đŠđ˛đ đŚđŁđ˘đŻ (corrupting) wrote in wtnvgame, @ 2021-03-24 23:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !action/thread/log, â´inactive player: laurel, â´inactive player: squid, â´inactive: ella lopez, â´inactive: lucifer morningstar |
well, you gotta have faith
Ella couldnât sleep.
All things considered, that wasnât particularly unusual; her mind was always spinning into a dozen different directions, and it made shutting down at the end of the day more difficult than it really should have been. Still, that night, sleep was being more elusive than usual, leaving her tossing and turning beneath the fluffy blankets as the night ticked by.
A glance at the clock on the bedside table said it was the wrong side of midnight. With a huff of irritation, she tossed off the blankets and slipped from the bed. Bare feet padded across the polished floor as she left her room, intent on the kitchen -- maybe a warm drink would be enough to soothe her into sleep.
She was nearly to the kitchen when she spotted Lucifer; with only a momentâs hesitation, she detoured, coming to a halt several feet away. Her arms crossed over her chest, a little self-conscious at being underdressed in her pajamas (but in her defense, she hadnât been planning on running into anyone).
âDonât tell me -- you canât sleep, either?â
Typically speaking, Lucifer didnât sleep much. The joys of being a celestial being. There were periods, obviously, where he could coax his body to shut down and rest, but it was usually due to serious injury or using up too much energy. Like taking sixty plus bullets in his wings.
So usually, while the Detective, and now Miss Lopez slept, Lucifer skulked around the apartment, trying to amuse himself. Tinkling on the piano was out, given the room was next to Ellaâs, so he was pacing what was set as the livingroom, in his silk sleep pants and robe hanging open, barefoot with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other.
Maybe he shouldâve gone to pester Constantine tonight.
However, Miss Lopezâs arrival derailed that thought. âIt seems weâre a pair of insomniacs, doesnât it?â Eventually, probably, Ella would get used to Lucifer rarely sleeping more than a few hours a day.
âIâm kind of used to it; I think itâs too much caffeine during the day, which you would think would make me slow down on the espresso, but I get my best work done with a good caffeine jolt,â Ella rambled, bouncing briefly on her toes in indecision before she moved to drop onto the couch, one foot tucked beneath her. If sleep wasnât going to come easy, the next best thing was spending some time with one of her best friends.
âI never pegged you as the insomniac type, though. You always seemed like the âenjoy the sloth of sleepâ type,â she mused after a moment, head cocked to the side in thought. Yeah, that definitely fit her mental picture more than that of an insomniac skulking through the apartment by himself.
He absolutely remembered some of her best work; high on numerous drugs, a little adrenaline and a lot of fear. Of course, heâd been teetering towards delirium that night from the gut shot, alcohol and coke, but still. Fond times. âStill, maybe a cut-off point is required, hmm?â It would hardly do well for the little scientist to burn herself out at both ends.
Ella making herself comfortable certainly didnât give any indication that there would be any shuffling off to bed, so Lucifer finally picked the sofa opposite her and settled himself too. âLess insomnia, more that I donât need that much sleep.â The average human needed eight hours a night, but could suitably function on less. Some humans were trained into coping on less.
Lucifer could see the appeal; why waste what finite time they had in the world with sleep? But at the same time, their silly little minds tended to just snap without the required rest. Odd things, human brains. âI mean I can lounge around in bed, but why bother?â
She snorted quietly in amusement. âCut-off points are for people who donât need the stress in their lives. I thrive on it. I get bored without it.â And a bored Ella was an Ella who counted cards and stole cars and generally got herself into trouble. Sheâd learned the appropriate amount of stress to keep in her life to keep herself from teetering over the edge, and that often meant just this side of too little sleep and too much caffeine.
And, occasionally, too many television shows.
âUm, because bed is cozy and you can do a lot of fun things there?â Both brows shot up, wiggling suggestively; it was no secret that she was just waiting for Lucifer and Chloe to finally seal the deal (again), and Ella felt no shame in the implications, either. She shipped it -- hard. Someone had to have the good, healthy relationship, and it certainly didnât seem like it was going to be her.
âThereâs usually very little sleeping done in my bed anyway,â Lucifer threw a wink back at Ellaâs suggestive eyebrow wiggle, although he absolutely knew what Ella was hinting at, he wasnât sure where he and Chloe stood on the whole thing at the moment. They were closer to it than when she remembered things from, not as close as what Ella remembered and possibly somewhere in the middle with his memories. Given that heâd been in Hell.
Literally.
Either way, his body didnât need the same rest humans did, shutting down and running through the days events, cataloguing experiences. If he had to do that every night his eon long existence would feel even longer.
âSo what do you usually get up to when you canât sleep?â He might as well find something to keep Ms Lopez occupied, unless he wanted a full chemistry lab to just pop up in the middle of the living room.
Ella gasped, clutching at an invisible necklace in an exaggerated fashion, the expression on her face thoroughly scandalized. It lasted only a moment before she had to stifle a giggle with the back of her hand. âJust do me one favor: invest in some soundproofing if thatâs going on here?â Just because she wanted it for Chloe didnât mean she wanted to hear it.
She stretched, grimacing lightly at the way her neck popped, then sank back into the comfort of the couch. âI dunno. I read sometimes, or watch TV. Or, you know, talk toâŚâ A gesture -- up. Her faith was no secret and she often took comfort in simply rambling her thoughts to God. Not that she ever got a response, but it was a habit that was hard to break.
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Lucifer mostly ignored the comment about sound proofing the apartment -heâd had to reassure Chloe when she moved in that there wouldnât be a stream of women through the place, and aside from some flirtations with Zatanna, he hadnât really pursued anyone anyway.
âRight, because talking to nothing undoubtedly helps whatever is keeping you up.â There was a distinct huff in Luciferâs tone as he settled back on the seat, folding a leg over his knee and all but embodying a pouting child.
âYouâd be far better just yelling into an abyss.â It would be more productive, after all. Itâd been eons since Dad had bothered to talk to any of them, and his messages were never clear when he did send them.
âItâs not about the answer, you know. Itâs about⌠I donât know, getting out of my own head a little. Some people talk to their pets, I talk to a higher being,â Ella replied, shrugging and unbothered by the criticism. It was one of those things she knew she was never going to see eye-to-eye with hermethod-actingfriend on.
Leaning forward, she propped her elbows on her knees, then pressed: âCome on, with the whole persona, youâre telling me you donât believe?â
Persona. Ugh, right, there was still that.
âWho says I donât believe?â There was a lot of that, faith in a higher being, in God as a wondrous saviour. He who made the world. There was little to it though, aside from Dad making His little toys and populating the world, well. He lost interest quickly. He lost interest in everything quickly. In another lifetime Lucifer had spent years putting light into the sky, creating stars and just watching them burn for years, and years, years while nothing happened.
âMaybe the problem isnât that I donât believe, but that I do. And Iâm a little less naive.â There was an aspect of it among some of the humans now, now that they had free will, which was scoffed at, the ones that questioned how a higher power could let so much go so horribly wrong.
No one liked to hear that their blessed deity just didnât give a shit.
âHm.â Ella cocked her head to the side, eyes narrowed, as she weighed that out. âYou do come across like youâve been hurt by faith,â she allowed after a moment. Yeah, no one became that bitter and jaded unless theyâd seen some shit or felt betrayed by some shit -- whatever it was that had made Lucifer become Lucifer was no doubt behind it, but what that was, she couldnât have ventured a guess. There was simply too much buried behind the affectation.
âIâm not naive, though. I know God isnât answering prayers like emails and fixing things just because He can.â It had been a difficult lesson to learn, that faith wouldnât stop the bad; it had been enough to shake her faith in the whole thing, but sheâd more or less come back to an even keel. The truth was, real or not, it brought her comfort, and that was worth something.
âThatâs one way to put it.â Tossed out of his home, through the dimensional barriers and burnt until he was nearly unrecognisable, sure. That was âa hurtâ. And maybe heâd been horribly bitter and jaded for longer than he cared to admit, but he was past that. He didnât care for the Silver City anymore, didnât want to return to the Heavens, didnât really care about Dadâs approval either.
âIâd be truly amazed if he was even listening any more. Rather than just tinkering with his next big idea.â Although He had paid enough attention to Mother and Her machinations.
âHellâs know Heâd be the definition of a deadbeat dad.â Even Dan wasnât as bad.
Not for the first time, Ella got the feeling they were speaking less of some metaphysical concept and more of an actual person -- which was only ridiculous if they were actually talking about God, the Actual Big Guy. No, Ella didnât believe that. She was a believer, but that was stretching it beyond the point of no return.
Still, there was a nugget of truth there.
Her expression softened as she reclined back into the couch, drawing one leg up. âIâm not going to pretend to understand your whole family thing,â she said after a moment, âbut you know you can always talk to me about whateverâs going on. Right?â
There was an opening there, an option for Lucifer to broach the not so metaphorical elephant in the room. He knew he and Chloe had given thought to making it so that the girls could go out drinking afterwards, so that Ella could at least blow off a little steam if she needed to, given everything about her faith.
But this was possibly just the easiest time to bring it all up.
âWhat if you know more about it than you think you do? The concept of it, at least.â If there was someone who would understand better than most, maybe it was Ella, sure she was probably a little less on his side about it all, but the general theology of things wasnât going to take a lot of explaining. âYou do know Iâm not a method actor, the persona, itâs not just an act.â
He wondered if bringing up Azrael, Rae-Rae, would be useful or just make her think he was belittling herâŚ
âI know it canât be all an act. Nobody spends this long trying for one role,â Ella admitted, though without that, she wasnât entirely sure what the point was. Linda probably could have shed some light -- something about adopted personas and mythological transference or something, was that even a thing? Ella didnât know.
She hesitated, suddenly uncertain. She was no psychologist, but even she knew that poking too hard at a delusion was bound to end poorly, but the more she studied Lucifer, reading his body language, she got the sense that maybe, just maybe, it wasnât that, either.
âI donât⌠What are you trying to say here?â
With Chloe, heâd had to bring out the wings, and he figured, eventually, thatâd be how Ella got it too -there would be no devil face, he wasnât about to traumatize Ella with something she didnât need to see, didnât need to have an awareness of to understand where things had gone.
âIâm not playing a part, Ms Lopez. Itâs not a persona or a psychological trauma or some way to âpick up chicksâ,â and he hated his own impersonation of Dan right there, thank you. âThink about it, Lucifer, Amenadiel. Who names their children that?â And sure, everyone seemed to just assume that Amenadiel was his adoptive brother, or step-brother, or half brother, and no one really understood or believed him calling Charlotte his mother.
âAnd I believe you know my sister, Azrael.â Which okay, they were just going there, âShe said you call her Rae-Rae.â Favourite person, Ella was her favourite person, and that meant a lot given what Az was on Earth to do.
Rae-Rae. Azrael. Of course, she knew the name -- she knew it the same way she knew the name Lucifer. âYou know my ghost?â she asked, swallowing sharply. But no. It wasnât a ghost, was it? She had nearly died -- thatâs when she met Rae-Rae. But that was impossible. Even having her faith, the idea of angels -- living, breathing angels -- walking among them was⌠ridiculous.
It was ridiculous and impossible and despite all that, Ella felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to stand up as she teetered on the edge of understanding.
âYou⌠Say it. Lucifer, say it.â What he was hinting at seemed so ridiculous and far-fetched. She needed to hear it out loud.
It wasnât shocking that Ella believed the Angel of Death to be a ghost, or at the least it was better than being an imaginary friend. Although there were holes to poke into that theory, logic rarely held fast when the unexplainable was sitting in front of you in pyjamas telling you that God was real.
Which he realised was ultimately the crux of things here. He could explain to Ella about angels and Hell and all the rest, but ultimately it just came back to telling her that God was in fact real and when she talked away to herself, praying or whatever, He was there, probably not listening.
Leaning forwards, knees bracing his elbows while he set a gaze directly on Ella, âElla, I am the actual Devil.â
âYouâre messing with me, arenât you?â Despite herself, it came out high-pitched, just this side of the beginnings of panic; it was followed closely with a nervous giggle, her hands dropping into her lap and her fingers twisting together. He had to be messing with her, because the alternative -- that the universe was so much larger than it had been five minutes before -- was right there, and it was terrifying.
Ella took a deep breath, shaking her head as she tried to ground herself back in reality. No, it was impossible. Lucifer was just winding her up, and in the late hour, it was easier to believe far-fetched ideas than it would have been in the daylight.
âNo. Thatâs not -- You canât be the actual Devil, because that would mean⌠that would meanâŚâ Hell if she knew, she couldnât quite spit it out. âShow me.â It came suddenly, but she didnât take it back -- if he wanted her to believe, to truly believe, heâd need to prove it.
âYou know I donât have horns and a tail, right?â It was probably too much to think someone would believe without visual proof, without some kind of tangible evidence. Human minds couldnât quite grasp what they couldnât see -which made this whole âfaithâ thing a bit of a joke in his opinion, but apparently that was different. It was okay as a construct, but donât try to make it solid.
âFine,â pushing himself out of the chair, because doing this sitting down would break numerous things. âThis is a left over, and you absolutely cannot let your brain turn to mush, Iâm not sure how Iâd explain that to Chloe.â
Was he being dramatic? Yes. Did he care? No.
With a sigh, Lucifer shrugged off the robe that came with his PJ pants, and with a single roll of his shoulders the massive white wings just folded out, extending outwards to avoid hitting the ground. âThis is as good as proof youâre getting.â
Ella wasnât sure what sheâd been expecting but it certainly hadnât been to be faced with irrefutable proof.
She stared, wide-eyed, for several long moments. The room seemed to go dim around the edges, narrowing down to Lucifer and the massive white wings protruding from his shoulders, and try as she might, Ella couldnât find any way to disprove what she was seeing. It wasnât a Night Vale thing, either; that might have been an explanation, but that wasnât it, she was certain.
She was on her feet before she registered what she was doing, one hand extended out until her fingertips brushed feathers. Real. Warm, and soft, and real, and that seemed to snap her back to herself. She shook her head sharply, forcing her gaze away from the wings and up to Luciferâs face.
âHoly shit.â About summed it up, really.
It seemed standard for someone to attempt to touch, so Lucifer didnât stop Ella from brushing her fingertips against his wings; he knew they were somewhat captivating to humans, proof of the divine always was, he just had to make sure the exposure wasnât to the point of obsession.
âA very eloquent way of putting it.â Not that heâd hold it against her either.
On the whole, it wasnât a terrible reveal, and why he wouldâve thought that sheâd be able to accept what he was saying without some kind of proof he didnât really know. But at least theyâd managed this much. âYou can touch them, if you want,â heâd said as much to Chloe, âjust donât go against the growth.â Not only because it would tug, but certain feathers were decidedly sharp.
Permission granted, Ella didnât hesitate to step closer, mindful of the warning as she smoothed a hand over the feathers. The expression on her face was one of sheer wonder -- not the terror of realizing her insignificance in the universe, but instead the beginnings of joy and amazement. Belief proven right.
Her hand fell to her side again briefly, fingers curling and uncurling in indecision, before she threw caution to the wind, stepping in close and looping her arms around Luciferâs waist to hug him tightly. âYouâre a real asshole, you know that? All this time -- all this time and you couldnât just⌠tell me?â There was no heat to the words, however; it wasnât anger that prompted them.
âYes, because you so readily believed me.â The fact was that he couldnât at first, until he got the wings back, he had no way to prove himself aside from his very toasty alter ego, and that was only for miscreants and human trash. It took Linda long enough to recover, Chloe ran off to Rome to find a priest, no. The face was definitely not how to prove a point if he didnât want to run people off.
His arms settled over Ellaâs shoulders though, wings almost automatically enveloping her tiny frame too. It did seem that no matter what he said, humans were more prone to just accepting face value and imagining he was just irreparably damaged and lived inside a metaphor.
âBesides, I only just got the wings back a year or two ago, I donât whip them out for just anyone.â He still wasnât entirely sure how he felt about them. Although they were significantly better than the horrid bat like things theyâd turned into before.
âGot them back?â Her brow furrowed in question as her arms tightened marginally around his waist, her cheek comfortable against the warm expanse of his chest. It felt like a hugging moment, and if Lucifer was willingly giving her one, well, she was settling in until he dislodged his Ella-shaped barnacle.
Her mind circled back to an earlier comment, though, making her blink and raise her head to look up at Lucifer. âDid I really befriend the Angel of Death?â she asked, uncertain. That couldnât be a good thing, in the grand scheme of things, could it?
âWell, they were gone for a few years,â he didnât think he should admit to Ella, entirely, that heâd had Maze cut them off, âbut in some cosmic joke they grew back after I was kidnapped into the desert.â Right as Cain showed up. Nothing was a coincidence after all.
Accepting hugs from Ella wasnât exactly old hat yet, although he was getting a little better at when people attached themselves to him -heâd been told it was a sign of affection without the need for sexual intimacy and that humans had to express that. Lucifer was sure Amenadiel was stealing Lindaâs psychology books.
âYou did, sheâs rather fond of you,â and that was saying something, âAzrael hasnât actually revealed herself to many humans at all.â
There was a question there, but something told Ella she wasnât quite ready for the answer; she curbed asking in favor of a small nod. âDuring the whole Pierce thing. I remember. You seemed⌠not really yourself for awhile there.â At the time, sheâd chalked it up to Lucifer being jealous about the budding relationship with Chloe, but in hindsight, there had been more to it than that.
âIâm having a hard time seeing that one,â she admitted after a pause of consideration. âSheâs just so⌠not what you would expect.â Rae-Rae was dorky and geeky and very much one of Ellaâs People; it didnât fit with the Angel of Death, at least, not the way the stories painted her. âShe was part of the reason I stayed in LA, you know. She convinced me not to move back to Chicago. At the time, I didnât know why it was so important, but I think Iâm starting to figure that one out, too.â
There were a lot of things being unsaid, and maybe they could eventually be said, but for now they werenât the important things to say.
âSheâs always been my favourite,â Azrael broke the mould, like him but with less rebellion. âItâs part of her charm, you expect dark, dreary, dull. But sheâs rather lovely.â Honestly, he did think Dad had a stroke of genius making her the Angel of Death. After such a trauma, moving on, wouldnât most people want to see Azrael, her welcoming cheer, comforting the dead.
âApparently,â and Lucifer didnât mind sharing this with Ella, all things considered, âher notion was that her favourite person could meet her favourite sibling,â which obviously he was, âand it might make up for neither of us having Rae around.â Because if there was one Angel who took their job very seriously, it was Azrael.
Ella was silent for several moments, considering. âI probably owe her an apology. Last time I saw her, I was kind of⌠not very nice.â In her defense, having her âghostâ show up unannounced at a crime scene had rattled her and shaken what she thought was her very tenuous grip on presumed sanity; the last thing Ella had needed was her coworkers catching her talking to an imaginary friend. And even if it seemed like all had been forgiven, well, an apology could never hurt.
âHowâd you end up the favorite brother, anyway? You two are nothing alike,â Ella elaborated, gently poking Lucifer between the ribs. âIâd think Amenadiel would be more her speed.â Her nose wrinkled up -- clearly teasing.
âSheâll understand,â Azrael was decidedly forgiving, for an Angel. âSheâs still friendly with me and I staged a rebellion.â Which she had not been supportive of in the least.
But Azrael understood people, she understood humanity in a way that maybe Lucifer was just starting to really get. The complexities of humans was rather interesting, and he could see how someone like Azrael would enjoy them.
âShe enjoyed my humour, and I always had time for her. Most Angels, even Amenadiel, theyâre a bit stuffy.â It wasnât exactly anyoneâs fault, they werenât raised very well. Some with just too strict a sense of duty, some just blindly following the rigid rules Father laid out. Others, like his twin, were just total tossers.
âAnd, of course, I am a charming devil.â
âI donât think being the devil has anything to do with it. Youâre just⌠you,â Ella replied with a good-natured roll of her eyes. Even being enveloped in the reality of his wings, it was hard to equate the man in front of her with the supposed incarnation of evil (not that Ella had ever believed that take on it). He was vain and arrogant and childish -- but also one of the best and most loyal people she knew. No, the stories had that part all wrong.
She gave him another tight squeeze, then reluctantly loosened her grip so that she could pull away. âIâm guessing Chloe knows.â And that might have explained her sudden need to disappear post-Pierce, Ella quickly realized. âAnyone else?â
There was something of a relief hearing that from Ella; her faith was important to her, and Lucifer knew that meant all the Sundayâs at church and listening to preachings from people so far up his Fatherâs arse. And then there was sweet Ella just dismissing his devilishness.
âChloe knows, she ⌠well, she found out at home,â and Ella could obviously deduce when if not how. âLinda knows, sheâs known for a while now. Maze, obviously. Charlotte knew.â Of course, Lucifer knew where Charlotte wound up, which didnât make up for her death at all, but it at least added a degree of hope for her. Charlotteâs greatest fear was returning to Hell, but her sacrifice for Amenadiel meant she got an escort through the Pearly Gates.
âMost of the time people just donât want to believe it.â As Ella disengaged, pulling away, Luciferâs wings folded up against his back, not disappearing again just yet. Sometimes it was nice to stretch them a little after all.
It was easy to guess when Chloe had learned the truth -- after Pierce, when sheâd disappeared for a month, then come back not quite herself. It brought to mind the conversation Ellaâd had with Chloe some months after; about Lucifer and angels, the impossibility of being all good, then all bad. There was context now, making the weirdness of that conversation make a little more sense than it had at the time.
âSometimes seeing is believing. Especially when youâre talking about something like this.â It was one thing to have faith, but even believers could only go so far; theyâd believe angels existed, sure, but it was difficult to believe that a friend might be one of them. A sly look crossed her face as she took a step back to drop back onto the couch. âThen again, some people might think youâre just really committed to the method acting thing.â
So sue her, she had to go there at least once more.
Seeing being believing and the concept of faith seemed somewhat in counterpoint to each other. The point of faith was to believe in something you couldnât see or touch, but seeing an angel needed some kind of proof. And yes, humanity liked to be a little conundrum of problems, but you would think the devout wouldnât need such tangible evidence.
âHardly my fault theyâre all so jaded they canât see whatâs there,â although Ella wasnât just as jaded as many, she managed to pair her faith with science just enough to need something solid somewhere he supposed.
A soft shrug and the wings folded back into their celestial pocket realm, hidden away from sight all over. âOne day someone will believe me without all the bells and whistles.â It was highly unlikely.
âThereâs a big difference between âangels existâ and âangels are you,â you know,â Ella pointed out with an affectionate roll of her eyes. Lucifer, despite the name, was not the sort of person that came to mind when you pictured celestials -- angel or devil, he simply wasnât. At least, not to Ella.
She snorted softly in amusement. âSure. And pigs are going to start zooming around the precinct on gilded wings. You know better than that.â Humans, for better or worse, just needed the evidence sometimes. It was what it was.
âWell, we are in an alternate dimension desert with aliens and elves.â It seemed within the realm of possibility that both swine might fly and that one human would take him at his word -the Detectiveâs parasite had a habit of just believing him, but that might be child like wonder.
âStranger things, it does seem, can and will happen.â Like the fact that Ella was from his future and Chloe was from his past and there were a breed of Angels here who possessed people -not to mention these celestial beings already here. Just a good old-fashioned mess really.
âSurely there are things that would just happen, and youâd believe?â
âSure there are. Because theyâd happen. They wouldnât be things being taken on totally blind faith, no pun intended,â Ella replied, making a face that was somehow both irritated and fond. Lucifer was like a big brother that way: one of the few people she wanted to (playfully) smack and hug in the same breath.
She started to say something else, but a wide yawn popped her jaw and made her eyes water. Okay, maybe sleep now.
Climbing back to her feet, she pushed a smile. âI think I might be able to catch some shut-eye now. Weâll talk more in the morning?â Because she would no doubt have questions once sheâd processed everything a bit more.
âOf course,â there wasnât exactly a rush in any of the conversations heâd need to have with people; although with Chloe and Ella now officially in the know from the metaphorical horses mouth, there wasnât really anyone else he needed to talk it out with. âGo get that unnecessary beauty sleep.â
Although if Ella fought insomnia on the regular, Lucifer wasnât sure if theyâd see her before brunch if she wasnât working in the morning. As if it really mattered, given this whole place wasnât exactly a world of consequences and actions.
âIâll see you at breakfast.â Maybe. But it was enough to send Ella off to her bed, probably with far too many questions still, but tired enough.