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Tweak says, "Anybody’d look hot to you."

Sam Winchester (demonboyking) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-07-17 15:50:00

Entry tags:

!dropped, day 15, dean winchester, location: gym, sam winchester

Day Fifteen, Evening
Who: Sam and Dean Winchester
What: Finding out what's wrong
Where: The Gym
When: Evening (Around 8:00 pm)
Rating: Let's just go R, they are Winchesters
Status: Active

He had already known something was wrong before Lexie had posted the note in the journals to him. He had just wanted to write it off as Dean forgetting or losing his journal somewhere, or being too busy to look at it. Still, he and Gambit had gone through all that trouble of getting food and Dean hadn't been by or written him once about it. The fact that Andy had written him earlier that morning with instructions to run had only made him more tense as the day wore on.

He made the now familiar trek from the museum to the gym in no time, not even really bothering to wait and see what Lexie would write in response to his questions. Her answers really wouldn't change things enough to warrant him not coming. She'd said something was wrong with Dean and she'd asked if he could fix it. That was all he needed to know. He slipped inside the doors and looked around for his brother, not spotting him on the line of cots. "Dean?" He called out, being reminded of the last time he'd come to the Gym looking for his brother and finding him beaten to hell with his hands broken, or the time before that when he'd had to tell him about their Dad. He started moving towards the offices at the back. "Dean!"

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hellsboy
2009-07-18 02:29 am UTC (link)

Dean was sitting in the showers fully clothed. He'd gone in there to think, to be alone, to not think. He'd leaned against the wall and slid down to sit on the tile, staring up and out the high-placed window at the waning sunlight. His mind was flooded with thoughts of happy things. The happiest he could think of because the minute he stopped thinking about them, the memories of the experimentation crowded in and filled his eyes with tears.

He was lost in what few happy moments he had retained of mom. Golden hair shining in the sunlight as Dean attempted to spread peanut butter on bread, getting more on his hands and in his hair than anywhere else. She laughed. Sam gurlged in his high chair. And then there were the moments with Sam when they were younger. Spending meager Christmases in motel rooms while Dad was on hunts. Exchanging stolen gifts and daring each other to drink one of those mini bottles of alcohol in the honor bar. Dean was almost smiling.

As a consequence, he didn't hear Sam calling to him. When his brother found him he could see Dean, shoulders slumped a bit forward, staring off into space. His face was moist where tears had obviously fallen, eyes puffy and red from his encounter with Lexie earlier. He would have been with her still but he had to take a breather, get himself back together again. Couldn't lose it so completely that he never got it back again.

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demonboyking
2009-07-19 04:55 am UTC (link)

Sam almost missed Dean sitting in the showers, not really coming up with a logical reason why his brother would be there of all places. He stopped abruptly when he spotted Dean sitting on the floor, his shoulders slumped forward.

"Dean," Sam said, striding forward and kneeling in front of him, a hand reaching out to rest on Dean's shoulder. "Hey," he said, worry playing across his face as he took in his brother's face. "What's wrong?"

It was obvious that Dean had been crying and this more than anything shook Sam in a way not much else could. His eyebrows knit together as he squeezed Dean's shoulder. "Dean? What'd they do to you?"

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hellsboy
2009-07-19 05:02 am UTC (link)

When Sam touched his shoulder, Dean's eyes turned and focused on his brother. Leave it to Lexie to do the "right thing" and alert his brother that things were dire. That something unpleasant had happened to Dean Winchester. And yet, he wasn't upset about it. There was something important about Sam coming to see him so immediately after a catastrophic day like the one he'd had. Sometime very important.

"Did you know," he asked with a slightly dreamy smile as he gazed up at Sam. "Every happy memory I have includes you, Sam? That's sort of funny, isn't it? Not funny ha-ha but kind of funny strange. I never noticed it before now. But you're like my good luck charm where happy memories are concerned, dude."

His eyes went out of focus again as he stared off into the evening sky again. This time to be washed in thoughts of playing cards with Sam or learning to shoot and almost having his head taken off by his little brother. The heap of laughter they'd landed in afterward had been fantastic. Dean practically beamed, ignoring Sam's questions.

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demonboyking
2009-07-19 05:47 am UTC (link)

Sam's brow furrowed at Dean's words. He wasn't sure where this was coming from or what had brought it on. It didn't sound like Dean with his "No chick flick moments" philosophy. Whatever had happened must have been bad. Really bad.

Sam swallowed and after a moment's hesitation he moved and sat beside Dean. Their shoulders were touching as Sam studied Dean's far away look. "Dean, what happened?" Sam asked, his voice low but firm. He needed to know if he was going to be able to try to fix it, or help, or do whatever it was he could in this place.

Sam's frown deepened when Dean didn't acknowledge his questions. He was used to having to push Dean to share his feelings, but not seeing Dean in this kind of a state. The fact that Dean wasn't talking but was obviously breaking down in some kind of way scared the shit out of Sam.

Sam's jaw tightened with determination. "Just talk to me."

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hellsboy
2009-07-19 05:56 am UTC (link)

From the corner of his eye, Dean watched Sam's brows furrow but there was nothing he could do about that. His brother was concerned and rightfully so, he guessed. Dean wasn't himself and that was obvious. Good on Sam for noticing. He was glad his brother was there though. That was certain. Even if he couldn't turn and simply state the truth to him.

Instead, Dean chuckled as another memory surfaced for him. He turned laughter bright eyes toward Sam and asked, "Do you remember that time we set fire to the backseat of the Impala by accident playing Indians and Cowboys? Dad was so furious he could've tanned our hides but he never did. Because you promised him it would never happen again. Never did, did it, Sammy?"

He looked over at Sam and elbowed him lightly, still ignoring the questions because there was just no way to break out of the happy memories without breaking down completely on his brother. Part of him hoped Sam would push some more and force him to open up because Dean didn't want to be given up on. But part of him hoped he could maintain that distance he'd had with Sam where he never had to really come clean about anything. That would be easier, wouldn't it?

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demonboyking
2009-07-20 03:59 pm UTC (link)

Sam blinked at Dean when he asked him if he remembered setting fire to the backseat of the Impala. He wasn't sure how Dean could look back fondly on that memory. All he could remember was being terrified that his father was going to kill them. Dean had managed to get the fire out, burning his hand in the process and Sam couldn't help but think it was that more than any promises from his five year old self, that had saved them. Sometimes he wondered if he and Dean had shared the same childhood at all.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Why won't you just talk to me?" Sam asked. "Why do you always feel like you have to protect me? I can handle it Dean. Whatever they did...I can handle it. Just tell me what happened."

He swallowed, searching his brother's face. "Please."

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hellsboy
2009-07-22 06:09 am UTC (link)

Dean turned slightly to look at his brother. His brother. This was the one person in the world he had a genetic connection to. The one person he had all but avoided on purpose for weeks. There was no other reason except he was hiding and running from something. Maybe it was his own past. Maybe it was the disappointment he knew his father would have felt had he seen how distraught Dean had been over losing a girl like Cassie.

Whatever it was, though, it was irrelevant right now. Here in this place, Dean was no one but just another guy who tried to do the right thing. Only Sam knew how hard he tried and ultimately, considering Sam was from Dean's future, what he did with his life.

"Sammy, Sam," he started, turning more toward his brother and reaching out to put a hand on his brother's forearm. "I'm not protecting you. I can't handle it. Sam. They did things." He'd told Lexie though. He'd said the bare minimum to her so he could at least let Sam know. Sam needed to understand what was going on here as much as she did.

"They did surgeries, Sam. We were awake." Dean started to laugh then. His eyes were a bit too focused, his pupils a bit too wide as he looked at his brother. "Don't let them do that to Lexie. Or you. Okay? Or Shannon. Or any of them. Tell them they can take me instead, okay?"

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demonboyking
2009-07-22 09:53 pm UTC (link)

Sam swallowed when Dean said he couldn't handle it. He wasn't used to Dean admitting he couldn't handle something. Then again this place had tried to break them over and over again, eventually he knew it would get to Dean, just the way it'd gotten to him. He wondered if Dean had given up on getting out in one piece the way he had. The thought immediately made Sam feel ashamed of himself and he broke eye contact to look down at Dean's hand on his forearm.

"Surgeries?" Sam repeated, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand what Dean was saying. The use of "we" sent a shiver down Sam's spine. The look in his brother's eye only seemed to confirm the conclusion that the word had brought him too. Sam felt worry sweep over him. "What kind of surgeries? Dean, are you alright? Did Lexie check you out?"

This was a new low. A new torture technique that Sam hadn't counted on. He felt sick as he imagined someone cutting into Dean, fully awake on the operating room table. He swallowed hard at Dean's next words, confusion and anger clouding his face. "The hell I will, Dean."

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hellsboy
2009-07-23 03:38 pm UTC (link)

Dean wasn't looking directly at Sam so he couldn't see his brother's response to all of this but he could sort of feel it like an energy shift beside him. Sometimes Dean wondered, now that he was getting to know Sam again, just how sensitive the guy really was and if he shouldn't be protecting him in spite of his protesting that he didn't need to be. Which was just a passing thought amidst the many he was grasping for to keep his head above the rising tide of emotions threatening to drown him again.

"I'm fine now. Physically," he answered. "He -- he had his fingers inside my gut, Sam. I could feel all of it. I should've passed out but I couldn't. Wouldn't let me. There was another poor bastard on the table beside me going through the same thing. Every time he cut the guy, I was cut even though no one was touching me. It was like being tortured by a ghost. Sam, a ghost."

His words had tumbled out in a torrent, fast and rising in pitch until tears welled up in his eyes and his voice cracked into a hoarse half-sob. He wiped wearily at his eyes, not bothering to disguise them or turn his face away. He didn't begin to cry though. Rather his eyes sort of glazed over and he stared off at the high-placed window again, memories flooding him now. The unseen scalpel. The nauseating sensation of latexed fingers inside his stomach. Dean felt the fear wash over him as fresh as if he were there on the table again and he began to tremble.

"Sam, you have to let them," he whispered. "You have to let them because they're killing people now. Let them take me." Let it be over with soon for me.

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demonboyking
2009-07-24 07:14 pm UTC (link)

Sam's forehead creased with confusion and disgust as Dean described the experiment to him. He couldn't imagine feeling someone cutting into him and moving their hand inside of him. The thought made Sam feel sick to his stomach.

The sound of Dean's voice cracking broke Sam's heart and he reached out and put a hand on Dean's back to let him know he was there. He could feel his brother shaking under his touch and it only made his anger that someone could do this to Dean multiply. "Dean, it's okay. You're okay. They're just trying to break you. You've got to get angry so we can fight back. We're getting out of here." It didn't matter so much that he didn't believe the words as much as the fact that Dean did. Dean needed to know that this was temporary. Sam did too. The thought that they would be at the mercy of whoever was in charge here for an indefinite amount of time was enough for Sam to throw up his hands in surrender and he couldn't do that. Not now. Not ever.

Dean's words felt like a slap in the face and Sam shook his head. "Dean, stop it," he said, his voice dangerously low. "You're not giving up on me."

He swallowed, his voice more controlled when he spoke again. "Listen, if they wanted you dead, you'd be dead already. It's not like we're able to bargain with them. So stop throwing yourself away. We need you...I need you to keep trying to find a way out. We're not dying here."

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hellsboy
2009-07-24 09:28 pm UTC (link)

How often had this scene replayed since they'd gotten there. Dean under pressure of something and near the breaking point. Sam trying to talk sense and comfort him. As much as he hated chick flick moments it seemed like that was all this place allowed for them. It wasn't fair though. So one-sided. Dean always taking. Sam always giving. Though Dean would not have wished his brother in this situation for anything in the world just so that he could give something to Sam in return. Not a fucking chance.

"That's just it, Sam. I was angry. There was still nothing I could do. There is nothing we can do. We can't get out of here. It'll never happen." It wasn't until he'd spoken the words that Dean realized he'd finally given up that hope. He was sure now that he and everyone else here was going to die here after as much torture as they could stand. That was all there was to it. Dean shook his head.

No, he wasn't okay. That was for damn sure. He was so close to losing it completely that he had to force himself to blink, pull his gaze away from the window before he became vacant and empty, staring out into space. There was some kind of lethargic calm that settled over him as Sam put a hand on his back. It was like all the despair and everything else flowed right out of him. He was so exhausted and defeated. But he would not let anymore tears fall.

Dean lifted his eyes to his brother's face, their depths all but void of emotion. He felt sluggish and apathetic. He'd been overloaded and now there was nothing left to feel so his words took on an almost monotone sound when he next spoke. "The thing is, Sam, that's the problem. They want to almost kill me over and over until I go insane. I'm no good to anyone like that and you know damn well there is no way out. They killed Luna. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't even protect myself. If they kill you or Lexie -- or Shannon I really will go insane."

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demonboyking
2009-07-29 03:35 am UTC (link)

Sam listened to the monotone voice of his brother and fought the chills that were going down his back. He'd heard his brother use that tone before, after their father had died.

"You're good to me as long as you're fighting," Sam said, gripping the back of Dean's jacket. "It's only when you give up that you're not going to be of any help to anyone. We need to keep fighting, even if it doesn't make a difference. Even if there is no way out of this place. If we give up we might as well just roll over and die, Dean. We have to fight."

He took a shaky breath. "They're not going to kill me, or Lexie or Shannon. Or you. If they do, we're not going to make it fucking easy for them. Dean, come on. I need you to keep trying. Please. I can't do this without you there backing me up." He swallowed and shook his head. "The thing I learned over the last two years is how much I need you. I was just lying to myself when I thought I didn't need you and dad. We're family. We belong together."

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hellsboy
2009-07-29 03:37 pm UTC (link)

"When'd you get so tough?" Dean asked in a dull tone. Somewhere inside he was impressed with the moxy he saw in Sam but that part of him was buried beneath all of the broken shit he seemed to be helplessly wallowing in. He would have liked to have told Sam that he could keep fighting. All he had in him was the strength to not break down again.

He nodded then as Sam talked about them being family and needing each other. His eyes went a little out of focus then as he looked at Sam, looking through Sam at the memory of his clone. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and looked down at his hands. "We do need each other. That's something I learned here."

As though they had still been reminiscing as he'd been doing several minutes ago, Dean said, "Dad was still pissed I couldn't train for a week until my hand healed. He tried to hide it but he was smiling when you told him you would work extra hard for both of us that week." Dean almost smiled and shook his head. "You were a cute kid, Sammy. I'll give you that." Then he looked his brother up and down. "What happened?"

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demonboyking
2009-07-29 08:08 pm UTC (link)

Sam wanted to smile when Dean asked him when he got so tough, but he couldn't even conjure the usual forced smile that he had reserved for moments like these. He'd gotten tough because he'd had to. Jess's death was something that had changed him in ways that all the training and pressure from his dad hadn't been able to.

He felt a small flutter of hope when Dean said that they did need one another, but it quickly faded as Dean got that faraway look in his eye again.

This time he forced himself to produce the grim smile as he looked over at his brother. He shrugged and and sighed. "I grew up, Dean."

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hellsboy
2009-08-01 03:49 am UTC (link)

He was a little disappointed that his brother hadn't laughed at his obvious dig. Instead, Sam seemed deadly serious about everything. Dean was so detached that he really had expected his teasing to be met with amusement and elbow nudging. It wasn't to be though. Logically Sam had responded as he should have to Dean's strange jump in topic and focus.

"You really did," he said inanely. "Whatever happened to the little guy who looked up to me?" The question really was what happened to the guy his little brother had looked up to. He was gone right now. Dean hoped he would reappear sooner rather than later.

"Nevermind," he added and shook his head. He took the initiative and nudged Sam with his arm. "So you and Shannon, huh?"

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demonboyking
2009-08-02 01:19 am UTC (link)

Sam wasn't sure how to answer Dean's question about what had happened to the little brother that had looked up to Dean. He wasn't sure he was entirely gone, but he wasn't the same. He was saved from having to answer a moment later when Dean cut him off and shook his head. Sam felt a small bit of guilt settle in his stomach as he looked away from Dean. It wasn't fair for him to expect his brother to act the same as he had in his time, but he missed the Dean that got knocked down and kept getting up for more. He knew it was too much to ask, especially in these circumstances, but that was what he needed from his older brother. That more than anything.

The subject change to Shannon caught him off guard and he blinked and looked back at Dean, searching his face for some kind of punchline. "What?" He asked, feeling his face warm. "Dean," he said, though he wasn't sure why that reproachful tone had worked it's way into the name. He shook his head. "We're talking about you."

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hellsboy
2009-08-09 10:45 pm UTC (link)

Dean wasn't fully aware of just how all over the place he was. He was still reeling internally, still unsure of whether or not he wanted to be dead and out of this fucking crazy place or alive and able to protect or sacrafice himself for others like Lexie and Sam. He tried to smile at Sam but it came out a bit half-assed and his brows drooped into what had to have looked like a smile about to burst into tears expression.

He coughed and shook his head as he felt tears beginning to form again. No, none of that, Winchester. Suck it the fuck up, Winchester. Walk it off. Why was that voice in his head sounding like Dad just now? He felt somewhat stronger as that occurred to him. Even Sam was beginning to sound like Dad. Which meant Dean couldn't let the Shannon thing go.

"I changed the subject. You and Shannon, right? I think I heard that somewhere in the journals. Way to go, Sammy. Finally woke up to that one, huh?" he teased but his tone was exhausted and hollow still. He suddenly wanted Lexie then. Wanted to see her again and hold her in one arm as he held on to Sam with the other. Nothing could hurt any of them if they all stuck together, right?

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