InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I promise."

Caitlin Snow/Killer Frost (frostandsnow) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2011-06-20 00:47:00

Entry tags:

brady, ruby winchester

Who: Ruby & eventually Brady
What: On Fathers Day, Ruby remembers
Where: The convent in Illchester Maryland and the Devils Gate Cematary in Wyoming.
When: Late Evening.
Rating: Not huge, mostly demon sass
Status: In Progress

Ruby was clearly insane. That much was obvious from where she was right now. Fathers day and the demon that had so betrayed hers stood outside the church where it was all supposed to have happened. Illchester Maryland. Convent. Of course a convent. Of course not the same convent. That had gone boom not too long ago but it was being rebuilt. Oh those persevering Christians. Never letting evil win. They still didn’t know, they still sensed a holy place, and important place. What was it Azazel had said. Right idea? Wrong angel.. She could still recite what he’d said from memory. She’d been hiding outside watching and practically rapturous with excitement the day he’d killed those nuns. But then he’d told her to go, told her this next part had to be just him cause that’s what the Padre would have wanted. And Ruby had pouted and pleaded and tried every trick she knew to get Azazel to let her stay but it hadn’t worked. So she’d gone back downstairs, abandoned the body of the novitiate she’d taken over. She was pretty sure the girl would live which had struck her at the time as amusingly a worse fate than death and left Azazel to do what he’d had to do. She knew Sam didn’t want her to think of the demon that had taught her so much like a father. But she couldn’t help it sometimes, and on this day when humans and hallmark celebrated fathers? Ruby knew she had a journey to make. She’d expanded more power than she was usually willing to, very much putting herself on the grid again for this but what demons would ever have assumed she’d come here.

Ruby walked the halls of the still incomplete convent, entering the small church that contained the entrance to the cage and oh she could still feel it, every inch of the place screamed to her, screamed that it was right and good and now he was free. They’d already replaced the alter, the marble feeling smooth to the touch. Ruby ran her hand along it wondering how it had happened. Meg knew. Meg knew perfectly. Ruby had been screaming to be let free and the bitch had been here, with Sam, with her husband as he’d killed Lilith. And she could see where the cage was. There was a mark in red on the floor that she knew would never go away. Oh they’d explain it away but it would be there forever. No matter how many times they rebuilt this place it would seep its way through.

Evil would out or so it seemed.

She spent a few minutes just sitting. Looking around the area, remembering how it had been before. It had been so simple, the plan, her part in it. But things had changed her, Sam had changed her and now she was everything they’d have hated. Azazel had hated. And here in this place she spoke to them both, though the angelic wards Cas had placed on her ribs made damn sure Lucifer would never find her outside her dreams and Azazel was nowhere he could hear her. “I loved you...both of you but not like love is supposed to be. I have that now. And I’m gonna come here, every year and remind myself of that. So...thank you for what you did for me cause, well you both did...and happy fathers day. Her fingers trailed lightly along the bloodstain before she stood up finally and for the first time in a while giving in to her power entirely, witch and demon both revelling in the destruction. She slammed everything she could find into everything else she could find until the only clear space left anywhere around was that damn stain. And that would never go. Ruby smiled finally, reaching quickly for a few bits to get a fire started, and oh, how convenient. There were all those wooden frames. They could rebuilt it once more if they dared but this time any hunter worth their paygrade would find sulphur here. Demon omens, and lots of them. She watched for a few moments, knowing this was her fire. Her power. Her fathers day gift. And then she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was cold in Wyoming. But it had been colder when she’d flown out of hell that night. She’d been so happy to get free because this was his will. Azazel’s will. She’d seen him with Dean, Sam against the tree, taunting and teasing him, utterly in control. She’d wanted to take Sam’s body to watch Dean die but Azazel had mentally almost shoved her out the gate. She was part of his plan. She was for Sam and she was damn sure not worthy of taking Lucifer’s vessel as her own. So she’d gone. Her last thoughts to him a whole lot more sulking. And then, just as she’d taken the tall blonde girl Emily with an amused thought that she didn’t look unlike Jessica Moore, she’d felt it as if the bullet from the Colt had pierced her own heart. Dean Winchester, impossibly had done it, and on a cold street in a no name town in deepest Wyoming a blonde girl had dropped to her knees, curling up almost in a ball as she screamed bloody murder against Dean Winchester. She’d killed a couple that had come by to see was she okay. Sliced them, bit by bit, made it slow and imagined they were Dean. But then she’d gotten on with the plan. Found Sam, tried to lead him to Lilith and then...

Well love had happened. Real love. Sam had shown her life as it should be and now the demon that had once sworn to see humanities end joked and laughed with the very man she’d sworn vengeance on that night. Funny how life went sometimes. She pushed open the gate to the graveyard and once again found herself drawn to the very spot where he’d fallen. And she knew he’d died in Lawrence too but she’d been long gone from his side by then. It was here where he’d died and it had hurt like nothing in her life had up till that point. Again she just sat, finding that it was easier to remember here than anywhere else. And weirdly here, she didn’t want to break anything. This wasn’t a place of evil to her, not really. It was a memory, a memory of a life she’d given up and hadn’t regretted since. “I’d have torn up the world to avenge you y’know...you know why I didn’t, and I love him Azazel I do. But I miss you, wrong as you were in the end you were everything to me once and I miss you.

You taught me so much about who I was. You taught me that I could be more than just another pit whore and you made me...hell you made me awesome. You trusted me and you gave me a chance. And if you understood what I felt for Sam. If you could feel feelings like that, maybe you’d still be here. But it was never gonna happen and I’m sorry. I really am but its better this way for you. Besides...he’ll lose, your Padre, he’s gonna lose and you would have gone down with the ship. And Dean...he did it for love of his family, for John and Mary, for Sam. And I didn’t understand that back then but now I do. Now I understand better than any demon possibly could. Now I have more to learn and new teachers. And I love them. Its just they don’t understand why I don’t hate you. So like Illchester I’m gonna come here, once a year, this day. And I’m gonna remember.”

Having said her piece, Ruby let herself relax for a few minutes before she’d go back to Lawrence, to her house, to her husband and her friends. To her life.

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thestableboy
2011-07-11 08:12 pm UTC (link)

Brady sighed, “I keep hoping you’ll be bothered by those jibes about Sam controlling you. It would prove you still have some pride.” He put on a concerned expression, the one he used to use on Sam back in the living room of his apartment with Jessica when they’d sat up after she’d gotten too tired to watch one more crappy TV show (or pretended to rather, more likely she’d sensed that Brady wanted to talk to Sam alone. Jessica had always been so sensitive, so attuned to the needs of others and what it would take to make them feel comfortable…or to leave them open to manipulation in this case) and he’d muttered uneasily about the things in himself he feared, the need for drugs, for release. He’d perfected that face and he was proud of it, the earnest crinkle of the brow, the slightly downturned lips, and the little, involuntary-looking crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Sam had always become most vulnerable, most open when he was trying to help someone else, to be empathetic. “It really is worrying that you put so much stock in one relationship. Dr. Phil would have some words, I’m sure.”

“Oh, I know,” he went on, waving a hand to forestall any more lectures or speeches, “Sam opened a door in what remains of your shrunken demonic equivalent of a heart into a place where you could feel the sunshine of love and family and puppies named Schmoopie. I’m sure it’s a lovely place where you feel entirely at home. Maybe, on a good day, you forget for a little while about everything you did. Maybe that even bonds you and Sam together. He was always so afraid of people finding out who he really was, even in college when the things he’d done were only living like what humans would consider a freak and hunting monsters, but he responded to that fear with empathy for anyone else who was afraid. You trained me Ruby, you and Azazel, to recognize human emotions, to use them. Don’t think I don’t see what’s happening here, that it’s all some mystery I sit around puzzling over late at night. I see everything that you see in Sam. I’m just strong enough to recognize it as a weakness.” He leaned forward and, for just a moment, the permanent sneer that was always present, if not on his face than in his tone or his movements, that air of repressed, condescending laughter, was gone. For a moment he simply looked intent, as if he’d just placed the last piece in a jigsaw puzzle and was looking at the whole picture for the first time.

“You can fight your war out with your husband until the very end. I think it’s pathetic, the appeal you find in it, and I’ll go on taunting and tempting, because it’s fun, because I like doing what I’m good at, and because I like the reaction. But, really?” He smiled slowly, languidly. “I’m not particularly worried about you coming back any time soon, because I know it’s going to happen eventually. I mean, really, Ruby, how do you think this is all going to end?” He waved a hand dismissively, again, “I’m not talking about which side wins the war. I think that’s one we have to agree to disagree on until Hell crushes you like a bunch of garden insects. What I’m talking about is how this ends for you.” His index finger leveled at her and then he twisted his palm so that it faced Ruby, fingers curled into a loose fist, ready to be raised to illustrate numbering as he ticked off his points. “You could lose the war and be sent screaming back to Hell where, we all know, nothing will be enough to keep you from turning back to us in the end. You could lose Sam, to Lucifer, to death in battle, to any number of the dangers of war and, let’s admit it, you’ve never been particularly independent. You’ll sell yourself back to this side in some desperate attempt to salvage what you can of him, and you’ll know you’re perverting all that sunshine-and-puppies stuff to do it, and you’ll do it anyway, which really just makes it more fun.” The third finger leveled slowly, giving those first two points time to sink in before he continued.

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thestableboy
2011-07-11 08:12 pm UTC (link)

“And you know what? Let’s go ahead and say your side can win. You defeat Lucifer, Sam never knows what it’s like to have the devil in his head. You both live out your lives in your country house and Schmoopie and its puppies frolic around your heels. Sam is still mortal and you still aren’t. He’ll die someday, someday very soon, the blink of an eye to someone as old as you. Your friends too, gone back to where they belong or mortal themselves. Then we’ll have you back, and we’ll have you back stronger and more able to twist and to manipulate, because you’ll really remember. Imagine the bitterness.”

He raised one more finger, the mocking, irreverent aspect back as if it had never been gone. “And the U.S. Postal Service is an austere and respectably useful institution Ruby. You’re just jealous you never thought to utilize it to its full potential and wasted all that time sending demons zapping around to threaten people in person.”

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frostandsnow
2011-07-16 05:50 pm UTC (link)

Now there was Brady's talent. He could tear someone down with words alone. That was what Azazel had seen in him, her skill at seduction, his at manipulation. They all had something different to bring to the table. Ruby had never expected to have it used on her though, she'd pretty much trained the young demon, teaching him what he needed to know and he'd taken to every lesson so willingly. He'd have sold her out if she'd been stupid enough to let him on more than one occasion and now he was her enemy. Now he was one of them and she'd sided with 'Team Free Will' sided with her husband and his family and friends. But he knew her fear, losing Sam would push her over the edge and it was true. She was bad at being alone, she needed someone to follow. Needed someone to guide her. She'd never been independent. Azazel, Lilith and now Sam though it was different. He still guided her, still taught her what was right and what she needed to change.

She couldn't say that she wouldn't go back if that's how it ended. If she lost Sam, what wouldn't she do to have him back again? Lucifer's offer to her swam around in her mind more than she'd ever want to let on. She could have him back, just give him up for a little while and they'd have each other in heaven. But it was madness, she knew that. And if she didn't and he just lived a mortal life and died...there'd be bitterness, hatred of what he was.

No, he wasn't going to get to her, Ruby's knife was in her hands and her eyes lifted to meet Brady's. "He lives a mortal life and dies? Then I follow." she said. "And maybe we won't go to the same place, maybe I go where all the little demons go when they've been naughty and there's nothing beyond. But I won't dishonor his memory by letting hell take me back. I'll do what I have to do to stop that from happening and you won't get your bitter twisted Ruby back. Don't you get it, either way this ends. I'll die before I let hell take me again." It was probably considered weak to someone like Brady but let him think it of her, she found she didn't actually care what hell thought of her anymore.

"I put stock in it because it saved me. Because Sam saved me. And he didn't even mean to. You don't know how it is to love, and its not because you're a demon, we can love. I've seen it before among demons and I laughed because I didn't think anyone could ever be that pathetic. But its not. Its deep and its abiding and it saved me from myself. And no, its not easy taking the 'good' path. I haven't changed completely. My instinct is still 100% demon. Try me and see if you don't believe me." she said, her knife tightly held in her hand now in case he decided to be stupid and fight her.

Brady wasn't a fighter, never had been. He had his talents and they both knew what they were. "And for the record neither of us forget who we are, Sam knows what I did, he's seen the worst of me and I've seen the worst of him. And there's darkness there, everyone in hell knows just how dark he can get. They wanted it remember, the ones that wanted to follow the Boy King. Remember how hilarious we found it, that they'd put so much faith in a mortal? We used to joke that someone like that would never rule hell. But you see it and he could. He really could if he let himself go and the fact that he doesn't? The fact he stays on top of all that, there's strength there not even Azazel anticipated. I know everything Sam is, and he's not going to say yes. I'm not going to lose him. And I love him."

"Now what do you actually want?" she asked him. "You're not here to talk about my husband and my future and the postal service. You sought me out and you know I could kill you right now if I wanted. So talk."

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