The Velvet Room

I'm Alexa. I am a mixed martial arts fighter with a professional record of: 0 wins - 0 ties - and 593 losses (by way of submission). I aspire to be Miranda Richardson. My best friend can cook you anything you want in ten minutes, without using dairy products. I already have the memory of a ninety-nine year old war veteran, but just in case that wasn't bad enough, if I drink even one alcoholic beverage (which I do a lot of course). I'm notorious for retaining less than 2% of information the following day. I like celery as a name, but not as a food. I try to make all of my entrances and exits via smoke bomb. I like people who can catch a fish with their bare hands and then cook it over a fire they started with rocks and leaves. I think that peanut butter and jelly might be the greatest combination in the world. I have two nasty habits: one is addictively chewing ice-cubes and the other is busting out 80's dance moves at random moments. Smoking, drinking and sex are vices, not bad habits, and those I am rather fond of. I'm terrified that one day I might turn up on set without any pants on. There's an ubiquitous pile of laundry in the middle of my bedroom floor. I've seen it grow to be the size of a large man. It's killed someone. We're dating. I've eaten yellow snow and I sleep on a blow up doll named Max. I wrote all this out and will deny doing so in 5-4-3-2-1.........