InsaneJournal

Who: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester and Shannon Rutherford
What: Bad News
Where: Gym
When: Day 8, evening
Rating: R
Status: Active

He wasn't ready.

That much was clear as Sam hesitated outside the gym. Hell, he was practically pacing outside the door, trying to work up the courage needed to do what he needed to do. He found himself thinking a little liquid courage might have made things easier, but he quickly pushed that thought away. Buzzing while breaking the news of their father's death to his brother was not another thing that Sam needed or wanted on his conscience.

He ran a hand through his hair, fighting down a faint feeling of nasuea. He should've told Dean from the start. He should've laid it all out for him, but he'd thought he'd been doing the better thing by trying to shield him from it. Dean was always taking care of him, looking out for him, Sam had just wanted to do the same for him. Technically their father still had another year in Dean's timeline. Technically he was still alive, hadn't even deserted the woman in white job to go after the yellow eyed demon, maybe didn't even know how close he was to closing in on the thing that had ripped their family apart.

Maybe if he did tell Dean everything then when they found a way out of this place and he went back he'd be able to change the way everything had happened. Maybe he'd be able to save their dad. Maybe he'd be able to save Sam from getting stabbed in the back by Jake without having to sell his soul to a Crossroads demon. If anyone could or would, it would be Dean.

But what if he couldn't? What if he was faced with the same heavy weight Sam had been - was, if they ever got out of here - faced with knowing that if he couldn't get Dean out of his deal with the Crossroads demon in a year's time that he was going to loose his brother. His family.

Sam swallowed hard, shutting his eyes for a long moment and shivering. He'd just wanted to buy some time. He'd just wanted Dean to be Dean again without the lines of grief settled at the corners of his eyes and mouth, without the rock hard edge that had come from grief and guilt and had taken Sam a better part of a year to wear down.

He opened his eyes and clenched his jaw. Still, there was no way he was going to let the bastard on the journals tell Dean. No way he was going to let him twist up Sam's intentions so that they put even more space between him and his brother. Maybe this was the thing's way of driving them apart, by forcing Sam to tell him, but it was still better than the alternative of having their dad's death broadcast over the journals - more than it already had been - of Dean having to ask Sam if it was true and Sam not being able to say it wasn't. It'd been hard enough just glossing over details and lying by omission. Sam didn't have it in him to lie to his brother's face. Not about this.

Sam had stopped moving and the outside chill was creeping in through his clothing. He stared at the gym door for a moment longer and then forced his feet to move towards it. Inside the gym, things were eerily quiet and he forced back a sudden feeling of panic that he was too late as he called out his brother's name. "Dean?"