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Tweak says, "beavers and ducks!"

Bonnie Bennett (littlewitchy) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2014-09-07 17:58:00

Entry tags:

bonnie bennett, elena gilbert

Who: Bonnie Bennett & Elena Gilbert
What: Post-Nightmare kitchen talk
When: 9/7
Where: Home/House de Aunt Jenna
Warnings: None yet...

Bonnie knew that Elena wasn't any sort of expert about Expression. She knew that her friend probably couldn't tell her how to fix the problems that she was having keeping her emotions and magic under control. But what Elena could do....well, was listen. She'd been bottling things up. Much as she was aware of the fact that she needed to settle in here in Lawrence she hadn't done it yet. Sure, she was enrolled in classes. Sure, she had participated in some things here.

But she hadn't gotten her head out of Mystic Falls, not totally. And definitely not her heart.

And maybe talking about the guilt that she carried about Jeremy and her dad and everything....maybe that would help. It was certainly better than not doing anything and continuing on her path of sleep-pyromania. Plus, talking to one of her best friends would definitely feel better than leaving her in the dark. Bonnie remembered how quickly she had told Elena that she was a witch to begin with. She could trust her friend. They had been through a lot in the past, after all.

Slipping out of her bed, Bonnie ignored the slightly singed comforter, and padded out of her bedroom and toward the kitchen. She was fighting the urge to be embarrassed that Elena had heard her. There was nothing to be embarrassed about because this was Elena. If anybody could empathize and just listen...it should be her.

Walking into the kitchen, Bonnie found herself crossing her arms, despite wanting to open up. Sometimes it was easier said than done. Still, she was here. And before anything else there was something she needed to say. "Sorry if I woke you up or distrubed you or any of that."

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youliedtome
2014-09-08 12:07 pm UTC (link)

Elena slowly stirred the milk heating gently on the stove. The large kitchen was only dimly lit, since Elena didn't want to wake the rest of the house, and the tiled floor was cool beneath her feet. Elena was wrapped up in a blanket, covering the sweatpants and vest she'd pulled on to come downstairs, and there was an identical blanket draped over the back of a stool at the island.

When Elena heard Bonnie padding downstairs, she looked up from the pan, turning to face the door that led out to the rotunda. "Hey," she said, her voice low, as to not wake either of the other two sleeping vampires in the house, but warm and welcoming. "You didn't," she replied, as Bonnie hesitantly entered the room. "I couldn't sleep either."

Leaving the stove, Elena crossed to the island and held out the other blanket to her friend. She could see that Bonnie felt awkward from the way she had her arms crossed over herself. Still, Elena wanted her to know that she was there for her, even if she didn't really understand expression.

"Milk's nearly ready," she murmured, gesturing over her shoulder towards the saucepan on the stove. "I thought we could go sit on the porch."

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littlewitchy
2014-09-08 07:49 pm UTC (link)

The only downfall to living in a house that had vampires in it was the fact that they could hear her much better than she could hear them. So, it was bound to happen, that they would hear her. She was actually surprised that Elena was the only one that was awake. But Bonnie's mouth pulled slightly into a smile at Elena admitting that she couldn't sleep.

That did make her feel slightly better.

"Well, that makes me feel a little better, at least." Bonnie admitted, sagging some as she started to relax, even if it wasn't fully. She reached out and took the blanket, wrapping it around herself without much hesitation. Bonnie wasn't sure how to explain everything, but she knew that she needed to. Elena was her best friend and she could trust her. She could even trust Caroline. And she needed to work at doing that more.

"Guess I have good timing." Bonnie nodded, moving over to peek into the saucepan. She didn't have any problems with this plan. The porch should be a spot that they shouldn't disturb anyone else to talk. "That sounds like a good plan to me, a good place to talk. I appreciate the ear too, I've been avoiding talking about this even though I've needed to."

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youliedtome
2014-09-08 08:36 pm UTC (link)

"You can thank Peter Pan for that," Elena replied with a quiet huff, turning, once Bonnie had taken the blanket from her, and beginning to rummage in one of the cupboards for two mugs. She found a pair, green, like the ones her family had kept in the kitchen at home, and set them down on the kitchen counter, beside the stove. The cocoa was already out, waiting to be spooned into the mugs, which Elena did while Bonnie was looking down at the milk.

"Hey," Elena said softly, turning her head to glance at her friend. "You can always talk to me." She gave Bonnie a smile, before reaching out and taking up the saucepan of milk, which was gently steaming, to pour the white, warm liquid into the mugs. She stirred the cocoa, one mug after the other, then licked the spoon clean and placed it down on the counter.

"Here," Elena said, holding one of the mugs. "Cocoa always helps. It's a fact."

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littlewitchy
2014-09-10 04:09 pm UTC (link)

Bonnie was still getting used to the whole fictional character thing. However, in this case, Peter Pan couldn't be the kid wearing all green with the dumb hat that Bonnie remembered from the cartoon, Elena's tone was more than enough to convey that.

How the hell did Disney get it so wrong?

Leaning against the counter next to the stove, on the other side, so that Elena had room Bonnie couldn't help but find the normalcy of this all weird. Their lives were so strange that the normal moments like having cocoa with your best friend seemed strange amid the spiral toward loss of complete control that she was heading for. "I know that on some level. And yet I still put it off until I really need to do it, apparently."

Bonnie took the mug offered to her with a small smile and a murmured, "Thanks." The mug was really warm, and it was a nice and comforting sort of presence cradled between her hands for a moment before Bonnie took a tentative sip.

"To the porch now for that much needed talk?" Bonnie gestured, already half moving that way. And she could already feel herself comforted by Elena's presence and the cocoa too. She could only hold things in for so long before they had to come tumbling out and she was definitely at that point now.

And here she was starting before she'd even gotten them completely out onto the porch.

"I know you're not an expert on Expression or anything, but...." Bonnie paused verbally, trying to figure out how best to explain her situation, but there was really only one way to put it, even though she hated admitting it. Stepping out onto the porch, the witch's voice was soft, and more vulnerable than she'd really allowed herself to be since arriving in Lawrence. "I'm losing control. I thought I could handle it, but I don't think I can..."

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youliedtome
2014-09-11 09:29 pm UTC (link)

Elena nodded and followed Bonnie out to the porch, her own cocoa cupped between her hands, warming her cold fingers. Elena crossed to the swing seat and perched on the edge, lifting one hand to pull her blanket closer around her. Autumn was really beginning to set in now and she could feel the chill in the air, even through her sweatpants and the blanket.

However, the chill that ran down her spine at Bonnie's words wasn't caused by the weather or the season or the night. "What's been happening?" Elena asked after a little pause. She wasn't really sure what else to say. She figured the best option was to hear the whole story before giving any advice. Even then, she wasn't sure she'd really be able to, but at least they'd be operating on the same page.

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littlewitchy
2014-09-11 11:01 pm UTC (link)

Bonnie didn't know how this was going to go. Maybe it was good that she didn't have any expectations because if Elena was upset with her or if she were empathetic....either way she wouldn't be disappointed. Bonnie settled on the porch swing next to her best friend, lifting one of her legs and putting her foot on the swing to rest her forearm against.

"I've been setting blankets and furniture on fire in my sleep." Bonnie just put it out there, almost like ripping the bandaid off. That was the only way she could do it without trying to beat around the bush...which would get her absolutely nowhere. "I've been lucky in that I've either been woken up or woke myself up to put it out, but it's getting more frequent. And that's not even including when I'm awake. It's like when I open myself up to use my magic it starts to take control and I can't get myself to stop what I'm doing sometimes....and then at the very last second I can stop myself just before I lose all sense of control."

Bonnie couldn't manage to look at her best friend as she shared the information, instead going back and forth between looking down at her cocoa and straight forward. She shouldn't need help with this. She'd always done the magic thing well. And now here she was unable to do this on her own....she couldn't control it. She was failing.

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youliedtome
2014-09-11 11:15 pm UTC (link)

Elena frowned slightly at the revelation that Bonnie had been setting things on fire. She thought she'd smelt burning earlier, when she'd heard Bonnie stirring, but she hadn't put the two and two together. It scared her slightly that Bonnie had been hiding it from her though, from all of them.

Elena lifted her mug to her lips and blew softly on the steaming surface of the cocoa, buying herself time before she had to speak. She took a sip, swallowed then sighed, shuffling backwards on the porch swing until her feet were hanging slightly.

"That means there's hope though, right? That you can stop yourself at the last moment?" Elena wasn't really sure if what she was saying was true or not, but it seemed to make sense. "I mean, that's like a little spark of light in the dark. You're still you and you still want to control it. That's a good starting point." Elena tilted her head slightly, nibbling her lip, her posture silently asking whether she was on mark or not.

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littlewitchy
2014-09-12 12:24 am UTC (link)

After a moment of staring at her cocoa, Bonnie lifted it up to her mouth, taking a sip and feeling the heat on her tongue. It was a nice sort of reminder not to get too lost in her thoughts and worries at the moment. She kind of needed that for now too. It was hard not to get lost in her own thoughts, worrying about how everything was going to go after she'd made so many mistakes.

"Yeah, there's hope. And it's good that now I can admit it...but I'm worried about that time that I can't get my control back. It just gets harder and harder each time I lose control....and I don't want to hurt anyone....especially not you or Caroline." That was probably her biggest fear. And though she didn't say it out loud, she was afraid of hurting others like Damon or Stefan...or even some of the new people that she'd gotten to know here in Lawrence. She was afraid of becoming a problem; she was afraid of overstepping the line.

"And I'm afraid that's what'll happen if I don't get help and figure this out. Either I'll use it and I'll lose myself or my emotions will screw me over." Bonnie said it without totally meaning to, but it was best to get it out in the open.

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youliedtome
2014-09-15 09:21 am UTC (link)

Elena nodded, a small, comforting smile rising to her lips. As long as Bonnie thought there was hope, there was. She could understand being scared of the way you were changing, she'd been through that fear, but hope was the most important thing.

Resting her cocoa on her thigh, Elena pushed one hand out from underneath her blanket, to lightly rest on Bonnie's arm. She knew that her friend got feelings about people, especially when physical contact was involved, and she wanted Bonnie to know she was telling the truth now. "Caroline and I trust you. You're our best friend and we have so much faith in you. You're strong enough to get through this, Bon Bon. Even if we need to find someone who can help you or something we haven't thought of yet, we believe that you can do this." She gave Bonnie's arm a gentle squeeze. "We're not going to let go of you, Bonnie. We won't let you lose yourself."

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littlewitchy
2014-09-17 04:39 pm UTC (link)

Somehow, even with the knowledge that there was hope, Bonnie was scared. She'd never quite felt this out of control of her magic. She'd never felt like she could be a danger to the very people that she wanted so badly to protect. She'd never needed help to figure out what the hell she was going to do, not after she'd learned how to use her magic.

Bonnie was supposed to be a magical prodigy. And here she was unable to actually use Expression. Granted, that had some to do with the fact that it was Expression, but still. It didn't exactly feel great.

Looking over at Elena, feeling her friend's hand there, Bonnie tried to just focus on the touch. She knew that Elena was trying to provide some comfort. She knew that Elena wasn't lying either. No reason to at this point, anyway. Despite her fear, though, Bonnie smiled lightly. "I think I needed that more than I realized." Bonnie admitted with a bit of a sigh. "Even if I've been afraid to admit this, I know that you're right. And I'm going to ask around....see what help I can find."

Bonnie leaned back against the porch swing for a moment, holding onto her mug for the warmth. That wasn't the only thing that she wanted to tell Elena either. She'd avoided talking about something else too.

"The nightmare I had that caused the fire....it was all of the people I've let down, the ones that have died because of me. Jeremy, my dad, and grams...." Bonnie admitted, though her voice was barely a whisper. "I think that guilt and emotions in general just set my magic off, but it's easier said than done to just....stop feeling."

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youliedtome
2014-09-22 10:11 am UTC (link)

Elena nodded, agreeing that asking around was probably the best thing to do. She wished she had some answers to offer her friend, something she could do herself, but she knew it wasn't that simple. At home, Expression had killed Bonnie. Letting that happen here wasn't an option, so finding someone that could really help was essential.

As Elena listened to Bonnie explaining her nightmare, a frown spread across her brow. "You didn't let them down, Bonnie," Elena said, trying to reassure her friend, gripping her arm a little tighter now. "You saved Jeremy and your dad and your grams, I know that they would be proud of you. You are the best friend any of us could have. You are strong and kind and compassionate. You've had so many bad things happen to you, and I wish I could take those away, but you've done so much good as well. You're the reason so many of us are still alive. How could they not be proud of you?"

Elena sucked in a deep breath, gently releasing Bonnie's arm from her grip. "I know what it's like, wanting to stop feeling, but I also know that it's not better. Right now your emotions are setting off your magic, but they're also your greatest asset. You care and that's how you're going to get through this. Use that to your advantage. Use that to get control, just like you taught Jeremy when he wanted to kill me."

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