She knew that Jill deserved an explanation. She deserved much more than that, but none of which Lissa would be able to give her. There hadn't even been a body to try to bring back for her. Jill, Julia and all the others didn't have a bod to bury because he'd taken it all away. He'd devoured her whole and there was nothing left but a memory.
"I was obsessed with finding out who had been placed inside the prison. I was so angry at him for.. for the things he had done and I was determined not to stop until the threat within our own walls was gone. When we realized that Val was the mole it all happened so fast. Rose and I were pushed back and.." Her voice trailed off and she looked away. She hadn't seen her die, but she remembered watching Val rip Vera out of Julia's arms.
Taking a deep sigh, she jerked at a loose string on her bed and stared down. "There were bunkers located in Everett that had been used as labs. Experiments were done on vampires and werewolves and I'd seen pictures of them. Rose and I went to see the bunker that housed the vampires. They were all dead and there were Moroi and a dhampir. My people. Our people. I should have let it go, but the search for the mole became personal."
She'd already said all of this to Dr. Bloom but she felt disconnected from her which was probably why it had all come out at once. It hadn't mattered to Lissa what her judgement of her was after she told her but with Jill it did.
"These," she said and looked down at her arms. "These were payment for my sins."