|Christopher Silas (nojewfrohere) wrote in immune_ic,|
@ 2013-04-12 14:21:00
|Entry tags:||# 2013  april, silas, toby|
It probably didn't make a difference in the end, but meeting up with Brooks in a guard tower felt less like a shrink session in Silas' head than walking into the man's office would. Discretion didn't really matter much anymore, given the way things spread around Sing Sing; he'd bet money that over half of the adults knew what went down in March and what he was still struggling to recover from. Or maybe he was just being a pessimist.
Either way, talking shit out seemed to be helping, so even though it wasn't really in his nature he'd decided to keep doing it. Any little bit to get back to a place he thought he'd been in. He'd even put some thought to what Toby had said about thinking about three things to talk about.
Yeah, it was a little reminiscent of the sessions in rehab, but he thought that was kind of the point. Work through shit, get to a better place, and all that.
Didn't mean he wasn't a little apprehensive about the meeting today as he made his way to the guard tower that they'd agreed on. Apprehensive about the response he'd get to a couple of the things he wanted to cover, because he knew that it reflected more on his self worth than anything else. But it was stupid to be apprehensive too, since Brooks had already proven he wasn't going to judge Silas for anything, and it was easier saying this shit to Brooks than if he were to say it to Regan, Brandon or Rae.
Talking to the three of them was almost impossible, at least about the shit that he was dealing with right now. They were all trying to understand, but he wasn’t great at getting his perspective out there, so he didn’t think they really understood the scope of his own reasons for believing the things he believed.
Like why he couldn’t put all the blame on Dr. Samson.
He'd made himself late too, since he had just had to stop and have a smoke between Rae's place and the guard tower. He probably shouldn't have even done that, but he'd never been able to wean himself off of all addictive substances, and cigarettes were the one thing he allowed himself. It calmed down his nerves a little.
Not like Brooks would call him on the lateness anyways. Or if he did it wouldn't be a huge deal. So Silas didn’t offer up and apology when he made it into the guard tower and saw that Brooks was already there. Instead he gave a nod of greeting and a mumbled, “Hey.”