Ianto Jones (inloyalservice) wrote in colligo_threads, @ 2009-09-10 20:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, jack harkness |
WHO: Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness.
WHAT: Jack's been standoffish. Ianto is tired of it.
WHEN: 4:45 in the morning.
WHERE: Their room.
RATING: TBD.
STATUS: In progress.
Ianto didn't know what he'd done wrong. Jack hadn't touched him, had barely looked at him, in the three weeks he'd been back. As much as he wanted to believe his lovers assertions that all was well, he was finding it more and more difficult. He'd always worried that if Jack ever did pursue things with Gwen, he'd realise that the 'love' he felt for Ianto wasn't real. Ianto had always been prepared to accept this fact, but it didn't stop it from hurting. He didn't blame Jack...he just wasn't the sort of person people loved...but he wished Jack would just tell him and put him out of his misery. He couldn't stand feeling like this, suspended in limbo without Jack and without any sort of closure. If Jack was going to leave him, he would prefer to know. It would hurt, more than losing his mother or Lisa had, but it was better than this emptiness.
He could barely sleep, rarely managing any real sleep before three in the morning. He couldn't say why that was the time that the restlessness stopped and he settled into a deeper sleep. It never lasted long. He always woke up, alone in bed the same as when he'd laid down, around five. Sometimes he would dream that Jack was holding him, the way he used to, and on those nights it shredded his heart a little more to wake up without Jack there. He just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before. He wanted to atone for whatever it was he had done, so that Jack would care about him again.
This particular morning, he woke up earlier than usual, to the feeling of Jack's lips against his temple and three whispered words. I love you. He thought he was dreaming for a moment, but then Jack was moving away from him with more softly spoken words. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you anymore. Turning to face his lover, he opened his eyes and watched him for a moment. "Why do you do that?" he asked softly, suddenly realising that his 'dreams' hadn't been that at all.