After they had gone to bed once they got Alex bathed and down to sleep, John found himself staring up at the ceiling for a while. The time he had spent with his wife, making love to her, had allowed him to forget about everything but her and him. But now, he found himself thinking about the people of the planet that he and Rodney had been messing with, albeit unknowingly but still messing with nonetheless. He hoped that they hadn't caused too much damage. He wasn't sure he could forgive himself if they had.
He finally fell into a light and fitful sleep, and the next morning after breakfast, they were getting ready to head to M-9406. John sighed as they climbed into the puddle jumper - usually he didn't feel like this before a mission, but this was different. He had done something that directly affected innocent people. He had interfered in their lives.
He had really fucked up.
Suddenly, he felt his wife's hand in his, squeezing as she reassured him it wasn't his fault. In a way, he knew she was right, but at the same time, he couldn't help but take responsibility. He and Rodney had played with something they actually had known nothing about, making assumptions about alien technology when they had learned many times since then that things were not always what they appeared to be. Especially on Atlantis.
"It's kind of hard not to," he murmured to her quietly. "We pretty much played God with those people."
He sighed again, glad that whatever was happening, Fred was there as support. He didn't know what he'd do without her sometimes. At her offer to drive the puddle jumper, he nodded. "That might not be a bad idea," he agreed. "I'll take navigation."
Giving her a kiss, he slipped into the chair next to the pilot's seat to strap himself in.