James T. Kirk, Captain of the starship Enterprise (captcasanova) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2015-06-29 18:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | james kirk, rose hathaway |
Who: James Kirk and Rose Hathaway
When: Saturday, June 27th, 2015/Sunday, June 28th, 2015
Where: A nightclub and hotel in Kansas City
What: You know the bad life choices they made last week? They’re coming back to bite them in the butt this week.
Rating: Low. Innuendo and kissing and language, not much else.
Status: Complete
It had been an interesting week. He'd thought, given what had happened with Georgina in the middle of the week that the Seal screwed with everyone, that work would be awkward. But it was remarkably easy to show up at the Center and work alongside her, all things considered. He was very good at compartmentalizing what happened after the drinks into one part of his head and being able to focus on his friendship and his working relationship with Georgina just fine. But Rose? Rose was another matter. They were still spending time together, and he was trying really hard not to let things get awkward, but in all honesty it was hard as hell. From pretty much the first moment they'd been comfortable enough with each other to be considered friends there had been a thing of physical affection that they shared. When they were at his place watching movies she was usually snuggled up next to him. They tended to sit close together when they were drinking, and she'd often have her head on his shoulder and he'd have an arm around her. And that hadn't changed since they slept together, but it was different now. And he really didn't want it to be different. It didn't help he was waking up most mornings and taking a cold shower to start the day, either.
He almost wasn't sure she'd take him up on the offer of the trip to Kansas City on his motorcycle, but Friday night there were plans made and at nine in the morning she'd shown up at his door with coffee and the muffins he got from the bakery when he didn't feel like making breakfast. She really did know him well. He ate quickly and then got ready and then they were off, out on the road and on their way out of Lawrence. She'd said she'd leave it up to him what they did while they were there, and so they mostly spent the day sightseeing. He'd been there a few times, with friends and on dates, so he knew his way around and knew what was worth going to and what wasn't. He had to admit that even with the fact it felt kind of like a date but he knew it wasn't he managed to have a good time. They had planned to stay long enough for dinner but someone mentioned the Hotel Nightclub and it sounded like a pretty decent place, so after going somewhere to buy more appropriate clothing they headed over to the nightclub to have a good evening.
It was just around midnight when someone from the club came to the VIP area and said they needed to speak with him. Rose was out on the dance floor so he got up and followed the man out of the club and out to where the vehicles were parked, and then he groaned. Someone had hit his motorcycle. He knelt down next to it and took a good look. The clothes they'd worn into the city were fine in the locked storage area, thank God, but the bike itself wasn't going to get them home. They could always take a cab, or they could stay in the city for the night. It depended on if there was any place that was open twenty-four hours to take a look at the motorcycle to fix it. The manager of the nightclub said he'd take care of it and that anything that Kirk and Rose wanted for the evening would be on the house. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but at least they were trying.
He went back into the club and looked for Rose. It was going to take some time to figure out what was going on with getting his bike fixed, and as he saw her enjoying herself he almost didn't want to ruin her evening by telling her now. But she needed to know so they could figure out what they wanted to do for the night. He made his way through the crowd and finally got up to her. “Hey,” he said, giving her a small grin.
Truth be told, he wasn’t the only one who was having trouble letting go of what had happened last Friday night. That reckless impulse she’d felt all the previous week had faded back to normal levels, but the powerful attraction that over come on so suddenly in the alley, that had led to what happened back at his apartment later that night hadn’t. Rose hadn’t really thought of him in that way before that night, but ever since, well, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. That was a problem, because she still loved Dimitri and as long as that was true, she knew it would be wrong to act on any attraction she might have for her friend.
She refused to let those feelings create any weirdness between them, though. Maybe it felt different to cuddle up to him while they spent a day watching movies at his place. Maybe a part of her knew she should stop flirting when she knew it couldn’t really be anything more. But he was one of her closest friends, one of the few she could let her walls down around, and she wasn’t about to give that up. Not when she’d finally relented in letting her have that kind of friendship in her life again. Rose had pushed a lot of people away after what she’d become and what she’d done, Jim included. It wasn’t until recently that she’d really stopped punishing herself, that she’d stopped blowing off invitations to get together. Having him back in her life like this wasn’t something she was willing to give up.
It had been a good day, too, one of the first really good days she could remember having in a while. She’d told Alicia not long ago that fun wasn’t a part of her life, anymore. Even though she’d stopped punishing herself, Rose had been much more serious that she used to be. The events of the last couple of months had left a mark on her and she honestly didn’t know if real fun was something she even remembered how to have. A day in the city with him proved otherwise, though. She’d spent the day laughing and smiling, enjoying all the sights he had to show her. Even the ride up had been awesome. Rose’s spirits had already been high from all of that and from the amazing dinner they’d had when the idea of dancing came up. Her eyes had sparkled with happiness as she’d looked hopefully at her companion. She’d known they should be getting home, soon, but the idea of going to that club was so appealing.
The idea of him having to actually buy her a dress had given her pause, just for a moment. She’d had to push away less pleasant memories of expensive dresses and playing dressup and remind herself that this wasn’t remotely like that. It only took her a minute and it was hard to regret the decision after she found the perfect dress - a simple black sheath that hugged her curves perfectly. It looked amazing with her tanned skin and dark features. Hours later, she was still kind of in love with the dress and she was having the time of her life, dancing amongst the crowds. When Jim made his way through that crowd and greeted her, the smile on her face got even bigger. “There’s my dance partner,” she said, affecting a tone that suggested she’d been pining away out here without him. It wasn’t true, of course, but since she didn’t know the reason behind his brief absence, she was inclined to give him a hard time.
He had to grin a bit wider at the welcome. Okay, so the evening could turn out to be totally wrecked but she was having a good time. He’d seen her smile more today than she had in a while, long before Dimitri had shown up. He had missed seeing her smile that much, seeing her actually enjoy herself. He got pushed closer to her by the crowd, and so he just stayed close. “I see you’ve been enjoying yourself,” he said.
Someone must have requested that the DJ play something slower because the tempo of the music decreased. It was still quick but this was the type of music you danced to if you were part of a couple. He wasn’t because they weren’t a couple, obviously, but he hadn’t danced with her much and one more dance before breaking the news wouldn’t hurt. “Can I have this dance?” he asked, offering her a hand. Chances are he wouldn’t keep her super close while they danced, but since the Prince Charming nickname had stuck he figured he should at least be as charming as a prince would be.
Rose nodded at his comment. “I am. Thank you.” She wasn’t really sure what she was thanking him for at that moment. For today, for sticking by her, even though she had treated him just as badly as she had Lissa. Maybe for the dress or the dancing. She wasn’t sure, but she knew she could hold him at least partly responsible for the happiness she was feeling right now and there was gratitude shining in her eyes as she looked at him, even though he tone was light and playful.
When he asked her to dance, her smile grew and she took his offered hand without hesitation. Rose did an exaggerated curtsy, running with the whole fairy tale joke he seemed to be going for. “I thought you’d never ask,” she said, hoping she sounded appropriately princess-like. That was a funny thought, considering it was Lissa who was actually royalty, but, hey, all in the name of a good joke, right?
He shook his head with a grin and pulled her closer. Okay, so maybe he would keep her close while they danced. It was kind of nice, to be honest. Not that he hadn’t been close to her other times this week, and not that that hadn’t caused problems for him when he’d gone to sleep, but he didn’t pass up any opportunity he had. Apparently he was a glutton for punishment. But he’d worry about that later.
“You’re welcome, by the way,” he said. “I’m just glad you’ve had a good day. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you enjoying yourself, and it’s nice to see you having a good time again.” He should probably mention the fact that they were either going to have to call it a night and share a cab back or get a hotel room soon, but that could at least wait until the song finished.
If they were dancing closer than would have been appropriate for friends, Rose pretended not to notice. She certainly didn’t mind. Some part of her knew it was incredibly selfish to like being close to him. In her more reasonable moments, she felt guilty about that, but the truth was that she found his presence comforting. There weren’t a lot of people she could be quite this at ease with. Rose was a social person with a lot of friends, but the number of people she really trusted was much smaller and he was on it.
“It’s the best day I’ve had in a long time,” she admitted, selfishness winning out as she let herself just enjoy that closeness. They were both on the same page here, she told herself. He knew how she felt about Dimitri and they both knew the Seal had been screwing with them last week. She justified allowing him to hold her so close with that, telling herself that she wasn’t leading him on. It had just been a Seal thing. They were just friends.
“Good,” he said with a nod before lapsing into silence. This moment was only going to last until the end of the song, and he wanted to actually savor it, so he figured the less talking there was the better. And he was definitely going to ignore any impulse to do anything other than dance. She still had feelings for Dimitri and that was something he had to deal with, because he did actually care about her and to be honest if anything was ever going to happen between them he wanted there to actually be a chance she’d choose him over Dimitri if he ever came back. Not that there was much chance of that happening, but it was in the back of his mind.
The song came to an end and he let her go, trying not to seem like he was doing it with regret but not really sure if he was succeeding. The tempo of the music picked up and the dance floor started to fill again with all the people who had sat down or gone to get drinks while the slower song was on. He leaned closer to her as the general volume of the club increased. “I need to talk to you,” he said, keeping his lips close to her ear to make sure she could hear him.
The song ended far too quickly as far as Rose was concerned. It seemed like almost no time had passed before the music faded, transitioning into another faster song. Rose tried not to think about the disappointment she felt when he let go of her. Actually, she didn’t even want to acknowledge the emotion at all.
Pushing her confused emotions to the side was a little easier when he told her her that he needed to talk to her. Well, it was if she ignored the way his breath had felt against her skin as he leaned in close to speak to her. Having him close had never affected her like this before and she wanted to blame the Seal for the way her body reacted to him now. Maybe whatever had been affecting her last week hadn’t faded completely. That was easier to reconcile than thinking that she could actually be feeling something different for him.
“What is it?” she asked, noting the seriousness in his voice. Something was wrong, she was sure of it, and she had to fight a brief surge of panic as she wondered if something had happened back in Lawrence. Was someone else gone now? Had something happened to another one of their loved ones?
He was just about to speak when a group of women who looked like they’d come for a bachelorette party came right up next to them, laughing loudly as they danced. “It’s not--” he started, but one woman with a really high pitched cackle found something hilarious and started laughing, and he could barely hear himself. When she quieted down he tried again ”Nothing’s majorly wrong, but--” This time another woman shrieked and he shut his eyes. Why did they have to come over there now?
After a moment he put his hand on Rose’s waist and guided her off the dance floor back to the VIP area, where it was quieter. When they were near where they’d been sitting when Rose had taken a break he spoke, still staying close. “The nightclub manager took me out to where the motorcycle was parked. Someone hit it and the wheel and rim are bent. I can’t use it to drive us back to Lawrence tonight. We have to stick around here until they can figure out if there’s a place that they can tow it to, but after that we can either take a cab back or we can get a hotel room here. The manager said the club would cover any expenses.”
It was probably a good thing that he led her away to a quieter area when he did, because Rose was getting pretty annoyed about the loud interruptions, too, and even without some kind of magical weirdness making her irritable, she was pretty likely to punch the last idiot bimbo who couldn't seem to hold her liquor.
Relief flooded her when he was finally able to explain. Having his bike hit sucked, but it was fixable, much more so than the scenarios that had been running through her mind. She punched his arm for scaring her, though not as hard as she would have if she'd been trying to do any actual damage. "Next time, you should open with 'no one's missing or dead and the apocalypse isn't starting,'" she told him, trying to keep her tone lighter as though she hadn't just jumped to the worst conclusions.
She wasn't actually angry with him and she softened her words with a half smile as she considered the options he'd given her. "Let's just stay here," she decided after a moment. "It seems stupid to ride back to Lawrence if we're just going to have to turn around and come back. I'll just text Regina so she doesn't freak out on me again." Her roommate hadn't exactly been thrilled with her for not coming home last Friday night, so she figured letting her know she was alive and all would be a good plan this time.
“Hey, it was not my fault you immediately jumped to worst case scenario,” he said, rubbing his arm lightly. He knew she wasn’t actually trying to hurt him but if he could garner some sympathy then he’d feel better. “But I’ll remember that for next time. And next time I probably won’t make it sound so dire and world ending. Which could actually be a thing,all things considered.”
He nodded and then pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “While you text Regina I’ll figure out a nice place to stay around here,” he said. “I’ll try and get something with two beds, if I can.” Two beds would be best. Two beds would mean he would actually get some sleep because for a brief second the memory of feeling Rose pressed close against him while she slept came to him and he nearly walked into a guy who probably wouldn’t have hesitated to deck him for scuffing up his shoes. Yeah. Two beds was definitely a good idea.
"You do know, when someone says 'I need to talk to you' it's pretty much the intergalactic symbol for 'I'm about to tell you something really shitty happened,' right?" She just gave him a look that kind of said 'exactly' when he conceded that the world ending could be an actual thing. That admission pretty much made her point, she figured. But she decided to let it go, since they were lucky it wasn't something that bad.
Two beds was definitely a good idea, she told herself, and she nodded, pulling out her phone so she could send Regina a message. For good mature, she decided to shoot a second text to Lissa while she was at it. They didn't live together anymore, but she didn't want her friend to worry if she happened to come looking for her. If they were even really friends anymore. Rose was trying to be, but she knew Lissa still hadn't quite forgiven her for abandoning her the way she had. Again.
Slipping her phone back into her bag, Rose pushed those thoughts away. She didn't want to think about her troubled relationship with Lissa tonight. Deciding a drink was just the thing to get her kind of of it, she started toward the bar. Rose wouldn't be 21 for another 9 months, but that's what fake IDs were for and she was suddenly glad she had hers with her tonight.
He made his way to their table and concentrated on his phone. He was striking out because it seemed like every hotel in the area was either booked solid or had singles. Finally he gave up and booked a room at a nice hotel. He’d gotten used to staying in them when he traveled and he wasn’t in the mood to stay someplace that wasn’t at least four stars, especially since they were going to end up having to share a bed.
He watched her sip her drink. “So there’s got to be some convention or something in town because most of the hotels are booked,” he said. “I got us a room, but they’re out of two bedrooms. If there’s a sofa or a lounge or something I can sleep on that and you can have the bed, but there’s only one bed in the room.” He leaned back in his seat. “We should probably see if there’s someplace open twenty-four hours to get something to sleep in, because I don’t think that dress would be all that comfortable.”
Rose came back to the table just as he was hanging up the phone with a drink in her hand. She sipped it instead of giving in to the temptation to drink it all down in one gulp. That probably wasn't the best idea. Neither was sharing a hotel room with only one bed, but she just shrugged when he delivered that news.
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, waving off his statement that he'd just sleep on a sofa or something. "We'll share the bed. It's not like we haven't done it before." Even as she said it, she knew it probably wasn't a good idea. But she definitely wasn't letting him give up the comfort of sleeping in a real bed just because it might be a little awkward after what had happened between them. The idea of stopping somewhere to get some clothing they could sleep in was a good one, though. She didn't really want to sleep in her other clothes and this dress definitely wouldn't double well as a nightgown.
"I bet we can find a 24-hour Walmart," she said, pulling out her phone again to search for the closest one.
He nodded. He should have known she’d insist they share the bed, and chances are there was absolutely no chance he’d be able to talk her out of it. Among many of the things he’d learned about Rose in the time they’d been friends was that she could be incredibly stubborn. While she looked he got up to get a drink of his own. He considered having a double shot of whiskey but decided against it. It probably wasn’t a good idea for him to have any drink, but he got the feeling he was going to need at least one, and since he wasn’t driving, he could have something.
He moved back to the table after he got his beer and sat down, taking a sip. “Did you find anything?” he asked, looking around to see if the manager was nearby. The sooner he figured out where his bike was going to go tonight the better. Then they could leave and get settled into the room and see just how interesting this evening was going to get.
"Yep!" Rose held out her phone to show him she'd found a store just a couple of miles away. They could probably even walk it, if they wanted, although that probably wasn't ideal for this time of night.
Rose finished off her drink and considered, but decided against, going to get another. She felt just relaxed enough from what she'd already had and decided it would be better to keep her wits as much as she could, especially if they were going to have to share a bed back in their hotel room. She felt guilty enough about what had already happened between them, despite Regina's insistence that she had no reason to.
Instead, she leaned back in her seat, content to wait for him to finish off his beer before they left. Thinking about Lissa had dimmed her earlier mood and she no longer felt like dancing.
He nodded. “Let’s take a cab. I don’t know this area all that well, and if the cab will wait for us then we can just take that to the hotel,” he said. He sipped at his beer, knowing it was probably a good idea to limit himself to the one, and he was almost done when the manager of the nightclub came back. He leaned over and said that someone was there to tow his motorcycle, and Kirk motioned to Rose that it was probably a good idea if they both went, just in case there was a cab outside they could take.
Once they were outside he spoke to the tow truck driver, who told him where his motorcycle was being taken. He said chances were it could be fixed tomorrow, but not until later in the day, so he made a note to pick up another change of clothes at the Walmart as well. For the time being their clothes would be fine in the storage area, but he turned to Rose. “Go ahead and take out anything you need for tomorrow. Chances are we’re going to be here in Kansas City until later in the day tomorrow. I can get us a chance of clothes when we get something to sleep in.”
Rose swore when she saw the damage to the bike. "Should we have a moment of silence for your baby?" she teased her companion quietly. "I'm going to come up with a new nickname for you now. I don't think Prince Charming actually does taxis." Teasing him helped to lift her spirits again, at least for a moment.
She didn't love the idea of him having to buy her more clothes. She was used to Lissa being generous with her - that was the way they'd been with one another their whole lives - but Lissa's earlier words sounded in her mind, about how she did whatever she wanted. Rose didn't think that was true, but maybe it was. Maybe even being here now was selfish. She had to fight to push away the dark mood that threatened to descend on her again, as she so often did these days.
"I think I have everything I really need," she said, nodding her head. She had her phone and the little bit of money and identification she'd brought in the little purse she carried and she hadn't brought much else with her except for the clothes she'd been wearing earlier. Neither of them had anticipated this being an overnight venture.
It didn't take them long to get a cab and get to the Walmart she'd found. Rose picked out a simple tank top and a pair of cotton shorts to sleep in and a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that she could change into in the morning. They made a stop by the pharmacy section for some essential toiletries, like toothbrushes and deodorant and some shampoo and conditioner that would probably be better than anything the hotel could offer. Rose grabbed his hand without thinking much of it and dragged him over to the grocery side of the store, too.
"I doubt room service has Doritos," she explained with a grin as she easily found the junk food aisle. Dinner had been hours ago and she was already starving. Plus, Doritos just sounded good.
“It’s fixable,” he said stubbornly. And it was, but it was going to be an expensive fix. He didn’t want to think about how expensive just yet, but he knew it would still be less than buying yet another bike so he’d pay for it. “What about all those princes who pretend to be commoners?” he countered when she teased him. “And besides, I can still be Prince Charming if I pay.”
He didn’t need to get anything but the manager had already gotten them a rather upscale cab, which he felt had to amuse Rose somewhat, and when they got to the Walmart they only separated to get the clothes. He grabbed a pack of tank tops and a pair of pajama pants, which was pretty much what he slept in at home, and another pair of jeans and a T-shirt before being grabbed by Rose to go to the pharmacy. He got some toiletries of his own and he shook his head slightly when she grabbed his hand and lead him to the food aisle.
“It is a four star hotel,” he said with a grin as he watched her grab a bag of Doritos. “You could probably ask for a photo of some random actor like Nicholas Cage to be in a sterling silver 8 by 10 frame delivered with your breakfast in the morning and the concierge will bend over backwards to make it happen. Though bringing something to snack on probably wouldn’t hurt.” He thought about it a moment and then got himself a box of Cheeze-Its from the next aisle. “I’m still probably ordering food from room service at some point, though. I don’t think I’m going to sleep any time soon.”
“You say that like I won’t eat a full meal on top of this bag of Doritos,” Rose said without missing a beat. It might have sounded like she was joking, but Rose’s appetite was pretty legendary. Dhampirs had a fast metabolism and needed a lot of fuel to keep up with their energy levels, but sometimes even Rose’s dhampir friends were impressed with how much she could put away. Her tastes weren’t the healthiest, as evidenced by the junk food she held in her arms, but dhampir biology ensured that she stayed in shape regardless of her unhealthy diet.
It was stupid, but the idea of sitting up and eating junk food all night kind of appealed to her. Sure, she’d probably sleep at some point, but she was still kind of looking forward to it. “So, four star hotels probably have cable, huh?” she said moments later as they were heading to the checkout to pay for their stuff. “Maybe we can find something good to watch while we stuff ourselves.”
“Remember that I have cooked for you,” he said with a grin, reaching across the aisle for a package of Oreos. After second thought he put it back and got a package of the Double Stuffed ones instead. His own friends had teased him for his ability to stay as thin as he did with as much as he ate, but they weren’t here to see the fact that he went to the gym for an hour quite a few times a week, not to mention the fact he was teaching self defense classes twice a week and taking boxing lessons again. He could cheat tonight. “Grab whatever you want. I might be nice and share the Oreos, if you ask nicely.”
“They should,” he said with a nod. This late at night he’d thought there should be fewer people at the store, but there was also only two registers open. “Usually they have the really nice flat screen TVs too, the large ones, so that will be more enjoyable. I have no idea if they have movies we can pay for, but if there’s anything you see that you want to watch, you can order it. The manager of the nightclub is covering the bill and since we were VIP guests he said we can run up as much as we want.”
Rose eyed the oreos hungrily, already thinking about grabbing a package of her own when he said he might share. “I think I love you,” she said, her eyes still on the package. God, those looked good. He’d said he might share, but she decided to grab a second package, anyway, because she wasn’t sure she wanted to share. Best to have extras just in case.
The last time Rose had really stayed in a nice hotel like the one they’d booked for tonight or even been a VIP guest in a nightclub had been during her visit to Russia. Even over a year later, those memories still plagued her. She hadn’t been able to enjoy it at the time and she pushed the troubling thoughts aside, trying to focus on the present. Like with the dress, she had to remind herself that this was different.
“I bet we can find something good,” she said. “If we’re not going to sleep, we might as well find some other way to entertain ourselves.”
He blinked slightly before reminding himself he’d said she had to ask nicely. She’d probably not actually meant more than she loved him for the fact he was offering to share the Oreos. He grinned back at her as soon as he recovered. “Grab a third package, then. I figure a package and a half each should be enough. And we can just have them bring up a gallon of milk with room service, unless you have a specific brand you want?”
They moved forward in the line a bit, at least enough for them to put everything on the conveyor belt. “Oh, I’m pretty sure we can. I mean, the movie selections alone on the pay channels have to be decent.” He chose to interpret the last statement as “stay awake and have a movie marathon” instead of anything else. “Do you want to take a shower or bath when we get to the room? If you do, I can change in the bedroom.”
“Room service milk is good,” she agreed, grabbing another package of oreos. Milk was milk as far as she was concerned. Besides, the sooner they got out of here and back to the hotel, the sooner she could rip into the junk food. Rose refused to be one of those people who thought it was cool to start eating your food while you were still in the store. Talk about gross.
She considered his question for a moment before shaking her head. “Nah, I’ll grab a shower in the morning,” she decided. She hadn’t really worked up much of a sweat dancing, so she didn’t think she really needed one tonight.
Once they paid for their stuff, they caught the cab to the hotel. It didn’t take them very long to get checked in and make their way up to the room they’d been given. It was a nice room. Rose was pretty impressed. The large bed looked comfortable and she could tell that the balcony featured a great view of the city. They were still in Kansas, but the sight held a kind of beauty, all the same. It was something she appreciated so much more now. Strigoi didn’t see beauty. They didn’t feel love. Some part of her fought even harder now to appreciate those things.
“Nice digs,” she commented, trying very hard to sound casual. Even now, she didn’t want to talk about what had happened. She wanted to move on, appreciate life, which was what she was trying to do. “I guess we must be really VIP to get such a sweet room.”
“We probably could have dropped a couple grand on drinks and not got treated this well,” he said with a grin. “But they felt bad because I opened up a five hundred dollar tab to get that table in the VIP area, and it was their valet’s fault that my motorcycle got hit. I’m not planning on abusing the hospitality except if there’s nothing on TV. Then I say we order a bunch of movies.”
He shrugged out of his suit jacket and laid it down on the back of the chair in the bedroom. “I figure I’ll call around nine to see if they’ve even looked at my bike, so I’ll have a better idea of how long we need to stay around then. It may be a thing where I have to leave it here until next weekend, but I could always rent a car to take us back if that’s the case.” He started to undo the cuffs of his shirt. That was all he was going to do until he had the room to himself, other than take off his socks and shoes, but while he was used to suits now he preferred not to wear them and the sooner he could get out of them the better.
“I hope not,” Rose said, making a face. “We’re having a barbeque next Saturday and I’m going to be pissed if you have to bail because some asshole hit your bike.” Okay, maybe she hadn’t quite gotten around to telling him about it before now, but as one of her best friends, it was a given that he had to come, right? That was probably selfish on her part. Actually, she knew it was. She knew it was selfish to want him there even if he had other things to do. That didn’t stop her from feeling that way, though. The fact that today had been on of the best days she’d had in a while only made her want him around more and that was definitely selfish. She couldn’t monopolize his time just because being with him seemed to make her feel better about a lot of things.
After a moment, she grabbed the tank top and shorts she’d bought to sleep in and ducked into the bathroom so she could change. It didn’t take her very long and when she came back into the room, she moved out onto the balcony, wanting to get a closer look at the view. It was nice outside. Maybe early 70’s with a light breeze that felt nice and cool on her skin. For a moment, she forgot all about her earlier hunger and the large tv that hung on one wall of the room. The sounds of the city were all around her and yet there was something about standing out here that felt peaceful. It was at odds with her normal fierce nature, but since her restoration, especially lately, Rose sometimes felt that she needed that peace.
“It’s a good thing we didn’t plan anything at the Center for Saturday, then,” he said with a grin. “I’d hate to have to miss this barbeque for work or to come back here and get my bike back. I’m assuming Regina’s doing it?” It was okay that he’d basically been invited without being told. He hadn’t had any real plans, and he’d been off kilter lately so it was too late to plan something for the kids aside from the summer carnival, but that was going to take place next weekend so it didn’t interfere with the city’s plans for the Fourth. Having plans for the weekend was a good thing, and having plans with Rose was even better even if he really shouldn’t want to spend so much time with her. It wasn’t like they were actually dating, like she wanted that.
Once he’d changed he’d gotten on his mobile, texting Damien about the change in plans so that at least one of his friends knew where he was and why he wasn’t back home, and he heard her go out onto the balcony. He hesitated, but after a moment he joined her. They were pretty high up, and even after midnight there were still plenty of lights on in the city. “It’s a pretty brilliant sight, isn’t it?” he asked quietly, standing close but not too close, resting his forearms on the railing.
Rose was focused on the view, but she heard him follow her out onto the balcony. She didn’t turn away from the view until he spoke, but then she did turn to face him. “It’s beautiful,” she agreed. She couldn’t really describe what it was like, to see these things with her human - or, well, dhampir - senses after being Strigoi. Everything had been sharper and clearer in that state, but Rose had been unable to truly appreciate how amazing those senses were. Nothing she could have seen then could strike her as beautiful the way the view from this balcony did.
“It’s pretty in a different way from the view on the island,” she continued, her voice soft, “but it’s still amazing.” There weren’t enough words to explain how she was feeling, so she didn’t try. Instead, she turned away from the view and tried to push the more serious thoughts from her mind. This wasn’t a time for brooding over the past.
“So, how many channels do we have?” she asked him, instead, in an attempt to distract herself from more somber thoughts. “Did you look? Is there something awesome on that we can make fun of?”
He listened to her talk, nodding slowly. He knew there were differences in how they viewed the world, owing to the fact he was 100% human and she wasn’t, and sometimes he wondered just what she saw, just what the world was like for her. But she seemed to want to simply savor it, so he left her to admire the city in peace. “I’m glad you find it amazing” was all he said.
“There’s a lot, actually. And as for stuff to watch, it’s mostly movies. Nothing I haven’t already seen a million times growing up,” he said. “But there were a few things I used to love watching when I could. I could have sworn I saw one movie I liked, but you’ll probably tease the hell out of me for admitting I like it.”
Rose did have enhanced senses, but not compared to what they'd been not that long ago and that was what made the view so amazing to her. As a Strigoi, the night would have looked like day to her. Watching a sunrise would have been impossible. Seeing the world through dhampir eyes again was a gift she didn't think she would ever take for granted and she made a mental note that she would come out here again if they were still up at sunrise.
"Oh, yeah?" she said, jumping at a chance to tease him again as she made her way back into the room. "It's probably Disney. Completely cheesy. You know, one of these days, the world is going to find out about your crappy taste in movies and millions of da girls will the heartbroken." She actually had liked a lot of the movies he'd shown her, but that was beside the point. If it provided ammunition for her jokes, it didn't matter if it was true or not.
“Hey, just because there were about three hundred Disney movies out when I was growing up and my brother and mother put them on to occupy me means nothing,” he said in a mock hurt tone. “And besides, with the whole Disney Bound thing, supposedly it’s cool to be a Disney fan now, even if you’re a guy.” He gave her a grin to show he knew she was teasing. “And yeah, probably. I guess everyone thinks just because I’m a Beastie Boy fanatic I only like the cool stuff that came out in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries.”
He shifted slightly though. “Seriously though. My brother was the one who got me into stuff from the 1980s, and he was a huge Brat Pack fan. Turns out ‘Sixteen Candles’ is going to start in about ten minutes, and that was his favorite. I think he had a crush on Molly Ringwald when I was growing up, considering how many times I watched this movie and ‘The Breakfast Club’ and ‘Pretty In Pink.’ I always thought ‘Sixteen Candles’ was the funniest out of all of them.”
What was it with the men in her life and an obsession with the 80s? "I've never seen it," she said honestly. Rose hadn't even been born until the early 90s and 80s anything have never been her thing. In fact, she'd always given Dimitri shit for his love of music from that decade. She personally wouldn't admit that some of it was maybe a little catchy.
Of course, admitting that she'd never seen the movie probably meant he was going to want to watch it, but she was pretty okay with that. It was one of his favorites, which meant it would probably make him happy to watch. Even if it sucked, it would be worth it for that alone.
“”Well, if you don’t like it we don’t have to finish it. And I promise I won’t spoil it or say any of the lines,” he said with a grin. “But it is a pretty funny movie. Mostly it revolves around a teenage girl whose entire family forgets her sixteenth birthday since they’re preoccupied with her sister’s wedding. There’s also a thing where the high school senior is interested in her but he doesn’t know how to get her attention, and Anthony Michael Hall is this uber nerd It’s not as angsty as the other movies my brother liked so much.”
He gestured towards the room and waited for her to go in and then followed. He picked up the remote from where he’d left it and turned on the TV again, getting it to the right channel. After a moment he looked at the other movies. “Looks like they’re doing a teen classics marathon or something,” he said. “Not all of them are from the 80s, either. ‘Clueless’ is on after this, and then ‘She’s All That’ after that.”
“You realize I am completely judging you right now, right?” But Rose was smiling as she said it and she honestly kind of liked that he had such unexpected taste in movies. He named a couple of other movies that, okay, she’d at least been born before they came out, but they were still from well before her own teen years. Not that they hadn’t come out way before he was born, too, but still. That was beside the point. It was still cute how into these movies that most guys she was sure would call “chick flicks” he was. Then again, Rose had discovered a while ago that there were many unexpected layers to James Kirk. It was one of the reasons she liked him so much. Of course, the fact that he’d stood by her through so much, no matter how much she’d tried to push him away didn’t hurt, too.
Rose grabbed her chips and one of the bags of oreos and made herself comfortable. “Oh, milk!” she remembered and she reached for the phone to order some up to the room. Couldn’t have oreos without that. Her earlier mood was forgotten now. That was how it was around him, though. She had a lot of things weighing on her, but Rose found it hard to stay down for long in his company. That was yet another reason she liked spending time with him.
“I am aware of that,” he said with a grin, glad to see her relaxed again. There had been a moment on the balcony where he wondered what she was thinking, how deep inside her head she was going and what kind of thoughts she was having. She had a tendency to brood just as much as she could live in the moment, and if he could keep her away from brooding then it was the least he could do. When she placed the order for milk he also had her get a cheeseburger and fries for him, because while crackers and Oreos were good and he was planning on stealing some of her chips as well, it helped to have a full meal.
He got settled, turning on the TV and glancing over at Rose every once in a while to see whether she was enjoying herself. If she liked this movie he had a few other ones they could do for another movie marathon later, like the other two Ringwald movies and “Weird Science” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” That would make for a good day and another reason to just get to spend some time with her. Even with the occasional weirdness, he didn’t want to not spend time with her, and besides, the weird bits weren’t that weird so far. He’d just have to see how tonight played out.
Rose ordered a cheeseburger and fries for herself, too, although that didn't stop her from stealing some of his fries when she was done with her own once the food arrived. Partly, the did it to annoy him, but in a good natured way. The movie actually wasn't bad and she found herself enjoying it. Part of that might have been the company and the fact that she was sufficiently distracted from the dark thoughts that had plagued her earlier. Brooding hadn't been something she was prone to until recently, but since her restoration she seemed to be making up for lost time in that area. Right now, though, she actually felt normal. Happy. Like maybe life could actually be okay again. It was a feeling she'd had briefly before Dimitri had been sent back. It was one she was glad to be experiencing again.
Once her appetite was sated, Rose thought nothing of moving closer and leaning against him, despite what had happened between them just over a week ago. They'd watched movies together before, plenty of times, and a little cuddling just seemed to be part of the package. There wasn't anything romantic about it, really, but Rose took comfort in being close to him. She always had, even before all that had happened in the last few months. But even though the movie wasn't really boring her, that sense of comfort and safety she got from leaning against him also made it harder to stay awake. Not long before the first movie ended, Rose found her eyes closing in response to her body's need for sleep.
He could see she was asleep before the movie finished, and he shifted slightly so she was comfortable. He didn’t exactly mind her being close to him. It was nice, because it had been awhile since that had happened. He’d thought something could have happened with Ginny, but the Seal had to be a dick and take her back before anything really happened past a few dates. His entire actual dating history since coming to Lawrence could be summed up in one word: problematic. Either he did or said the wrong thing, like he did with Ginger, or he just couldn’t be what his girlfriend needed, like with Anna, or it just didn’t happen, like with Ginny. He had the feeling if anything ever happened with Rose, which he doubted it would, it would probably not end well either. It seemed to be the way things went.
He stayed up a little while longer, lying in bed with Rose curled up next to him, until the scene where Cher takes her driving test, and he realized he couldn’t stay awake any longer either. He reached over for the remote and turned the television off, plunging the bedroom portion of the room into darkness, and shut his eyes. He could at least attempt to get some sleep and hope that he didn’t have any awkward dreams or that nothing else went wrong while the two of them weren’t conscious.
It was hard to say how long Rose had been asleep before she fell into one of her all too frequent nightmares. Although they didn't happen every she closed her eyes anymore, it was often enough. The faces in the dreams varied. In the week she'd been Strigoi, she'd taken so many victims. Some of them were nameless faces and others were far too familiar. She'd gone after friend and stranger alike.
Tonight's dream featured the worst of her sins - Christian. She was a spectator, forced to watch in frozen horror as her Strigoi self ripped into his throat. Forced to watching the evil smile on her own lips as she left his body as a gift for Lissa and Dimitri to find. In reality, she'd been unable to stick around and see their reactions, thanks to the sun. Her subconscious filled in those blanks for her.
"No, no," she whimpered in her sleep. She didn't want to watch this. Not again. Tears streamed down her face - both in the dream and in reality - as she was forced to watch the heartbreak she'd been responsible for. "No, please," her soft protests continued, but she was powerless to stop the dream from continuing.
Kirk was a pretty light sleeper on the best of nights, so he heard Rose whimpering in her sleep and it woke him up. It took him a minute to realize that she was having a nightmare and it wasn’t something worse. She had pulled away from him a bit while she was asleep and dreaming, so he pulled her closer again and started smoothing her hair back.
“Rose, it’s okay,” he said quietly as he stroked her hair back. “It’s a nightmare. Whatever’s going on, it’s not really happening. You’re here with me, and you’re safe. Nothing bad is happening.” He couldn’t be sure what kind of nightmare she was having, whether something bad was happening to her or she was reliving a bad experience, but he just kept her close, waiting for her to realize she was someplace safe.
Slowly, his voice pulled her out of the dream, but it took some time to fully come back to reality. The images she'd just seen lingered and it was a minute or two before her eyes could focus on her true surroundings.
"It did really happen," she sobbed into his shoulder. In that moment, she was still half aware and all of her walls were down. She wouldn't have been so open about her fear or her anguish in a more lucid moment, but at the same time, she knew the arms holding her represented safety and security. A part of her even believed him when he assured her it was okay, that she was safe.
He just held her close, moving his hand so he ran it down along her back as well. One thing he’d wanted when he was having nightmares about everything that happened with Marcus and Khan was comfort that he wasn’t alone, and so if he could give that to Rose he would. He wasn’t sure if she needed that or something else, but whatever she needed he’d try to give her.
After a little while he spoke. “Was it something that happened back home, or something more recent?” he asked, not sure if he was going to get an answer. He knew some things about her life, things she’d felt comfortable sharing, but most of the events of the last few months he was in the dark about. If she wanted to open up he would listen, but if she didn’t they could just lie there and be quiet or watch TV again until she drifted back off to sleep again.
Rose didn't really answer his question. Instead, she asked one of her own. It was a rhetorical question, one that wasn't even exactly about him so much, except that he was the one who was here.
"How can you care about me after everything I did?" she whispered. "All the horrible things I- I killed people. I murdered Lissa's boyfriend. I enjoyed it and then I left him outside, right outside the wards for them to find. I was disappointed that I couldn't stick around to watch your reactions, hers, especially. I- I know everyone says it wasn't me, but it was. I remember all of it."
Despite the progress she'd made, forgiving herself was still something she was working on. She wasn't there yet. It was why she didn't blame Lissa for being angry with her, whether it was over what she'd done as a Strigoi
or what she'd done after. She deserved that anger. What she didn't deserve was the forgiveness some seemed to be willing to give her so freely.
He was quiet for a minute. The answer, to him, was simple: she was his friend. You didn’t stop caring about your friend when they did horrible things, whether they were themselves or not. It was never that simple, especially when they weren’t themselves, not completely. Back home, he and Carol had had long talks about this when they were waiting for the Enterprise to get fixed, when Carol was trying to reconcile how she could still love her father even when he had killed so many people and tried to start a war.
“Do you remember the second movie about me, the one that had Khan?” he asked after a moment. “There’s a year that they don’t show in that movie, from when I wake up from the coma after I got brought back to life to when they Enterprise is being rededicated. I had a lot of time to think about things, and I wasn’t the only one doing that. Carol was too. One of the things we talked about was her father, and she said that even though he did horrible things, that he was willing to kill me and my entire crew and start an intergalactic war, she still loved him. Just because the person you love does something horrible doesn’t mean you stop caring about them. It’s not a switch you turn on and off. And yeah, you might have enjoyed it at the time, and you might think it was 100% you, but it really wasn’t. We know that, and we know you you wouldn’t have. The fact you even have to ask why I care means it affects you. It’s something that you regret. And the fact you regret it and you don’t enjoy it now means it really wasn’t something under your control.”
"Yeah, but that's her father. That's her family. Of course she'd forgive him." That made sense to Rose. She thought about how easily she'd forgiven Dimitri for everything he'd done in that state. It was easy for her to say his actions hadn't been his own. It was easy to forgive them anyway, because she loved him. She was too grateful to have him back, alive to dwell on the things he'd done, even if the memories had still haunted her.
But her friends, the people who hadn't known her for most of her life or who didn't have the kind of connection with her that she'd had with Dimitri? She didn't understand how they could be so quick to forgive the things she'd done. Not to mention the number of people who had died because she'd refused to kill Dimitri when she had the chance. Because she couldn't kill him when she knew he could be saved.
"A lot of people died because of me." Again, she wasn't so much talking as thinking out loud. "And even after I was myself again, I was a horrible friend. I didn't even check up on you when Ginny left. You should be mad at me. You should hate me like Lissa does."
“Just because he was family doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “I mean, look at me and my brother. He abandoned me. And while I think about him from time to time, I don’t really love him. I don’t really care about him. But Spock? Bones? Scotty? Any of the rest of my crew? If one of them turned around and did something horrible, I’d still love them.” He shifted slightly. “The family you choose for yourself is sometimes a hell of a lot more important than the family you’re born into. And you’re more willing to fight for it, even if someone does something that breaks your heart or hurts you.”
He reached over to touch her face, to make sure she looked at him. “Yeah, a lot of people died. And that’s going to weigh heavily on you for a long time. There’s a lot of us who have to live with things like that, either from crap back home or crap here. And we push people who care away when we’re back to normal or when we’re getting our head straight, and we treat our friends like crap. The ones who don’t forgive us, they’re the ones who aren’t in it for the long haul. I just ran off for a week because Ginny left, so I didn’t exactly make it easy for you or any of the rest of my friends who are left to be here for me, so don’t blame yourself for that one. And point of fact, I don’t think Lissa hates you. She’s hurting, and you’re an acceptable target to hurt back, but if she hated you she’d have absolutely nothing to do with you. You wouldn’t even exist to her.”
"She thinks I'm selfish," Rose argued. It was the first time she'd ever given voice to the things Lissa had said to her. She hadn't even spoken to Dimitri or Regina about the details. All they knew was that she and Lissa was fighting. Or Lissa was. Rose kept trying to reach out to her, but it didn't always work.
"She thinks I only care about myself. Maybe she's right."
Her whole life, Rose had tried to be there for others. To fight for them and protect them. But looking back on her choices, a lot of them had been selfish. They way she'd treated Mason, Adrian, Lissa. Even with Dimitri, there had definitely been times when she'd cared more about what she wanted than what was best for him. And being here now had been selfish, too. She'd wanted to run away from all of her problems, so she had.
Even now she was being selfish. She knew she shouldn't be sitting with him like this. It felt so much like a betrayal to Dimitri even if they weren't technically doing anything wrong. But she didn't care about that enough to pull away, not when the hand on her face was so comforting.
“Do you think you’re selfish?” he asked, not sure if she was going to answer. He understood what it was like to make selfish choices. He’d spent almost his entire life making choices that benefited him, relying on luck and charm to get what he wanted and get out of trouble. He knew selfish really well, better than most.
Hell, right now he was being selfish. He knew that he should put space between the two of them. She was awake, she wasn’t crying or scared anymore. She didn’t need physical comfort as much as someone to listen, someone to hash things out with. But he wanted her to stay close. He liked having her close and he knew he was going to look for any reason to keep her close, even when he shouldn’t. And when it all blew up in his face, whether it was because she decided she didn’t want to stay friends or because Dimitri came back and she chose him, he was going to be left with just these moments when he was selfish and that was it.
"Sometimes, yeah." It was an admission she wouldn't have made to many people, but the honesty felt good. Knowing she could admit these things to him felt good. She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve his friendship, but she was grateful for it.
If he thought she didn't still need the comfort his touch provided, he was wrong. Rose through strength through that simple contact. It made her feel guilty, but it was something she needed. She needed to feel close to someone who clearly cared about her. She knew that was selfish, but just because no more fresh tears were falling and just because her body was no longer shaking from the anguish her dream had created didn't mean she didn't need this closeness. That silent admission scared her a little. There were very few people she'd ever been so open and vulnerable with. Rose decided not to dwell on it too much, though. At least, not right now.
“If it helps, I know selfish intimately well,” he said. “So first off, you aren’t alone. If it’s something you think you want to change, if you want to stop being selfish, it takes a lot of work. It’s something you have to actually think about. It took me getting an entire ship under my command to start, and even then I made some pretty lousy, selfish choices. Lost my ship due to one of them,” he said, giving her a small smile.
He moved his hand away and went back to letting his fingers move in her hair. It was actually kind of calming for him, and he hoped it was for her too. “You’re going to slip up sometimes. Probably a lot of times. I make it a point to try not to be selfish and I’m still selfish sometimes. Probably when I have no right to be. I just try…” He trailed off. “I guess these days, if I’m going to be selfish, I just try and limit how many people can get hurt. The fewer the better. And I make sure it’s worth it, like it’s actually worth maybe getting hurt in the end.”
"I don't try to be, but I think sometimes I am, even when I'm trying to do the right thing. I don't know." The feel of his fingers in her hair was definitely soothing. She pushed back the wave of guilt that settled over her. Dimitri wasn't here anymore, she told herself. He might never come back. And there wasn't anything wrong with accepting comfort from a friend. She stubbornly told herself that was all this was. She stubbornly told herself that she wasn't thinking about how it had felt to kiss him and that she wasn't tempted to do so now. She knew it would be a good way to distract herself from everything she was feeling, but there was no way to justify that as anything but selfish and wrong. This kind of comfort she could excuse. Acknowledging that she might want to cross that line with him again? Not so much.
She closed her eyes for a moment and let herself just enjoy the soothing feel of his hand in her hair. "Thanks," she mumbled vaguely, not really sure what she most wanted to express gratitude for. "Sorry I'm such a mess."
“Well, next time you think you’re going to do something selfish, call me. Text me. If you want a second opinion, I can give you one,” he said. “And you can do the same thing for me.” Except when it came to them, he thought to himself. He was going to keep any thoughts about that to himself and maybe Damien, because that would just make everything even more complicated than it already was.
“Hey, any time,” he said before lapsing into silence for a while. “And it’s okay. To be honest, if you weren’t a mess I’d be even more worried. You went through a pretty shitty experience, and if you were a hundred percent I’d think something was seriously wrong. But I’m glad you trust me enough to talk to me.”
Most of Rose's current selfish thoughts centered around him, so she wasn't sure how good that plan was. "Half the time I don't even think it's selfish when I'm doing it," she said instead. "But then people end up hurt and it's my fault." The idea that she could talk to him, though, at least in theory was nice. She'd been so distanced from the people in her life lately and even if it was of being own doing, it made her feel better that he was here for here. It made her feel less alone, somehow.
Rose didn't trust many people, but with his words, she realized she did trust him. She wasn't sure when that had happened, but it was a good feeling. That earlier feeling of being safe with him returned and she realized now that's what it was - trust. "You're easy to talk to," she said, although there was so much more to it. A yawn interrupted anything else she might have said and she couldn't help giving him a sheepish grin. "Sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep, too," she said in a little bit of a lighter tone.
“Well, if you think about it, then you call. Maybe half the time I can help,” he said. “But just don’t push me away, okay? I can’t help at all if I’m not around. And I want to be around because you’re someone I care about.”
He grinned at that. “I try to be, but part of it’s the charming personality,” he said. “It just kind of helps I’m a good listener and I actually have decent advice, even if I don’t always follow it myself.” He chuckled slightly when she yawned. “It’s okay. I really haven’t been sleeping much. I probably would have woke up soon anyway.”
"I'll try not to." It was the most she could promise right now. The truth was that being so vulnerable with him a moment ago scared her and a part of her did want to run from it. She remembered what Dimitri had said, long ago, about how it forced you to be open when someone knew and understood you so well and it surprised her to realize that He had become that person for her, too. She'd known they had things in common, of course, but until tonight, she hadn't quite realized that her actually got her. It wasn't something she could say about a lot of people.
Rose shifted, stretching back out on the bed and laying her head on one of the pillows, but she was still looking at him. "The sun's not up, yet. We should probably try and sleep some more while we still can," she suggested. She didn't know what time it actually was, but suddenly she was exhausted, worn out by the intensity of her own emotions. And it was selfish, but she still wanted him close while she slept.