topazlily (topazlily) wrote in crow_syndrome, @ 2007-10-31 19:46:00 |
|
|||
Current location: | The Dark Tower, as always |
Current mood: | accomplished |
ELDRAVINE, QUEEN OF MORDOR VII
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Warning: This sporking contains extreme stupidity and high levels of SOMEHOW!TM
Story Or Series Title: Burdens (of Destiny Density)
Fandom: Lord of the Mad Scientists.
Culprit Author's Name: Khaydarin9
Full Name (plus titles if any): Eldravine. <–– The Suethor claims this means “Hybrid of Darkness” in the Black Speech. It doesn’t. Fade. The Queen of Mordor. New: Mariel.
Full Species(es): All of them. No, really, ALL of them.
Hair Color (include adjectives): ”Raven-dark.” New: “Dark blonde.”
Eye Color (include adjectives): Dark. New: Hazel, “filled with the light of a thousand stars”.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Gorgeous, despite being a mixture of Orc, Human, Elf, Hobbit, Dwarf, Ent etc. Looks “more like a goddess than a servant of Sauron”. Doesn’t have green lips even though she has green blood.
Special Possessions (if any): A jewelled sword and a wavy bladed dagger. Black leather clothes. Armour, including a breastplate which “made it blatantly obvious that she was a woman”.
Annoying Origin: Sauron mixed her up in a blender.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: One of her “mothers” was Celebrían. She’s in love with Aragorn. He’s in love with her. Tenth Walker. Tenth Rider. Yes, really, BOTH. Led the Nazgûl into battle.
Annoying Special Abilities: 133t fighting skillz. Immortal. Instant healing powers. Can only by killed by Andúril. Sorcery– “infused with much the same power as Sauron”. Gets to intimidate Saruman. Is a better sword-fighter than Aragorn. Telekinetic. Can Force-choke her victims. Is the only one who can release the Ring from the magic bag she tied it up in. New: Gets resurrected!
Other Annoying Traits: Has a split personality. Has legends about her. Has a prophecy about her. Weeps “poisonous green tears”. Yes, the Sue is LITERALLY poisonous. Has green blood. Is allergic to sunlight, but only in her evil (“Eldravine”) phase. New: Treacherous– sells out to Sauron in exchange for her freedom. That’s her “GOOD” personality I’m talking about!
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Burdens
Part XII – Faramir
Topaz: Gandalf, Aragorn and Eldravine the Ebil!Sue arrive in Minas Tirith, which as my Lord will recall, we last saw besieged by an “army” of a few hundred Orcs.
Annatar: Allegedly sent by me, or at least my alter-ego in Retarda, who is as feeble-minded as everyone else.
The sounds of battle could be heard from the other side of the city, where Gandalf carelessly knocked down a gate.
Annatar: You mean he just let my army into Minas Tirith? Whose side is he on?
Topaz: No, he’s not a traitor, my Lord, just very stupid. Lucky for the defenders this isn’t a REAL seige!
Oh, and Minas Tirith is constantly referred to as “Gondor”. I’m not sure why they brought the Sue there, anyway, or how it ties in with Gandalf’s Cunning Plan to make a deal with your Lordship.
A figure darted out into the street from the shadows of a tall building. Even without his armor, Aragorn recognised him.
Topaz: Oh, he was a bright lad, that Ranger.
'Boromir!' he called, increasing his pace. The tall man stopped, looking confused
Topaz: As he tried to remember his own name.
before realising who had hailed him.'
'Aragorn!' he returned, wrapping his king in the gruff, completely-without-any-homosexual-overto
Topaz: “Attempting” being the operative word.
Aragorn smiled on slightly.
'We've got her,' the Ranger replied, turning to the hybrid beside Gandalf. 'It wasn't easy, nor the least bit entertaining,
Annatar: Agreed.
but here she is.'
'Do you suppose we could get on with this?' Gandalf called irritably.
Topaz: Yes, how about it?
'There is a world at stake here, or didn't you realise that?'
Topaz: Probably not. The people of Retarda don’t realize much.
Anyway, Aragorn heals the wounded Faramir. The Plot Point Kid, Mariel, is still sick.
Strangely, Eldravine moved up to her and laid her own hand on the girl's head. 'Someone has been playing with fate,' she said darkly.
'What do you mean?' Boromir asked sharply.
'This child was not meant to be sick. You can feel it in her soul. There are powerful forces at work, tampering with things that should be left alone.'
Topaz: Tell me about it.
'Well you may be able to feel people's souls,' Boromir said stoutly. 'and that's all very well. But if you're who I've heard about, I don't think I'll believe a word you say.'
'Believe what you will, mortal,' she snapped, her eyes flashing. 'But when you get run over by a cart in the street, you'll know it's your own stupidity that got you killed, not fate.'
Annatar: If stupidity were fatal, there’d be no-one left alive in the Sueniverse. –Is she threatening to run him over?
Topaz: Possibly, my Lord. It does seem a strange way for a skilled warrior and sorceress to go about murdering someone.
The Nazgûl fly in– yes, right into the Houses of Healing– and grab the Sue.
Outside Minas Tirith there’s some more fighting. Legolas is cool and shoots stuff with arrows. Théoden buys it.
'Father!' wailed Eomer, tears streaming openly from his eyes.
Annatar: What? Théoden isn’t his father!
His visor had been hastily pushed open and he was caressing the man's blood-streaked face. Gimli came up to him, took one glance, and shook his head gravely.
Topaz (as Gimli, very slowly): “No, Éomer. Him not Daddy. Him Uncle.”
The Ringwraiths bring the Sue before your Lordship.
Annatar: Oh no.
The giant presence that was Sauron glowed as Eldravine approached him.
Annatar: “Glowed”?
Topaz: That’s what is says, my Lord.
Annatar: ...I’m afraid to ask...
'Hail, daughter,' he said in his sinister voice.
'Master.' Eldravine knelt down and lowered her gaze in a position of submittance.
'Gollum hath been set free once more,' he told her.
'Why?' she demanded as boldly as she dared. Her face showed sudden concern.
Topaz: She feared there was another lame plot twist coming up.
'He hath served his purpose and is of no longer any threat. The Ring hath twisted much of his mind.'
She scowled, but said nothing. Sauron continued.
'Knowest thou why I have called upon thee?'
Annatar: Is there any particular reason I am using the archaic second person singular?
Topaz: My Lord, it is beyond your slave.
'Verily, my Father,' she replied in the same archaic manner, though her tone echoed disapproval.
'What thinkest thou of mine plan?'
'It is not of my liking,' she admitted, her head still low. 'However if it pleases thee, my opinion is of no consequence.'
Annatar: Which is why I would never have asked it.
'Well said, my daughter,' Sauron approved. 'It seemeth to me that I have no other choice. Had it been otherwise, I would have sought a way and if it had cost me a million orcs, then so be it. Alas.'
Annatar: Now I’m gibbering! *headpalantír*
'She knows, Father. She's ready for what she must do.'
'Be patient, daughter. I would not sacrifice thee lightly, even for a few moments.'
Annatar: Why not? When have I ever cared about sacrificing my minions?
She stood up, the light of his essence
Annatar: ...I’m still afraid to ask...
silhouetting her distinguished figure. 'I am ready,' she said.
A murmur of thought and power shot through the minds of those present.
Topaz: For the first time EVER.
Eldravine wavered in her proud stance and Sauron's light grew brighter. The hushed whispers dissolved into shadows once more and the hybrid body turned. There was no longer evil in her piercing eyes - only an unsatiable longing for something that could not be hers Sueness.
'Fade ...' Aragorn murmured almost silently, resisting the urge to run over to her. Without Eldravine's absolute power, Fade looked humble, even bent in form.
'I will not submit to you, Sauron,' she said strongly, despite her meek appearance. Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke.
There was a rustle of disturbance and the Nazgul moved restlessly among themselves.
'Thou ist hardly in a position to defy me, wench.'
She stiffened slightly at the insult. 'Oh, but I am,' she replied.
'Nay, but thou art wrong in that aspect. I do not expect something for nothing. Thus, I propose a deal.'
The air was suddenly heavy - almost as heavy as it was hot. Aragorn could feel Sauron bending the power of his mind
Annatar: *bitterly* Not that I seem to have one. You notice I’m committing malapropisms like “aspect” for “respect”, and that my grammar’s gone to Udûn?
upon she who had sealed the Ring. Nevertheless, she spoke bravely.
'And what, Sauron, could you possibly offer me that would cause me to abandon Middle Earth and all of its patrons?'
The answer was simple and Aragorn knew that it was coming. He cast the briefest glance at Gandalf, but the wizard's thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.
Topaz: As usual.
'Freedom, Fade. I alone can give thee the freedom thou desires so greatly.'
Annatar: That’s “freedom” meaning “death”, if this party bears ANY resemblance to the real me.
Topaz: Let us hope so, my Lord.
She shuddered, then straightened. 'And what use is freedom in the putrid world that you would make if you had the Ring?'
'It must be better than sharing a body with one whom thou findest so murderous and malevolent.' Frodo knew that Sauron was chosing his words very carefully.
Topaz: He had a new thesaurus.
Fade was wavering now, desperately groping for support in her mind –
Annatar: Such as it was.
the Dark Lord was simply crushing it.
'I will discuss this with my companions,' she said in final despair.
'An it please thee,' Sauron replied. 'Much good may it do thee.'
With obvious effort, she half-ran over to where Gandalf, Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry stood together.
'What do I do?' Fade cried bleakly.
Sam spoke in his lilting accent, 'I didn't trust you at first,' he admitted somewhat ruefully. 'But I know that anyone can make the right decision, though the right decision may be wrong in another's eyes.'
'Follow your heart,' Merry added solemnly.
Topaz: I didn’t even think it was it was possible to say “follow your heart” without giggling. I stand corrected.
Frodo gazed at her, his blue eyes knowing, but he said nothing.
Topaz: He was too busy picturing her nekkid.
'I agree,' Gandalf said, to their surprise, for it had been he who had been against their seaching for her. 'You know which decision to make.'
Annatar: They seem rather apathetic about this, don’t they, slave? Why did they ever bother resisting me?
'I know which decision I should make,' she said. 'But ... oh, but which one is the right one?'
Pippin shook his head. 'Sauron's clouding your mind, m'Lady.'
'No,' Gandalf disagreed. 'I don't think he's that subtle.'
Annatar: Yes, I am! I specialize in clouding people’s minds. In this case it’s superfluous.
He stepped forward and held her shoulders firmly. He could feel them shaking. 'Make the decision that you want. No one will blame you.
Topaz (as Gandalf): “Because we’re all totally cool with Sauron taking over the world. The crucial thing is that you get to make your OWN decisions, like the strong, independent Sue, I mean woman, you are. Yep, that’s much more important than the fate of all Middle-earth. Definitely.”
In the same position, many would make the same choice.' His grey eyes seemed to be trying to tell her something.
Topaz (as Gandalf): “Do it! Do it! Do it!”
Annatar: I believe you’re right, slave. He must REALLY want the Sue to die.
She turned to Aragorn, her eyes brimming with helpless tears. 'For the first time in this body's life,' she said quietly. 'Neither one of us knows what to do.'
He reached out and brought her close. She laid her head on his shoulder and he could feel her breathing against his neck. Her breath was cold and deep and he knew that they could not postpone the verdict forever. He gently pulled away and kissed her forehead in parting, just as he had done in the outskirts of the Lothlorien forest.
'Make a choice, Fade,' Aragorn urged, and fell silent.
She turned to face the light which was Sauron. 'I have made my decision,' she called in a ringing voice that would forever be a part of man's history.
'I will take my freedom.'
Topaz: Oh, you are sooooo dead now, Mary Sue!
There was no outward sign of triumph, but the burdened air became lighter as Sauron desisted his persuasion. The soiled velvet pouch lay on the rock in front of him and she stepped forward with trembling fingers and picked it up. She closed her eyes momentarily - there was no flash of light, no light, no array of sparks CGI nothing to indicate that anything special had occured. Yet, perhaps, it was the most earth-shaking moment of the Third Age.
Topaz: Mary Sue, you egotistical little bitch, you really, really deserve what’s about to happen to you. I just want you to know that.
Her long fingers reached into the pouch and pulled out, with dreaded hope, the Ring of Power.
There was an unearthly cry as Sauron, no longer able to control himself, saw his creation brought out into light. It was close, so very close, yet he still had a promise to keep.
'Very well,' he muttered excitedly. 'Have your freedom, Fade, and be grateful!'
Annatar: Watch, slave. This is going to be amusing.
She smiled bitterly and turned her head to look over her shoulder. 'I love you, Aragorn.'
Annatar: ??!! The Sue is still alive! Does that mean I ACTUALLY gave her freedom? Me? What has the Sueniverse done to me?
A wave of blinding, sickening light overwhelmed them. The body that imprisoned two souls was crushed to the ground as Sauron forfilled his own part of the deal. As the repercussion passed, Aragorn could make only make out Fade's unmoving body.
Topaz: YES!
Annatar: *sighs with relief* At last! I’ve finally done something in character!
Nausea overwhelmed him.
Topaz: Join the club, Strider.
'NO!' he screamed, his voice filled with indescribable loss cliché. His sword had been taken from him by the Ringwraiths when they had taken him to Mount Doom - and perhaps it was for the better for his only thought was of being with her. His mind had been severed
Annatar: Yes. I noticed.
he could not think of anything else.
Topaz: Or anything at all, but that was nothing new for him.
She was no longer alive. She had wished for freedom - but not that kind of freedom. Sauron had betrayed her!
Annatar: And, ah, what, exactly, did they expect me to do?
Vaguely, he felt firm hands restrain him. 'Let go of me Gandalf!' he snapped, meaning it more than ever before.
Topaz: Generally he put up with being groped by the wizard.
'She trusted him!'
Annatar: Much as I hate to admit it, that is practically the definition of “stupid”.
'She wanted freedom,' Sauron stated without emotion.
Annatar: ...And now I’m out of character again. Why am I not laughing? I may have made this joke before, but it’s still hilarious– isn’t it, slave?
Topaz: *quickly* Oh, yes, my Lord. Your slave cannot imagine anything funnier than telling people you’ll set them free when you mean you’re going to kill them. *forced laughter*
There were no tears in Aragorn's eyes, only hatred. Suddenly, he saw the body move. He was filled with blinding hope for a moment - but the moment he saw her face, he knew that it had all been a waste. Eldravine was alive, Fade was not.
Annatar: Why does he care? Fade just betrayed them all.
Topaz: My Lord, she’s a Sue. It might be treachery in anyone else, but if Mary Sue does it she’s just exercising her freedom of choice.
'Aragorn?' Eldravine asked questioningly. 'And all the while I thought your name was Strider. But that's hardly a problem anymore.'
She picked up the Ring carefully, and stepped lightly over to him. 'I think, just so that you're sure, you should know that Fade no longer exists in this body, or elsewhere.'
Sauron ignored Aragorn's desperate outburst. 'The Ring, daughter?'
'Here, my Father,' she said, laughing quietly at Aragorn. As she turned, they all heard a strange hissing noise. Pippin jumped slightly, his eyes wide, but one look from Gandalf kept him silent. The wizard's eyes were filled with remorse but were still very much alert.
Topaz: Remember, my Lord, he has a Cunning Plan.
'Precious!' A scrawny figure darted out onto the ledge where they all stood. Gollum, yellow eyes wild, saw the Ring in Eldravine's hand and darted for it. 'Give usss Preciousss!'
She snarled at him but he kept coming, hesitantly at first then faster. Filled with a jealousy born of evil, he clawed at her for the Ring.
One step too far was all it took to rid the world of both creatures - the Hybrid of Darkness, and a Ringbearer who became its Bane.
Annatar: What just happened?
Topaz: They fell into a chasm, my Lord.
Annatar: In the middle of my throneroom? Look, I know the floor needs repairing, but this is ridiculous!
Topaz: Perhaps “plot-hole” would be a better term. Uh... It would seem, my Lord, that this incident took place on the edge of the Cracks of Doom.
Annatar: But why in Arda would I hold an important meeting there?
Topaz: So Gollum and the Sue would have something to fall into, my Lord. That was Gandalf’s Cunning Plan. He SOMEHOW!TM knew that my Lord would meet the Sue at Mount Doom for no particular reason, and that SOMEHOW!TM you would let Gollum loose, and that SOMEHOW!TM... well, my Lord, you get the general idea.
Annatar: That’s idiotic. And you mean his plan was to destroy the Ring all along? How stupid can you get?
Topaz: Uh... indeed, my Lord, no-one in the REAL Middle-earth would ever do that! Absolutely not!
Your slave regrets to say that’s the end of your Lordship.
Annatar: That feebleminded caricature of me? Good riddance. Besides, it’s also the end of Mary Sue.
The hobbits, the Dunedain and the White Istari were left on the ledge, weary and grief-stricken. That day, they all knew that they had lost one of their own.
Topaz: Who had completely sold them and the rest of Middle-earth out... Sueness must work posthumously.
And so it was, that in Mount Doom where it all began, six survivors of the Third Age stared down into that which destroyed the earth's curse,
Annatar: Meaning Mary Sue, I take it?
and it was on Mount Doom that it all ended.
Topaz: Only... it didn’t! There’s still more to come.
A thousand leagues away a girl named Mariel awoke with a gasp.
Burdens
Epilogue – Sunlight or
Part 14 - Mariel
Songfic written by Khaydarin9
Song written by Clark/Imbruglia (White Lillies Island)
Sporker’s Note: Lyrics are in green italics.
Author’s Interruption: Duuuude … I love this song. Enough said. It’s almost like it was written for this fic – only I don’t know Nat Imbruglia that well. Besides, WLI was published after I started this story – and no, I didn’t write the fic to fit it. I’m not that desperate.
Having now come up with a suitable ending (which you’ve all figured out by now), I had to rewrite this songfic. I had a nice little ending with Legolas, Merry and Pippin playing in the band and Nat Imbruglia as a cameo
Topaz: ???!!!
but … ah well ..
Peace.
Annatar: Who said that?
Topaz: My Lord, we just had a few words from the Eru of the Sueniverse.
Annatar: No wonder the place is such a mess.
Today we don’t know who we are
The shame, hiding behind the scars …
Topaz: Gondor. Aragorn mourns for the Sue. Without his beloved Fade, victory is meaningless:
He didn’t really want to have anything to do with sunlight at the moment – it reminded him painfully of Fade.
The tears had long dried on his weathered face, but her longing face had not faded from his mind. It wasn’t meant to be, he supposed.
Topaz: *retches* Sorry about that, my Lord. A sudden attack of nausea... Mariel, the Plot Point Kid, turns up.
Her dark blonde hair scattered itself on the wind that blew past both of him.
Annatar: Both of him.
Topaz: That’s what it says, my Lord. Both of him.
She was clothed in simple white, with a child’s grey cape about her shoulders. Her face was serenely calm, but her eyes were strangely understanding, as if she knew what he had been through. But that, too, was ludicrous.
Decaying yourself about the love you don’t give
Killing yourself about the way you don’t live now
‘Cause you’re not going to live forever …
Annatar: Yes, I am.
‘What are you doing here, Mariel?’ he asked quietly.
‘I wondered where you were,’ was her reply. Her voice was gentle, lyrical, as though her mind was full of dreams and thoughts.
Topaz: Snip! Mariel has “a childish innocence that did not reach her hazel eyes”. *retches again* She wants to know why Aragorn is so miserable.
He hesitated. ‘I lost something that I loved very much.’
‘And what might that be?’ she persisted.
‘One of the two beings I love most in the world.’ Aragorn let the old tears fall. Not all tears were evil. ‘And the other is promised to another who will care for her more than I can.’
Topaz: Yes, Legolas got Aragorn’s former sweetheart, leaving him free for the Sue.
‘That is true love,’ Mariel said approvingly. ‘If all you care about is making her happy, then you really do love her.’
‘I’m glad that someone thinks so, my Lady.’
She paused curiously. ‘Why did you call me that?’
‘My Lady?’ The faintest ghost of a smile rippled over his lips. ‘It is to be your title. One of the lords of Gondor is going to adopt you as his daughter. Everyone knows that.’
Topaz: The only point to this seems to be giving the resurrected Sue a title– oh yes, my Lord, it IS the Sue, back from the dead.
She pouted. ‘Not everyone,’ she sniffed.
There was something in her tone of voice that made Aragorn hesitate with his next statement. She seemed far too mature for her age and there was a faint mocking quality in her words. And she spoke as if she knew him far too well – a girl who hadn’t even seen her twelfth birthday.
Did you ever just live … ?
‘Did you ever get the impression that you were never in control of your own destiny?’ he asked, not knowing if she would even be able to comprehend his question. It was complicated, he knew that, but so far she had demonstrated an understanding far beyond that of a normal child her age.
Annatar: What is his basis for comparision? I doubt if there’s a single normal child in the Sueniverse.
‘That’s absurd,’ she countered. ‘We’re always in control of our own destiny. No one can make us decide to do this instead of that.
Topaz: Unless, of course, we’re in Sue-fic...
It’s our decision, that’s why it’s our life.’
The answer seemed fairly standard but Aragorn was fairly sure that something was amiss here. ‘What if,’ he continued. ’whoever created us made us so predictable that it could map our destiny?’
Topaz: Everyone would die of boredom. I think I just might, if this goes on much longer.
‘God?’ she seemed amused at his words. ‘The Maia, you mean?’
Annatar: Well, well. She must be from Harad.
‘Yes, them.’
Annatar: ”Him”, I think you mean.
‘I wouldn’t put it pass them,’
Annatar: Both of me. I see.
Mariel admitted, and all his doubts were discarded. ‘But who are we to fathom the way of the Maia, when our own people are hard enough to understand?’
He took a deep breath. ‘You’re not really Mariel, are you? The real Mariel died weeks ago from a disease they haven’t even named.’
Topaz: How about “Sueitis”?
Did you ever feel sunlight on your face?
Did you ever breathe hope, did you ever dance with grace?
Did you ever feel sunlight on your face?
Did you ever truly live?
She laughed at him. ‘No, I’m not, Aragorn son of Arathorn. I was beginning to wonder when you’d finally mention that.’
‘Then who are you?’ he demanded. ‘And why do you look so much like Mariel?’
Her arms closed around his chest in the manner of a loving daughter, but it was much deeper than that.
Topaz: Anyone else getting seriously creeped out, or is it just me?
There was also a sorrow so great that he knew, finally, for sure that they were not destined to be together. Otherwise, destiny would not have placed her in the body of a child.
It was strange – for so long, Aragorn had believed that Sauron had betrayed her but in fact, he had kept his promise.
Annatar: What is he talking about?
Topaz: It appears that for once your Lordship chose to fulfil the spirit rather than the letter of your promise.
Annatar: Why in Melkor’s name would I do that?
Topaz: SOMEHOW!TM, my Lord, SOMEHOW!TM
She laid her head on his chest and instinctively he pulled his cloak over to protect her from the wind that rustled the grasses of the plain.
Did you ever … did you ever … did you ever dance across the sky?
She reached up with a lingering fingers and he was drawn into her kiss. His senses reeled at the touch of her hair and her grassy scent filled his very being with longing.
Topaz: ELEVEN, Aragorn. Eleven. Years. Old.
His knees were weak when she finally released him and it was then that he knew it could never go on.
‘It’s finished, then?’ she asked and her eyes were filled with the light of a thousand stars.
Annatar: The Ranger screamed in agony as his retinas were destroyed.
Aragorn knew she was referring to everything.
Topaz: Including logic and common sense.
‘This part, yes,’ he answered.
And together, wrapped in each other’s futile clasp, they turned and watched the wind drive the clouds across the amber sky.
Did you ever think to touch the sky … ?
The grand finalé!
Topaz: And now, my Lord, it really is over.
Annatar: And the Sue is still alive!
Topaz: For a moment there, my Lord, your slave thought a Mary Sue was going to suffer the consequences of her selfish actions. Your slave should have known better.
Annatar: Slave, get me a drink.
Topaz: Here, my Lord. There’s still some of that Maia-grade whiskey left.
But look on the bright side– we’ve finally come to
THE END!
Final note: Technically, it’s still not the end. There’s a chapter called “Credits”, where the Suethor goes into Oscar Acceptance Mode (“So, here are the people without whom, this story would've not been what it is”), but the sporkers are tired now and in need of bleach.
Proudly sponsored by SOMEHOW!TM, The Author’s Friend.