To the Slayers and their Lackey-minions who want me dead. This is to explain why that shouldn't happen and why really. You're all just jerks.
Let me tell you all a story. This is the story...of me.
I used to be just like all of you. Only better. Like I had money and awesome shoes and a BFF and everything. Only she got lame, dated the king of all dorks and then lost all her money. Connected??. I think so. But thats another story. Anyway a giant snake-mayor tried to eat my hometown and I fought cause fighting was the right thing to do. Cause I DO HAVE A MORAL FIBER BUFFY. Anyways so...that went not so well and I got bit. Watch Buffy defend me or care at all about the being bit. Oh no, she was off exploding snakes and I get vamped.
And its kinda cool. The blood is gross but TASTES AMAZING. And I do okay for a while.
Then there's Spike. Spikes a big looser jerk but at the time, with his jacket and the badboy smoking and the blondie bearness of him. He was amazing. We had a LOT of sex. It was all kinky and everything. And he helped me and I loved him. I totally loved him. Even when he staked me. BUT in the end I was too good for him and I left him. Oh yes. I walked out the door and was all empowered and stuff. I got a gang and everything. I had suuuuch a badass gang.
I had minions. They bought me unicorns. I had a few vamp babies and its not gross I kept my figure...Went back to Spike for a bit, had dress up games where I was Buffy, he had a creepy doll. It was all very stalker. I got over him way quickly. Also met Dorkzilla. Hated her face. You can stake her instead. Bet she kills puppies and babies and stuff
Anyway!
Moved to LA and got a job as Angel's PA. And I was goooood. I had a dental plan (vital) and got to smack-a-bitch that tried to outdo me. And me and Fred went for beers one time. Okay so occaaaasional betrayals happened. One time was totally Cordy's fault before I even worked for Angels Evil Law Firm and the other well....Marcus was all sexy and stuff. And anyway Angel said he knew it would happen. And I got a refrence. Also one time got to beat up Eve. Or nearly beat up Eve. She told all her info before I could bite her. Unfair!
But yeah. Not the point.
So there I was all amazing just being Harmony cause I got to tell you, after all the sex with Marcus and the end of the world and LA going hellbound and all I did pretty damn well for myself, got a newer better gang, then betrayed them, got a job for a while with the best refrence from Angel and then...sortofmighthavebitacelebrity... got discovered!, my self confidance is totally back and I know now that my last boyfriend was entirely just using me because he couldn't accept he was all wrong and Slayer wanting and stuff, Ew. So anyway I'm just minding my own vampiric business and being fabulous at a party and this little bitch tries to stake me, STAKE me!. Mean!
So we fought and she died. Cause much as SOMEONE used to brag about it, killing a Slayer is way not hard. Not that I did it for kicks or anything but she tried to kill me! and okay so her blood was frigging awesome and the total best ever so maybe he was right about that but thats not the point
I just wanna have a normal fabulously famous life. Whats so wrong with that! And okay so I'm evil. But Angel hired me to work for him, Well really it was Wesley but Angel was okay with it! And the people love me back home. They totally will here too, but the Slayers want to deprive the world of me. All worlds. Unfair much!
So all in all. Slayers.
They suck. And are Lame. But not as lame as Xander.
And if anyone says its tl:dr. Screw you its my life!!