Caroline
You misunderstood me. I don't actually think you're selfish. If I thought that, I'd be a hypocrite.
But there's knowing you're next in a line of what could be hundreds and letting it weigh you down, or there's making every effort to be the love of his life despite what's come before or could come after. There's being what he needs because you're you. And there is loving him in spite of everything, helping him to be the man you know him to be.
You're a stepmother, to enough of an extent that the baby will know you as that lady that daddy loves. On his weekends, you'll be important. You'll go to school shows and chaperone field trips. Talk to Hayley. Set boundaries. Obviously you don't want to step in on her kid. But you also need to lay ground rules for when it's your time with Hope and sometimes those rules will be different than Mom time.
It does hurt. I know that. And it's intimidating and frustrating. But he loves you and he'll do most anything for you. Neal's right. Talk to him.