InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Have I taught you nothing?"

Dr. Elliot Reid (frickonastick) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-08-07 15:48:00

Entry tags:

!shelved, andy gallagher, day 17, elliot reid, location: church

Day 17, Early Evening
Who: Elliot Reid and Andy Gallagher
What: Talking about the deaths
Where: Near the Church
When: Day 17, around 5:00ish
Rating: PG-13ish?
Status: Complete.

She wasn't sure how much more she could take. She'd just spent what felt like an eternity watching two men being cut to pieces because she couldn't make herself look away. It had gone against everything she'd been trained in as a doctor to stand by and watch unseen hands carve into them. The terror of watching it go on for hours had been enough to close up her throat and make her speechless. How could anyone do that to them? She'd tried to shut her eyes and walk away, but their screams had rooted her to the spot. They would be haunting her for a long while.

When it was over and the TV went mercifully black, Elliot had finally found it in herself to move away from the screen. She'd made her way back to the van and let herself in, shutting the doors behind her and locking them until Andy came knocking. They'd driven back to the Church with the sounds of Andy's music filling in what would've been shocked silence without it. Elliot looked down at the list that the man they were calling Doctor Smith had compiled, her finger trailing over the list of names. Ten people, murdered. She looked up at Andy as he stopped the van, studying his face.

"Andy," she said, looking over at him. She reached over and turned down the radio. "Is this what it's like here? I mean, is it always like this? Just losing one person after the other? Kim and Lexie..." She shook her head. "I can't believe anyone would do that to them. I just...I need to know if it's always like this."

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brain_ninja
2009-08-08 01:12 am UTC (link)

Once the screens had gone black and Andy had bid Selene an awkward farewell, he trudged, downtrodden, toward the theater. The further he walked and read his journal, the more emotionally beaten he felt.

The people on the screen he'd been watching had died. Lexie had died on a screen somewhere. Kim. That Merope chick that had been with Sam on the first day. More people that Andy had come to know at least slightly were dying. First Martha, then Bob, Sid, and Luna. That long-haired dude that used to hang out with Sid and Bob was missing and he hadn't heard from that George girl in forever, either. Sarah was missing. So many people missing...and more and more down for the count. At least Elliot was still alive. He could still cling to something.

Once he'd reached the theater, he saw his van in the short distance and closed in on it. For a moment, Andy just looked at her through the window. Whatever she'd seen, he could see the way it had negatively effected her on her features. Carefully, he knocked, not wanting to scare her but wanting to get back in the van and get them back to the church.

The drive was silent save the Doors singing Riders on the Storm in the background. Andy could only assume it was because Elliot wanted to talk about what she'd seen just about as much as he did, which was, of course, not fucking at all. When he'd reached the church, he pulled the van up beside it and stared straight ahead, turning the key in the ignition to kill the engine.

Elliot's words registered right away in his head, but it took him a lot longer to respond than he'd meant. "I think so," he finally croaked. After a long pause, he finally looked over at her. "It wasn't this bad. It keeps getting worse and worse and has been since the beginning. I think...it will keep getting worse," he said honestly, apologetic eyes looking back into Elliot's inquiring ones.

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frickonastick
2009-08-11 03:38 am UTC (link)

It took Andy a minute to respond and Elliot thought that in itself was an answer of sorts. She was pretty sure she knew what the answer was going to be, but a part of her needed to hear it from him.

Still, his answer and the way he said it shocked her back into silence for a moment. She looked back over at him as he started to speak. She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. "I was afraid you were going to say that," she said, forcing a smile and looking back up at him.

She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Just don't go dying on me and we'll be good, okay?" She was smiling, but the rest of her face said she was serious.

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brain_ninja
2009-08-12 09:51 pm UTC (link)

Elliot looked down and Andy followed suit, bowing his head slightly as he did so. Maybe he should've lied and said something a little more hopeful. Maybe he should've at least tried to soften the blow of the words. Somehow, though, he couldn't make himself lie to her, even if he sort of wanted to.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, brow furrowed as he looked back at her apologetically. With that, he reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. When she put her hand on his shoulder and told him not to die on her, he nodded and smiled. "Okay. I'll hang in there, just for you," he replied, as his eyes softened even when the smile didn't right away.

Taking a deep breath, Andy let it out in a heavy sigh. "C'mon, let's get in the back; I need some sleep. You? Or at least, I need to be hidden from sight and locked away in a safe place, y'know?" he asked, nodding backward toward the back of the van.

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frickonastick
2009-08-14 10:36 pm UTC (link)

"No, it's okay," she said when he apologized. "I mean, it's not okay but I needed to hear it, you know? I'm just trying to process that this is real." She swallowed when he reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. "You'd better," she said giving him a small smile and smoothing out an imagined wrinkle on his shirt with her hand before withdrawing it.

"Yeah," she said, agreeing with his sentiment. The worst part about this place was not knowing what was coming next. At least the van could lock up. She could feel a little safe, even if she now felt a little claustrophobic thanks to the other day's experiment. "I could sleep," she said maybe a little too forcefully, as if she was trying to convince herself. The truth was she was afraid of falling asleep now.

She locked the passenger side door and then moved to slide between the seats into the back. She moved to the left side of the van, the one she'd unconsciously considered her own at night and started smoothing out the blankets. Her stomach felt heavy with anxiety and grief and she concentrated on sliding off her shoes as she spoke. "I'm going to miss Lexie. She was..." She swallowed. "She was nice to talk to. Down to Earth. I'm going to have to keep the clinic going. She wouldn't have wanted it to be empty."

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brain_ninja
2009-08-18 02:20 am UTC (link)

Even though Elliot insisted that it was all right that he'd been so brutally honest when it might've benefitted her otherwise, Andy felt badly for having been so blunt. "I know, but still," he said with a shrug and an apologetic expression. There was something strangely intimate about the way Elliot smoothed down his shirt, but Andy ignored it. She was raw with emotion and he wasn't much better off himself; he wondered if her touch only felt that way because of that and that alone. It probably did.

The tone in her voice when she agreed that she could sleep was not lost on Andy, but he chose not to comment on it. The last thing Elliot probably needed was for him to rag on her for being fake when she didn't need to be. Not with him, anyway. So, he nodded and leaned over to lock his door, hearing her do the same, and then he waited for her to slip into the back before following her.

Andy was toeing his shoes off when Elliot spoke again, saying that she was going to miss Lexie. His stomach sank and he closed his eyes in a slow blink, nodding solemnly. He was going to miss her, too. More than he was willing to admit to Elliot right then and more than he'd probably ever admit. "I'm no doctor, but I can help, if you want. Because you're right. She'd have wanted it to stay open. She'd have wanted people in there taking care of anyone who needed it; keeping track of supplies. Stuff like that." It hurt horribly to talk about Lexie in the past tense, but he ignored it for the time being.

Taking a deep breath, Andy pulled the blankets down and gestured for Elliot to lay down. "Because I'm such an awesome friend and because I know you won't fall asleep because you're too wound up, I'll give you a massage if you want. Maybe it'll help you relax enough to pass out. God knows we both need the sleep and I can't sleep unless you already are," he admitted almost sheepishly.

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frickonastick
2009-08-23 07:27 pm UTC (link)

Elliot looked over at Andy as he spoke about helping in the gym, a nagging feeling at the back of her mind. He sounded so confident about what Lexie would've wanted. Was that because they'd been good friends or was there something more behind that? She remembered talking to Lexie in her sweet and homey room and gossiping about boys and how Lexie had only had good things to say about Andy. That was before things had gotten more complicated between Andy and Elliot. Not that they were exactly complicated. They were friends with benefits that was all.

She nodded, unable to speak for a moment. "You can definitely help," Elliot said, her voice soft. "You're right, she'd want all of those things."

Andy pulled the blankets back and Elliot gave him a small smile as she slipped her legs under. She turned to looked at him over her shoulder as he spoke. She felt the tickle of tears behind her nose. "You really are an awesome friend," she said, blinking back tears. She twisted, leaning towards him to kiss him lightly on the corner of the mouth. "Thank you." She sniffed and turned so that her back was towards him, reaching up and moving her hair over her shoulder. "Where'd you learn to give massages?"

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brain_ninja
2009-08-26 11:37 am UTC (link)

A short silence fell between the two friends as Andy simply nodded in response to Elliot's declaration that he was right about what Lexie would want and that he could help. He liked to think he knew Lexie well enough to know that, at least. She would want the gym to remain a working clinic. When she'd found it after Martha disappeared, she'd taken over like it had been her own to begin with; she'd made herself at home, reorganized what Martha had set out, and turned the gymnasium into a makeshift hospital. It only made sense to Andy that she'd want someone else to do the same should she unwillingly follow Martha's footsteps. In this case, it looked as though she had.

Andy tried to smile back at Elliot when she told him that he was an awesome friend. He nodded slightly and held still as she gave him a kiss. "You're welcome," he managed in a small, stoic voice as she slipped beneath the blankets and laid down on her stomach, moving her hair out of his way.

His hands slid up the back of her shirt without so much as a thought about it simply because of what they were to one another; he'd seen it and felt it already in the heat of the moment on more than one occassion, so he saw nothing strange about doing so when they weren't about to have sex. Andy's fingers ghosted up her back until they reached her shoulders and he used light pressure with his thumbs to try to work out the stress kinks there. "I didn't," he admitted. "So if I suck, sorry," he added in a quiet voice with a hint of teasing. "And let me know if I'm being too gentle or too rough," he finished. Nothing was worse than a massage in which the person was being so gentle it didn't do anything or so rough that it hurt more than relaxed, he thought.

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frickonastick
2009-08-27 06:13 pm UTC (link)

Elliot laid down, burying her head in her arms. She shivered slightly as Andy's hands made their way up her back and her mind momentarily went to what was quickly becoming a fail safe between them. Or maybe she just thought so. That terrible day when she'd almost died all she'd wanted was to forget for a moment and remind herself that she was still alive, still able to feel. The shock of these deaths though, they made her feel numb. She thought maybe she was still in shock that so many people had died and in such horrible ways.

"No, it's perfect," she said, raising her head slightly. Her voice sounded slightly watery as she fought to stop herself from crying. She knew that there was nothing worse for a guy than having a girl lose it on them. She'd already asked so much from Andy, she didn't want to ask any more. Still, she couldn't stop her thoughts from spiraling downward. Ten people. Dead. And she was next. Or Andy. It was only a matter of time. They were just here until the management got tired of them and then...

She took in a shuddering breath trying to bite back a self pitying sob and knew that Andy had felt it. She had to hold it together for Andy. She swallowed and when she trusted herself to speak she turned her head to the side. "Sorry," she said, her voice sounding more like normal.

She shut her eyes and tried to think of something they could talk about. Something that didn't have anything to do with this place or death. "Andy, what's your favorite color?" She asked, randomly.

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brain_ninja
2009-08-27 10:54 pm UTC (link)

As Andy's hands moved over Elliot's back and he tried to work out the tension kinking the muscles of her shoulders, it was not lost upon him the way she raised her head just slightly and the way that her voice sounded as though she was trying not to cry. A lump rose in his own throat and he swallowed it back.

He felt her breath wavering when she took a deep inhalation and Andy bowed his head slightly, fingers almost stopping entirely their ministrations before she apologized and her voice sounded almost normal. "Don't be," he said in a low voice, leaning down and kissing the back of her head more reflexively than anything else. He had to hold it together for her and the only way he knew how was to pretend there was nothing wrong at all. If he tried to reassure her or tell her it was going to be okay, he might lose it all over again himself and right now he didn't want to. From what he could tell, Elliot needed him to be the strong one. Like Lexie had.

So, when Elliot asked his favorite color, Andy smiled wanly. "Blue," he replied. "Maybe green, sometimes I can't decide between the two," he added. He paused for a moment, moving both hands to the same spot to work out a particularly tight knot in her right shoulder. "Yours?" he asked finally.

It occurred briefly to him to take her shirt off all together, partially because it was getting in his way and partially because he only knew of one failsafe way to get her mind off things. The hell he was going to initiate sex right then, though, because it was one thing if she started it...but it was taking advantage, he thought, if he did. Instead, he went on massaging her back and leaned down just slightly to brush his lips against the back of her neck.

He wasn't sure, after the fact, why he'd done it so much as he'd gotten used to that being their solution to stress. There was something so very Elliot about the way that she smelled when his nose was pressed against her skin as he kissed her; about the way her skin felt under his hands and as guilty as he felt for it, he couldn't help himself from having done so. He'd leave it, though, at that, he decided. Because anything more and he would be pushing his luck, or worse, indeed taking advantage when that was the last thing he wanted to do. Really, Andy just wanted to make her feel better and he wasn't sure how else he would be able to even begin to try.

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frickonastick
2009-08-28 04:16 am UTC (link)

Elliot shut her eyes briefly when she felt Andy's kiss. His fingers started moving across her shoulders again and she tried to force herself to relax. A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "Turquoise?" She suggested when he said he liked both blue and green. He asked her favorite color and she said it without thinking twice about it. "Apple red." She might have blushed at the reason behind it, but at this point Andy knew enough about her to know she had a thing for apples. There was no need to be embarrassed.

She felt Andy's lips brush the back of her neck and she once again shut her eyes. She could see everything mapped out there on the back of her eyelids. She'd turn around and pull him down for a kiss, the stubble on his cheek brushing her smooth one and then the kiss would turn into something more as her hands moved to remove his shirt and unbuckle his jeans. He'd undo her bra and pull of her shirt and then all there was left was her skirt and underwear and his boxers. She'd pretend they were somewhere else. Back at his place, or back at hers. That they went to see a movie - one of those stupid romantic comedies - and went to dinner - where she skipped desert because she didn't want to seem like a heifer but ended up eating half of his - and now they were ending the night. She already knew what he tasted like, what he'd feel like. It would be easy enough to fall into and forget for a moment. Forget about all this stuff happening around them that couldn't possibly be happening.

She opened her eyes. "I guess I don't have to ask favorite band," she said, forcing a small smile. "Favorite food?"

Somehow this time pretending that things were anything but what they were felt wrong. Like she was cheating Lexie's memory or the memory of the two men she'd watch die earlier that day. As much as she wanted to forget, she wouldn't because they deserved to be remembered. Even if the escape was just temporary, it was still a lie and coming back to the cold world of Vas and knowing that Andy wouldn't be able to go home or that she wouldn't be able to get up in the morning and tell Carla about her date - he was nice, funny, needed a shave, lived in a van - would hurt more than facing the situation they were really in.

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brain_ninja
2009-08-30 07:31 pm UTC (link)

"No, not turquoise," Andy said quickly, sounding almost offended. "Blue or green. Not blue-green. Smart ass," he laughed dryly. Elliot's answer to the reciprocated question made Andy smile weakly again. "Why am I not surprised by that in the least?" he joked quietly. He leaned down close to her again and whispered in her ear, "when we get out of here, I'm getting us a place with an apple orchard out back. It'll be yours...and every once in a while, I'll attempt to steal some just for fun." Even though he wasn't exactly feeling silly or sexy at all, he still wanted to take her mind off her stress and upset. It was just the way he was. Elliot was his friend and keeping her relaxed as much as possible was his job.

"How can you not have a favorite band?" he asked, incredulous. "Everybody has a favorite band. Or favorite bands," he corrected. "Taco Bell, hands down. No question about it. Or, if I'm really high, maybe White Castle, but that shit's only good if you're stoned as a motherfucker, for real," he replied casually.

It felt weird to be talking about favorite colors and bands and food when he'd watched two people die today. When he knew that there were eight others who'd lost their lives as well. It felt disrespectful to be able to go back to normal so soon; felt disrespectful to even try. Especially since Lexie had been one of the dead. He sighed a little as he pushed his thumbs up her shoulders and cringed slightly at the feel of the tight, kinked muscles there. While he knew that she was stressed out, it was still a ot to deal with to actually feel the stress beneath his fingertips. "Relax," he thought aloud quietly without realizing that he'd vocalized the thought.

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frickonastick
2009-08-30 11:13 pm UTC (link)

"Oh, excuse me," Elliot said lightly, in a way that would've been clear she was teasing if it hadn't been impossible to tease just then. She could feel Andy shift beside her, and then suddenly his whisper was in her ear. She gave a small laugh that made her want to cry all over again. They were never getting out of here. Andy would never steal apples just for her. She forced a nod. "That would be great."

"I do have a favorite band," she said, forcing herself to keep her voice free of the emotion that kept trying to fight it's way to the surface. "I just meant I don't have to ask you yours, since you've sort of been playing the Doors non-stop." She paused. "Taco Bell," she repeated, nodding slightly. "I should be more surprised. I haven't tried White Castle, but maybe I haven't ever been stoned enough." She let out a low breath. "For me it's this itallian place, Arrividerci. Everything there is amazing and the have the best red wine."

Andy ordered her to relax and Elliot took a deep breath, laying her head on her arms again. "Oh," she said after a moment. "I love U2."

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brain_ninja
2009-09-02 08:48 pm UTC (link)

"You're excused," Andy replied quietly. "Just this once." The tone in his voice was airy and teasing as well, although the smile didn't quite reach his eyes even as he displayed it. He could tell by the tone of her laugh and that of her voice that Elliot thought he was just saying it to say it. The attempt to relax her wasn't working, because she seemed to have given up hope. Andy couldn't really fault her; he was well on his way to doing the very same, if, that was, he hadn't already. He was still on the fence with that one. "Yeah, it'll be awesome," he went on, trying to pretend that the idea of being stuck here forever hadn't really occurred to him. "I'll probably have to come at night and wear all black to really complete the effect, though, huh?" he asked softly. It was worth a try...

Andy had misheard Elliot and once she responded, he nodded, understanding. "Oh, my bad. Yeah, I like the Doors, but the reason it's been playing non-stop is because it's the only CD I have in the van. My book of CDs is at Tracy's. I never bothered to get it back from her after everything went down; she'd been borrowing them to copy them," he explained, frowning as he looked down. "Anyway, my favorite is actually Pink Floyd, probably, for the record, although the Doors are definitely in a close second."

At her response to Taco Bell and White Castle, Andy feigned offense. "Taco Bell's the shit, don't knock it. White Castle, though, is pretty gross. I mean, when you're sober, that shit is nasty. I will never understand why it's so damn delicious when you're high, though," he said with a shrug. Elliot went on to say what her favorite place was and why and it made Andy wonder, suddenly, whether there was still wine in the liquor store section of the pharmacy. He made a mental note to check another day. "Sounds good," he replied.

Andy's eyebrows shot up after Elliot laid her head back down and spoke again. He paused. "...isn't it customary for me to say I love you before you say you love me, too?" he teased, not entirely sure whether the slip up was actually funny or awkward. He was leaning more toward awkward. That had been an awfully random statement on her part...

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frickonastick
2009-09-04 04:00 pm UTC (link)

"I think apple theieves wear panchos," Elliot said, forcing herself to go along with the ridiculous senario because she could tell that Andy was trying really hard to get her mind off things and she wanted to oblige. "Or at least they do in my..." She trailed off. "Maybe a black pancho. How do you feel about growing a moustache?"

She felt like a jerk, talking about this now after everything had happened, but she wasn't really sure how else to deal with the situation. She didn't want to pretend like it didn't happen, but she didn't really want to talk about it either.

Elliot stilled at the mention of Tracy, remembering that she was Andy's ex and he'd once said that she was scared of him. She didn't know why anyone would be scared of Andy. She'd always meant to ask him about it, but had been too embarrassed about the fact that she'd been practically jumping him at the time he said it to bring it up. "I haven't heard much of Pink Floyd," she admitted, thinking that now was definitely not the time for her to ask him about what had obviously been a bad break up. "I mean, I've heard of them, but not their music."

"What?" Elliot asked immediately tensing up again, at being startled by his comment. She lifted her head and turned her head to look at him. "Oh," she said, rolling her eyes at herself. "No, I mean the band. I love U2." Then suddenly worried Andy might take that the wrong way she pushed herself up into a sitting position so that she could face him completely. "I mean, I love you too," she said, quickly. "Just not like love, love. So you don't have to worry if you're afraid I'm going to start writing your name in calligraphy all over my journal or something like that."

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brain_ninja
2009-09-22 11:12 pm UTC (link)

"All right, a black poncho, then," Andy replied with a weak smile that didn't meet his eyes and which he didn't feel in his heart at all. Even though Elliot trailed off, Andy knew what she'd been about to say and his smile met his eyes even just for a flicker of a second. "I dunno," he said pensively, rubbing his chin with one hand. "You don't think I'd look like a child molester or something if I grew a mustache?" he joked weakly.

The fact that Elliot had easily tip-toed around Tracy went silently appreciated by Andy and he gave her a small shrug when she'd said she hadn't heard of much of Pink Floyd's music. "Eh, most people really only know Another Brick in the Wall or Dark Side of the Moon, so don't feel bad," he replied indifferently. "Shame, though, because you're missing out," he added.

In spite of himself and the sorrow that had settled in his heart and stomach, Andy found that when Elliot tried to backpedal, he laughed. "You're cool, Elliot. I love you, too. But, y'know, not love love, either," he replied. "We're on the same page. Relax," he said with a small smile. Then, he raised his eyebrows slightly. "Although that would stroke my ego a bit if you did write my name all over your journal, especially in calligraphy. Just saying," he added. It was normal for Andy to try to joke around whne he was feeling as bad as he was, but he couldn't seem to get his heart fully into it this time. It felt and sounded wrong. He hoped she didn't notice.

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frickonastick
2009-10-02 07:07 am UTC (link)

Elliot gave a small laugh and immediately felt guilty for it. Her face fell guiltily as she looked down at the mattress. "Child molesters don't have mustaches," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "They've got those creepy soul patches."

"Hum some of it for me?" Elliot asked without thinking. She paused, realizing Andy might have a few more pressing things on his mind. "I mean, if you want to. I'd like to hear it."

Elliot gave him a sad smile. "That's what you say now, but wait until you see your name in olde English," she said weakly. It was harder to keep joking now that she could see his face. He wasn't alright and even though she wanted to pretend like everything was fine, she knew she couldn't keep up the act. She suddenly felt like crying again. "Andy, do you think we could..." She trailed off, wondering if he would think she was asking for comfort again. She was, but not in the same way. She took a deep breath. "Andy, I know this sounds crazy, but could you just...hold me?" She gave him an embarrassed look. "I know it's stupid, I just need to know you're not going anywhere."

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brain_ninja
2009-10-15 01:18 am UTC (link)

Andy returned the laugh and almost exactly mirrored Elliot's guilty look downward. Then, he looked back up at her. "Some of them have handlebar mustaches," he pointed out playfully, although his smile didn't reach his eyes. Andy reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind Elliot's ear. "I know it's been a rough, fucked up couple of days, but it's okay to joke. It's okay to smile. I don't think Kim or Lexie or any of them would begrudge us trying to relax."

"Yeah," he said quietly, nodding. "I can do that," he replied. There was a change in Elliot's expression and he could tell that she was trying to keep up with his joking and that neither of them were feeling it, now. His eyebrows raised slightly when her voice trailed off and he thought for a horrible second she was going to ask if they could fuck...and he couldn't. There was no way he'd be able to get it up, no matter how hot she was or how much he liked having her. His expression softened when she spoke again. "I can do that, too," he whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Taking a deep breath, Andy moved closer to her and then wrapped an arm around her, guiding them both down until he was lying behind her, spooning her. "I didn't mention this one, but it's another one lots of people know and don't probably even realize it's Pink Floyd," he said softly. And then he paused and took a breath.

"How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."

Even as he sang it in his half tone-deaf way of trying to keep himself quiet, so the words were just for the two of them, Andy could feel his throat tightening as he thought of Lexie and the others. "I'm not gonna leave you, Elliot, I never will," he said quietly, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. He paused and then went on. "Try to get some rest."

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