined? I mean, I should be trying to get back. I'm going complacent. I'm going against everything I said I'd do, you know? Save the world. And what am I doing? I'm looking after myself.

So yeah, I'm being selfish. Or I'm hiding. I'm not sure which.

[Filtered to Claire]

Can we talk?

(Post a new comment)

	turukano 2013-03-03 06:19 am UTC (link)
	There is naught else you can do. Unless you discover a means to return home. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 06:23 am UTC (link)
	Right, yeah. But I don't have to be so happy about it, you know? I could be trying to find a way home. Not trying to settle in here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-03-03 06:24 am UTC (link)
	Do you not deserve peace? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 06:30 am UTC (link)
	No. No, I don't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	turukano 2013-03-03 06:31 am UTC (link)
	Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:32 am UTC

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turukano, 2013-03-03 06:43 am UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:48 am UTC

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turukano, 2013-03-03 06:49 am UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:50 am UTC

	the_minstrel 2013-03-03 06:34 am UTC (link)
	I shall send you flowers. That will help. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 06:35 am UTC (link)
	Flowers? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	the_minstrel 2013-03-03 06:36 am UTC (link)
	Oh aye, stop to smell them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 06:38 am UTC (link)
	I'll smell the flowers after my work's over. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	the_minstrel 2013-03-03 06:44 am UTC (link)
	No, I shall send them to you tomorrow. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:47 am UTC

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the_minstrel, 2013-03-03 06:47 am UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:48 am UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 06:51 am UTC

	ohroonil 2013-03-03 06:57 am UTC (link)
	I don't think it could change you. I mean, I guess I was here and I left and came back again and I never had any memory of any of it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 07:05 am UTC (link)
	Maybe. But what if it does? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ohroonil 2013-03-03 07:22 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know what to tell you, mate. I really don't think it will. It didn't change anything for me when I went back. Everything happened exactly the way it does in those books, still. No matter how you might change here, if/when you go back, you'll forget it all and be the same bloke you always were. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Peter/Nathan senatorskyboy 2013-03-03 06:57 am UTC (link)
	Pete. I've told you this a million times. You're not being selfish. You deserve some happiness, you've earned it. Just live, enjoy what you have here. I'm not saying that you shouldn't help people because that's who you are but if you're miserable then how are you helping anyone? Particularly yourself. (Reply to this) (Thread)

Peter/Nathan

savedthechrldr
2013-03-03 07:04 am UTC (link)

But I am, Nathan. I mean, look at what I've done since I've gotten here. I've fallen in love, proposed to her and ruined her relationship with her sister, somehow gotten Claire mad at me...

Nathan, all I've been doing is thinking of myself and how I can be happier. And I've hurt a lot of people. It's always what happens! When I think of myself, when I fall in love, people get hurt. Look at Simone. Look at Caitlin. Someone doesn't want me to be happy, and maybe I just need to listen. Some people...you know...some people are there to make things better for other people but not be happy themselves. Maybe I'm one of those.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Peter/Nathan

senatorskyboy
2013-03-03 07:10 am UTC (link)

You fell in love, there's nothing wrong with that. What's going on between Susan and Lucy isn't your fault. They have to work that out. And I honestly don't know what is going on with you and Claire but she loves you and you can work it out.

We've all hurt people, Pete. Hell I could give you a list as long as my arm of people I've hurt. I regret it but I can't change it. I wish I could but I can't. And I don't believe that there are people who aren't meant to be happy. You're a good person, you deserve to happy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Peter/Nathan

savedthechrldr
2013-03-03 07:13 am UTC (link)

It is my fault. I don't know how many times Susan's told me that she thinks I did it just to spite her, or to ruin her relationship with Lucy or something. She thinks so. It isn't true, but she thinks so. I shouldn't have acted so quickly, I should have - hell, Nathan, I should have just thought things through. Instead of just acting on emotion like I always do. I always think I'm doing the right thing, I always want to do the right thing. And I end up hurting people all the time.

Nathan, if you hadn't stopped me twice, I'd have blown up New York City and released a virus that would have killed all but 3% of the world.

Maybe you do just need to kill me. Before I hurt anyone else.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	PETER/CLAIRE durable 2013-03-03 07:02 am UTC (link)
	~~Jesus, this isn't what I meant.~~ Yeah. Hi. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	PETER/CLAIRE savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 07:06 am UTC (link)
	You're mad at me. I get it. I also hate it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	PETER/CLAIRE durable 2013-03-03 07:15 am UTC (link)
	I'm not mad. I wish I could explain it better. I guess I just thought things would be different. That isn't your fault, it's mine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PETER/CLAIRE

savedthechrldr
2013-03-03 07:20 am UTC (link)

What do you mean?

If it's what I'm thinking you mean, it's not your fault at all. It's mine. It's like I said in this post, I've been so selfish. And I've hurt people because of it. Like you. And that kills me, Claire. You're so special to me, and I don't think I've let you know that recently. Because I've been a jerk. And that's not you. It's me. You're, jeez, you're so important to me. You have been ever since you were sixteen and I talked to you in the hallway, not even knowing who you were.

And then I came here, and turned into this jerk. That's not me. It's just not. Let me make it up to you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

PETER/CLAIRE -

durable, 2013-03-03 06:46 pm UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-03 07:15 pm UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-04 08:08 pm UTC

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savedthechrldr, 2013-03-05 04:44 am UTC

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durable, 2013-03-05 05:14 am UTC

	Lucy \| Peter alwaysaqueen 2013-03-03 09:42 am UTC (link)
	~~What are you-~~ ~~Are you wanting to end-~~ ~~I don't understand-~~ I see. I- Do you want the ring back? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Lucy \| Peter savedthechrldr 2013-03-03 09:44 am UTC (link)
	What?! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Lucy \| Peter alwaysaqueen 2013-03-03 09:46 am UTC (link)
	Are you not wishing to return to the world you came from? I can't go with you there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)