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snarrymod ([info]snarrymod) wrote in [info]snarry_games,
@ 2008-05-15 08:06:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:entry, team phoenix, vain

TEAM PHOENIX ENTRY: Vain "To Stay the Shadow"
Title: To Stay the Shadow
Author: Vain [info]vain
Team: Phoenix
Genres: Angst
Prompt: Reckoning & Ashes of Youth
Rating/Warnings: R; *Book 6 & 7 S.P.O.I.L.E.R.S. Please note, this story is NOT Book 7 compliant; AU-ish; language; angst.*
Word Count: ~25,400
Summary: Once upon a time Severus Snape fell in love. And then everything went wrong.
A/N: All the definitions preceding the chapters are taken from "The Devil's Dictionary," by Ambrose Bierce, originally published in newspapers in a serialized version between 1881 and 1906 as "The Cynic's Word Book," and then bound and republished in 1911 under its current name.
Special Thanks once again to the mods for not killing me after email # 3, and especially to my invaluable betas [info]venivincere, [info]alisanne, & [info]ziasudra for beating me with Spelling, Grammar, and Diction Sticks. They are now my personal heroes and made this story a thousand times better; all remaining errors are solely my own. Also, much love to the rest of Team Phoenix for all their help and support. This would never have been completed if not for you guys’ feedback and encouragement. ♥
Plagiarism is no one’s friend.






"To Stay the Shadow by Vain"

Don't forget to review!




Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.


Mod note: If you rec this story, please link to this POST, not the story itself, or the author/team will not get their proper vote tally or feedback. Thank you.

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[info]cluegirl
2008-05-15 05:06 pm UTC (link)
How much do I want to kick Severus' arse right now? And a little bit of Harry's too, though I can much better sympathize with him in this story than with Snape. Ibiots. Stupidstupid boy-heads. Lily needs to come back from the grave and knock their heads together.

You have crafted a wonderful angstbomb here. And I don't mind saying it, you had me tearing up a bit in more than one place.

Well done.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-16 02:33 pm UTC

[info]effie_chan
2008-05-15 05:47 pm UTC (link)
Knowing you and how devastating your fics are I couldn't read this straight through. I had to start with the ending to prepare myself and then I had to jump back and forth.

It helped a bit. I'm really glad this fest isn't anonymous. I'm still depressed, though. Great fic. I'm of course imagining that Severus will get over himself, finally learn form his mistakes and find Harry waiting for him.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-16 03:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]effie_chan, 2008-05-16 04:36 pm UTC

[info]torino10154
2008-05-15 06:34 pm UTC (link)
The saddest part to me is that it's entirely possible Snape would only see Lily. He certainly always saw James. I think what makes this so hard is Harry's disgust at being a substitute-often in fic people gloss over that issue. But Snape really can't move forward and Harry just can't pretend it isn't there. Emotionally devastating piece.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 04:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 04:58 pm UTC

[info]whitestar
2008-05-15 06:59 pm UTC (link)
Those two need to see a couple's therapist immediately! Or they someone to smack them both upside the head with a two-by-four. It took time to see Lily instead of James in Harry. What makes Harry think that eventually Severus wouldn't see Harry instead of Lily? Severus just takes more time. Of couse I think Severus does care for Harry and not admitting it isn't helping. Stupid Harry isn't very forgiving. Has he never heard of people fantasizing about others when they're having sex? It doesn't mean they don't love they're partner. That boy is seriously misguided. Yes, they need couples therapy.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:02 pm UTC

[info]aguella
2008-05-15 08:54 pm UTC (link)
very poignant, very sad and beautiful. A perfect example of what happens when we let the past overcome our present.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:03 pm UTC

[info]sookail
2008-05-15 08:56 pm UTC (link)
Beautiful.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:04 pm UTC

[info]snarry_fan7
2008-05-15 09:24 pm UTC (link)
An excellent and definitely angst-ridden story. I can understand Harry's anger with Severus, yet at the same time I can understand Severus for not wanting to let go. But it does seem pretty hypocritical of Severus to tell Harry to let go of Ginny, when he doesn't do the same of Lily. Grand work!~Sophia

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:08 pm UTC

[info]plantinshadows
2008-05-15 09:38 pm UTC (link)
oh dear, I'm no good with bad-ending fics. I do believe Severus felt more for Harry than just a Lily substitute, however, he probably didn't realise ' til it was too late. as much as I would love a happy end for this fic, I think this one is more "real"... as in: if Harry and Severus were together in canon, it would have in all likelyhood ended rather bad than happy.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:28 pm UTC

[info]telwyrd
2008-05-16 04:29 am UTC (link)
Oh anomalous. Things were going so well and then...utter frustration! It was disappointing that, after telling Harry to accept Ginny's death and to get on with his life, Snape fails to do so himself. Argh! ::claws air:: I felt sorry for poor Harry, his pain at Snape's refusal to see him and not his mother, to love him - Harry - was palpable. Nevertheless, I'm left with a sense that somehow, some way, if either one of them had said the right thing - whatever that may be - then everything could have worked out between them. But there was a disconnect or lacuna that prevented it from happening. ::wibbles::

Utterly heartbreaking but wonderfully written. I loved reading how Snape helped Potter through his depression over Ginny's loss and their flourishing relationship during the rebuilding of Hogwarts. It made the ending that much more bitter. All that's left are if-onlys and might-have-beens. :(

Thanks for this extraordinary, well-crafted story!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:35 pm UTC

[info]simons_flower
2008-05-16 06:18 am UTC (link)
Totally nailed the angst here.

I really enjoyed how you drew Harry's character, showed how he was growing into being a man people could count on, a worthy person, even as you contrasted it to how stagnant Snape had become. And, damn, how twisted is it that he only wanted Harry for his eyes, in a sense? Were this horror, I'd imagine Harry plucking out his own eyes and giving them to Snape, but this isn't a B-movie :)

Great job!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-17 05:39 pm UTC

[info]slashpine
2008-05-16 06:53 am UTC (link)
Ouch. Emotionally Dense Harry meets Depressively Quiet Severus. Sort of like an immovable object meeting an insensate force. Or fog rolling across a empty polar shore: a gray clammy day becomes slightly grayer and clammier. Poor dumb Harry and mute Severus are stuck, and no one else cares, or can do anything constructive to help them even if they do. A Howler and a heart-to-heart, pretty fitful responses.

It's a compelling depiction, not simply because of the polished writing aimed unswervingly toward their dismal denouement. I'm not sure I know how to appreciate the value of depicting them as so utterly unable to grow and learn anything. Bleh. Not my kind of people *or* characters. However, the story was so well written, I did read all the way through in the hopes of something happening. But rather like in the books, Harry proved consistently unable to mature enough to understand another person, and Snape retained his deep-seated reluctance to try to explain his feelings. (Although I'm not sure I find any satisfaction in the faithfulness to that aspect of canon.) It's like they cancel each other out, and all that's left from start to end is numbness and going through the motions.

Pretty unmitigatedly bleak, all in all, so I suppose that's a solid success on the scale of angst, if not in this reader's mood. :D

*goes off to imagine that first, a companionship of several years duration would have included at least one actually happy moment, and second, that this Harry eventually grows up enough to figure things out.*

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]effie_chan, 2008-05-16 11:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-18 11:19 pm UTC

[info]black_star_neb
2008-05-16 12:29 pm UTC (link)
This was one big angstfest and I loved it. Loved how you ended it on a depressing but peaceful note even though I kept expecting a happy ending. You did a great job.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-18 11:52 pm UTC

[info]velja
2008-05-16 01:30 pm UTC (link)
Oh my... till the very last line I hoped beyond reason for a happy ending. But it didn't come (and in my head I know that it couldn't but still my heart wants a happy ending). So I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, still wishing for Severus to take his own advice and "let her go".
Maybe he will in a few years, who knows?
Wonderful angst you wrote here. Thanks!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 12:12 am UTC

[info]ariadneelda
2008-05-16 03:52 pm UTC (link)
God, I want to grab and shake them both! But yes, I could totally see things happening this way! Exactly this way. I found it very IC for both of them. This was a dark, painful story with a grim reality feeling throughout and I loved all of that. I also loved how you mixed canon with this AU world. I enjoyed this a lot. Yay, angst! :-)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 12:15 am UTC

[info]alisanne
2008-05-16 06:57 pm UTC (link)
You have to know what an incredible story this is to make me recc angst, lol!
I am the fluff queen, but this is just so engrossing, so well done that I just couldn't stop reading, even from the very first time I saw it posted in the comm. I kept holding out hope until the very end, and as I'm sure I mentioned to you, I have composed a nice happy ending in my own mind. *g*
This was brilliant. It's an honor to be on a team with you. :)

Go Team Phoenix!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 01:11 am UTC

[info]bethbethbeth
2008-05-16 07:01 pm UTC (link)
Oh, god...this is fantistic, in a completely heart wrenching way. I was so impressed at the way you made the mirror sequences feel so completely different: the opening sequence made me feel as if Severus was cold and to blame for the split,while the later echoing sequence made me want Harry to stop being a dick and just listen.

Except...then the last sequence came, and there was really nothing Harry could do. Because maybe Severus loved Harry as much as he could, but it was such a weak and doomed kind of love that I couldn't blame Harry even a little for needing to leave. Poor Harry. Poor Severus.

I'm absolutely going to be adding this story to my recs page when I next update.

(btw...I have a half dozen or so notes about typos because I can't read anything without at least a bit of a beta eye. If you want to know what they are so you can make the changes before uploading this to an archive or your journals after the fest, let me know. I can leave a comment here or email you if you give me an address )

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 12:45 pm UTC

[info]josan
2008-05-16 11:18 pm UTC (link)
I really liked the fact that Harry and Severus don't end up together at the end of this story. Let's face it, in canon's 'real life', they wouldn't either. They are too needy for exactly the one thing that the other cannot give.

Severus is a destroyed human being. Harry is also damaged, though a lot less. Frankly, had he had to live Severus's life, he too would be as destroyed. The only thing that saved him is 1) he didn't have to fight Voldemort for more than 7 years; and 2) Snape is always there to save him.

But being the rescuer is not a good role for Severus, though it is for Snape. He's played it far too long to be able to tell AD to go to hell when the old coot forces Snape to continue caring for Harry. (The OB may mean well, but his heavy-handed manipulation guarantees failure.)

Harry, on the other hand, is hung up on the kind of love he needs. He needs a sort of mature 'Weasley' love -- warm, cosy, touchy. Snape is not possible of that kind of love.

Severus needs to be loved too, but he's put his needs on the back burner for so long that he can't bring them forward. Harry doesn't know how to drag them towards himself.

Doomed to failure...but what a read! Bravo!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 01:20 pm UTC

[info]calico_sky
2008-05-17 02:11 am UTC (link)
Oh my God! If I'd known how this was going to end, I doubt I'd have started it. Oh, how it hurts! This is a beautiful, angsty, heart-destroying fic and I loved every moment of it. Amazing job. ;)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 01:54 pm UTC

[info]estioe
2008-05-17 12:52 pm UTC (link)
Ouch.

Just...omfg, you broke me. And hurt me.

And I am so reccing this when I get the chance.

Just...ouch.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 01:56 pm UTC

[info]ziasudra
2008-05-17 02:53 pm UTC (link)
Ouch. The angst hit me just as forcefully as the first time around. You've really lived up to your angst reputation here. I'm very glad you decided to explore a side of Snarry that not too many people have done -- the dysfunctional, doomed-from-the-start aspects of a relationship between someone too stuck to the past to let go and someone too damaged to accept anything less than pure, perfect love.

Good job!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 02:06 pm UTC

[info]enname
2008-05-18 03:43 am UTC (link)
That was beautiful, a lovely study in what could and couldn't be. Your subtly adjusted premise into a world where by a few character death reversals was fascinating, and just as convincing as JKR's version. I like how you take all the characters seriously, not just dumping Ginny once she is dead and those ramifications, nor Lily, nor anyone else. It rings so very true in the actions and reactions of Harry and Snape. Throwing that trope of the Snape who sees the 'true' Harry on its head was invigorating, and opens a whole building of possibilities to play with between them and their loves/lives/losses.

I have to applaud Harry for having the sense and maturity to just walk away (even if in some ways he never truly can leave completely) from what would have become an incredibly destructive relationship, no matter that it damaged in the leaving. Many people don't have that ability and no matter what my inner angst-on-toast side thinks about seeing it play out, it would be like slicing both of them open repeatedly with a razor, more so than even now. That tragic clarity Harry has to see that it will never work is... just so clean and painful. Yet I equally love Snape here trying to reconcile (and failing because he doesn't have the time to get near success, if there is such a thing) his need and loss of Lily, his loss of Harry, the hurt and being a .. left over relic. Two steps forward and three steps back. It is not just his brokeness but both Harry and everything else.

I love this for being an uncompromising portrait of two people who cannot, are unable to, and will not compromise or give less in emotions or their needs and desires in life.. gorgeous. I love the openess and lack of resolution of the ending, leaving it at once oddly hopeful but devastatingly closed and ruined all the more for that. So.. thanks. It made my day.

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(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 02:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]enname, 2008-05-20 11:56 am UTC

[info]carpet_diemon
2008-05-19 01:51 am UTC (link)
Owowow. I'm not usually a heavy angst fan, but it was like a train crash; I couldn't look away...lovely, once I get by my personal preference for happy endings. (:

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-19 02:16 pm UTC

[info]jennybliss
2008-05-22 03:08 am UTC (link)
I feel so bad for Snape. He just doesn't get it. It is really sad that he could live for so many years and never move on. In the end his feelings were to complicated for anyone to figure out. I was a little disappointed at Harry. He accused Snape of seeing everything as black and white, but isn't that how Harry felt about how Snape should feel about him. You could tell that part of Snape loved Harry for Harry not his mother, but for Harry that was not enough. And really that is more real than anything that he will find.

Very well done. I love it.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-23 01:10 pm UTC

[info]themostepotente
2008-05-22 11:21 pm UTC (link)
A real punch to the gut, but a most delightful punch to the gut. I'm a true fan of angst, so it's always good to see people brave the dissenting masses to deliver the goods. A real pity angst isn't more widely accepted. Nice job!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-23 01:14 pm UTC

[info]igtow
2008-05-24 09:30 pm UTC (link)
They were doomed from their own pasts and their conflicting needs. Ouch. Not an easy premise to write, nor to read. And I'm sorry to say, once was enough, although I'll be seeing pieces of this for a long time without ever reading it again. Well done.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vain, 2008-05-25 07:12 pm UTC

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