(ง'̀-'́)ง (future_dust) wrote in zenithrp, @ 2016-03-17 22:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | #day 025, juno, lennon |
Who: Juno and Lennon
Where: Lennon's room
When: After this and seeing this
Juno’s talk with Jim had been enlightening, to say the least. It wasn’t to say that her head didn’t feel like a messy tangle still, but that was always the case when things really affected her. And this, all of this, really had. Juno had dragged herself over to her room after they had deemed their talk done with, and she had deemed the priest a cool dude (again), and she had reluctantly checked the network again to see Lennon’s reply to her message.
Something felt like it broke within her, and everything she had told Jim and he had told her came back to mind as she started crying. She had for sure thought she had lost this one, this budding friendship, that it might only be a trio and Lennon wouldn’t want a unilateral friendship with her alone - because why would he? But instead, there he was, confirming that they were friends, and that he was there, whatever she needed.
Juno didn’t wait. She exited her room and ran the couple steps over to his door, knocking firmly as tears streamed freely down her cheeks. When he opened the door, Juno didn’t speak. She simply smacked herself against his taller torso, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. Those were tears of relief, and only then did she truly realize how much she cared. Fuck. Caring was the worst.
Lennon had been sketching as he sat on his couch, still trying to stay awake until it was a reasonable time to go to bed. Chase’s visit had been pleasant, and having company had definitely helped with that. He just hoped maybe he’d be less tired tomorrow. Of course, he felt like that completely sucky lunch meeting had added to his mental fatigue, for damn sure. When the knock came on the door, he put down the sketchpad and pencil and went to open it.
His first slightly panicky thought had been that something (more) terrible had happened and Juno was reacting to it. Maybe she’d tell him when she calmed down, but there was no way he was turning down a hug, because he got way too few of them these days. He put his arms around her and tucked his cheek against the top of her head, stroking one shoulder gently.
“I just...thank you. For the message.” She said, voice muffled against Lennon’s shirt as Juno showed no signs of letting go any time soon. “I’m not good at friends I hardly ever had any but I didn’t wanna lose you but I thought I had because I couldn’t hold out like you did.”
Even after getting every hug in the world from Jack, it felt like nothing but heaven to be hugged by Lennon just as tightly. “I’m not used to needing people but this place is different it makes you need them. I’m sorry I suck, Lennon. I’m so sorry. I promise I tried.” She continued. “I didn’t realize how much losing your friendship would hurt until I thought maybe I had.”
“Why would I not be friends with one of the best people I’ve met here?” Lennon said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I might’ve got up too if I wasn’t so damn… shocked? I dunno, it just sucked.” He knew that Juno might have even been more upset than he was about the whole thing, and it hadn’t surprised him at all when she’d peaced on out. It certainly wouldn’t have been anything he’d be angry about. He wasn’t in any hurry to let go of her either; despite the fact that he was open and friendly with most, that didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes crave closer contact with people. Hugs were in short supply unfortunately.
One of the best people. That did not compute to Juno, who loosened her arms’ tightness around Lennon’s middle, lowering her head as she frowned. No one ever thought she was one of the best people they had met anywhere. “He just...he mentioned me out his mouth like I didn’t matter like - ‘look how happy Juno is’ trying to use me to justify how his trying hadn’t gotten him anywhere and I couldn’t take it.”
She pulled back a little to look up at Lennon, but didn’t unwrap her arms from around him. “I couldn’t deal with that. I’m sorry I left you there but it just…” words faltered her, she swallowed hard once, twice, shook her head, and then her face twisted into a cry. Lennon was okay, he’d proven that. She could confess to him. “It broke my heart.”
Lennon might not have known Juno all his life or even for very long, but she was a sweet girl. He had a sense about people sometimes, and he couldn’t imagine that there’d be anything bad about her. Bad things might have happened in her life, but they had to just about everyone. “I get that he felt attacked,” he said, having had sufficient time to think about it all, unlike when the whole thing had been sprung on them. “But he shouldn’t’ve done that, and been so flippant about everything.”
When she told him what she did, his own eyes filled; he couldn’t help it. He blinked, leaving the moisture caught in his lashes. “I know,” he said softly. “You let him in, and he let you down. It blows, but not everybody’s gonna do that.” He wasn’t, for damn sure. This was an environment when it was especially hard to trust people, and maybe they shouldn’t… but Lennon couldn’t live that way.
Juno nodded while Lennon spoke. “I mean I wasn’t a fan of how people were going about it, really? But I didn’t know what to say because after all that bullshit, all the times he bullshitted us I just didn’t know how to stand up for him.” She confessed. “I was so mad, I couldn’t think. And felt so stupid. He told me he’d do this the day I found out, and then there I was when he broke into Chase’s and got traps all over him, and then there I was every time after that - at this point I was feeling I fucking deserve this, right? But I thought that’s what being a friend was. But you give and you take, and he was giving me nothing, Lennon. Not a fuck given.”
She gasped softly when Lennon’s eyes filled with moisture. “I guess. I just don’t have the best track record. But I’m glad you’re here. And I’m here for you. Okay? I’ll try to be. I don’t...I’m not used to friends. But I think I’m learning.”
Lennon was thinking about the time he’d asked Marco if he would’ve broken into Lennon’s room if he’d thought his drugs had been there and how Marco had said he probably would have. At least he’d been honest about it, but it was still hard to take. “I think you’re doing fine,” he said, then dropped his cheek to the top of her head again so hopefully he could prevent himself from crying all over her. “I’m gonna tell you the same thing I’ve told Tobs and Chase… you can knock on my door any time of the day or night if you need something, okay? Even if you just feel bad and want company.” He wanted to be the best friend he could to everyone, although admittedly it was easier with Juno, Chase, Tobias and Kiley than it had been with Marco thus far.
There was a hint of a smile at Lennon’s encouragement, and Juno found herself hoping to God it was true, that she was doing fine at being a friend. When he placed his cheek on top of her head again Juno tightened her arms around him one more time, squeezing slightly as she closed her eyes. “And same goes for you. I know I look a mess and weepy and whatever but I’m still here.” She liked to remind people of that, it helped remind herself. “And I know I’m a grumpy fucker, that’s just my way. I’ll never mean it to you.”
With one hand, she rubbed Lennon’s back softly, making no move to pull back again. “I’m just relieved you understood,” she confessed. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, but I’m here now, okay? I won’t be really great at it but I’ll...I’ll try. I’m getting good examples.”
Lennon smiled, his cheek still pressed to her hair. “That’s what friends are for. You can be a mess, or grumpy or whatever and they still love you.” As much as he missed his friends back home, the people here were important, too. They had no choice but to be here, all together, and he was a firm believer in having people to back him up and vice versa. “You’re here now,” he agreed. “That’s what matters.” He loved having his back rubbed, and after a few moments he jokingly pretended to put all his weight on her as if collapsing. “You keep doing that, I’m gonna fall asleep.”
A delighted giggle escaped Juno when Lennon mentioned the unconditional love that came with friendship. With her as the target. She never thought that would happen to her. But, like Jim had said, she deserved it. She wasn’t half the fuckwad her dad had been; if she ever turned into him, she’d withdraw. Good plan, no one got hurt. Hopefully. “I’ll try to always be here. Not literally, I’m not gonna stalk you, but you know.”
Juno whined as Lennon’s weight fell on her much smaller frame, but she chuckled under her breath. “Oh man I can hold you but I don’t know for how long. You wanna take a nap, sleepyhead? I can leave!”
“I dunno, I could use a stalker or two,” Lennon joked. “Because life here isn’t exciting enough already.” He immediately straightened up so he wouldn’t actually put too much weight on her. “Nah, unless you got something to do, stay for a few? I’ll draw you something, some kinda picture for your room. I can draw anything.” His picture of the Titanic had turned out pretty well; he was thinking about making some kind of frame for it and hanging it up. Art was fun and soothing to do and people usually seemed to like it when he drew for them. Win-win.
“Don’t say that, stalkers are the worst, especially here. You couldn’t get away nor get a restraining order.” She joked back. Juno smiled sweetly when he asked her to stay, eyes widening at his suggestion that he’d draw her something. “Really? Fuck yeah let’s do that! Maybe some day you could teach me, too. I was never too good at arts but that’s because apart from the bare minimum in school the closest I ever got to them was Bob Ross reruns.”
She hop-skipped further into Lennon’s room, only now realizing the hug of the century had taken place in his doorway. Juno didn’t care about the spectacle right now, truth be told. She had more important things to care about. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” she joked, and then sobered up immediately. “Just kidding.”
Lennon brightened. “Can I draw you? I think it’d turn out awesome. Just maybe not with a big-ass necklace and boobs out.” He grinned. Whether he drew her or something else, it’d be fun to just chill for a while and talk about something hopefully less charged than Marco and his issues and emotions and stuff. He was down for that.
“Yeah, yeah, draw me all you want, just not Titanic-style.” Juno conceded, closing the door behind them.