focusscottfocus (focusscottfocus) wrote in wariscomingcom, @ 2014-06-19 10:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | scott mccall |
Scott McCall; Just some feels
Wednesday evening, June 18, 2014; Casa de Beacon Hills
PG-13 (mentions of death); Complete
He was just in a mode of complete and utter shut down.
Scott wasn't sure how he was supposed to handle everything he had been hit with since being sent home. Things had been crazy enough at home the first time he'd arrived in Lawrence, and the time he spent there wasn't really any more calm or sane, either. He'd been thrust into nother world, and chosen to fight in their war, even if it wasn't how own. Despite that it hadn't been his to begin with, eventually the war became his as well. He had suffered losses, realizing his life was fictional, but nothing had ever hurt him as much as loosing Allison in that battle. They'd won, but what good did it do when he had lost so much? But then she had come back. And he didn't take it for granted. He thanked ny diety, higher power, deat, the Seal and anything else that would listen that he had her with him again.
But when he was sent home, thingd didn't get better. No, in fact, they got worse. He had hoped that, if any of them had been forced back to their world, maybe they would remember the time in Lawrence, remember the things they'd seen, everything they'd learned from watching that damn show, and maybe if they remembered, it would mean they could change it. But that hadn't been the case. Scott didn't remember it at all, nothing changed. He watched as his best fdriend succumbed to the darkness that the trickster spirit brought with it. He watched as people kept getting hurt. And he watched Allison die in his arms.
That was the worst part of his return to Lawrence. Remembering everything from before. It definitely hadn't helped him in dealing with everything from home. Twice now, he'd watched Allison die. Twice, he had lost the love of his life. And twice, he suffered that loss, felt it deep in his very core, a pain buried deep in his chest, straight into his bones.
He had almost started to think he would be okay, back home. Time went on and he had Stiles back--the real one, the one that was his best friend and brother, not the cold void that he had been s the Nogitsune--and he has his pack, he had his mom, and he had Kira. But then he came back here and that pain that was still too fresh, too raw, all came rushing back at him. Hell, it was practically crippling him. Scott knew he wasn't the same, and how could he be after everything he'd been through? But he wanted something, anything to truly allow him to feel again.
Maybe that as the problem. He was just in a mode of complete and utter shut down and he was too scared, too worried, too hesitant to move past it. He didn't blame Stiles for what had happened, even if his friend certainly blamed himself, even the version of him that was here that hadn't lived through all of it blamed himself. But Scott had kept himself isolated nearly entirely to the house that Lydia had bought for them.
He had only left the house at all for a few local events and menial things like grocery shopping with Allison. Because he spent every possible, waking second with her. because he couldn't waste his time, he couldn't live knowing he had wasted one second he could have had with her. Because if he was sent home, she would still be gone and he couldn't handle the thought of it, of missing time with her.
Such a large part of him still saw this as just a dream. He still woke up at night from dreams of watching her die, still had to make sure she was really still there. For the most part though, he just stayed at home. He just couldn't bring himself to go out much more than what was absolutely required. And he wasn't even talking to people on the boards, people he knew, people he was friends with. It just all sounded like too much almost anytime he tried.
That was why he'd gone to them, the displaced citizens of Lawrence, minus the ones from Beacon Hills, and asked for help. He was at a loss. He was stuck and didn't know how to fix it.