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Unknown ([info]cracked_mirror) wrote in [info]nybynightic,
@ 2020-09-29 15:58:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:activity type: log/thread, character: cian, character: tristian mayfair

Cian
Tristian
The Details WHO. Cian & Tristian
WHERE. Tristian's apartment
WHEN. Monday Evening
WARNINGS. some language
STATUS. Complete
Let's go up in flames, pretty lady
The sweet surrender of silence forces me to live alone
Locked and loaded, where the hell is peace of mind?
After their conversation Saturday night through texts, Cian hadn't heard a single peep out of Tristian. Part of him had been a little glad for it, in truth. The way things had come off between them, there was some anger on both sides. Maybe more his own than the younger Malkavian's? His memory, and lack there of, wasn't something he liked to bring up lightly. Especially through assumptions without proof. Their clan was so good at reading between lines, weren't they? Even if it wasn't always the right answer they got. He'd gone home to Connie and Chiyu instead of facing down those emotions.

He hadn't, still, looked at the web to see if he had missed something while he'd been out or asleep. He was almost afraid of what he would find. If there were anything of importance, he'd find it out of Tristian's own mouth. Even so, it was going to be hard to keep things straight. To say it was a relief to speak to someone who wasn't his own clan about things was an understatement. It helped that Sthelada was almost soothing in the way she spoke to him when he'd woken up.

Walking up to the third floor, Cian knocked a few times on Tristian's door but didn't hear anything inside. Had he gone to work? Possibly, but that didn't explain the sudden motion he heard inside. Did Tris know it was him? Walking back out of the building, the Elder circled to the back and jumped up onto the fire escape after making sure no one else was in the alley. It was an easy way, after that, to find the younger man's window and even easier to open the window and push past thick black out curtains. After that?

The smell of old, dried blood hit his nose, sharp and making him hiss. "Tristian." His voice something of his normal tone, but had an added ice to it.
CODING

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-09-29 11:42 pm UTC (link)
Tristian both was and was not at home. Sitting on the floor in the living room, the young Malkavian was surrounded by a semi circle of pens and markers that no longer worked, used up lipsticks and liners, and a number of shadow palettes, some of which were now cracked or missing individual colours. He hummed a guitar riff to himself as he worked, over and over and over again.

Currently he was adding the finishing touches to a rather large and scrappy mural of a fire he'd drawn directly onto the wall, pressing bright yellow pigment into the paintwork in an increasingly determined fashion. It had to look fierce, after all, alive. A fire that would consume and consume and consume until nothing was left, would reduce so much history to ash, like the deadest of dead things. Nowhere is safe now. Death is everywhere, waiting.

There were other things too, on the walls. Words and words and words. Some harmless, others not so much. Lots of mentions of Rusty.

When a voice called his name he froze, mannequin stiff for a couple of seconds, before returning to what he was doing.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-09-30 12:08 am UTC (link)
It wasn't hard to find Tristian after just a moment of looking around the room, to see just how much the walls were covered. How long had he been at it? The flames were the more disturbing part of it all, true, but as he stepped into the room proper, he didn't need the light to read what was all around them. Rusty? Wasn't that his and Julian's sire? Was he the cause of all of this?

He only let himself stand there a moment before he went to stand behind Tris, watching him get more and more worked up over the yellow part of the flames. The sound of his voice, as it was, wasn't enough to snap him out of this but he wasn't sure of touching him, either. If he decided to snap on him, Cian was more than ready to restrain him. There wasn't a single chance this child had against him.

"I called your name." Don't ignore me. The tone was obvious. Kneeling down, he circled a hand around the wrist that was drawing still, pulling it away from the wall.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-09-30 12:39 am UTC (link)
He had to finish. It was important. They would all see soon enough. See and feel and if they were truly unlucky, burn. It was important, so important to get the flames right. If only he could draw the screams, that would make it even better. Yes.

If Tristian sensed the second presence in the room, he didn't show it; his attention was focused solely on what he was doing. It was only when a hand took hold of his wrist, preventing him from carrying on, that the younger Kindred bother to turn around and look.

His hair was tatty and unbrushed, the ends stained with dried blood, make up smudged and tracked down his cheeks. Although Tris' clothes weren't dirty per se, he'd clearly been wearing them for several days; something he'd normally consider tantamount to a war crime were he feeling more like himself.

The younger Malkavian blinked at Cian, slow and calm and bovine, as if the Elder's presence and his tone were of no concern to him. There was no recognition of the person he was facing, hand wrapped around his wrist. "I'm busy. I need to finish."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-09-30 01:26 am UTC (link)
This was a state he never thought he'd see someone like Tristian in, and for a second, it almost took him by surprise. He'd seen him without make up before, but this was completely something else from the well put together person he usually was. Physically, of course. Malkavian's were never quite well put together in any other aspect.

For some reason, that look and the dismissal, made him upset. He wanted to shake the younger man but couldn't. He knew what it was like to lose out to the clan. It didn't change his anger at everything, of course, but he wasn't going to be throwing him around right then. "You've done enough, I think."

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-09-30 07:58 am UTC (link)
Inclining his head, Tristian seemed to be weighing up the Elder's words for a moment or two. Then he simply picked up a brush with his left hand, dipped it in another pigment and returned to what he was doing.

He'd fed himself in the last 72 hours, but it didn't show. So much blood had been spent during his lucid moments, on tears for Rusty and for himself. It wasn't something Tris himself had noticed presently, but deep down the beast was starting to get restless.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-09-30 03:28 pm UTC (link)
A soft growl rumbled through Cian's chest as once again he was ignored. He needed to get a better hold of himself is what he needed to do. Tristian was lost to his mind, something that all Malkavians did, but he needed to snap him out of it. It wasn't always a thing but he could try. He had promised Connie he would take care of all this, talk to Tris and hopefully get through to him. The small bond that had been there through Cian's bite had faded but that didn't mean he didn't care what happened to the fledgling.

Leaving him to his devices, the Elder stood and went to the kitchen, only to open the fridge and grab two bags of blood. Who knew if it would be enough but when he got back to Tris, he punctured the top of the first bag. Grabbing his face with his free hand, Cian forced his lover to look at him, up and back, and started to give feed him. Either the blood spilled or Tristian swallowed it down.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-09-30 05:05 pm UTC (link)
Tristian was happy to get his arm back. Dropping the brush in his left hand he carried on with the right, really trying to dig that pigment into the wall. Yellow was such a difficult shade to work with, but it was also necessary.

He didn't seem to notice Cian leave the room, or even remember that the other Kindred even existed at all until his face was being turned towards the Elder again. Even as he was being made to face Cian, Tris' eyes were on the wall, still trying to work on the flames even as the blood was being poured into his mouth.

Normally the younger Malkavian was a careful feeder, but not tonight. He gulped down eager mouthfuls, tongue lapping at the edges of the bag hungrily. Something else was taking over, something he kept caged and quiet, and Tris moved forwards on his knees, grabbing at the bag, trying to pull it free from Cian's hands so he could finish it.

When the bag was empty he licked his lips and wiped a hand across his mouth. Tristian was still pawing at the corners of his mouth and licking the blood off his fingertips when someone switched on the lights behind his eyes and the owner of this sad, confused vessel returned home.

The words were still there on the walls. If anything there were more of them this time, not all of them written in ink. He kicked some of the pens away from himself and drew his knees towards his chest. His entire body trembled, making him seem less like a dangerous nocturnal predator and more like a frightened rabbit.

But now he wasn't alone.

Tris looked up and met that familiar gaze. "Key," he whimpered, and quickly wrapped himself around the Elder. "Rusty's dead. He's dead. J-J-Julian told me and I didn't believe him but he's dead and now I don't know who I am. I keep doing this and I-I can't stop and now and now I think. I think it could have been me the whole time." He was sobbing again by this point. "And now I don't know who I am because if-if it was me then that means I'm-" Tristian swallowed the word, but wasn't difficult to guess what he meant. "Please, Key. Please tell me I'm not crazy. I can't be, I can't. Please." Fingers curled into the fabric of his clothes as he looked up into Cian's eyes, begging.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-09-30 08:04 pm UTC (link)
He was so very young, wasn't he? Sometimes it was a little hard to remember just how young Tristian was. There were reminders, here and there, of course, but like with most other things, Cian had ignored it. He had ignored so many things, hadn't he? It was starting to be difficult in keeping track of just how many things he'd looked the other way for. He couldn't do that anymore, especially not now that he was a Hound. It was still something he couldn't quite keep his head wrapped around.

When he stopped drinking, the Elder went to get the second one ready but the lights behind Tris' eyes came back on, saying his name like that. It hurt to hear it, but certain things had to be said, had to be done.

Though he let the younger Malkavian wrap himself around him, Cian didn't exactly go to hold him tightly. There was a hand at the back of his head, holding him, fingers lacing into tangled hair. Learning a sire had died was a reason to lose one's self, especially with how close he had believed he and Rusty were. It wasn't the same for him mad his, but they had long since parted ways. How would it be when he learned Ryo was dead? There were other siblings between him and the other man. It wouldn't be as bad. At least, that's what he was going to tell himself.

Cian, the Eldest of the Malkavians here, looked down at Tristian with an almost thoughtful look. It would have looked more like a mask than his normal features but he hadn't fed tonight, not yet. There was only one thing he could do here, the same thing his sire and siblings did for him when he'd been young. "You are though, Tristian Mayfair. You are of the clan Malkavian, we are all crazy." It was cold, it was cruel, but it needed to be done. The sooner Tris realized his reality wasn't correct was one step closer to him living past sunset. He could save himself from the others if he tried.

Cian did not want Tristian to die but he added new offenses all the time. Against the sheriff, against the elders of the city. Against Connie and Julian. Against Cian himself. There was only so long before he couldn't protect him anymore with his name and reputation alone.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-09-30 08:28 pm UTC (link)
He had asked even though he knew the answer to his question. He wanted to be lied to, but he knew Cian wouldn't lie. Wouldn't sugarcoat it. Why? Was he torturing himself now? "But I don't want to be. I just want to be normal, like before." Because he had been normal then, hadn't he? Or had he? "Have I ever been normal? Or have I always been...this? H-how much of me is even real?"

The younger Kindred's eyes were wide and wet and frightful. Everything in his head was jumbled and now he was terrified of not being himself. Just walking, chattering, transferable madness, a facsimile of someone better. Someone real.

Tris covered his face with his hands and sank against Cian's body. "Why did Julian only tell me now? He knew when we met that Rusty was gone, I know he did; so why he didn't tell me then? Why did he have to do it now, over the network? Why did have to hurt me?"

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-01 01:36 am UTC (link)
"You are kindred, Tristian. You will never be the same." No matter how long he continued on in this life, he wouldn't ever be sane again. There would be moments, yes, where clarity would make him feel normal almost, but it wasn't for long. Never. The network was always there, the whispers were always there. Even with his tight leash, Cian was never quite alone in his head.

Fingers tightened a bit in messed silver strands as the younger kindred continued on with his questions, trying to get him to calm down, even a little bit. He had done this before, with his own child, but normally didn't comfort crying people. Even so, he knew perfectly what it was that he was feeling. Could feel it, even. When Tris sank further into him, Cian's arms finally went around him properly, holding him for the moment.

"You needed to know, Tristian, and Julian wasn't willing to hide it anymore." He had known it would hurt and a part of the Elder knew that he had said it like he had for that very purpose right then... but he had also needed it. Tris needed to be pushed over the edge so he would realize just what he was doing. This break was necessary if he were going to survive and notice how he'd been. Cian understood the root of it but was still being too kind.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-01 01:09 pm UTC (link)
"Then how am I supposed to know who I am? How much of me is me, and how much of me is it?" It being their shared curse, their Malkavian blood.

His fingers curled into Cian's arm. If only he could stay here, like this, forever. Could they do that? In this light, with the amount of things buzzing around his head, torpor seemed quite alluring. Just...switch off for a little bit, like a trance but without the overtones of madness.

He sniffled, nuzzling into Cian's chest. "But why? Why was he keeping it a secret anyway? Rusty was my sire too. How could he speak to me and not tell me that he was gone?" Why would Julian hold onto this information on purpose? Was he always planning to use it against him, to hurt him with it? "We're supposed to be siblings." In the only sense Kindred could have siblings, anyway.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-02 04:34 am UTC (link)
How was he supposed to understand who he was? None of the Malkavians really knew. They never knew when a break was coming, what information they would receive, what would hurt. Even Cian didn't truly know who he was anymore. The pirate of his past, the man of his present? He'd change. He always did, as sure as he had to feed. "That is for you to realize." He couldn't tell him the answer. Tristian had to control himself, or not. At least he knew now?

How did he say anything to that? Tristian knew, he had to. "You truly didn't know he was dead?"

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-02 08:35 am UTC (link)
There was no steady heartbeat to listen to, and even if there had been Tristian had none of his own for it to fall in sync, but Cian's presence still managed to be soothing. His nerves had frayed to a point where the slightest thing seemed to set them alight, but within the older man's arms he felt protected, even from himself.

How he was supposed to understand Julian's motivations he didn't know, but there was a finality to Cian's words that all the questions on earth wouldn't shake. He wasn't going to tell him or give him any clues, of that the young Malkavian was certain.

Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks but he was quieter now, calmer. "Maybe I should have." Tris could have asked. He could have found out through Auspex, if he'd really wanted to know, but did he? When Julian's name came up it felt like a beacon of hope, chasing away the very worst of his fears, and he had no inclination to go after them. "Whenever I tried to reach out it was like someone had cut the line, but I thought...he was avoiding me." His fingers pressed into the leather of Cian's sleeve and nuzzled the Kindred's neck, the bristly hairs underneath his chin rubbing against Tristian's forehead. "Everyone always abandons me eventually. Nobody stays."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 02:37 am UTC (link)
The tears were not something that Cian was prepared for. None of this was, really. What was he supposed to do to comfort him? Pet his hair, hold him close - it wasn't what he needed, not in the long run. He wasn't even prepared for Tristian nuzzling under his chin like that. The final blow? The last thing he said. The Elder had abandoned many in his life, hadn't he? And now, he was about to do it again. Wasn't he.

"Malkavians are too much sometimes, Tristian. We can't beg people to stay." Eventually, the crazy would be too much. The not seeing reality the same way was a deal breaker for most. Holding the younger man's face in his hands, he pulled him away and made him look at him and his too serious face. "You need to find a balance or you'll find true death." Hopefully he wouldn't have to explain everything, point out everything he'd done while he had been looking the other way on reality.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 02:58 am UTC (link)
He blinked several times, lashes fluttering as his eyes filled up again. "Please, Key. Please not now. I never expected to keep you but please don't let me go just yet. Please. I can't handle this." It was as if the ground was giving way beneath his feet and the only hand within reach to stop him falling had been withdrawn. It wasn't fair. How was he supposed to get through any of this now?

The younger kindred looked up at Cian as he spoke, his face going from blurry to clear to blurry again. "F-final death?" He stared at the Elder in disbelief. "Am I really that bad?"

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 03:11 am UTC (link)
Pain fluttered up through the Elder at the look on the other man's face. This would be the absolute worst time to leave and he knew it. He'd cared for Tris, wouldn't be here if he hadn't. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the younger kindred's forehead, letting them linger there for a moment instead of saying anything.

"I'm sorry, Tris, but yes. It has been that bad." One of his hands moved so he could gently comb out those silver strands with his fingers, something that hopefully calmed him. "You have enemies you created. I should have kept a better eye on you." He didn't mention that Connie had promised his death for what he'd done to Chiyu or the rest. Wouldn't bring up the sheriff or the Marquess that would have looked the other way.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 03:26 am UTC (link)
He couldn't hold back the sob that escaped when Cian's lips touched his forehead, his upper body giving a little under the weight of its implications.

"But...I never meant to be." His voice sounded tiny and weak, such a long, long way from those dramatic and inflected tones that drew so much ire. "And you can keep an eye on me now, can't you? I promise I'll be better. I'll do whatever you want." Tris leaned ever so slightly into those fingers combing through his hair. Please, just stay.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 03:35 am UTC (link)
It was cruel, wasn't it, to give him a kiss like that. After everything else? That sob made that recent protective side kick in but he fought it down. Now wasn't the time for it.

"Tristian." This wasn't helping, was making it all worse. He had said that begging didn't help sometimes. He could taste the please in the air. "I warned you once, remember? You promised me then that you would behave." Cian's jaw tightened for a moment, he could could hear the bone crack from the force. The elder pulled his chin up again, looking down into those tear stained eyes. "You ran wild and caught everything on fire. You have to see what you do, going forward." He couldn't protect him. Especially since he'd taken the job of Hound.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 03:48 am UTC (link)
Tristian felt the full stop at the end of his name and shrank back a little. "But...I thought...I thought you meant just then, not all of the time." Had his behaviour really been so terrible? Another night, another Kindred and he might not have believed it, but he'd never believed himself to be this mad before either, and Cian wasn't one to hide the truth.

"Alright," he nodded, fingers creeping up to stroke Cian's wrist. "I'll be careful with what I say, what I do. But why can't I be with you?" Tris searched the older Malkavian's gaze. His eyes were still the same colours as always, and yet the message they were sending was so very different to what he'd seen before.

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 03:58 am UTC (link)
"You continued with them. Others warned you, as well." Those fingers gathered the hair at the side of his face, distracted for a moment before pushing it back. He hadn't listened to any of them, pushing forward with the reality that bent around him. It was hard for Malkavians, it was their curse, yes, but not all of them had it to their disadvantage like this one did.

How to explain? "Staying will confuse you and let you stay where you are." Fingers twisted for a moment before he dropped his hand from Tris' hair, finally. "I also.. a Hound, now."

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 04:26 am UTC (link)
"I didn't think everyone would take it so seriously." And yet they had. Words, just flippant remarks that were meant to be forgotten. That Tris had certainly forgotten himself. Had he really been reading things so differently from everyone else?

So this was for his benefit? Then why did it feel like the exact opposite of that? "And how is leaving me to put things back together by myself better than that?" He wiped his eyes but it really didn't help. "You could have just said I was a liability, that I'd understand." Cian couldn't be a hound and be with someone like him, not if he wanted to hold that position or be liked by his peers.

"I guess Connie finally gets what he wants." The comment was sharp and bitter, but tears were still rolling down his cheeks. "But at least you won't have to be someone different to fuck him."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 04:38 am UTC (link)
"Take multiple insults from a fledgling seriously?" He knew kindred who had died for less than what Tristian had done all over the net.

Liked by his peers? He could do that by himself. Laughed at or hearing multiple people whisper about Tristian? It brought less attention either way. "You make yourself one. Your words will end you if you aren't careful." It had been meant as a warning and lacked a serious backing.

The rest? Cian sat, stunned. It was a good thing he had let go of the younger man's hair. When he stopped being stunned? A growl rumbled through his chest, those eyes of his showing the starts of anger. "Watch your mouth, Tristian." Connie had nothing to do with this. The Elder might have been confused by the feelings that had been shared, but this end wasn't because of them. The way he said that name should have been warning enough.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 05:17 am UTC (link)
"But I didn't mean things that way." It was just talk. Sometimes playful, sometimes catty, but Tris had taken very little of it seriously. He hadn't seen why it could be so upsetting.

The idea that he had brought all of this on himself was a bitter pill to swallow. Because if he'd made himself a liability, then all of this was his fault too, wasn't it? Cian was letting him go, and it was his own fault.

With the way that realisation made him feel, perhaps it would've been kinder to swing an axe at his chest. Whatever anger had bubbled up was quickly drowned out by a fresh wave of hurt. "But it's true. You care about him and I know he likes you. I know he was the one you kissed before you came to talk to me. And I know that if I let you go, and you go to him, you'll never come back. Because why would you? You can't even touch me without drinking the right kind of blood."

The younger Kindred put his face in his hands and began sobbing again. Even though his head was beginning to ache he couldn't bring himself to stop crying. "I know I don't deserve you but I can't stand the thought of you with someone else. I'm sorry, Cian. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 05:41 am UTC (link)
"There is a difference between your reality and the others." They may have been meant one way but were taken in a completely different way.

He, too, knew that Connie had, or still did, like him. Did he care about him? All of those sharp and hurt emotions were too fresh to think about too closely, but for a moment, he let Tris continue, only watching him for now. If he ended up with Connie, that wasn't Cian's choice alone. If he came back to Tris, that wouldn't be his choice alone. When it got to the part about the blood, the Elder found his upset again. "Excuse me?" Annoyance was strong in his voice, the anger still rolling in him. "So all those times we fucked and I wasn't high on blood don't count all of a sudden? I see."

Shaking his head, he rolled back on his heels. "No, Tris, I'm sorry."

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 01:13 pm UTC (link)
It was a struggle to wrap his head around the differences he'd missed when he was broken into so many pieces. How was he supposed to pick them all up and reassemble them into something better?

Tristian wiped his eyes again, still sniffling. "Julian said that blood was the only reason you did. And it hurt. I just wanted you to like me, even a little."

His fingers were trembling and his headache was starting to get worse. You're unravelling again. Tris moved closer to to the older man, coiling around his arm and resting his head against's Cian's shoulder. When Cian apologised he was on the verge of closing his eyes, but that made him look up. Sorry? What was he sorry for? "But I-I did this to us."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 02:27 pm UTC (link)
Cian couldn't blame Julian for thinking that. It would be exactly what it looked like from the outside... And for the most part he was right. Kind of. Did he want to say all of that out loud? Probably not right now. He didn't want to cause another argument.

He had done some not so great things. Lashing out at the Elder like that was only the bottom of it, sure, but it was at him. As someone had put it, Cian was the only one who cared whether he lived or not, or so it seemed. Why was he sorry? Many reasons now, and he wanted to just get up and leave before this got worse. He was still on that edge of anger and it was the worst time. "Your mouth did, yes."

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 02:54 pm UTC (link)
He could feel that anger just beneath the surface, ready to make itself known if he brought up someone Cian cared about again.

Did anyone care about him in that way? Rusty, but he was dead. Julian? No, definitely not. And it was too much to hope that Cian could look at him with that kind of affection now that their bond had worn thin.

Tristian was alone.

"I'm sorry." The young Kindred's words were a whisper as tears rolled under his chin. "Can you stay? I won't ask you to hold me, I just don't want to be on my own tonight."

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[info]cracked_mirror
2020-10-03 03:05 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't the fact that he had brought people Cian cared about, it was the how. The way he had talked about Connie had gotten under his skin in an obvious way. The way it made the Elder feel like his mother's son, after all he'd done to not? That's was another point he wasn't going to touch. Maybe later, when he was alone and tearing apart his room.

Reaching out, Cian smoothed a hand over Tristian's silvery hair, knowing this was probably the last time, in at least a long time, that he would do do. "I'll stay. For now." He didn't want to confuse Tris anymore than he already had, but leaving a struggling Malkavian fledgling alone was probably a worse idea.

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[info]batsinmybelfry
2020-10-03 03:30 pm UTC (link)
The touch to his hair felt so final. Tris struggled to push down the sadness building up in his throat and brushed away his tears for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Thank you." He unwound his arms from around Cian's, letting his fingers trail down over the Elder's forearm. Brushing his thumb against the back of Cian's hand Tristian gave those long fingers a tight squeeze before finally, reluctantly, letting him go.

Looking down he noticed the state of his hands, covered in makeup pigments, ink and blood. When had he last washed them? Was he still wearing makeup from Saturday? What day was it? "I should clean myself up."

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