๐๐๐ ๐ธ๐ฃ๐๐๐๐ง๐๐ค๐ฅ (thearchivist) wrote in wtnvgame, @ 2021-04-11 02:23:00 |
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Entry tags: | !action/thread/log, -player: ashe, -player: caitlin, the magnus archives: jon sims, the magnus archives: sasha james |
But Martin and Georgie were safe and Tim and Sasha were alive, so he was content to stay in the town. Which was part of why he was here right now - not just to support his partner's endeavors.
He and Tim had worked past their issues, but he and Sasha hadn't. Or, maybe, issues wasn't exactly the right word. The problem was that Sasha treated him like he was still the person he'd been when she'd been alive. And he'd never really explained everything as clearly as he should have. He wanted her to understand who he was now, so that she could make a more informed decision around him. It wasn't fair to her otherwise.
Sitting across from her, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands - because tea was for home and he did like coffee - he gave her a small smile. "So," he asked, careful to keep any compulsion out of the question, "how have things been, Sash?"
It was weak, as far as openers went. Only slightly above asking about the weather. But it was something.
More than that though, Sasha was looking forward to getting to spend some one-on-one time with Jon. She'd been in town a few months now and hadn't really been presented with the opportunity to sit down with him properly, just the two of them. It always seemed like at least one other person was around.
Settled in with a cuppa, she took a careful sip of her drink and gave him a half-hearted sort of shrug. "Things've been all right, I suppose? Just been working for Juno, helping with some research and administrative work. It's easy enough and keeps me busy."
It wasn't her ideal job, not by a long shot, but it at least gave her some sense of normalcy in a place as odd as Night Vale. Plus, it could have always been worse. It certainly was back home.
"How're you?"
"Well, maybe an easy enough job is just the right thing," he said, taking a sip of his coffee and glancing over at where Martin was working. "After all, our last job was a bit hellish." He lips quirked ever so slightly at the poor joke.
How was he? That really was the question, and not one Jon had ever been much good at answering. Even before all of the mess with the entities, he'd never been the most in touch with his own emotions. There was the urge to simply insist he was fine - to brush off the question altogether - but he dismissed it. He couldn't keep dancing around the things he and Sasha needed to talk about.
"I'm...managing," he said with a shrug. "Martin helps. I honestly don't know what I'd do if he weren't here. But...I suppose I feel like I don't deserve to be somewhere like this. Yes it's weird and unsettling, but it's safe. Mostly. Safer than things were back home. And I just...I ended the world, Sasha. What right do I have to be here with you and Georgie and Martin and Tim instead of back there in the hell I caused?"
Sasha stayed quiet while Jon spoke and couldn't help when her lips pulled down into something of a frown at his words. Part of her could understand why he'd feel that way, though truth be told, she also hadn't expected such a blunt answer. If you could consider it blunt.
Maybe just more honest than she was used to from him?
"You didn't do it on purpose though, yeah?" Not that she really had any sort of image in mind of what 'ending the world' meant for him. "Elias -- Jonas -- he did this, he used you. Most people deserve a second chance, I'd think, and that includes you."
He hesitated as he took in what she was saying. He knew that on some level that she was correct. He'd never asked for any of this. He'd never really chosen it, for all that the others had acted as if he did. He'd been as trapped as anyone - maybe more so. Still, he couldn't shake the guilt.
"I just-" He took a deep breath. Took another sip of coffee. Little hesitations to hold off talking about it further. "I feel like I should have done something differently. Not constantly fallen into the traps that Magnus laid out. You never would have. I suppose that's why he chose me and not you. You're too sensible." He gave her a small smile. "Well...that and his just complete and utter misogyny."
"I guess what it really was," he admitted, "was that the apocalypse couldn't touch me. Not really. I was fine. Apart from Daisy. But that was complicated. People were suffering and I was...fine. It doesn't seem especially fair." He hesitated. "I killed it, you know. The thing that killed you. The Not-Sasha."
"You say that," she began and let out a quiet sigh, "and yet I still walked right into one of his traps and it got me killed, didn't it?" Her gaze held him for a moment before she glanced off to the side and then down at her mug, watching the steam quietly rise off of it. "He'sโฆ too cunning, I think. No matter what or who ended up Head Archivist, he would've lured them into every trap somehow."
It sucked talking about Elias, but it was what it was, ultimately.
Sasha paused for a moment, her eyes moving back to him and a corner of her mouth lifted in a sad smile. "At least the Not-Me is gone, anyway. Don't have to worry about it eating me a second time." It was a poor attempt at humor and she knew it. "Thank you for that, Jon. Truly."
"You walked into one trap, Sash," he said gently, squeezing her hand gently. "During an impossible situation when everything was a mess. It was the only way he could have managed it. I, meanwhile, walked into trap after trap and never saw it until it was too late." He pulled his hand back,picking up his mug and taking a sip of his coffee. "I just...can't help but feel like I should have done...so much differently."
He could only hope that if he ever went back, he might be able to fix things. It wasn't likely, but he could hope.
"Of course, Sasha," he said sincerely. "Of course. I never would have let it live. Not after what it did to you." He hesitated. He didn't like the things he could do. But it might give Sasha a bit of peace. "I could...let you see it," he said after a moment. "How it died. If it would help." And it might. Not just knowing it was dead, but seeing him for what he really was.
A slight look of confusion crossed her features at his words, but it was fleeting. Jon had abilities that she couldn't comprehend now, she knew that, so it wasn't much of a surprise that he'd be able to show her things.
There was also only a small moment of hesitation before she nodded. "I dunno that it'll help, but I'd like to see, yeah."
He knew there was a chance she wouldn't. That she would see him and be afraid. But even that was better than her accepting a lie. A watered down version of the reality of him.
He'd only done this to hurt people, and even then not often. But he took a deep breath and took the memory of destroying the Not-Sasha and gave it to her. Let her see what had become of the thing that had killed her and taken her life for its own. Let her see him in the fullness of the Eye's power.
He was so powerful (too powerful, maybe) and yetโฆ he was still Jon. Somehow. He was and he wasn't. After the Not-Sasha had vanished, the memory seemed to fade and she let her eyes lift then to look at him. "Fucking hell, Jon," she breathed, giving herself a moment to let everything sink in. She wasn't scared of him, but she certainly had a better idea of who he was now.
And he'd done that for her of all people. Not that Sasha necessarily thought all that poorly of herself, but she had never anticipated being the sort worthy of revenge.
"Fucking hell indeed," he said. He looked down at his coffee, giving her time to process. "I guess you could say, the Not-Them fucked around and found out." He took a sip of the coffee, mostly using the cup to warm his hands. He wished Tim was here. He could have got him to warm the coffee up more for him. Also, the emotional support would be nice if Sasha did hate him.
"So...yeah," he said. "That...happened."
For now though, she pushed herself up from the chair and moved around to the other side of the table. "Stand up, please." Because hugging someone who was sitting while you were standing was awkward; hugging Jon like this would make it even more awkward, she was sure.
She also couldn't recall the last time she'd actually hugged him, if ever.
First time for everything, she supposed.
Oh. Okay. she was hugging him. This was fine. He stood there stiffly for a moment, musing that even Sasha was taller than him. And she was wearing flats today. It took a moment, but he eventually relaxed into the hug, going almost boneless against Sasha. He didn't like to admit it, but he was a sucker for hugs. For contact in general. He just didn't allow himself to have it often.
"I missed you," he mumbled. "I really did miss you."
Instinct was to say that she'd missed him too, but there'd been no time apart for them in her timeline. The same absolutely could not be said for him.
"I know," she replied back softly, smiling a little and finally loosening her hold on him enough to pull back and look at him in the eye. "I'm going to try not to go anywhere, yeah?"
He felt a bit too vulnerable, the way he often did when he allowed his emotions front and center, and he made an effort to pull back up the walls of respectability and seriousness. He wasn't sure how well he managed and he was pretty sure he just seemed very awkward as he sat back down with his coffee.
"Right...so," he floundered a little. "How is the private investigation thing going?"
The question about her work amused her and she settled back down into her chair. "We already talked about work, silly." Giving a small shake of her head, she took another sip of her drink. "I'm mostly just doing research and admin work. I like it well enough, I suppose? It passes the time." Then a bit of a shrug. "It doesn't keep me as busy as the Insti--"
She cut herself off then and glanced down into her cup. She didn't need to finish the word, but still felt a bit guilty even bringing it up. "Well, you know."
"Right," he said, awkwardly. "Sorry. I'm just - you know." He'd never been very good at small talk, but Sasha had always accepted that about him. The comment about the Institute made him pause. "It took a lot from us," he said. "And it changed us. All of us."
He took a sip of his coffee. "I mean...I'm the Eye's chosen one," he said with a shake of his head, "which is still baffling. Martin has a bit of the Lonely to him. Tim's an avatar of the Desolation. Georgie has got the End to her.And you're touched by the Spiral. Daisy...she was well and truly taken over by the Hunt. Melanie had the Slaughter. And Basira...well...she'd probably have become the Eye's avatar if I'd died."
She nearly cut him off after he'd said she was touched by the Spiral, but didn't, waiting until he was done before she spoke. "I'mโฆ wait, what? I think you're going to need to clarify what that means, exactly. Which one is the Spiral again? I still haven't quite wrapped my head around all of the entities as it is, but I've got a bit of one of them in me? Orโฆ?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "I rather thought you knew. It would explain why Michael found you fascinating. It's not...it's not as serious as the others. It hasn't really manifested into anything. But it could. If you let it. It's a weak enough connection that I could probably remove it for you. You're distanced enough from it that it wouldn't hurt you." Not like Daisy. Not like him. "You just...have a touch of it. The Spiral. The Distortion. Es Mentiras. It Is Not What it Is. Things that aren't quite right. That aren't quite real. Perceptions and madness."
"You know, after the Institute showed up, littleโฆ weird things started to happen. I can't recall it happening before, but I noticed it after. Like things I thought were in one spot were in another entirely. Sort of like how people joke that a ghost moved their things? Or hid their keys? It's like that. At first I thought maybe I was just forgetting that I'd put something in a certain spot, but itโฆ it happens more often than I thought, mostly when I'm upset about something or just emotional. Does that make sense?"
"It's possible that it happened before and you just weren't expecting anything weird so you didn't pay attention to it," Jon said with a shrug, "but once the Institute arrived you...began to anticipate weird things, and that's why you spotted it." He gave a snort of laughter. "But just imagine...the power to supernaturally...misplace your keys." It wasn't really funny, but you had to look for the humor somewhere in all this mess.
"I would let you have the first stab," he assured her. "You've more than earned it and not just because he fed you to the stranger. He was also a horrible misogynist and never gave you the respect or consideration you deserved so...really, he always deserved to die."
"Aw." Sasha paused for a moment and brought her hand to her chest, feigning (sort of) as if she were absolutely touched by the sentiment. "That might be one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me, Sims."
She smiled then and pulled her hand back, settling into her chair a bit more. "Right, so, I'm feeling a bit peckish. Do you want anything?" she asked, gesturing toward the counter.
He managed not to flinch as she took his scarred hand in hers, feeling his heart twinge at the affectionate gesture. "I'm glad," he said. "You deserve to have nice things said about you."
He considered her question. He didn't need to eat, precisely, but he did enjoy it. Especially here. "I think Martin made some Welsh cakes," he said. "I could go for one of those."