InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "That's not love"

Stiles Stilinski (runswithwolves) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-12-02 19:30:00

Entry tags:

derek hale, stiles stilinski

Who: Stiles Stilinski and Derek Hale
What: Contemplating.
Where: Leaving the school and walking around town, so wherever.
When: After school Monday.
Status: Incomplete/Ongoing.
Rating: PG for angst. Also spoilers through the end of 3A and for the trailers of 3B

Stiles was pretty sure if there was some kind of competition for the biggest douchebag award? He was in the running for it. Armand had actually sent him a message about making sure he treated Lydia well. And of course he would, because he'd loved her since he was eight years old even if no one believed someone that young knew what love was. Nothing had changed with his feelings for her except the intensity. But she'd been seeing another guy. And granted, while Lydia's previous taste in guys had been questionable -- Jackson Whitmore and Aiden the former alpha wolf who'd kept trying to kill Scott and Isaac -- Armand actually seemed like a genuinely good guy. The few times he'd been around the man, he'd liked him. He didn't get any bad I'm really a giant lizard who rips people apart or I'm working with the alpha of all alpha wolves who's trying to kill your BFF."

No, Armand seemed like a regular human guy -- a bit old fashioned, but very nice and sincere. And that made him feel even more guilty.

It's because you know you're not good enough for her, said the voice in his head.

He grimaced, looking down at his hands. Yeah, he knew that much. Obviously, as evidenced by his complete lack of social status, lack of popularity, lack of any actual life direction and...oh yeah. The fact that there was darkness gathering around his heart. Darkness that could, and probably would be dangerous. To Lydia, to Scott, to Allison. To anyone he was around. Sure, he was just a human, but humans did plenty of damage to other people every moment of every day. He didn't have to have super strength for that.

Stiles blew out a breath, pushing himself to his feet as he began to walk away from the school. He didn't really see the point to going. Not when there was an impending apocalypse. Not when this Seal was taking people back every time he turned around. Tony Stark and Felicia Hardy, two of the most powerful displaced people, were gone. Two of their hardest hitters when it came to fighting Lucifer. That just didn't bode well.

To top it all off, Allison had linked them to their show's trailers for the second half of its season. And her aunt Kate was apparently back, haunting her. He'd made the mistake of clicking on the related videos and watching his own. He was going to lose his mind. It had been vague, but that was the general premise of what he was apparently going to be facing back home. Except he didn't even have to go back home to be forced to deal with it, because Stiles knew it was coming. The violent, haunting nightmares he'd been having on the rare times he could sleep signaled that it was already starting to happen. He felt it, felt the shift within himself, felt that it was just a matter of time before the world came tumbling down completely.

He'd always been plagued with nightmares, with panic attacks. Ever since his mom died. But this wasn't the same. This was more intense. More vivid. Each time he woke up from one it took him a little longer to feel like he wasn't still trapped. It wasn't going to end well. It couldn't, could it? Would Lucifer find some way to use him against his friends because of this darkness? Use him against his family? It wouldn't be the first time the bad guy had used him to get to the people he cared about. How many times had he been the bargaining chip to get Scott to do something that someone wanted him to do?

Stiles scrubbed his hands over his face as he walked, looking a bit dazed and out of it. He had to figure something out and quickly. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Not ever. Because he couldn't live with himself if he did.

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biteisagift
2013-12-03 01:54 am UTC (link)

The dazed kid was not what Derek had expected to bump into while out clearing his head. And aside from wanting to gouge his eyes out at most of what the internet seemed to think of him, he'd been watching the clips too, not just the ones about Stiles, Scott and Alison but the previous episodes, the ones about how it had played out with Jennifer. Yet another woman he'd given a chance to, let into his heart only to find out she was hurting people that for whatever ridiculous reason he'd started to care about. And he had. Scott, Lydia, even Stiles, who had more heart than most people he'd ever met. Alison Argent, well that would take time. Her, her father, the new motto and all, it was a start. It was something. And here they'd fallen into something like neutrality.

But having bumped into the kid, well it turned out he looked like hell. And Derek should have just walked by and let him look like hell. It wasn't his problem. It should never have been his problem, looking after a bunch of teenagers. But with a shake of the head he turned to Stiles, actually looking an impressive combination of annoyed and worried. Mostly because he was. He was supposed to be meeting Peter and this was not how he had intended to spent his afternoon.

"You know if you're just something normal like drunk and cutting classes I'd actually be okay with just driving you back to Lydia and going back to meet my friends." he said simply. He was worried, it didn't make him anymore of a conversationalist with Stiles.

"Its not safe to wander around alone right now. You should know that."

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runswithwolves
2013-12-03 02:29 am UTC (link)

Stiles was trying very hard to avoid websites that had anything to do with their show. When the others had explained what 'shipping' was? Yeah, he'd been pretty horrified. And if he never heard words like Sterek or Scanny or Dydia ever again it would be too soon. There were just certain things you couldn't unsee once you'd seen them, and that really sucked. So he was avoiding most things, but the trailers had been right there and were too tempting not to watch. He should've known better, really.

What he hadn't expected was to run directly into Derek. Or maybe Derek had run into him. He didn't really even know. It also didn't really matter because he'd been caught, in a manner of speaking. Great. And the guy looked kind of worried. Also annoyed. The latter wasn't really surprising. He was used to the perpetual scowl that tended to grace Derek's features. It was like his trademark.

"Well, I'm not drunk and school's been out for awhile," he responded with a shrug. He hadn't exactly realized how dark it had gotten since school let out, though. He'd been too lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah. I do. Just lost track of the time." The fact that he wasn't immediately sarcastic at the older man was probably a bigger tipoff that something was wrong than the way he looked.

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biteisagift
2013-12-03 02:42 am UTC (link)

Oh and it had been noted. Their interactions tended to be based on sarcasm, usually Derek would threaten to kill him or at least threaten bodily harm and whatever they needed to get done would get done. But Stiles, as he'd worked out already was far from his usual self. And it could have been the show, it could have been everything here with Lydia. Hell, it was probably both of those things. Couple of years older and Derek would have solved this appropriately. Buy him a beer and tell him to man up. But contrary to popular belief, he'd been a kid once too. He'd dealt with all of it. And it had ended as messy as anything in Beacon Hills usually did. Seemed school had let out already, showed how much he'd been paying attention to the time. But neither had Stiles apparently and that had led them to a collision.

"And that's a chance for something to grab you or possess you or whatever else. This isn't a time to be distracted."

Not that Stiles could help it. Derek knew that too. "So come on, what's got you distracted. You let me know and I'll drive you home. Maybe it'd even keep you out of trouble for an hour or two?" If he was honest he wasn't sure if Stiles was in the mood to share any of it or would have been happier just doing what he had been doing and sulking alone with whatever was bothering him. And Derek of course was in no place to look down on anyone for doing that. According to some he'd made brooding an art form. God he hated the internet.

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runswithwolves
2013-12-03 02:58 am UTC (link)

It had been awhile since Stiles had been threatened by Derek. So far it hadn't happened here, but he figured it was only a matter of time. It was just part of how they worked. They weren't exactly friends, but they weren't enemies, either. Reluctant allies was probably the best term. Sometimes Stiles actually felt sympathy for Derek. It wasn't like any of their lives had been great in the recent weeks and months in Beacon Hills, but even he knew that they sucked an epic amount for the alpha.

Stiles reached underneath his shirt collar and flashed the pendant he was wearing for Derek to see. "Not while I'm wearing this fugly ass thing. No demon wants to get close enough to look at it." Now his voice was full of wry sarcasm. Sure, he'd heard that it was easy for people to rip the necklace off if they really wanted to get to him, but Stiles didn't do needles. Not even when they were being used on other people.

He tucked the pendant beneath his shirt once more so it was out of sight, eying Derek warily. Somehow he doubted he had enough conversation in him for a one hour conversation, let alone two. Stiles was pretty sure he didn't, either. And the idea of the two of them having some kind of heart to heart was kind of bizarre. Then again, he didn't want to worry Scott or Lydia or Allison. They had enough on their plates, already, too. Especially now.

"Have you watched the show? Up through the finale?" he asked after a moment.

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biteisagift
2013-12-04 01:16 pm UTC (link)

And there was the question he'd known was coming but in so very many ways didn't want to talk about. The damn show. Everything that had happened. Jennifer, that darkness threatening to engulf Scott and Alison and Stiles. And giving up his Alpha status for Cora. Not that he would regret it for a second but Peter seemed entirely too pleased about it, which was dangerous. So yeah he'd watched the show, obssessed over it you might say.

"I did." he said simply almost wanting to leave it at that. But Stiles was worried about that darkness, that had to be it. And Derek actually couldn't blame him. He'd have been worried too. And seeing it creep in, unable to change anything, it was worse, Derek had watched everything that had happened since Boyd, since the Alpha pack had beaten him down and forced Boyd to die at his hands with the horrified realisation that he couldn't change it.

"Here's the thing, would you change it? Any choice you made? Anything you did to get your parents back from...from her." he aked, eyes focused on the younger man, silently pleading with him not to notice the shake in his voice at the mention of her. "Whatever comes next, whatever the price for it, you're gonna get through it. And I hope I'm there to help when you do. But here, there's not a lot we can do to alter anything and a fight like this you need to be ready for it. Not letting doubt about what's happening back home take over. Understand me?"

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runswithwolves
2013-12-05 02:38 am UTC (link)

Truthfully Stiles didn't really want to talk about it either. Watching it had been incredibly surreal because it had all actually happened to him. To Scott. To Derek. To all of them. The idea that anyone in this universe could watch it, could take some kind of sick enjoyment out of the terrible things they'd all been through...it was upsetting to say the least.

The fact that Derek knew exactly what was bothering him might have unsettled him under other circumstances, but here, in this universe, those of them who were from Beacon Hills needed to stick together. Especially considering they were facing an apocalypse. He drew in a breath as he considered the older man's words, nodding and looking down for a moment.

"I wouldn't change it," he said, voice quiet. "We did what we had to do." And he would deal with the consequences. He was just afraid of how it might affect the others. "But it's not about what's happening at home." He hesitated. "I feel it." He looked back up at Derek. "And what if I can't fight it? I don't want to hurt anyone."

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biteisagift
2013-12-06 12:42 am UTC (link)

He felt it, the darkness in his heart. Derek wasn't sure what that would mean, for any of the three involved. If they felt it too, if it was because Stiles remembered more than they did of it, who knew. Either way it was worrying. He wasn't sure how to fight something like that, how to stop it, but he would figure it out. Mostly because there was no other alternative.

"So you did what had to be done and this is the consequence of it. That's something we'll figure out how to deal with if it becomes and issue. And really do you think I'd let you hurt anyone. I'll knock you the hell out until the crazy goes away and you know I would."

He wanted to know more though, he needed to. If this was going to be a threat in the future, or something that Lucifer could exploit... "You say you feel it, feel what? Its all a bit vague, darkness. You need to give me more than that if we're gonna work this out. I need to know if it's gonna go after Scott too." And he supposed the Argent girl but he wasn't about to throw his lot in protecting her completely just get. They were a work in progress.

"You might not completely trust my motives, who the hell knows, but here, facing what we are. I'm making it my mission to keep you all safe and you're better off just accepting it, alright?"

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runswithwolves
2013-12-06 04:17 am UTC (link)

He did feel it. And Stiles didn't know what it would mean either. For now or in the near distant future. The thought of Lucifer somehow using it against him, to maybe hurt his friends, to hurt Lydia...it made him feel sick to his stomach. "Yeah, I know you'd knock me out." He took a step closer to Derek, his expression growing grimmer. "But if it takes more than knocking me unconscious to keep me from hurting anyone -- you do what you have to do."

He knew he wasn't going to have to spell that out for Derek anymore than he already had. He drew in a breath and let it out slowly, looking down at the ground, troubled. "Nightmares. A lot of them. I don't remember all the details, but I do remember they all involve seeing blood -- a lot of blood -- on my clothes." He paused. "On my hands." He didn't know if it was some kind of prophetic thing, or just his worst fear playing itself out over and over in his head.

Derek would probably be surprised to know that while Stiles didn't fully trust him, he did believe Derek wanted them all to be safe. And he believed if it came down to it, Derek would be the one person that could be depended on to do whatever had to be done.

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biteisagift
2013-12-06 03:37 pm UTC (link)

Stiles stepped in closer, serious, he was actually serious about what he was asking. But then he had to know that he was probably asking the one person who would actually do what he had to do to save as many as he could. Oh he'd hate himself after, another name to add to the list of people he had failed. But he'd do it. Because Stiles had already been through enough, they all had. No one should have to go through the things they did. And yet life just kept throwing hurdles at them.

"Yeah. I will. You know I will but you need to say it right? To hear me say it. Some kind of reassurance, is that it?" And if nothing else Derek understood those nightmares. Blood on his hands. Yeah Derek knew that one well, though if it was as bad as all that for Stiles then he suspected that there really was more to it than just nightmares.

"I have no idea what's doing this to you, if its that, if its Lucifer. But whatever it is you have to trust that I'll do whatever I can to stop it, okay?" It might not have been much but it would have to do for now.

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runswithwolves
2013-12-07 12:58 am UTC (link)

Yeah, that was pretty much it. "We both know that Scott wouldn't be able to do it if it needed to be done." Scott would at best, lock him up and then kill himself trying to find some way to save Stiles. And he was pretty sure Lydia wouldn't be able to do anything else, either. Allison? Maybe. He wasn't sure. But he also knew he couldn't ask that of her without her telling Scott and frankly, he didn't want to have that conversation with Scott. Or any of the others, for that matter. He didn't want to hear false assurances that things would be okay. He also didn't want them so afraid to be around him that everything would be uncomfortably awkward.

He knew it wasn't exactly a fair thing to ask of someone, even Derek. Maybe especially Derek, all things considered. But he didn't know anyone else well enough to know they would do what needed to be done if something needed to be done. And at least he felt confident that Derek would make it as fast and painless as possible.

Stiles nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks, Derek." His voice was quiet.

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biteisagift
2013-12-08 01:27 pm UTC (link)

That was the thing though, Derek knew just as well as Stiles did that Scott couldn't, even if it was the only resort. Nor Lydia. Maybe Allison but asking that of her would throw everything else into disarray. That much was obvious. And it probably should have bothered him that Stiles knew that he could, and would if it came to it. The kid would never want to hurt his friends and so Derek would prevent that, whatever it took. "You don't need to thank me. Thank me by making sure it never comes to that okay? We'll work out what happened and go from there."

Which meant he needed to know more, the whole story really, oh he'd seen it, bits and pieces anyway, there was only so long he could watch without wanting to throw the TV against a wall.

"What exactly happened you three when you were under? What did you see? And what were you told about the whole thing?"

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runswithwolves
2013-12-08 02:46 pm UTC (link)

He just nodded, unable to say the words. Stiles really didn't like making promises he wasn't sure he was going to be able to keep. And this one, he definitely wasn't sure about. But Derek knew that, too. Then again, Derek was looking pretty determined at the moment, and somehow that was actually kind of comforting.

Stiles rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about what exactly Deaton had told them. "He said there would be consequences. That the ritual would have a permanent effect on the three of us. That there would be darkness around our hearts for the rest of our lives, like a tattoo." He paused. "He also said that activating the Nemeton would draw other supernatural beings to town, like an actual beacon." He hadn't given that one too much thought because frankly there were just too many possibilities. Focusing on that would've literally driven him crazy. "He said the person who held us under would also have to be someone with a strong emotional bond with us so they could also somehow bring us back." Which made him wonder how much Isaac, Lydia and Deaton had been more involved in the ritual than any of them knew.

Now he shifted gears. "When we went under...I woke up -- well we all did -- in this huge room. The bathtubs were there like they were at Deaton's office. I saw Scott and Allison there at first. And then..." And then it had gotten really weird. Which he guessed made sense considering they'd all died from a sacrificial ritual. "And then it was like a serious case of deja vu from that night. The night that Scott got bit in the woods. Except I wasn't living it again, I was just watching it like I was an observer."

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biteisagift
2013-12-10 12:20 pm UTC (link)

Derek didn't know a hell of a lot about magic but what he did know was the basics. Don't piss it off. Don't enter into dangerous rituals without a damn good reason. And he had to admit, what they'd done for their families had been a good reason. He'd say one thing for the kids, they were brave. They wouldn't back down no matter the threat and here it was, they'd paid the price, this darkness, the activation of the Nemeton, it would make things harder in the long run. But they had their families with them.

Even he had, with the returned Cora and well, there was the one that barely counted anymore. By all accounts Derek should tell him where to go but he helped, he honestly did sometimes help.

"You were watching yourself, or the bite happening? How much did you see of the whole thing. Or feel, did you feel it? You're the only one here right? Out of the three of you you're the only one who this has happened to back home yet. You rememeber all of it." Derek hadn't gotten there yet, he was still battling the Alpha Pack, Boyd had just died...

In many ways he had no wish to return to Beacon Hills, but he knew one day he'd have to. And this awaited him. "There was something about what you saw, what you all saw. I guess maybe the show could show you what they saw, work out if there is anything in common. Or even if there's anything we can do to stop it from another world."

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runswithwolves
2013-12-11 04:43 pm UTC (link)

Stiles didn't know much about magic either, and so far? He wasn't thrilled about it. Granted, he was extremely glad that it had saved his dad's life. And Scott's mom's life. And Allison's dad's life. That it had been able to bring the three of them back from being dead for sixteen hours. It defied all the laws of nature and physics and biology even though the last two things were more Lydia's field of expertise than his. He was fairly certain she'd agree with his assessment of the situation, anyway.

"I didn't see Scott getting bit. I saw myself hiding in the woods to avoid getting caught by the police." And there was something else too. Something blurry and familiar that he couldn't quite remember. Like it was just beyond the grasp of his memory. Thinking about it made pain prickle behind his left eye and he rubbed his forehead wearily. "And yeah. It hasn't happened for them yet." It was just him. The farthest along in the timeline of their very screwed up lives. On one hand, he was very glad that Allison and Scott weren't having to deal with this. With this sense of darkness and the ever-present fear that came with it. On the other hand, it made him feel very alone. He knew the others would listen if he told them what was going on, but he just couldn't. He couldn't burden them with this. Not with the freakin' apocalypse drawing closer.

He knew that Lydia, at least, knew he was worried about what was to come. But he was doing his best to pretend everything was okay when everything was most definitely not okay.

"It was the night our lives all kind of intertwined. I mean, Allison's mom almost hit Scott with her car that night." After he'd dragged Scott into the woods to look for a body. Maybe if he hadn't been bored and stupid that night, things would have turned out very differently for all of them.

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