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Loki | MCU (subtletrick) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-01-27 01:49:00

Entry tags:

emma swan, loki

Who? Loki & Emma & Aislinn!
What? Talky & feels & etc.
Where? Aislinn's nursery
When? Late tonight. Like 3am or something weird like that.
Why? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rating: Lowish. Angst is probably the worst thing. Maybe random morbidness because this is Loki.

The situation with Dark was a puzzling and alarming one. Loki was not entirely certain what to do about it. The man - boy, now, changed in shape but still the same vibes; the energy he gave off was unmistakeable - claimed he was going to 'be good'. Loki of all people could not hope to argue against that sort of logic - if Dark truly wished to change, Loki knew he should, by all rights, be the first in line to offer him a chance at redemption. To offer whatever assistance he could to keep him on the path that led to anything other than the horrors he'd committed before.

But the memory of being bound and altered, being a slave to the whims of a cold being of power, in exchange for a false peace he had always thought he wanted, which was nothing more than the absence of everything that made him Loki... the memory of all of that made it more difficult to believe that Dark had any intentino of changing. He wanted to believe it. He just was not sure he could.

Dark's warning that they would stay away as long as he did not call to them made him even more wary; how was he to know what it would take to call them? He could be calling them with his every move without knowing he was doing it. Dark's powers operated under a different pattern than he was used to.

And Dark still had power over Loki - even after he had believed himself to be free.

It was that which grated the most. If Dark truly wished for redemption, if he truly intended to be good, than why was he hiding? Why was he not allowing Loki to speak his name? He had tried, alone - Darcy was not nearby, no one was there, and he still could not say Dark is here, could not use the word except in a literal context. His words simply disappeared. He had been angry, and as much as he hated to admit it he was afraid. Someone with power like that over him... it was not a good thing. It was not ever going to be a good thing, let alone something he could accept.

He was not able to rest, thinking about it. It kept returning to his mind, left him lying awake next to Darcy, his body curled around her sleeping form, but restless. There was a steady hum of anxiety there, under everything - it did not come from within himself, or at least not initially. It's source was somewhere else, and it was bleeding through the cracks in his armor. He was restless, and he felt as if he were lying to Darcy by not telling her. It did not really matter that lying was typically something he was remarkably good at. It also did not seem to matter that he could not do anything else. It still felt wrong, twisted in his stomach like something living.

He was gone from the bed - from the room, from the house - before he really had a chance to think about it. He needed to ...do something. Something productive. Something to make sure everyone was still all right, that his stupid weakness had not yet imperiled everyone he cared for. He still did not wish to leave Darcy alone for very long, though - if she were to wake up and find him gone, he would feel horrible. Leaving her behind was not his intention.

He would check quickly, then. A quick touch of his magic had him skipping through each person's home in turn, a brief moment to make sure everything was all right and then he was gone, moving on.

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lostfairytale
2013-01-27 07:34 am UTC (link)

Loki's magic would, of course, bring him to his goddaughter's room. Which would, as luck would have it, have both mother and daughter there. Aislinn was getting better at sleeping longer periods of times, but she was still a newborn, after all, and a generally fussy one at that. Some nights Emma just kept her with her, despite the general warnings not to. Usually, though, she could manage to get the baby back to sleep relatively quickly.

She was used to Loki's occasional check-ins. They came, most typically, after one of the Seal's mass exodus plans, when several people were taken at once. It came with being close to him, and instead of being annoyed by it or argumentative, she was really just grateful to have someone in her life who cared enough to pop in and check on her randomly. He was never obtrusive about it, simply looked in, made sure she was all right, and disappeared back out.

So as she sat in the rocking chair humming Bon Jovi's Always and patting Aislinn's back, she only glanced up when her friend appeared in the nursery. "Hi," she offered, a look of concern on her face. Because something was off. It didn't take someone who knew him well to see that, and she liked to think that she did. As well as most anyone, she imagined. Oh, she assumed Thor knew him better, and of course Darcy did. But on the list of people who knew when something was wrong with Loki, Emma was up there.

And something was definitely wrong.

"Doing all right?" Well, obviously he wasn't. Not if he was making random check-ins on her daughter. Which left her feeling uneasy and anxious. The baby had enough against her, didn't she? She didn't need this on top of everything else.

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subtletrick
2013-01-27 09:52 pm UTC (link)

Loki had not expected anyone to be awake when he had appeared - he had meant to simply check on Aislinn, and then move on to check on Emma, and then on to the others he had not yet visited, but instead he found both mother and baby in the nursery.

"Hello," he responded, tentative and slightly sheepish, offering a small, brief smile. "I apologize, I did not mean to disturb you..."

>"Doing all right?"

That was a bit of a complicated question, wasn't it? Technically, no - he was not 'doing all right' - but at the same time, there was nothing wrong enough that he could do anything about it, or justify saying that he was not doing well. He could not tell her what was wrong. Darcy was, to all appearances, recovering well (he could see moments where she was less than 100%, could see when things bothered her and the surface everything is fine faltered and flickered, but he was there, and it would go away for a while, and he was doing everything he could to make everything better for her). He was uninjured and, for the most part, unharmed. Dark was not even an imminent threat. Or at least, he claimed he was not.

"I am... not sure." It was more honest than he meant it to be, his smile a little more wobbly. For a practiced liar, for someone who had spent a great deal of his very long life learning to craft elaborate lies and seamless 'poker faces', there were times when he found himself being unexpectedly honest. Especially when it was least convenient.

"At present, nothing is urgently wrong," he added quickly. That, at least, was a lie, if only a partial one. The fact that he was unable to speak Dark's name, the fact that he could still feel the control the man had over him, was, in his opinion, a fairly urgent wrong, and one he wished he knew how to remedy. But it was not the sort of wrong that meant Emma needed to be alarmed. Nothing was currently endangering her or her children. Nothing was coming for them. Nor would he allow that to happen.

If you can do anything about it, you mean, he reminded himself, bitterly. If Dark's control was able to keep him from speaking any warnings about his presence, what else would he be unable to do, if Dark wished it? Would he turn docile and simply walk back into captivity, if they returned? Would he stand by and allow those he cared for to be taken, too?

Would he be compelled to personally take them in, lead them to their destruction or captivity?

He did not know. He could not say, and that was more unsettling than he wanted to admit.

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lostfairytale
2013-01-28 04:53 am UTC (link)

"You're not disturbing us," Emma protested, smiling despite everything. "Aish is usually up around this time is all." Loki's presence, though worrying, was also comforting. She still couldn't quite grasp her friendship with the man. He cared probably more than he should given all the ways she'd let him down. But he'd stuck it out, he'd stood by her, and she'd be forever grateful for it. While she understood his worries, she didn't regret her choice for Aislinn's godfather for an instant. Loki wasn't the most social person in Lawrence, and really, that was okay. The people he cared for gained a trust in him and she knew the feeling was mutual. She'd pulled herself from her darkest of places to help him long ago and she knew, without question, that he would do the same for her or her baby.

Loki may have been a practiced liar, but Emma was a practiced reader of lies. What she'd told Henry was her 'superpower' was really twenty-eight years of being lied to and let down and abandoned and hurt. And the skill developed over time and she could read most people. It was handy in her line of work and it was downright brilliant in parenting. While Loki might have gotten excuses past most people, she knew not only how to recognize liars, but she knew her friend.

"Nothing's urgently wrong as in we're not all going to die tomorrow morning but there is definitely something wrong, or nothing's urgently wrong as in something is wrong but it can wait and fester for a while? Because that was possibly the most awkward choice of wording you've ever used."

He was a smooth talker, but she was used to those. She'd worked hard to learn to shield herself from them over the years, but obviously she'd fallen off that wagon. She'd been taken in by Jim, after all. Her biggest issue with Loki's explanation was how strange his choice in wording was. It wasn't like him at all. And that did, actually, worry her. "You want to sit down?" she asked, waving towards the armchair. "Since you're here and all."

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subtletrick
2013-01-29 02:23 am UTC (link)

She said he was not disturbing them, and Loki hoped that was true - it would only be natural for her, or anyone, to be alarmed by his uninvited presence at such a strange hour. Especially given that she had children to take care of, and the appearance of someone - even an ally - could make such things less appealing, especially at weird hours. Still, he was not going to question her - if she decided not to allow it to bother her, he was simply going to be grateful, and carry on, unless she said otherwise.

>"Nothing's urgently wrong as in we're not all going to die tomorrow morning but there is definitely something wrong, or nothing's urgently wrong as in something is wrong but it can wait and fester for a while? Because that was possibly the most awkward choice of wording you've ever used."

Loki's smile, as he took the seat she offered, was genuine - if still slightly halting and sheepish; it was not entirely common for someone to call him on his lies, or his half-truths. He should perhaps have been more upset about it - being questioned on this, of all things, only made everything else far more complicated - and he was not totally pleased that he now had to weave his way out of this, but there were few people who would actually question him on such things, in this sort of way - not accusing him of lies, not acting as if he were a threat because he concealed things, simply inquiring. Not allowing him to slip things past her unless she chose to. It was one of the reasons why he found Emma's company pleasant; she reminded him, in a strange sort of way, of his mother.

"It is... the latter, I suppose," he responded, after a moment, settling more comfortably on the edge of the chair, folding his hands in his lap and dropping his eyes to them. "I just wanted to be sure everything was all right. Not that it would not be. I just-" It was far more complicated, trying to be honest without being able to do so. Mixing truths and lies was always a matter of perfect balance, or complete failure; right now, he was failing rather spectacularly. "It is not something I can explain," he added, then, his apologetic tone blending seamlessly with the serious, the do not argue here that was half plea and half command.

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lostfairytale
2013-01-29 03:54 am UTC (link)

He was smiling, at least, and she chose to take that as a good sign. If there was impending doom and death and destruction, he would probably be making a much more grim facial expression. No, smiling Loki she could handle.

Maybe most people wouldn't call him on his half-truths, but Emma wasn't most people. She understood the man, to a point. Oh, she couldn't ever claim to truly know him. Loki was layered, a demigod with more power than she could even grasp, and he had so many emotions built up underneath that cool exterior he typically presented to the world. She'd seen him at his worst and at his best. She'd demanded a place in the team to rescue him without considering that most of the people in it probably didn't trust her and she hadn't given a damn, either. This man had stood beside her through the worst, offered her shelter and protection in ways she couldn't begin to grasp, and was, more than anything else, an exceptional friend. She would defend him to the death if it came to it, because he had earned her trust more than most. And Emma Swan didn't trust easily, so her faith in him was extraordinary on whole new levels.

So she shifted the baby in her arms as she listened to him. She took in his words, watched his gestures. Force of habit, paying attention to him, listening to him. It wasn't him, it was everyone. And it told her so much about him. How he wanted to tell her more but couldn't. How he felt trapped. She knew from experience not to argue with him when he got like this. But he knew how likely it was that she could let it go entirely.

"Does this have anything to do with why I'm not allowed to speak to you where anyone can read it now?" she questioned, lifting her eyebrows at him. "I'm not an idiot, Loki. You don't do your paranoid 'check on everyone ever' unless you've a pretty good reason. And I may be wrong and may have slept through it, but I don't believe you usually do it in the middle of the night."

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subtletrick
2013-02-02 12:01 am UTC (link)

>"Does this have anything to do with why I'm not allowed to speak to you where anyone can read it now? [...]"

Loki could have done many things to avoid the questions Emma was posing him. He could have simply disappeared, for starters - it would be no effort at all to send his shape back home, or to Iceland, or anywhere else he wished to be. Alternatively, he could have presented a distraction - used his magic to create one, or perhaps use the last thing she had said - the bit about checking in at night - and changed the subject to that, instead (night was the best time to check, it was the time he worried more, of course he'd come at night, before). He could also simply lie.

But he did not want to. He wanted to explain everything. That did not mean that he could, of course, but... it did present an alternate option.

"It... yes," he responded, edging back away from lies and half-truths and into the dangerous territory that was honesty. He dropped his attention to his hands, in his lap, as he continued. "Yes, that is why. There is... I do not know if it is truly a threat or not, I suppose... " He looked up, and for a moment he was quiet, watching his friend and her child - his goddaughter, as strange as it still was to have that title, to have been given that place in anyone's life.

"I have been made literally incapable of explaining, Emma. Of speaking a single word that could reveal what is truly at hand. That, alone, makes me... wary."

It was the most he'd been able to say on the subject, between the strange control over him and the feeling that if he said too much there would be consequences. But this still was not saying too much, was it? Dark surely would not find it anything but amusing, if he knew Loki was admitting he couldn't do anything he didn't want him to do? If the man could hear, could tell what was happening here, surely he was simply pleased to know his control was still in place, as pleased as Loki was displeased.

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lostfairytale
2013-02-02 04:19 am UTC (link)

She hadn't expected honesty, really. Few people were truly honest, if they let themselves admit it. It took a lot to see the truth of someone. Some people put up walls even where they didn't intend to. It wasn't a bad thing, it was human nature. Baring your heart and your soul to people was difficult for even the best natured person. For someone like Emma, or Loki, or so many of the other people of Lawrence, those walls were practically a necessity. Letting anyone in too close was dangerous.

So she listened twice as intently as she ordinarily would. And she was, admittedly, nervous. Perhaps not scared. Not yet. But anything that had the power, the ability, to render any part of Loki powerless was intense. Something that she probably should be afraid of, and the gripped her daughter just a bit tighter. The baby whimpered a bit uncomfortably, and Emma pressed her lips into a line, standing to pace with her instead.

She swallowed hard, her mind running in a thousand different directions. This was all still new to her, magic and powers and abilities. Considering her own background, one might think it'd be considerably easier. But before Storybrooke, she'd been just as human and mortal and ordinary as anyone else. So she'd thought. Even now there was so much of herself that she didn't know. The twinges of magic that ran through her, that could have been used to her advantage if only she'd found out about them. But finding out, trying to understand, all of that wasn't to happen yet. Her experience with magic consisted of Merlin assisting her, using his magic through her, and getting to know people like Loki or Ruby, who had magic at their disposal.

And then there was Regina. She wasn't a nice person by any means, but she wouldn't have silenced Loki, would she? Had she somehow tricked him into saying he would try and bind her magic when she'd honestly had no intentions of it?

"Wary?" she finally blurted, her worry getting the better of her. "Wary? Loki..." She shook her head and stopped her pacing, burying her face in the warmth of her baby's soft neck. "Someone physically silencing you is possibly the scariest thing I've heard in a long while. And that includes being attacked by massive amounts of demons."

That churning in her stomach was back. The one from long ago, back when she first found out she was pregnant and was blaming stress. Well. Maybe it had been.

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