This place is weird. I have all kinds of little brothers and they're weird too. The lady that Daddy's married to is nice, I guess, and she seems pretty smart. . . but I miss going to school and playing with the other kids. Even if most of them were stupid bullies. Sitting around inside sucks, and it's waaay too hot here.

Can we go back to Alaska Daddy and Emma-lady? I know grandpa's not there, but it's so pretty, and not as hot at all.

I promise you all that the best thing ever invented? Not sliced bread.

Pedicures.