InsaneJournal

Ruby was clearly insane. That much was obvious from where she was right now. Fathers day and the demon that had so betrayed hers stood outside the church where it was all supposed to have happened. Illchester Maryland. Convent. Of course a convent. Of course not the same convent. That had gone boom not too long ago but it was being rebuilt. Oh those persevering Christians. Never letting evil win. They still didn’t know, they still sensed a holy place, and important place. What was it Azazel had said. Right idea? Wrong angel.. She could still recite what he’d said from memory. She’d been hiding outside watching and practically rapturous with excitement the day he’d killed those nuns. But then he’d told her to go, told her this next part had to be just him cause that’s what the Padre would have wanted. And Ruby had pouted and pleaded and tried every trick she knew to get Azazel to let her stay but it hadn’t worked. So she’d gone back downstairs, abandoned the body of the novitiate she’d taken over. She was pretty sure the girl would live which had struck her at the time as amusingly a worse fate than death and left Azazel to do what he’d had to do. She knew Sam didn’t want her to think of the demon that had taught her so much like a father. But she couldn’t help it sometimes, and on this day when humans and hallmark celebrated fathers? Ruby knew she had a journey to make. She’d expanded more power than she was usually willing to, very much putting herself on the grid again for this but what demons would ever have assumed she’d come here.

Ruby walked the halls of the still incomplete convent, entering the small church that contained the entrance to the cage and oh she could still feel it, every inch of the place screamed to her, screamed that it was right and good and now he was free. They’d already replaced the alter, the marble feeling smooth to the touch. Ruby ran her hand along it wondering how it had happened. Meg knew. Meg knew perfectly. Ruby had been screaming to be let free and the bitch had been here, with Sam, with her husband as he’d killed Lilith. And she could see where the cage was. There was a mark in red on the floor that she knew would never go away. Oh they’d explain it away but it would be there forever. No matter how many times they rebuilt this place it would seep its way through.

Evil would out or so it seemed.

She spent a few minutes just sitting. Looking around the area, remembering how it had been before. It had been so simple, the plan, her part in it. But things had changed her, Sam had changed her and now she was everything they’d have hated. Azazel had hated. And here in this place she spoke to them both, though the angelic wards Cas had placed on her ribs made damn sure Lucifer would never find her outside her dreams and Azazel was nowhere he could hear her. “I loved you...both of you but not like love is supposed to be. I have that now. And I’m gonna come here, every year and remind myself of that. So...thank you for what you did for me cause, well you both did...and happy fathers day. Her fingers trailed lightly along the bloodstain before she stood up finally and for the first time in a while giving in to her power entirely, witch and demon both revelling in the destruction. She slammed everything she could find into everything else she could find until the only clear space left anywhere around was that damn stain. And that would never go. Ruby smiled finally, reaching quickly for a few bits to get a fire started, and oh, how convenient. There were all those wooden frames. They could rebuilt it once more if they dared but this time any hunter worth their paygrade would find sulphur here. Demon omens, and lots of them. She watched for a few moments, knowing this was her fire. Her power. Her fathers day gift. And then she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was cold in Wyoming. But it had been colder when she’d flown out of hell that night. She’d been so happy to get free because this was his will. Azazel’s will. She’d seen him with Dean, Sam against the tree, taunting and teasing him, utterly in control. She’d wanted to take Sam’s body to watch Dean die but Azazel had mentally almost shoved her out the gate. She was part of his plan. She was for Sam and she was damn sure not worthy of taking Lucifer’s vessel as her own. So she’d gone. Her last thoughts to him a whole lot more sulking. And then, just as she’d taken the tall blonde girl Emily with an amused thought that she didn’t look unlike Jessica Moore, she’d felt it as if the bullet from the Colt had pierced her own heart. Dean Winchester, impossibly had done it, and on a cold street in a no name town in deepest Wyoming a blonde girl had dropped to her knees, curling up almost in a ball as she screamed bloody murder against Dean Winchester. She’d killed a couple that had come by to see was she okay. Sliced them, bit by bit, made it slow and imagined they were Dean. But then she’d gotten on with the plan. Found Sam, tried to lead him to Lilith and then...

Well love had happened. Real love. Sam had shown her life as it should be and now the demon that had once sworn to see humanities end joked and laughed with the very man she’d sworn vengeance on that night. Funny how life went sometimes. She pushed open the gate to the graveyard and once again found herself drawn to the very spot where he’d fallen. And she knew he’d died in Lawrence too but she’d been long gone from his side by then. It was here where he’d died and it had hurt like nothing in her life had up till that point. Again she just sat, finding that it was easier to remember here than anywhere else. And weirdly here, she didn’t want to break anything. This wasn’t a place of evil to her, not really. It was a memory, a memory of a life she’d given up and hadn’t regretted since. “I’d have torn up the world to avenge you y’know...you know why I didn’t, and I love him Azazel I do. But I miss you, wrong as you were in the end you were everything to me once and I miss you.

You taught me so much about who I was. You taught me that I could be more than just another pit whore and you made me...hell you made me awesome. You trusted me and you gave me a chance. And if you understood what I felt for Sam. If you could feel feelings like that, maybe you’d still be here. But it was never gonna happen and I’m sorry. I really am but its better this way for you. Besides...he’ll lose, your Padre, he’s gonna lose and you would have gone down with the ship. And Dean...he did it for love of his family, for John and Mary, for Sam. And I didn’t understand that back then but now I do. Now I understand better than any demon possibly could. Now I have more to learn and new teachers. And I love them. Its just they don’t understand why I don’t hate you. So like Illchester I’m gonna come here, once a year, this day. And I’m gonna remember.”

Having said her piece, Ruby let herself relax for a few minutes before she’d go back to Lawrence, to her house, to her husband and her friends. To her life.