Fred Burkle (tasergirl) wrote in zombieslogs, @ 2013-09-21 21:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | angel, destiny rumancek, fred burkle |
Who: Fred and Angel then Destiny
What: Dreams and a chat with a gypsy
When: Tonight
Where: Angel's subconscious then the brothel
Warnings: Sadness
"Hi, Angel."
Fred sat on the edge of Angel's bed and watched him sit up in a little bit of surprise as the dream came into focus for him. They were in the prison and she was sitting on his cot, but he was still dreaming since it was most likely the easiest way to corner him without him making any excuse to avoid her. Maybe she had been avoiding him a little bit too, but she couldn't take it anymore. So far she'd only ventured into Lorne's dreams so they could catch up, but she hadn't wanted to overwhelm anyone. Her sudden appearance dredged up memories that most had long tried to move past.
Enough was enough and Fred had to stop feeling so awkward when she was the one that was dead. She'd fought back so hard to get back from.. where ever she was and she would be damned if she was going to walk around on eggshells for much longer. Angel, Lorne, Connor, Faith, Spike, Willow. She hadn't even seen or spoken with the one person she was most nervous to see. Wesley. He was here and a ghost like her. She didn't know how it had happened yet, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to know.
"Fred.. what are you.." Angel looked around nervously for a moment and Fred stayed quiet as he began to realize that he was still asleep. It didn't take him very long. "I mean. Hi."
She smiled a little at him and sighed. Breaking the ice was something she used to be good at even if she may have stumbled through her words awkwardly with rambles. With Angel, they'd been through so much together, and this felt different. There would be no bringing her back this time. He couldn't save her from the monster. It was time for a story and one he'd heard before except this one had an alternate ending.
"Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a horrible cave so far from home that it made her chest hurt. Each and every night in that horrible cave she tried to find a way to escape, but none of her plans ever worked and she'd almost given up hope. Then, one day, a handsome made rode up on a horse and saved her and took her back to his castle." Pausing, Fred looked into Angel's dark eyes that seemed to go on forever. She knew that he didn't want her to continue, but for him and for herself she had to finish it.
"The girl learned to fight the dragons and monsters alongside the handsome man until she met a monster that couldn't be defeated. He traveled to the ends of the earth to save her all over again and even though he didn't mean to, didn't want to, he couldn't find a way to save her and she wasn't able to save herself this time. Again, she fell into another horrible cave so far away from home that it made her chest hurt."
"Fred.." Angel tried to interrupt her, but she ignored him and kept going.
"The girl tried each and every night to find a way to escape and she'd almost given up hope all over again. Until she heard that her handsome man was in trouble, so she escaped the only way she knew how and showed up so she could try to save him." Her hand found his and the contact caught Angel off guard. Dreams provided that connection she longed for as a ghost. "Stupid old fairytales and their happily ever afters."
He wasn't saying anything and Fred wasn't surprised. When she'd asked Connor what she could do to help them he'd told her to be herself. She wasn't exactly sure what that meant since she wasn't totally sure who she was anymore, but the only thing she could do was try. "I can't tell you not to feel guilty or bad about what happened because you'll feel it anyway. What I can tell you is that you did the right thing and I don't blame you for walking away. The what ifs and the should have beens will drive you mad if you let them and no matter what your heart may tell you, my one life wasn't worth thousands."
"It should have been. You were the best one of us and we failed you. I can save hundreds of nameless faces, but saving the ones that matter? I've failed that test each time."
Forcing him to look at her, Fred squeezed his hand tightly. "Angel, you already gave me that second chance. Didn't you listen to the story? You saved me, remember? If I'd never met you I'd be dead or still living in that cave. No matter how we got to where we are now, it was all worth it and I wouldn't trade being a ghost for Pylea."
The pain was etched on his face and she could see the inner battle waging in his head. The guilt wasn't going to disappear simply because she told him it wasn't his fault. He was Angel. He would brood about stepping on a grasshopper.
"I'm so tired, Fred. I'm so fucking tired and it's only getting worse. Buffy's dead, again. Connor and Faith are at the ends of their ropes. The people here have suffered so much and there isn't much hope for a light at the end of the tunnel."
Her heart broke for him and the others and she wished that she could have gotten here sooner to help in any way that she could have. They'd beaten the bad guys, but as always, it came at a high price.
"In every darkness there's a light because there would be no such thing as darkness if not for the light to blot it out." Kind of like where she'd come from before breaking through. It had been just a bunch of.. nothing. "Luckily you've got me to help you find it." That earned her a little smile and she reached out and cupped his face with her hand, her thumb rubbing gently over his cheek. Fred then leaned forward and kissed his other cheek gently. Charles and Wesley may have been her lovers, but Angel was her hero no matter what had happened in the past. She had ever confidence that he would find a way to get back on his feet again.
"And this time I'm not going to get lost."
They exchanged barely there smiles as the dream faded away and instead of sitting on his bed next to him she was standing over him as he slept. It was Angel's turn to have someone watch over him for a change.